I felt tears prickling my eyes again. How pathetic. The moonlight outside my window was overshadowed by moving wisps of clouds. I squeezed my eyes shut. Why did I do this?

"Bella," his husky voice sounded lowly behind me. I took a deep breath and turned. Jacob was looking at me carefully, his brown eyes deep with concern. "Why'd you ask me here?" I bit my lip and dropped my gaze.

"I wanted to talk to you," I sighed.

"About . . ." Jake prompted. I felt my face redden. He shouldn't be here. If Edward ever found out . . . - "Bella," he whispered again, easily closing the short distance between us. "What's wrong?"

"I-" I turned and walked to my bed, easing onto the edge of it. Suddenly, my brilliant plan of patching things up with Jake before the wedding seemed ridiculous. He sank next to me, his hands clasped in front of him. I could see the pain etched deeply on his face. There wasn't a way to fix this. I bit my lip.

"I shouldn't have asked you to come here," a few traitorous tears leaked out of my eyes. I was hurting him again, for no reason.

"No," Jacob kept his voice low, sliding his hand under mine. It was so warm, I didn't want to move it. He must have seen the tear slide down my check before I could wipe it away. He spoke in an unbelievably gentle voice, "Bells, I've been gone . . . awhile. I didn't hear anything from you, for weeks. Now, all the sudden you've got Seth and Sam chasing me down like I've committed a murder. I didn't want to come back," he frowned suddenly, his forehead rumpling. "No, I did want to come back. But, nothing's changed. This hurts," he emphasized. My tears were quickly turning into sobs. I stifled them as best I could, burying my face against his bare chest. "Hey now," Jake pulled my hair away from my face, running his fingers along it slowly. "Just spit it out Bells, anything's got to be better than this."

It took a moment to calm my agony. I focused on the feel of his finger-tips running through my hair, letting it soothe me enough to finally speak up.

"The day of the fight," I started slowly, barely able to keep my voice from breaking, "the day we . . . kissed. Is it what you had been waiting for? Was it good enough?" Jake's hand dropped from my hair. I glanced over. His face was stunned.

"You dragged me half way across the country for this?" he asked, bewildered.

"Yes," I could barely whisper. "Edward's gone tonight, checking out some honeymoon spot that I'm not allowed to know about. He took Alice with him. He believes you aren't coming back anytime soon. This was the only chance I had. I wanted to . . . clear the air."

"No," Jacob answered stoutly.

"No, what?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the floor. I didn't want to know if he was suddenly going to leave me again.

"No Bella," his voice was softer this time. "It wasn't what I wanted."

"Why?" I asked. This was the real reason I had tracked him down, begged him to come see me. I needed to know how I had failed him. He ran his hand through his chin-length hair, brushing it back.

"I didn't want to have to corner you," he sighed. "I wanted you to want to kiss me. You did, I think, right before I ran off. But it was all wrong. It didn't feel right." I nodded, leaning my head against his shoulder. I needed courage, I needed it more now than ever before.

"Is there anyway to fix it?" I asked, my voice so soft I could barely hear it. Jacob wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer. His heat radiated through my worn t-shirt.

"No," he said in an equally soft voice. "I gave up, Bells. I promised you I was giving up. I won't be the reason you're cut in half anymore. I'm sorry," his voice was bitter. Tears slipped down my cheeks again, though this time I was able to keep him from noticing immediately.

"There must be a way," my voice wavered. "I can't stand this Jake. I can't stand the pain you're in. I can't stand not having you here." I felt his thumb trace down my wet cheek, pushing the steady stream aside.

"Please, don't cry Bella," he looked horrified. I wiped my other cheek with my hand, taking a deep breath. I had to try. I had promised myself I would try to fix this.

I raised my hand slowly, and gently brushed my fingers along Jake's face. His eyes closed at my touch. I took my chance, and carefully leaned in, pushing my lips firmly against his.

