APOV

Things over the last few weeks have been going well. I still haven't found the scale but that's okay. I've stuck to my plans and just have a feeling I'm back where I should be. I also haven't heard or seen much of Tyler much to mine and Christian's relief.

Thank god it's Friday. I think looking at the clock on my wall telling me 20 minutes to go before I can go home. At least the manuscript I'm reading is interesting. It helps the time pass quickly. Finally I clean up my desk and meet Sawyer at the door.

We exit the elevator and enter the penthouse together. The house seems awfully quiet. There's no soft music that usually comes from the kitchen while Gail cooks. I peak my head around and don't see her.

"Hey, do you know where Gail is?" I ask turning to Sawyer.

"I'll find her for you ma'am." I nod my head at him. A moment later they come walking around the corner.

"Oh Gail, are you alright? You don't look to well." I ask her concerned. Her face seems flush and pale at the same time.

"I'm a little under the weather today." She says weakly.

"Why don't you take the rest of the day off? Christian and I will figure out something for dinner." She nods and thanks me before going back to the staff area. Sawyer leaves with her. I look around and take a few steps unsure what to do now. Claude's changed our workout from today after work to tomorrow morning so I have time to kill.

I make my way upstairs and change into some comfy clothes before sitting on our bed and pulling my phone out. I scroll through my messages and open my conversation with Christian. I text him.

To Christian: Gail is ill, I gave her the evening off.

To Ana: If you see her again give her my well wishes. Shall we go to the Keg for dinner?

Christian and I haven't been out to dinner at the Keg in a long time. I feel a knot tie in my stomach at the thought of going out. Who knows what they put in food or how they cook it. Who knows how unhealthy or how many calories there are in the food. I start to feel a little nervous.

To Christian: No thanks.

To Ana: Alright, would you like me to bring something home? I can pick up anything.

To Christian: Nothing for me thanks.

To Ana: Ok, I'll be home soon.

Christian's text is so short. I can tell he's disappointed. I drop my phone on the bed then slide off the edge onto the floor. My back hits the bed, my knees bend, and I run my hands through my hair while my elbows ready on my knees.

No wonder I don't feel good enough for Christian. I can't even get a meal out with him because it's not in my plan. Maybe if we were still working out today I could have… but still, how stupid is that. I may be eating and working out healthy but I can't stray from the plan. I'm too weak for that.

I sniff and feel a tear run down my cheek and drop onto my pant leg. I made Christian upset because of this, all he probably wanted was a nice dinner date and I took that because I'm scared of a few pounds. A few pounds that probably wouldn't even stay long term.

I feel the tears come harder now and my breath is catching. I feel someone sit beside me and an arm wrap around my shoulders. It startles me but I don't jump. I didn't even hear him come in. I lean into Christian's side and just cry. For a while he just holds me.

"What's wrong Ana?" Christian asks. I sniffle unattractively.

"I disappointed you. And I thought I was doing so well. But I can't even agree to one unplanned meal. And you just wanted a dinner date and I want to be good enough to stand beside you. And I don't want to not be able… I don't want to be controlled by this anymore." I try to get my broken thoughts out.

"Ana baby, breath." He says and I take a deep breath. "Good, now relax a little. Don't worry about a dinner date or anything. You're doing great. You stuck to the first meal plan they made for you, you took the step up in your next meal plan like a pro. You did great on our trip, not worrying about this. Remember this is just one bump in the road when you've overcome so many others." He soothes me. I dry a few more tears and nod. What he's saying is true.

"You've done other dinner dates before, what's different about this one?" He asks. I shrug and turn to look at him.

"I don't know. I guess it just took me off guard. Usually we plan date nights. I can figure out how to eat healthy wherever we go." I say taking my best guess.

"If we sit down and think and talk about it do you want to try and go on a date night tonight?" He suggests.

"How about we have an at home date night? Cook together and maybe make some cookies after?" I suggest not feeling up to going out after crying.

"Sure, sounds good." He says pulling me up with him and kissing my cheeks.

**A Year Later**

Things are much better now than they were a long time ago. After realizing how much control I still didn't have, I made a few extra appointments with Flynn. We also evolved my meal plan a couple of times. I have a big variety of meals to choose from now and also a day that Christian gets to surprise me with a dinner date.

I thought the dinner dates would be hard and at first they were, but we have no problem with them now. Actually I don't really use my meal plan much anymore. I learned how to make healthy choices without having to be so strict.

I still workout with Claude regularly but it's more so because I enjoy it now, not because I feel I have to. I don't feel guilty or bad if we have to cancel one of our workouts. I also still see Flynn though we've decreased our appointments to every 3 weeks or so for 'maintenance'.

Occasionally I'll still have thoughts about weight or not being able to eat this or that but Flynn says those will go away more the longer we keep things in the healthy directions we've been going. As much as I hated Christian finding out in the beginning I'm glad he did now. We're both so much happier now.