- Author's Notes - To begin with, I was hoping to do something a bit odd. Like, perhaps write a Card Captor Sakura/Nine Inch Nails songfic. Eh heh heh! _;; That didn't seem to work out,
I just couldn't imagine "You get me closer to God" having anything to do with CCS. So, I then decided I would just start writing, and let Miri take over. She hasn't yet finished Innocence, another R+K fic of mine, so that I may post it, so for some odd reason she began this. It's my favourite couple, and it's a bit odd, but... I spent all Saturday on this, delaying my chores, and everything. For some reason it seemed alot better when I was writing it, than when I re-read it. _;; Please tell me your opinions? R + R?
- Seph Lorraine - [email protected] - http://www.geocities.com/sephlorraine/dream.html
- Warnings - Yaoi, Ran/Aya+Ken, Mild lime, Language, Angst, a bit OOC...
- Disclaimer - How dare you think I own Weiss Kreuz!? ...You flatter me. ^_^;;
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"Claustrophobia" by Seph Lorraine
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"I believe we need to discuss something."
"Right now?"
"Yes, right now."
"Why, right now?"
"Because right now is when it needs to be discussed."
"What needs to be discussed right now?"
"Well... I..."
"You what?"
"Er... I don't know how to say it."
"Oh... Ok? So you needed to discuss something with me right now, that you don't even know how to discuss?"
"Ken. Shut up. I'm trying to tell you something."
"...But you just said you didn't know how to say it?"
"I've never said it before..."
"So, there's a first time for everything."
"Yes, I suppose..."
"You're being awfully talkative today, Aya-kun. You must really need to discuss this... Whatever it is we're supposed to be discussing."
"..."
"...I shouldn't have said anything."
"..."
"...?"
"Look... I..."
"I'm looking."
"Ken!" The name came out as a sort of growl.
"Jeebus! I was kidding!"
"Ken, understand, this is kind of hard to say..."
"Yes?"
"Well, I need..."
"...You need?"
"Sometimes I seriously doubt how you managed to live as long as you have. Does that brain of yours work at all?"
"Yes, it does! I wish you people would shut up about me being so--"
"Ken, I need help!"
"...You're kidding right?"
"..." Their was a growl and glare from violet eyes.
"Sure..."
They both bent, moving the crates one by one to line the wall up to the vent near the top of the wall, carefully organising them into a sort of staircase and platform to get to the outlet.
"Now... How are we supposed to get through it? It looks kind of..." The green-eyed boy glanced at his teammate. "Claustrophobic?"
The red-head rolled his eyes, an exasperated sigh crossing his thin lips, "You can not mean to tell me that you kill people for a living, and you're still afraid of small spaces?"
"Er... Not necessarily small... Just closed in areas in particular. And if anything, the killing has only increased my fear." He frowned slightly, "The walls start to close in and I keep thinking that any minute one of my past victims is going to pop out of nowhere as a... zombie or something."
"...That is the most stupid thing I have ever heard."
"What about that time Yohji was telling you about the aphrodesiac qualities of McDonalds chicken nuggets?"
"...Ok, so this is the second most stupid thing I've ever heard."
"Riiight..."
"So, Kase could come out of one of these crates and start shooting you any moment?"
There was a pause, "...Aya. Don't..."
"Get in the vent, Ken."
"No."
"..." There was mild shock radiating from the stoic red-head for a moment. "Yes."
"I said no, Aya."
"Now, Ken."
"No! I mean it! I will not get in that vent!"
There was the sound of Aya's katana leaving it's sheath. "Don't move, Ken..." The red-head's violet eyes were watching something atop of Ken's head.
"What?"
"I said don't move."
"Why?"
"There is a spider on your head." Aya's eyes took on a predatory gleam, and he narrowed his vision to the spider, whom was watching him back intensely.
"WHAT!? HOLY SHIT!" The boy cringed, "Getitoffgetitoffgetitoffgetitoffgetitoff!!! Get. It. Off. NOW!" Ken's green eyes flared in fury, and had the elder boy been looking, he might have been the least bit frightened.
"Shut up and stand still, baka!" The red-head bit back sharply.
Raising his blade, he lifted the spider from it's perch on the younger boy's head, and flicked it to fall off of the plat form. "It's gone."
Ken looked almost unbelievably relieved as he ran a shaky hand through his hair. "Arigato, Aya-kun..."
"Now, get in the vent before it climbs back up here."
"You let the beast live!? Are you a fucking idiot!? You're supposed to kill it!" The ex-soccer player swiveled around to look down from the platform of crates, at the floor below. He let out a small whimper, "Gods! It's the size of an elephant!"
Aya kept himself from pushing the younger man off the platform. He jumped down, a few feet away from the spider. "It's just a small tarantula. One that escaped from the lab, probably."
"KILL! KILL! KILL!" Ken hissed from the crate platform above.
There was a ghastly shriek of terror, promising revenge on his assassin, as Aya's large black boot came down to squish the thing, eloquently.
"My hero." The brunette muttered.
"There. It's gone. Get in the vent."
Eyes narrowing at the glob of greenish-yellow and black goo, Siberian coughed, "You know... I heard it promising revenge." He looked up at Aya, who was now beside him again, on the platform. "It's going to come back for you."
Giving in, the red-head slapped a palm to his forhead, "Now!"
The boy looked at Aya as if the elder man had gone mad, "Don't you know how many more of those will be in there?" He gestured to the ventalation shaft, from which a dull, low, thrum could be heard. The cover had been removed and placed on the ground at the base of the tower they had made with crates.
"Fine! I'll go first!" Aya narrowed his eyes at the crate for a moment. He glanced up at Ken, noticing the boy's hands still shook, and the hue of his skin was rather pale.
"You'll need to take off your coat and boots." Ken spoke, matter-of-factly.
"I know."
"And you might need to leave your katana here."
"..."
"You sure you don't wanna try to break the door down?" Allowing himself a small smirk, Ken crossed his arms and lifted and eyebrow at the older man.
The red-head sighed glancing at the door. It had been locked for almost an hour now, while they remained trapped inside. "We'll have to go through the labs... There's probably someone watching the door. We could be killed the moment it's open."
"Well, I haven't heard anyone out there."
"The walls in this building were made to elliminate sound passing from room to room. The doors are no different. If it had been otherwise, I would have already killed you for being so loud." He sighed, "It seems that the vent is the only way."
Ken shrugged, "As long as you're going first, I have no problem with taking that particular route to freedom."
"You'll need to take off those goggles."
"I can wear them on my eyes."
"And that orange shirt."
"I've got another three just like it at home."
"And your boots."
"I'm faster without them."
"You'll need to leave your bugnuks."
"Nothing like knocking someone's lights out with a good ol' fashioned punch to the face."
"..."
The younger boy smiled, seemingly unaffected by any of this. Aya was beginning to doubt his vision, seeing the boy pale some what more. He kept himself from asking if there was something wrong, until he saw the younger man eye the wall behind him.
"...Daijoubu desu ka?"
Looking a bit shocked for a moment, Ken nodded slowly, "...Daijoubu."
"We could wait here until Omi or Yohji comes..." Aya trailed off looking hopefully at the door.
"We could..."
There was a moment of silence.
"...Let's take the vent." He nodded and began removing his sheath and katana.
"That's what I thought." The younger boy untied the shirt around his waist, with a sort of sorrowful look, and quickly began to remove his boots.
After a moment, they were both shoeless, weaponless, coatless, and still staring reluctantly at the vent.
"You think we'll be able to fit now?"
There was a silent nod as the red head gave one last look at his katana and began to climb into the vent, Ken pushing his legs along after him. It was a moment of shuffling through the vent before Aya coughed. there was a pause and some shuffling back in the direction from wence he first came.
