A/N: I just wanted to say that I have absolutely nothing against 'shippers', and I actually find some of the slight manipulations to put characters together to be quite intriguing. FF is a weird site, and I absolutely love it. However, I don't think that the characters would appreciate being used (even put to death in some cases) so readily. I'd also like to openly admit that I am terribly confused by this story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, and I've clearly gone insane.

"Oh My God!" It was 8 o'clock in the morning, and even Penelope Garcia was usually sullen until her first caffeinated beverage kicked in. That's why Emily and Reid decided to pop their heads through the threshold of the lair. They wanted to make sure that their friend wasn't in dire need of assistance.

"What's going on Garcia?" The woman immediately became flustered and hurriedly tried to clear her multitude of screens. Emily shot Spencer a worried glance and tried again. "Is everything okay?"

Penelope shook her head vigorously. "Um… it's nothing?" She had worked with profiler's for years, so she knew she was already toast. Her chair turned to face them, with her eyes downcast and her hands in her lap. She was showing every sign in the book and they'd be fools not to realize that she was lying.

Emily smiled warmly at her friend's sate. "Pen," she asked, edging closer. She knelt down to put herself in the analyst's line of sight. "What is it?"

The techie released a soft sigh, officially signaling her defeat. "This website I found…" She looked up, biting her lower lip. It was clear to both agents that whatever she had found was very disturbing to her, and she obviously didn't want to share. "It's just, well, see for yourself." She brought up a page and rolled left, and then motioned for the pair to approach the main computer.

To say that they were shocked would have been an understatement. Emily began to blush as she read the text, whereas Reid scanned through it speedily and turned wide eyes to Penelope. "I know," she managed.

"What the hell is this?" That was all Emily could say, finding it hard to form coherent sentences. Her mind had just verily exploded in a mixture of outrage and downright embarrassment. She was, after all, a major proponent of one's privacy. This website was definitely an invasion of hers. And, from what she had just read, Derek's as well. Though, she considered, he probably wouldn't mind all that much.

"Sweetie," Garcia began. "I swear, I was just doing a web search on Derek," she shrugged, "like I always do."

Emily turned to her, face bright red and eyes burning with anger. "Take it down. Now!"

Penelope sucked in her lips tightly. She knew that her brunette friend wasn't trying to direct the anger at her, but it was still coming at her in full force. "I could," she winced, "but it would take awhile." She suddenly found the carpet enigmatically captivating, "There are just so many… I could never erase them all."

"What?!" The embarrassment had completely lifted. Garcia and Reid were now in a very confined space, with a very infuriated Emily. "There are more of these?" Garcia responded by simply taking the browser back to the site's archives. That was it for Prentiss. She flopped down in a side chair and brought her hands to her face.

Reid saw the names of his coworkers and friends scattered about the screen. Some of the implied context made him a bit queasy to even consider. "I uh… I think the others should see this." He wasted no time in retreating from the room, and quickly made his way to Hotch's office.

When he returned minutes later, he had four rather disgruntled people in tow. That was to say the least. Their behavior told the two ladies that he had briefed them in what they were about to see. Still, they all eagerly strode toward the monitors. Each one now displayed pages with different search parameters.

Hotch's demeanor quickly shifted to pure anger. He found his name next to J.J.'s, a woman he greatly respected, and he was far older than. He also saw more than a few entries where his name was paired with Prentiss'. Respect was a word he used to describe her as well, along with a few more that he would never outright admit to anyone. Sure he was her boss and, by all means, he was something of a badass. However, that woman was a trained C.I.A. operative. He wouldn't say that he was scared of her, but he wasn't about to risk a situation where he could end up on her shit list either. He was a smart man, too smart to get heavily involved in her personal life. Hell, he was too intelligent to invade any of his subordinate's lives on anything more than a professional basis.

As she looked on in horror at her colleagues, Emily was surprised when she felt even more mortified. First by the exaggerated wink that Morgan had sent her way, and then again when Rossi covertly added his own. This was humiliating, and poor Reid looked like he was going to physically withdraw into himself out of a sheer need to hide.

She could see from her seated position that J.J. was just as pissed as she had been. She thought that probably had something to do with some of the things that had been written about Will. According to the people on that website, Will was an abusive drunk. He was a world-class jerk that absolutely hated the mother of his child. Then again, J.J. could probably live with that bit of libel, but the vividly detailed sexual encounters, with multiple partners (including Emily herself), that had never happened? Yeah. That's what had sent her over the edge, and that's probably what did it for her blonde friend too.

"This is ridiculous." J.J. finally spoke out. "Who are these people, and where are they getting all of this information?" She looked to Garcia because, let's face it, the woman was a fountain of knowledge.

Garcia just shook her head. "I don't know, Sugar. I don't get it either. It's like these people think that the F.B.I. is a Soap Opera, and everybody is getting it on with everybody all the time." She stood up and addressed them all. "And I do mean 'all the time'. I'm talking in the elevator, the bullpen, the conference room, the jet, the S.U.V.'s, the motel rooms, our homes and apartments, I wouldn't be surprised to find some that were set in interrogation rooms… need I go on?"

"You know," Dave put a finger to the screen he was perusing, "you use that nickname for J.J. in this story too…" he turned his upper body so that he was facing the two women, "it's in a drastically different setting though." His eyebrows rose as he delivered the final part of the statement, deliberately trying to elicit the unpleasant faces he received. If they weren't mistaken, David Rossi was actually enjoying this.

"Dave," J.J. said, "that's just gross. First of all, Pen is with Kevin. Secondly, I'm with Will and we have a son." She shook her head and focused her attention back to one of the monitors. "I just don't understand where this is coming from."

"Damn, Prentiss," Derek's voice boomed through the small office. "You get with everybody." He took her glare in stride and carried on. "I'm not gonna lie, I'd be pretty interested in a demonstration of this thing you did with Reid." All three of the women immediately shot the man unimpressed scowls. He was oblivious to them though, as he had already returned to his apparently 'hot' reading selection. "Seriously, come check this out. You…"

"Derek Morgan!" Surprisingly, Garcia had beaten both Emily and J.J. to the verbal berating. "How would you like it if I called up your Momma and told her whatever it was you were about to read?"

Morgan froze for a moment, and then spun around. "Right." He looked at Emily. "I'm sorry," and he truly was. However, she wasn't quite ready to forgive him. Instead, she disregarded the whole incident in favor of hashing that portion out later. They had bigger problems at the moment.

A/N: Okay, so I don't really know what this is. It's really weird, I know, but I'm new to writing and when I'm new to things I just throw stuff out there until I figure out what I like. Anyway, I think I have another chapter of this insanity… Let me know if you want me to write it, or if I'm crazy and should remove this. Personally, I'm leaning toward the latter. I'm not even sure if I want to post it. Also, If you do take the time to review, I'd be interested to know if you're a 'shipper' or not. And, if so, for which characters?