For a few stunned seconds, I thought Jacob was rejecting me. His lips stayed stiffly against mine, and his breathing quickened; for an agonizing moment he made no move to return my kiss. Then, he gently began to move his lips. I felt his huge, hot hand press against my face; his arm wrapped around my back and he slid me closer to him. Our lips stroked against one another in a slow, gentle cadence. His hand drew me in further still, putting more pressure on my mouth. I carefully parted my teeth, and gently ran my tongue over his smoldering, smooth lips. A moment later, he responded, massaging my tongue with long, soft strokes. My breathing quickened with his. I pushed my fingers through his hair, and wrapped my arm around his back, pulling myself as near as I could get. Jake slid his arm underneath my body and moved me smoothly onto his lap. The heat from his chest radiated like fire across my skin. I felt myself meld into him. His hot breath gasped in my ear for a moment, as my lips traced along his strong neck. I could feel him quivering beneath me, but I doubted it had anything to do with shifting. I ran my lips carefully up the side of his throat. He sighed my name softly.

"Third time's a charm," he murmured against my ear, "this is now our official first kiss." Before I could respond, he caught my lips again with his, and the pattern started over. But there was more urgency to it this time. His fingers twined in my hair as he pressed me harder against him. I shifted slightly, giving him more of my weight. He managed a soft groan, even while his mouth was busy against mine. The passion was surprisingly intense, our urgency unexpected to me. I had only ever experienced anything like this with Edward.

His pale face suddenly burst clearly into my mind, and pain wracked through me, mingling discordantly with the heat Jacob was creating. Tears streaked down my cheeks again; I could taste them between us, a bitter, salty reminder of my betrayal. Jacob gently pulled back, his eyes narrowed in concern. His fingers brushed my hair back from face.

"Bella," his voice was trembling with restraint, but his eyes reflected a clear, unfettered agony. It sliced through me like a knife, and now I wasn't sure if I sobbing for him, or my betrayal of Edward, or my own wretched conflict. Maybe it was for all of it. "What about Ed-"

"No," I stroked his bottom lip with my thumb, my insides writhing. "Please, don't say it. This is about you and me Jake. That's it." I had to get control of myself, I couldn't let him know what this was costing me.

I gave myself a few moments to numb against the war waging inside of me. It was less difficult than I thought it would be, maybe because Jacob was holding me securely against his burning skin. I looked at him steadily once more, relieved that he seemed to have drowned some inner demon within himself, too. His eyes were clear, the agony replaced with distinct desire, unlike any I had ever seen on his face. I felt my cheeks grow hot under the scrutiny of his gaze. It was even more surprising when I realized that our passionate kissing had spurred the same feelings in me.

"Do you . . .? he couldn't finish his sentence. I thought about it for a long moment. His fevered skin pressed against mine, dark brown eyes filled with such urgency and longing, my own trembling insides and desires. With the torment under control, I finally allowed my feelings for him to blossom. Yes. It was so obvious. I needed him. I looked steadily into his dark brown eyes, a feeling of security washed over me as I explored their depth. They were warm, and human, and beautiful.

"Yes," I said in a whisper, but with no hesitancy in my voice. As his lips met mine yet again; a feeling washed over me. It was so passionate, I lost my breath, and my heart ached in a way it never had before. This was love; a love so wistful and deep that I was surprised I had kept it hidden from myself for so long.

As the moon broke through the thick clouds outside my window, Jacob and I became a single soul. His skin was silky and hard, his weight comforting, and I was on fire with the intense heat from his body. We were a tangle of gasps and shudders, hot kisses and hotter tears. I was aching on the inside with need for him. We were as close as two people could ever get, and yet, it wasn't enough. I wanted so much more. I had an overwhelming desire to pull his entire being inside of me, draw out his essence and covet it deep within my own. Our passion was unexpected to both of us; I could see the surprise in his furrowed brow, the restraint in his movements as he mastered the impulse for frenzy, the ragged, harsh way his breath drew through his lips. As his hand brushed down my face again, and his eyes locked deeply into mine, I could see that he hadn't been prepared for this, either.

And how was I ever going to separate myself from it? My heart beat steadily with his, and I relished the feeling of its surety, thrumming against my breast bone. The unrelenting nature of his kisses were so deep and satisfying, I felt as though he were drawing the very air from my lungs. No, I realized as his mouth covered mine once more, we could never separate ourselves from this. The careful barrier that I had always kept up between us was destroyed; there was no going back. We were two flames intertwined on the same log, as much apart of each other as the clouds and the air. It was so natural, this human act. There was little restraint, no conscious thought of movement or actions - it was as easy as breathing.