First, the feat came out and within a moment, the man was out of the vent, kneeling over and coughing loudly.
"What happened? Swallow a bug?" Ken lifted an eyebrow as the red-head shot him a violet-eyed glare from the ground.
Coughing once more, Aya straightened himself up, "I think we should break down the door."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"I think someone else tried to escape from here before." The red-head and jumped off of the top box and onto the floor where he had left his things, stepping into his boots and beginning to tie them up.
"And...?"
"And, they didn't make it."
The younger man's eyes grew wide for a moment, "There was someone in there? Dead?"
Aya's eyes narrowed, "A child probably. The part in front of me was decaying pretty badly." He slightly regretted mentioning the first part upon the look of sadness that crossed his teammate's eyes. "I'm surprised we couldn't smell it in here..."
Ken nodded shortly, "The vents aren't on, and you were a fair distance down there." He glanced at the vent once more. "We'll take the door."
In moments they were dressed, just as quickly as before, and re-attaching their weapons.
"Aya...?" The teen was looking paler than usual, and was standing quite still with his green eyes staring at a spot on the wall.
The older man watched his teammate for a moment, as Ken's eyes began to move from the spot and around the room. "..."
A shaky hand reached forward, trying to feel out the wall infront of him, running over the area it's owner had been watching. The hand felt out frantically, finally landing on the wall, and Ken's breathing began to come rather unevenly, "Do you see it?"
Aya stepped forward beside the other boy, taking in the odd sight of the other boy. He saw the eyes, becoming rather bloodshot towards the edges, and the ghostly pallour of the younger boy's skin. Didn't it used to be tan? "See what?"
"My hand?" Ken extended his other hand, feeling out for the wall before him, finding it he let it rest there, and frowned, "I can't see them... The walls are moving closer, over my hands."
The red-head shook his head slightly, "Stop looking at the walls, if it's bothering you this much. We need to get out of here."
Ken dropped his gaze to the ground, "This dosen't usually happen... Only when I think there is seriously no way of escape."
Pausing from his walk towards the door, Abyssinian looked back.
"We're probably going to be killed if we get out. Probably by those same people who locked up that person you found in the vent. We should have gone through the other door." Biting his lip, the ex-soccer player remembered the door leading into the room right beside them. They could have chosen either to hide in, but instead they had chosen the first. The one with the lock on the outside, and now they were trapped in some kind of closet.
At least it had a light, though.
Ken joined Aya infront of the door, and the two stared straight forward, trying not to prepare for facing fate. Things like death are so much easier to take when you just don't think about them.
"So, how should we do this--" The brunette's voice was cut off as the door swung open suddenly, revealing the figures of two men. One was significantly shorter than the other.
"Gods! What was taking you guys so long? I thought you would have busted out of here by now!" Yohji's head shook as he voiced his disapproval. "And you call yourselves assassins--"
One glare from Aya had shut him up.
"How did you guys...?" Ken glanced around quickly, looking around for the guards. Nothing but a dark hallway.
"We tracked you through Aya's earpiece. My link got smashed during a er... fight with Nagi." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, trying to cover up his near slip. "Though, my tracer was still working, so... It all turned out good."
"They all left a few minutes ago. Schwartz, guards, all of them..." Yohji frowned, "At least we
completed the mission. We got rid of the scientists, and everyone left... Say, how exactly did you get in there to begin with?"
Aya narrowed his eyes at Ken, whose colour had returned amazingly fast. The boy muttered for a moment, "We were releasing some of the lab's prisoners when Oracle and the creep with all of the scars showed up. They put up a pretty good fight. Only got cut once, nothing too bad. Kind of bloody." The boy pressed a hand to his right arm, "Though, they had a whole regent of guards with them, guns and all..."
"When we were looking for a place to hide, Ken decided to choose the door with the lock on the outside." The red-head's voice exaggerated the last four words, and began walking back towards the way they had come, before being locked in the closet.
"I didn't see it!" Siberian huffed, following after the red-head, "And you certainly didn't stop me!"
Omi frowned, tugging the eldest of the four along, whom was just below hysterics by now, behind him.
"You shoved me into that closet before I had a chance to look." Responded the red-head coldly in a low tone, "And if you're so claustrophobic, why were you looking for a hiding place like that, anyways." The tone with which Aya spoke was a warning towards the younger assassin.
Ken didn't take that well either, "Is that something I have control over? Mr. Let's-Not-Kill-The-Big-Ass-Spider-On-Ken's-Head! There was a body in the vent, and, supposedly, armed guards of at least twenty at the door! We were going to die!"
"I killed the spider, Ken. It's dead. Get over it."
"Yea, after I had to tell you about twenty times! If I hadn't been there, you probably would have glomped it, named it, and married it!" The brunette threw his hands up in frustration.
Aya shot an even colder glare towards the ex-soccer player. "Shut up, Ken."
And Yohji stumbled along after Omi, laughing. "Kenken's arachniphobic, claustrophobic, and Farfarello-phobic. All in two hours."
They all made it home, in their four respectfully seperate pieces (there were no body fusions). Aya had, at several points, seemed rather close to killing them all, but by the time they were out of the car, all was good again.
Yohji had stumbled off upstairs to bed, yawning dramatically for affect, as soon as they entered the house. Omi had gone up to change, re-emerging for a drink from the kitchen, and walking to a room adjacent from the den to redevouz with his beloved computer for awhile before bed. Aya went where he always went, to his own room. Ken went to the shower.
Ten minutes went by quickly until the ex-J League goalie thumped downstairs, without tripping. His hair was toweled, and drying itself slowly in a mess atop his head. He ran rather quickly, careful not to drip any of the crimson liquid seeping from the rather deep cut of his right arm. 'Damn Farfarello and his stupid knives...'
The blood was coming rather freely, now that the shirt from earlier had been removed. Wiping his left hand across a stream, close to dripping off of his arm, he entered the kitchen. It was dark, and he winced as he stubbed his toe on the table infront of him. He felt the stream of blood nearly dripping again, and wiped it clear, until the blood was still coming, and both hands were covered in blood. He grabbed a towel, using it to open the kitchen pantry, he reached in and pulled out the small white box reading "First Aid".
He sat at the table, drapping the towel over his cut as he searched through the box, with bloody hands, for some bandages and peroxide (Farfie licks his knives, and there's no telling who he's been kissing, and what kind of germs those Schwartz baddies are all sharing). When he found it, he took off the, now drenched, towel, and began an attempt at fixing his cut.
If never you have tried to heal your own wounds with your left hand (this for those who aren't left-handed... or both-handed, for that matter), it's difficult. After spilling the peroxide, several times, and unable to use his right hand for assistance, Ken was ready to give up and bleed to death. It was then that he heard an exasperated sigh from the doorway.
"You've been trying to do that for about fifteen minutes." Two cold amethyst irises observed the brown-haired youth.
"Yeah, well... Today's just not my day. I didn't expect it to get any better, anyway." He glanced at the clock, squinting through the darkness to read the time, 4:35 AM, "And I've about nineteen hours of it left to go." Sighing, he held the swab in his right hand, trying to pour the stinging liquid onto the piece of cotton, unsuccessfully.
The red-head took the bottle instantly, and the swab, seemingly unbothered as he brushed his hands against the younger boy's. He shook the bottle slightly and hid a frown, "This was a new bottle and you've already spillt more than half of it."
"Yea, well." The brunette gestured to his arm, blood running down to the table, from both sides.
Aya pulled a chair up and sat down, pouring the peroxide onto the swab.
"...Gomen." Ken frowned, looking down towards the forming pool of crimson forming on the table top.
The swab dabbed at his cuts gently, and Ken bit his tongue as he felt the stinging of the liquid run down into the depths of the cut. He must have sworn quite loudly at the point where he felt that the liquid was burning all the way down to his bone, for when he looked back up he could feel his eyes somewhat moist and Aya was glaring at him.
There was silence as Aya finished cleaning the wound, Ken gritting his teeth through the burn.
When he was done, he pulled out some gauze, beginning to unwind it a bit, as Ken continued to stare at the table top, "Ken..."
The boy glanced up, at the older man's tone, it was different. It wasn't the cold voice he was so used to. "Hai?"
Aya opened his mouth to speak and found nothing would come out. He shut it again, looking back towards his teammate's cut, and lifted the arm, "...Hold up your arm so I can wrap the bandage around it."
Frowning slightly, the teenager nodded, lifting his arm as he was told, and turning his gaze back to the table top.
Several more moments passed as Aya began to bandage the arm, that there was some sort of odd silence, from the red-head. As if the man wanted to say, or ask, something, but didn't know how. Finally, Aya stopped what he was doing and looked up to meet the younger man's emerald green eyes, "Why... are you claustrophobic?"
Ken looked up, blinking, "I can't say I really understand that, myself..." His frown deepened, "I just like open places better."
The red-head nodded in the darkness, and set again to his task.
"Have you ever felt trapped, Aya?" Ken's voice shook a bit. Nervous?
Looking up again, briefly, Aya nodded.
"..." The brunette was silent, again. His eyes now on the arm that his teammate was bandaging. "You're weird, Aya."
The older man arched a fine crimson brow, as he cut the gause and began to fit it to tie.
"Hardly anything matters to you..." He drifted off, feeling Aya pause in his task, "I guess it makes things easier." The boy's eyes glanced about the room for something to look at; anything but Aya's glare. "Ya know... Being an assassin and all."
Unable to find an answer to this, Aya tied the knot (no, not that knot)... on Ken's bandage. He finally just shrugged, "I have nothing to care about."
Ken frowned, nodding, he stood up. "Arigato, Aya-kun." He walked over to the counter and picked up the roll of paper towels, tearing a few off, he began to wipe off the table, glancing a few times at the red-head who was reassembling the first aid kit.
"Aya...?" The ex-soccer player's voice was small, expecting something like a 'What now!?' or 'Shut up, Ken!' or even a 'Get in the vent, Ken!' from his teammate.
Instead, Aya, now wiping off the table with a wet cloth, looked up, his violet eyes strangely lacking their usual coldness.
Now it was Ken's turn to lose his voice. "...Nevermind."
The red-head blinked, and nodded. He walked over to the counter, rinsing the cloth he had used to wipe down the table. Behind him he heard Ken pushing the chairs back under the table, and hid a smile. He liked being around Ken, it was one of the few things he liked, and he would never admit it to the boy, but he knew he did.
Of course Omi wasn't too much of a bother to be around, but it wasn't enjoyable, and he would much rather have been alone, instead. Yohji wasn't someone he necessarily wanted to hang around, but he was better than Omi, the things he talked about, the way he dressed, the way he acted, could be slightly amusing, and he certainly never got boring. Though, Ken was strange.
He felt that he and the teen were almost completely different, yet at the same time, almost exactly the same. They felt the same about certain things, yet completely different about others. Ken's way of acting immature at times wasn't as annoying to him as it was to few others, but instead amusing, and though he and the others could often assume that he was brain-dead every once in a while, the brunette could be very mature. It was around Ken that Aya felt he was at peace with himself, it was almost like he was Ran again. Though, he kept his mask in place, even around Ken, it was hard to smile... And things were fine as they were.
That was what he continued to tell himself. Everything was just fine, and things were fine as they were. He was unwilling to allow anything to change, even though he could stop his feelings. He had also come to terms with what he felt towards the boy, or rather man, Hidaka Ken. He was in love. Of course, he would never mention this for fear of change. Telling the brunette what he felt would change everything, and how would he handle that?
There's where the mask faultered. Things changed, he changed, but the mask couldn't for fear of breaking. Where would he hide if it broke?
He was slightly amused that the object of his thoughts stood in the doorway, watching him. He draped the rag on the edge of the sink, and turned, glancing the table over in mild approval. It was spotless, just as it had been. He was walking forward, when a voice paused him and he glanced up.
"Aya..." This was Ken's serious voice, "...Would you call us friends?"
Aya narrowed his eyes. Why was Ken asking this? Didn't this stuff just sort of go without saying? What was he supposed to say? He couldn't remember ever having any friends. Aya-chan had always been his only friend. He had always been somewhat of a loner, "What do you mean?"
Ken frowned and leaned against the doorway, "I mean... Friends--" He saw Aya's gaze narrow and stopped, "Nevermind. It was stupid." He turned and began to leave.
"I've never had any friends before." He watched the younger man pause and turn round.
"You haven't?" He watched Aya shake his head, "Even before Aya-chan's coma...?" His eyes grew wide, regretting the mention of Aya's sister. It was always when she came up that he would go cold on him.
The red-head seemed to catch his breath, though he remained the same, "Aya-chan was the only friend I ever had."
"Oh..." He frowned, "So, are we?"
Inside, Aya could feel himself screaming to say yes, but he had long ago given the mask control, and there was not alot he could do when he felt himself pushed to respond, "I can't have any friends, Ken--"
He paused seeing Ken nod in a silent understanding. Understanding? Could Ken really understand? He decided to see, "Do you understand me?"
If anyone had ever taken Aya by visable surprise, it was now. Ken turned, his face solemn, his eyes reflecting sadness, understanding, and... lonliness? The boy turned his green-eyed gaze directly to Aya's own violet one and responded, "Do I understand the situation? Or do I understand you?"
The brunette continued seeing that the other was surprised by this, "Yes, I do understand the situation. It's all for the missions, and that a killer deserves no happiness. It's all because of the damned way you hide yourself. And, yes, I do understand you." The boy was walking forward, his own green eyes narrowed at the taller man before him, "I think I understand you more than you do. You're always the same, Aya. You can't let anyone close to you because they might see that you're not really as cold as you seem to be. You're not as strong as you seem! You're not as perfect as you think you should be! You're not as emotionless as you want to be!!"
His voice was rising as he moved that last step forward to stand toe-to-toe with the iceman himself. The harder Aya glared, the angrier Ken became, and the angrier Ken became, the louder his voice got, and it was undeniable that in all he said... He was right. It made Aya want to scream right back at him. If he could only find his voice.
"You can't see that some stupid facade of ice can't stop things around you from becoming different! You might think you can be emotionless forever, but that's not true! You'll have died before forever gets here, and when you're in hell watching all of us mourn for you, you'll see how much good you did with your 'mask'! You say you don't care about us, but we'll continue to care about you! What are you so afraid of?!" He paused, growing silent, but it was obvious he was not expecting an answer, and he received none, his voice was now hushed, more quiet than usual, but fierce in it's intensity, and sharp on it's words.
"You've developed some kind of phobia." Ken narrowed his eyes, thinking nothing of the fact that he was shorter than the red-head by a few inches, "You're afraid to feel things, maybe? No," He shook his head, "You accept that you can't stop feeling things. You're afraid to show what you feel?" His emerald green orbs board deeply into Aya's own violet, as if he were reading something from them, "Aa, I think that's it. But what can showing your emotions do to change--"
Aya took a step back. How did Ken know this? Where was he getting all of this information?
The ex-soccer player stood still, "That's it, isn't it? You're afraid showing your emotions will change something?" He shook his head, expression one of pity, and he took a step forward, again toe-to-toe with the red-head. Aya took another step back, and Ken followed, and again and again until the red-head's back was pressed against the counter top.