I forced my mind to stay in the moment, focusing on the sensation of skin and breath and warmth. This couldn't be a mistake; our souls seemed to know each other, our bodies felt too familiar together. If I had only one thing I could give to Jacob, it had to be this. The one thing Edward had turned down from me, this sacred, human act, given to the only other human who made me doubt my path.

I couldn't guess at how long it lasted. It could have been minutes, or hours, or days. Our coupling was a small slice of infinity; time was meaningless against its awesome intensity. We held each other close, my face buried against his steady, slowly moving chest. I could feel his heartbeat racing where my forehead rested. I was gasping for air, my skin prickled and quivering, but not from cold. It was impossible to feel cold next to Jacob. My body ached, new muscles were now raw and stretched and incredibly sore. Jacob intertwined his fingers in mine, wrapping his arm securely across my waist. Even through my thin nightshirt, his dusky, russet colored skin still burned.

His hand reached out and stroked my cheek again, his big thumb rolling smoothly across it, gently coaxing me to look up. I did, resting my head on my arm. Jacob leaned against his palm, his fingers tracing every inch of my face. We stared at each other for a long moment, the gaze communicating more than words ever could. I lifted myself up and pressed my lips to his, immediately surprised to find that our movements still held an edge of need. He gave me an unbearably soft, gentle kiss before speaking.

"I will never stop loving you Bella Swan," he whispered. His eyes became red and watery. We had expressed too much emotion to each other through our actions. Now, the pain washed over me, mercilessly shredding up my insides. My eyes were swimming with tears as well.

"I will always love you, Jacob Black," I whispered, agony stabbing viciously through my chest. Jake leaned forward and kissed me softly.

"Let me keep you, Bells" he said in a gentle, serious voice. I looked deeply into his eyes. The intense longing I found there cut me through to my very soul. "We can run away together. I can take you anywhere, we don't have to stay down in La Push. If you give me a chance, I will devote myself to you. I'll never look at another woman so long as I live, and I promise, I will be yours, until the day we die, Bella. Just let me keep you." His words brought physical pain, washing me under a fresh layer of guilt; my chest ached. Us, dying together, old and wrinkled, in a tiny house. His lips brushing mine one last time, our hands twined, as we both ventured into the unknown.

I felt the tears running unchecked down my face now. I didn't bother to wipe them. I noticed a few slid down Jacob's as well. "I can make you happy," he kissed my cheeks, one at a time, "if you'd just let me try."

"Jake . . ." my voice cracked, sobs wracked my body. I couldn't get anything else out. He sighed, tears spilling over his eyes, streaming silently down his cheeks. He picked up my hand and gently kissed the tops of my fingers.

"I am here for you Bella, if you change your mind. Think about it," he caught my chin, and forced me to look up at him, "please." I couldn't stand to see that agony in his expression. I nodded mutely, my breath shuddering out of my lungs. He leaned over and kissed me again, softly tracing the lines of my lips with his warm finger. "Thank you, Bella," he murmured. "I didn't deserve this. But you have no idea what it means-," he paused, searching for adequate words, "how grateful I am I got to experience this with you. I will remember it until the day I die."

"I needed you too, Jake," I told him, managing a small smile through the blinding pain that was cracking my heart.

"I know you did," he whispered, his eyes squeezed shut, relishing my words.

He stood, his body leaving behind a horrible, empty, cold. I sat up, moving to the edge of the bed, trying to hold myself together. He started for the window, refusing to look back at me, protecting me from deep hurt that surely haunted his face.

"Jake," I stopped him, my hand stretched out for his retreating form. He turned slowly to look at me. We both saw what could never be, in each others eyes. I felt part of my heart withering up. "Stay with me," I whispered, my voice quivering with a sob, "just for tonight. Be my Jacob, please." He brushed away a few stray tears, and nodded slowly.

"Sure, sure," he murmured, the casual phrase coming out all wrong for his expression. Jake caught my waist and gently pulled us back into bed, fanning my quilt securely around us. He laid down next to me, pulling me against his warm body. "At least until dawn breaks," he murmured gently.