Silently, Ken shook his head, "To resist change, you have to resist your existance. You cannot help that you are. To do anything now would be to change something." His eyes narrowed as he saw he had figured it out, and he frowned again, "I know you, Aya, but I don't. I wish I did, but knowing you, I probably won't. Never let is be said that I didn't try, but instead that you cast me down every time. But, now... I know your phobia. If you don't want to be my friend because of that or any other reason, then I'm sorry. I can stay amidst all that in which you don't care about. I'll get over it, someday." He paused, some look of realisation crossing through his eyes, and he frowned.
He looked up meeting Aya's violet glare, and smiled. It was a sad, reluctant smile, and it looked nothing like the Ken he was used to, "I have accepted that I'm clumbsy. I don't know exactly why, and I have figured out there is pretty much nothing I can do about it." He paused again, "Though, the only time I have ever found someone, whom I felt I should, by all means be a friend to, I was betrayed." At this, he looked away, off to the side, and Aya felt as if time had paused. He felt as if his own heart had stopped beating. He knew what it took from Ken to talk about Kase. He felt as if, within him, he was trying to breath, but his lungs resisted. His heart tried to pump, but something around it had squeezed it to a stop. It hurt.
Ken looked back at Aya, now, sad smile back in place, "I guess a friendship rejected is better then one betrayed." He nodded, stepping back slightly, "I have accepted that I am clumbsy, that I am a bit immature, and even that I'm too loud. But I don't think I'll ever accept that anywhere and everywhere I go, those whom I wish to befriend the most, don't want it." He dropped the sad smile, and shrugged nonchallantly, everything looking normally blank, as was the usual Ken, but there was a distance within the boy's eyes. "I don't want you to feel sorry for me, as I may feel sorry for you. In fact, I think I would prefer your anger." He looked up at Aya, as the boy's cold glare returned, and he smiled as if nothing had happened, "Thank you for bandaging my arm, and helping me clean up... and for killing the spider... and going into the vent first... Arigato, Aya-kun." He made a sort of bow, and looked at Aya's cold glare one last time. He then turned, walking away.
He hadn't made it two steps when a hand reached forth to his left arm, grabbing him and spinning him to face, once more, the cold hard glare of Fujimiya Aya.
His voice was a low growl, "Ken..." He drifted off, looking into the green eyes of the boy before him, and once more he couldn't speak.
Ken let out a small laugh, "You do that alot lately."
"You've done it alot, yourself." Was the semi-cold response.
"Why is that?" The brunette raised an eyebrow questioningly.
"It's because..." Aya thought for a moment, "I believe we need to discuss something."
"Right now?"
"Yes, right now."
Ken smirked, remembering that this conversation had happened a few times before as well, "Why right now?"
"Because right now is when it needs to be discussed." The was something in Aya's face that was changing slowly. Something odd about the eyes and lips. Something akin to...humour?
The ex-soccer player crossed his arms staring at the man before him, "So? Right now passed a long time ago. Are we ever going to discuss this... whatever it is we're supposed to be discussing?" He paused, "Or are you going to ask me to help you move crates again?"
Aya paused, looked down at his feet for a moment and then into Ken's eyes, "Don't ever compare me to Kase, Kenken."
This was apparently unexpected, for the brunette's face became one of shock. Whether it was at the request itself or the nickname, is unknown.
"I would be much more than happy to be your friend. Though, there is the matter of this discussion..." His eyes now held more of their old coldness as he looked down into the eyes of his object of hidden affection, "As perceptive as you seem to be. I still think you're a fool. Would you like you know why, Ken?"
"Why?" Let it be said that the brunette was a bit confused.
"There is something I am afraid of changing." He began, "And that is what we are. I suppose we have been friends, though I might have denied it, all along. You have realised that." He looked up to see a slow nod from the boy before him.
"I reluctantly admit that I am claustrophobic, too." Now Ken was very confused, the red-head observed, "The enclosed space where I feel trapped, is my own mind... I guess you could say that, anyway." The older man looked doubtful to his analogy for a moment. There was something akin to realisation forming in the teen's eyes, noticing, be continued, "I like you, Ken."
The green-eyed boy dropped his arms, recently folded over his chest, still puzzled.
Aya watched as Ken opened his mouth to speak, but quickly cut in, "But perhaps that dosen't cover it. So hear me this, I tell you I can't have any friends, but you are my friend anyway. Through what I am about to say, take it however you wish and I will mean it that way."
The brunette was lost, yet again.
"It's just... If you should take it as more than what we are, as friends, then you may take it that way. If you take it that we are just very good friends, then you may take it that way. But don't let it--" The redhead's mouth was silenced by a finger.
"Aya..." Ken looked up into the older man's eyes, "Have I mentioned that you're weird?"
"Yes, but--" He was silenced again.
"Do you find some sadistic pleasure in making this discussion so complicated? Because if that's the case, I may need to go to college before I can ever begin to understand what the hell you are saying." He took his hand away from the red-head's mouth as the older man sighed, and frowned, "Is there any easier way of saying whatever it is you're trying to say?"
The red head nodded, "Well... I..."
"You what?"
"Er... I don't know how to say it."
"Oh... Ok? So you needed to discuss something with me right now, that you don't even know how to discuss?"
"Ken. Shut up. I'm trying to tell you something."
"...But you just said you didn't know how to say it?" This was beginning to sound familiar as well.
"I've never said it before..."
Ken licked his lips, unconsciously, "So, what are you waiting for?"
Aya leaned forward suddenly, his lips crushing against the brunette's. As soon as he had done it, he began to pull back, when a hand at the back of his neck pulled him forward again. This time, Ken took over, pressing their lips together, and wrapping his arms around the older man's neck. He felt Aya's arms wrap suddenly around his waist and pull him closer. He felt it as the other man's tongue licked against his lower lip, and he gave access willingly.
The red-head pulled Ken to him, body to body, as close as was possible, whilst still clothed. He deepened the kiss, feeling a moan rise in the other boy's throat. He felt a strange thrum from within himself.
Ken seemed to pull back for a moment, laughing softly, he pulled back to where his lips still brushed against those of the man who held him, and whispered, whilst gasping for breath in between words, "Aya... You're purring." He laughed again, darting small, passionate, but playful kisses upon his lover's lips. "...Like a cat."
Once more, the red-head captured his lips again, feeling the strange hum with himself, he drew back slightly, only to whisper to Ken against the other boy's lips, "...Meow."
An hour later, when their clothes had been tossed messily upon Aya's bedroom floor, in their hurry to get them off, they were kissing again, with no ways of closing the hardly even microscophic distance between them.
Aya stopped suddenly looking Ken in the eyes and narrowing his gaze, lightly, in a non-threatening way. "You're claustrophobic to closed spaces, you say?" At this time he straddled the boy beneath him, and leaned over even more, laying right on top of the brunette. He ran a smooth finger across some obscure spot at just the right time...
A low moan arose from the back of Ken's throat, and he looked up at Aya directly, "I think you've cured me." And he pulled the red-head into a kiss.
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OWARI
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- Author's Notes - Eh heh heh! That's the nearest I've ever written to any real sexual content, and even that was hard to write. *Feels like such a wimp* It may not be great, but I hope it was ok? It was longer when I was writing it for some reason, but when I went back and read it I was very diappointed. Please r + r? All questions, comments, death threats, marriage proposals, are welcomed.
Ran: ...Do you feel the need to expose the personal lives of all those who surround you?
Ken: ...Shut up, Aya. I thought it was... ok... It wasn't too bad, anyway.
Ran: It was pathetic, that's what it was. *Glares maliciously at Seph*
Seph: I'm sorry...;_; *Wilts under the Fujimiya death glare* It's her fault! *Points to muse*
Miri: _;; Ha! That's the last time I ever inspire you.
Ran: *Swinging his katana wildly* SHI NE!!!
Ken: -_-;; *Sweatdrops* What is wrong with you people?
Oh, and if you're wondering: I really don't know if McDonalds chicken nuggets have any aphrodesiac qualities. It just sounded like something stupid, and on a topic that Yohji would know something about, so I put it in there. Sorry...
I just couldn't imagine "You get me closer to God" having anything to do with CCS. So, I then decided I would just start writing, and let Miri take over. She hasn't yet finished Innocence, another R+K fic of mine, so that I may post it, so for some odd reason she began this. It's my favourite couple, and it's a bit odd, but... I spent all Saturday on this, delaying my chores, and everything. For some reason it seemed alot better when I was writing it, than when I re-read it. _;; Please tell me your opinions? R + R?
- Seph Lorraine - [email protected] - http://www.geocities.com/sephlorraine/dream.html
- Warnings - Yaoi, Ran/Aya+Ken, Mild lime, Language, Angst, a bit OOC...
- Disclaimer - How dare you think I own Weiss Kreuz!? ...You flatter me. ^_^;;
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"Claustrophobia" by Seph Lorraine
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"I believe we need to discuss something."
"Right now?"
"Yes, right now."
"Why, right now?"
"Because right now is when it needs to be discussed."
"What needs to be discussed right now?"
"Well... I..."
"You what?"
"Er... I don't know how to say it."
"Oh... Ok? So you needed to discuss something with me right now, that you don't even know how to discuss?"
"Ken. Shut up. I'm trying to tell you something."
"...But you just said you didn't know how to say it?"
"I've never said it before..."
"So, there's a first time for everything."
"Yes, I suppose..."
"You're being awfully talkative today, Aya-kun. You must really need to discuss this... Whatever it is we're supposed to be discussing."
"..."
"...I shouldn't have said anything."
"..."
"...?"
"Look... I..."
"I'm looking."
"Ken!" The name came out as a sort of growl.
"Jeebus! I was kidding!"
"Ken, understand, this is kind of hard to say..."
"Yes?"
"Well, I need..."
"...You need?"
"Sometimes I seriously doubt how you managed to live as long as you have. Does that brain of yours work at all?"
"Yes, it does! I wish you people would shut up about me being so--"
"Ken, I need help!"
"...You're kidding right?"
"..." Their was a growl and glare from violet eyes.
"Sure..."
They both bent, moving the crates one by one to line the wall up to the vent near the top of the wall, carefully organising them into a sort of staircase and platform to get to the outlet.
"Now... How are we supposed to get through it? It looks kind of..." The green-eyed boy glanced at his teammate. "Claustrophobic?"
The red-head rolled his eyes, an exasperated sigh crossing his thin lips, "You can not mean to tell me that you kill people for a living, and you're still afraid of small spaces?"
"Er... Not necessarily small... Just closed in areas in particular. And if anything, the killing has only increased my fear." He frowned slightly, "The walls start to close in and I keep thinking that any minute one of my past victims is going to pop out of nowhere as a... zombie or something."
"...That is the most stupid thing I have ever heard."
"What about that time Yohji was telling you about the aphrodesiac qualities of McDonalds chicken nuggets?"
"...Ok, so this is the second most stupid thing I've ever heard."
"Riiight..."
"So, Kase could come out of one of these crates and start shooting you any moment?"
There was a pause, "...Aya. Don't..."
"Get in the vent, Ken."
"No."
"..." There was mild shock radiating from the stoic red-head for a moment. "Yes."
"I said no, Aya."
"Now, Ken."
"No! I mean it! I will not get in that vent!"
There was the sound of Aya's katana leaving it's sheath. "Don't move, Ken..." The red-head's violet eyes were watching something atop of Ken's head.
"What?"
"I said don't move."
"Why?"
"There is a spider on your head." Aya's eyes took on a predatory gleam, and he narrowed his vision to the spider, whom was watching him back intensely.
"WHAT!? HOLY SHIT!" The boy cringed, "Getitoffgetitoffgetitoffgetitoffgetitoff!!! Get. It. Off. NOW!" Ken's green eyes flared in fury, and had the elder boy been looking, he might have been the least bit frightened.
"Shut up and stand still, baka!" The red-head bit back sharply.
Raising his blade, he lifted the spider from it's perch on the younger boy's head, and flicked it to fall off of the plat form. "It's gone."
Ken looked almost unbelievably relieved as he ran a shaky hand through his hair. "Arigato, Aya-kun..."
"Now, get in the vent before it climbs back up here."
"You let the beast live!? Are you a fucking idiot!? You're supposed to kill it!" The ex-soccer player swiveled around to look down from the platform of crates, at the floor below. He let out a small whimper, "Gods! It's the size of an elephant!"
Aya kept himself from pushing the younger man off the platform. He jumped down, a few feet away from the spider. "It's just a small tarantula. One that escaped from the lab, probably."
"KILL! KILL! KILL!" Ken hissed from the crate platform above.
There was a ghastly shriek of terror, promising revenge on his assassin, as Aya's large black boot came down to squish the thing, eloquently.
"My hero." The brunette muttered.
"There. It's gone. Get in the vent."
Eyes narrowing at the glob of greenish-yellow and black goo, Siberian coughed, "You know... I heard it promising revenge." He looked up at Aya, who was now beside him again, on the platform. "It's going to come back for you."
Giving in, the red-head slapped a palm to his forhead, "Now!"
The boy looked at Aya as if the elder man had gone mad, "Don't you know how many more of those will be in there?" He gestured to the ventalation shaft, from which a dull, low, thrum could be heard. The cover had been removed and placed on the ground at the base of the tower they had made with crates.
"Fine! I'll go first!" Aya narrowed his eyes at the crate for a moment. He glanced up at Ken, noticing the boy's hands still shook, and the hue of his skin was rather pale.
"You'll need to take off your coat and boots." Ken spoke, matter-of-factly.
"I know."
"And you might need to leave your katana here."
"..."
"You sure you don't wanna try to break the door down?" Allowing himself a small smirk, Ken crossed his arms and lifted and eyebrow at the older man.
The red-head sighed glancing at the door. It had been locked for almost an hour now, while they remained trapped inside. "We'll have to go through the labs... There's probably someone watching the door. We could be killed the moment it's open."
"Well, I haven't heard anyone out there."
"The walls in this building were made to elliminate sound passing from room to room. The doors are no different. If it had been otherwise, I would have already killed you for being so loud." He sighed, "It seems that the vent is the only way."
Ken shrugged, "As long as you're going first, I have no problem with taking that particular route to freedom."
"You'll need to take off those goggles."
"I can wear them on my eyes."
"And that orange shirt."
"I've got another three just like it at home."
"And your boots."
"I'm faster without them."
"You'll need to leave your bugnuks."
"Nothing like knocking someone's lights out with a good ol' fashioned punch to the face."
"..."
The younger boy smiled, seemingly unaffected by any of this. Aya was beginning to doubt his vision, seeing the boy pale some what more. He kept himself from asking if there was something wrong, until he saw the younger man eye the wall behind him.
"...Daijoubu desu ka?"
Looking a bit shocked for a moment, Ken nodded slowly, "...Daijoubu."
"We could wait here until Omi or Yohji comes..." Aya trailed off looking hopefully at the door.
"We could..."
There was a moment of silence.
"...Let's take the vent." He nodded and began removing his sheath and katana.
"That's what I thought." The younger boy untied the shirt around his waist, with a sort of sorrowful look, and quickly began to remove his boots.
After a moment, they were both shoeless, weaponless, coatless, and still staring reluctantly at the vent.
"You think we'll be able to fit now?"
There was a silent nod as the red head gave one last look at his katana and began to climb into the vent, Ken pushing his legs along after him. It was a moment of shuffling through the vent before Aya coughed. there was a pause and some shuffling back in the direction from wence he first came.
First, the feat came out and within a moment, the man was out of the vent, kneeling over and coughing loudly.
"What happened? Swallow a bug?" Ken lifted an eyebrow as the red-head shot him a violet-eyed glare from the ground.
Coughing once more, Aya straightened himself up, "I think we should break down the door."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"I think someone else tried to escape from here before." The red-head and jumped off of the top box and onto the floor where he had left his things, stepping into his boots and beginning to tie them up.
"And...?"
"And, they didn't make it."
The younger man's eyes grew wide for a moment, "There was someone in there? Dead?"
Aya's eyes narrowed, "A child probably. The part in front of me was decaying pretty badly." He slightly regretted mentioning the first part upon the look of sadness that crossed his teammate's eyes. "I'm surprised we couldn't smell it in here..."
Ken nodded shortly, "The vents aren't on, and you were a fair distance down there." He glanced at the vent once more. "We'll take the door."
In moments they were dressed, just as quickly as before, and re-attaching their weapons.
"Aya...?" The teen was looking paler than usual, and was standing quite still with his green eyes staring at a spot on the wall.
The older man watched his teammate for a moment, as Ken's eyes began to move from the spot and around the room. "..."
A shaky hand reached forward, trying to feel out the wall infront of him, running over the area it's owner had been watching. The hand felt out frantically, finally landing on the wall, and Ken's breathing began to come rather unevenly, "Do you see it?"
Aya stepped forward beside the other boy, taking in the odd sight of the other boy. He saw the eyes, becoming rather bloodshot towards the edges, and the ghostly pallour of the younger boy's skin. Didn't it used to be tan? "See what?"
"My hand?" Ken extended his other hand, feeling out for the wall before him, finding it he let it rest there, and frowned, "I can't see them... The walls are moving closer, over my hands."
The red-head shook his head slightly, "Stop looking at the walls, if it's bothering you this much. We need to get out of here."
Ken dropped his gaze to the ground, "This dosen't usually happen... Only when I think there is seriously no way of escape."
Pausing from his walk towards the door, Abyssinian looked back.
"We're probably going to be killed if we get out. Probably by those same people who locked up that person you found in the vent. We should have gone through the other door." Biting his lip, the ex-soccer player remembered the door leading into the room right beside them. They could have chosen either to hide in, but instead they had chosen the first. The one with the lock on the outside, and now they were trapped in some kind of closet.
At least it had a light, though.
Ken joined Aya infront of the door, and the two stared straight forward, trying not to prepare for facing fate. Things like death are so much easier to take when you just don't think about them.
"So, how should we do this--" The brunette's voice was cut off as the door swung open suddenly, revealing the figures of two men. One was significantly shorter than the other.
"Gods! What was taking you guys so long? I thought you would have busted out of here by now!" Yohji's head shook as he voiced his disapproval. "And you call yourselves assassins--"
One glare from Aya had shut him up.
"How did you guys...?" Ken glanced around quickly, looking around for the guards. Nothing but a dark hallway.
"We tracked you through Aya's earpiece. My link got smashed during a er... fight with Nagi." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, trying to cover up his near slip. "Though, my tracer was still working, so... It all turned out good."
"They all left a few minutes ago. Schwartz, guards, all of them..." Yohji frowned, "At least we
completed the mission. We got rid of the scientists, and everyone left... Say, how exactly did you get in there to begin with?"
Aya narrowed his eyes at Ken, whose colour had returned amazingly fast. The boy muttered for a moment, "We were releasing some of the lab's prisoners when Oracle and the creep with all of the scars showed up. They put up a pretty good fight. Only got cut once, nothing too bad. Kind of bloody." The boy pressed a hand to his right arm, "Though, they had a whole regent of guards with them, guns and all..."
"When we were looking for a place to hide, Ken decided to choose the door with the lock on the outside." The red-head's voice exaggerated the last four words, and began walking back towards the way they had come, before being locked in the closet.
"I didn't see it!" Siberian huffed, following after the red-head, "And you certainly didn't stop me!"
Omi frowned, tugging the eldest of the four along, whom was just below hysterics by now, behind him.
"You shoved me into that closet before I had a chance to look." Responded the red-head coldly in a low tone, "And if you're so claustrophobic, why were you looking for a hiding place like that, anyways." The tone with which Aya spoke was a warning towards the younger assassin.
Ken didn't take that well either, "Is that something I have control over? Mr. Let's-Not-Kill-The-Big-Ass-Spider-On-Ken's-Head! There was a body in the vent, and, supposedly, armed guards of at least twenty at the door! We were going to die!"
"I killed the spider, Ken. It's dead. Get over it."
"Yea, after I had to tell you about twenty times! If I hadn't been there, you probably would have glomped it, named it, and married it!" The brunette threw his hands up in frustration.
Aya shot an even colder glare towards the ex-soccer player. "Shut up, Ken."
And Yohji stumbled along after Omi, laughing. "Kenken's arachniphobic, claustrophobic, and Farfarello-phobic. All in two hours."
They all made it home, in their four respectfully seperate pieces (there were no body fusions). Aya had, at several points, seemed rather close to killing them all, but by the time they were out of the car, all was good again.
Yohji had stumbled off upstairs to bed, yawning dramatically for affect, as soon as they entered the house. Omi had gone up to change, re-emerging for a drink from the kitchen, and walking to a room adjacent from the den to redevouz with his beloved computer for awhile before bed. Aya went where he always went, to his own room. Ken went to the shower.
Ten minutes went by quickly until the ex-J League goalie thumped downstairs, without tripping. His hair was toweled, and drying itself slowly in a mess atop his head. He ran rather quickly, careful not to drip any of the crimson liquid seeping from the rather deep cut of his right arm. 'Damn Farfarello and his stupid knives...'
The blood was coming rather freely, now that the shirt from earlier had been removed. Wiping his left hand across a stream, close to dripping off of his arm, he entered the kitchen. It was dark, and he winced as he stubbed his toe on the table infront of him. He felt the stream of blood nearly dripping again, and wiped it clear, until the blood was still coming, and both hands were covered in blood. He grabbed a towel, using it to open the kitchen pantry, he reached in and pulled out the small white box reading "First Aid".
He sat at the table, drapping the towel over his cut as he searched through the box, with bloody hands, for some bandages and peroxide (Farfie licks his knives, and there's no telling who he's been kissing, and what kind of germs those Schwartz baddies are all sharing). When he found it, he took off the, now drenched, towel, and began an attempt at fixing his cut.
If never you have tried to heal your own wounds with your left hand (this for those who aren't left-handed... or both-handed, for that matter), it's difficult. After spilling the peroxide, several times, and unable to use his right hand for assistance, Ken was ready to give up and bleed to death. It was then that he heard an exasperated sigh from the doorway.
"You've been trying to do that for about fifteen minutes." Two cold amethyst irises observed the brown-haired youth.
"Yeah, well... Today's just not my day. I didn't expect it to get any better, anyway." He glanced at the clock, squinting through the darkness to read the time, 4:35 AM, "And I've about nineteen hours of it left to go." Sighing, he held the swab in his right hand, trying to pour the stinging liquid onto the piece of cotton, unsuccessfully.
The red-head took the bottle instantly, and the swab, seemingly unbothered as he brushed his hands against the younger boy's. He shook the bottle slightly and hid a frown, "This was a new bottle and you've already spillt more than half of it."
"Yea, well." The brunette gestured to his arm, blood running down to the table, from both sides.
Aya pulled a chair up and sat down, pouring the peroxide onto the swab.
"...Gomen." Ken frowned, looking down towards the forming pool of crimson forming on the table top.
The swab dabbed at his cuts gently, and Ken bit his tongue as he felt the stinging of the liquid run down into the depths of the cut. He must have sworn quite loudly at the point where he felt that the liquid was burning all the way down to his bone, for when he looked back up he could feel his eyes somewhat moist and Aya was glaring at him.
There was silence as Aya finished cleaning the wound, Ken gritting his teeth through the burn.
When he was done, he pulled out some gauze, beginning to unwind it a bit, as Ken continued to stare at the table top, "Ken..."
The boy glanced up, at the older man's tone, it was different. It wasn't the cold voice he was so used to. "Hai?"
Aya opened his mouth to speak and found nothing would come out. He shut it again, looking back towards his teammate's cut, and lifted the arm, "...Hold up your arm so I can wrap the bandage around it."
Frowning slightly, the teenager nodded, lifting his arm as he was told, and turning his gaze back to the table top.
Several more moments passed as Aya began to bandage the arm, that there was some sort of odd silence, from the red-head. As if the man wanted to say, or ask, something, but didn't know how. Finally, Aya stopped what he was doing and looked up to meet the younger man's emerald green eyes, "Why... are you claustrophobic?"
Ken looked up, blinking, "I can't say I really understand that, myself..." His frown deepened, "I just like open places better."
The red-head nodded in the darkness, and set again to his task.
"Have you ever felt trapped, Aya?" Ken's voice shook a bit. Nervous?
Looking up again, briefly, Aya nodded.
"..." The brunette was silent, again. His eyes now on the arm that his teammate was bandaging. "You're weird, Aya."
The older man arched a fine crimson brow, as he cut the gause and began to fit it to tie.
"Hardly anything matters to you..." He drifted off, feeling Aya pause in his task, "I guess it makes things easier." The boy's eyes glanced about the room for something to look at; anything but Aya's glare. "Ya know... Being an assassin and all."
Unable to find an answer to this, Aya tied the knot (no, not that knot)... on Ken's bandage. He finally just shrugged, "I have nothing to care about."
Ken frowned, nodding, he stood up. "Arigato, Aya-kun." He walked over to the counter and picked up the roll of paper towels, tearing a few off, he began to wipe off the table, glancing a few times at the red-head who was reassembling the first aid kit.
"Aya...?" The ex-soccer player's voice was small, expecting something like a 'What now!?' or 'Shut up, Ken!' or even a 'Get in the vent, Ken!' from his teammate.
Instead, Aya, now wiping off the table with a wet cloth, looked up, his violet eyes strangely lacking their usual coldness.
Now it was Ken's turn to lose his voice. "...Nevermind."
The red-head blinked, and nodded. He walked over to the counter, rinsing the cloth he had used to wipe down the table. Behind him he heard Ken pushing the chairs back under the table, and hid a smile. He liked being around Ken, it was one of the few things he liked, and he would never admit it to the boy, but he knew he did.
Of course Omi wasn't too much of a bother to be around, but it wasn't enjoyable, and he would much rather have been alone, instead. Yohji wasn't someone he necessarily wanted to hang around, but he was better than Omi, the things he talked about, the way he dressed, the way he acted, could be slightly amusing, and he certainly never got boring. Though, Ken was strange.
He felt that he and the teen were almost completely different, yet at the same time, almost exactly the same. They felt the same about certain things, yet completely different about others. Ken's way of acting immature at times wasn't as annoying to him as it was to few others, but instead amusing, and though he and the others could often assume that he was brain-dead every once in a while, the brunette could be very mature. It was around Ken that Aya felt he was at peace with himself, it was almost like he was Ran again. Though, he kept his mask in place, even around Ken, it was hard to smile... And things were fine as they were.
That was what he continued to tell himself. Everything was just fine, and things were fine as they were. He was unwilling to allow anything to change, even though he could stop his feelings. He had also come to terms with what he felt towards the boy, or rather man, Hidaka Ken. He was in love. Of course, he would never mention this for fear of change. Telling the brunette what he felt would change everything, and how would he handle that?
There's where the mask faultered. Things changed, he changed, but the mask couldn't for fear of breaking. Where would he hide if it broke?
He was slightly amused that the object of his thoughts stood in the doorway, watching him. He draped the rag on the edge of the sink, and turned, glancing the table over in mild approval. It was spotless, just as it had been. He was walking forward, when a voice paused him and he glanced up.
"Aya..." This was Ken's serious voice, "...Would you call us friends?"
Aya narrowed his eyes. Why was Ken asking this? Didn't this stuff just sort of go without saying? What was he supposed to say? He couldn't remember ever having any friends. Aya-chan had always been his only friend. He had always been somewhat of a loner, "What do you mean?"
Ken frowned and leaned against the doorway, "I mean... Friends--" He saw Aya's gaze narrow and stopped, "Nevermind. It was stupid." He turned and began to leave.
"I've never had any friends before." He watched the younger man pause and turn round.
"You haven't?" He watched Aya shake his head, "Even before Aya-chan's coma...?" His eyes grew wide, regretting the mention of Aya's sister. It was always when she came up that he would go cold on him.
The red-head seemed to catch his breath, though he remained the same, "Aya-chan was the only friend I ever had."
"Oh..." He frowned, "So, are we?"
Inside, Aya could feel himself screaming to say yes, but he had long ago given the mask control, and there was not alot he could do when he felt himself pushed to respond, "I can't have any friends, Ken--"
He paused seeing Ken nod in a silent understanding. Understanding? Could Ken really understand? He decided to see, "Do you understand me?"
If anyone had ever taken Aya by visable surprise, it was now. Ken turned, his face solemn, his eyes reflecting sadness, understanding, and... lonliness? The boy turned his green-eyed gaze directly to Aya's own violet one and responded, "Do I understand the situation? Or do I understand you?"
The brunette continued seeing that the other was surprised by this, "Yes, I do understand the situation. It's all for the missions, and that a killer deserves no happiness. It's all because of the damned way you hide yourself. And, yes, I do understand you." The boy was walking forward, his own green eyes narrowed at the taller man before him, "I think I understand you more than you do. You're always the same, Aya. You can't let anyone close to you because they might see that you're not really as cold as you seem to be. You're not as strong as you seem! You're not as perfect as you think you should be! You're not as emotionless as you want to be!!"
His voice was rising as he moved that last step forward to stand toe-to-toe with the iceman himself. The harder Aya glared, the angrier Ken became, and the angrier Ken became, the louder his voice got, and it was undeniable that in all he said... He was right. It made Aya want to scream right back at him. If he could only find his voice.
"You can't see that some stupid facade of ice can't stop things around you from becoming different! You might think you can be emotionless forever, but that's not true! You'll have died before forever gets here, and when you're in hell watching all of us mourn for you, you'll see how much good you did with your 'mask'! You say you don't care about us, but we'll continue to care about you! What are you so afraid of?!" He paused, growing silent, but it was obvious he was not expecting an answer, and he received none, his voice was now hushed, more quiet than usual, but fierce in it's intensity, and sharp on it's words.
"You've developed some kind of phobia." Ken narrowed his eyes, thinking nothing of the fact that he was shorter than the red-head by a few inches, "You're afraid to feel things, maybe? No," He shook his head, "You accept that you can't stop feeling things. You're afraid to show what you feel?" His emerald green orbs board deeply into Aya's own violet, as if he were reading something from them, "Aa, I think that's it. But what can showing your emotions do to change--"
Aya took a step back. How did Ken know this? Where was he getting all of this information?
The ex-soccer player stood still, "That's it, isn't it? You're afraid showing your emotions will change something?" He shook his head, expression one of pity, and he took a step forward, again toe-to-toe with the red-head. Aya took another step back, and Ken followed, and again and again until the red-head's back was pressed against the counter top.
Silently, Ken shook his head, "To resist change, you have to resist your existance. You cannot help that you are. To do anything now would be to change something." His eyes narrowed as he saw he had figured it out, and he frowned again, "I know you, Aya, but I don't. I wish I did, but knowing you, I probably won't. Never let is be said that I didn't try, but instead that you cast me down every time. But, now... I know your phobia. If you don't want to be my friend because of that or any other reason, then I'm sorry. I can stay amidst all that in which you don't care about. I'll get over it, someday." He paused, some look of realisation crossing through his eyes, and he frowned.
He looked up meeting Aya's violet glare, and smiled. It was a sad, reluctant smile, and it looked nothing like the Ken he was used to, "I have accepted that I'm clumbsy. I don't know exactly why, and I have figured out there is pretty much nothing I can do about it." He paused again, "Though, the only time I have ever found someone, whom I felt I should, by all means be a friend to, I was betrayed." At this, he looked away, off to the side, and Aya felt as if time had paused. He felt as if his own heart had stopped beating. He knew what it took from Ken to talk about Kase. He felt as if, within him, he was trying to breath, but his lungs resisted. His heart tried to pump, but something around it had squeezed it to a stop. It hurt.
Ken looked back at Aya, now, sad smile back in place, "I guess a friendship rejected is better then one betrayed." He nodded, stepping back slightly, "I have accepted that I am clumbsy, that I am a bit immature, and even that I'm too loud. But I don't think I'll ever accept that anywhere and everywhere I go, those whom I wish to befriend the most, don't want it." He dropped the sad smile, and shrugged nonchallantly, everything looking normally blank, as was the usual Ken, but there was a distance within the boy's eyes. "I don't want you to feel sorry for me, as I may feel sorry for you. In fact, I think I would prefer your anger." He looked up at Aya, as the boy's cold glare returned, and he smiled as if nothing had happened, "Thank you for bandaging my arm, and helping me clean up... and for killing the spider... and going into the vent first... Arigato, Aya-kun." He made a sort of bow, and looked at Aya's cold glare one last time. He then turned, walking away.
He hadn't made it two steps when a hand reached forth to his left arm, grabbing him and spinning him to face, once more, the cold hard glare of Fujimiya Aya.
His voice was a low growl, "Ken..." He drifted off, looking into the green eyes of the boy before him, and once more he couldn't speak.
Ken let out a small laugh, "You do that alot lately."
"You've done it alot, yourself." Was the semi-cold response.
"Why is that?" The brunette raised an eyebrow questioningly.
"It's because..." Aya thought for a moment, "I believe we need to discuss something."
"Right now?"
"Yes, right now."
Ken smirked, remembering that this conversation had happened a few times before as well, "Why right now?"
"Because right now is when it needs to be discussed." The was something in Aya's face that was changing slowly. Something odd about the eyes and lips. Something akin to...humour?
The ex-soccer player crossed his arms staring at the man before him, "So? Right now passed a long time ago. Are we ever going to discuss this... whatever it is we're supposed to be discussing?" He paused, "Or are you going to ask me to help you move crates again?"
Aya paused, looked down at his feet for a moment and then into Ken's eyes, "Don't ever compare me to Kase, Kenken."
This was apparently unexpected, for the brunette's face became one of shock. Whether it was at the request itself or the nickname, is unknown.
"I would be much more than happy to be your friend. Though, there is the matter of this discussion..." His eyes now held more of their old coldness as he looked down into the eyes of his object of hidden affection, "As perceptive as you seem to be. I still think you're a fool. Would you like you know why, Ken?"
"Why?" Let it be said that the brunette was a bit confused.
"There is something I am afraid of changing." He began, "And that is what we are. I suppose we have been friends, though I might have denied it, all along. You have realised that." He looked up to see a slow nod from the boy before him.
"I reluctantly admit that I am claustrophobic, too." Now Ken was very confused, the red-head observed, "The enclosed space where I feel trapped, is my own mind... I guess you could say that, anyway." The older man looked doubtful to his analogy for a moment. There was something akin to realisation forming in the teen's eyes, noticing, be continued, "I like you, Ken."
The green-eyed boy dropped his arms, recently folded over his chest, still puzzled.
Aya watched as Ken opened his mouth to speak, but quickly cut in, "But perhaps that dosen't cover it. So hear me this, I tell you I can't have any friends, but you are my friend anyway. Through what I am about to say, take it however you wish and I will mean it that way."
The brunette was lost, yet again.
"It's just... If you should take it as more than what we are, as friends, then you may take it that way. If you take it that we are just very good friends, then you may take it that way. But don't let it--" The redhead's mouth was silenced by a finger.
"Aya..." Ken looked up into the older man's eyes, "Have I mentioned that you're weird?"
"Yes, but--" He was silenced again.
"Do you find some sadistic pleasure in making this discussion so complicated? Because if that's the case, I may need to go to college before I can ever begin to understand what the hell you are saying." He took his hand away from the red-head's mouth as the older man sighed, and frowned, "Is there any easier way of saying whatever it is you're trying to say?"
The red head nodded, "Well... I..."
"You what?"
"Er... I don't know how to say it."
"Oh... Ok? So you needed to discuss something with me right now, that you don't even know how to discuss?"
"Ken. Shut up. I'm trying to tell you something."
"...But you just said you didn't know how to say it?" This was beginning to sound familiar as well.
"I've never said it before..."
Ken licked his lips, unconsciously, "So, what are you waiting for?"
Aya leaned forward suddenly, his lips crushing against the brunette's. As soon as he had done it, he began to pull back, when a hand at the back of his neck pulled him forward again. This time, Ken took over, pressing their lips together, and wrapping his arms around the older man's neck. He felt Aya's arms wrap suddenly around his waist and pull him closer. He felt it as the other man's tongue licked against his lower lip, and he gave access willingly.
The red-head pulled Ken to him, body to body, as close as was possible, whilst still clothed. He deepened the kiss, feeling a moan rise in the other boy's throat. He felt a strange thrum from within himself.
Ken seemed to pull back for a moment, laughing softly, he pulled back to where his lips still brushed against those of the man who held him, and whispered, whilst gasping for breath in between words, "Aya... You're purring." He laughed again, darting small, passionate, but playful kisses upon his lover's lips. "...Like a cat."
Once more, the red-head captured his lips again, feeling the strange hum with himself, he drew back slightly, only to whisper to Ken against the other boy's lips, "...Meow."
An hour later, when their clothes had been tossed messily upon Aya's bedroom floor, in their hurry to get them off, they were kissing again, with no ways of closing the hardly even microscophic distance between them.
Aya stopped suddenly looking Ken in the eyes and narrowing his gaze, lightly, in a non-threatening way. "You're claustrophobic to closed spaces, you say?" At this time he straddled the boy beneath him, and leaned over even more, laying right on top of the brunette. He ran a smooth finger across some obscure spot at just the right time...
A low moan arose from the back of Ken's throat, and he looked up at Aya directly, "I think you've cured me." And he pulled the red-head into a kiss.
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OWARI
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- Author's Notes - Eh heh heh! That's the nearest I've ever written to any real sexual content, and even that was hard to write. *Feels like such a wimp* It may not be great, but I hope it was ok? It was longer when I was writing it for some reason, but when I went back and read it I was very diappointed. Please r + r? All questions, comments, death threats, marriage proposals, are welcomed.
Ran: ...Do you feel the need to expose the personal lives of all those who surround you?
Ken: ...Shut up, Aya. I thought it was... ok... It wasn't too bad, anyway.
Ran: It was pathetic, that's what it was. *Glares maliciously at Seph*
Seph: I'm sorry...;_; *Wilts under the Fujimiya death glare* It's her fault! *Points to muse*
Miri: _;; Ha! That's the last time I ever inspire you.
Ran: *Swinging his katana wildly* SHI NE!!!
Ken: -_-;; *Sweatdrops* What is wrong with you people?
Oh, and if you're wondering: I really don't know if McDonalds chicken nuggets have any aphrodesiac qualities. It just sounded like something stupid, and on a topic that Yohji would know something about, so I put it in there. Sorry...