I don't own The Big Bang Theory. Or it's characters. I did just order a sweet Soft Kitty snuggie, though. And I hate snuggies. I swore to never own one. Darn you Sheldon Cooper for making me break my vow!

Ever since she and Leonard had broken up (for good this time) she had spent a lot of time alone. She had neglected all her previous friendships due to Leonard's jealousy. Her entire social circle had shrunk down to him, Sheldon, Amy, Bernadette, Howard and Raj. That was it. The sum total of her friends, and after the break up, they had all disappeared. She hadn't even heard from her supposed "bestie" in over a week. She had seen her. Twice. Both times with Sheldon as she was leaving for work, and they were coming up the stairs. Both had looked away from her with disappointment.

Well, too bad, she thought to herself. She wasn't going to live her life in a screwed up relationship with a guy who treated her like an idiot, a slut or a piece of property. Sometimes all three at once. He wanted a hot blonde girlfriend to show off, but his insecurities made him believe she was likely to sleep with the first guy she saw if he wasn't right there by her side to stop her. And retyping her paper for school without discussing it? Who does that? Did he seriously think she was too stupid to learn from her mistakes? Well, she wasn't. And she had fixed her biggest one already. When he tried to move in, she called an end to the charade.

She took the last of her clothes from the dryer and folded them. She picked up and her basket and turned only to find Sheldon standing in the doorway watching her. She raised an eyebrow at the anger in his expression.

"I asked you not to hurt him," he said harshly. "Do you even care what he's going through?"

Penny straightened her shoulders. "No."

Sheldon jerked in surprise. "What?"

Penny looked him in the eyes. "I don't care. I am not concerned with Leonard's bruised ego at all."

Sheldon stormed closer. "Bruised ego?! You think he just has a bruised ego?!"

Penny laughed. "You don't?" She shook her head. "Despite what everyone seems to think, Leonard did not love me. And I didn't love him."

Sheldon snatched her basket out of her hands and then grabbed her upper arms. "Leonard has loved you since the moment we met you! How could you not know that!"

Penny shoved him away, fury pouring though her. "That's lust, not love. He wanted me. Well, he got me. But I'm not settling for a stagnant life with someone who doesn't respect me just to keep all of you happy. I am so close to hating myself, Sheldon. It takes 4 or 5 stiff drinks just to tolerate his kisses. He treats me like a pocket pussy to be taken out, played with, or proudly shown off to make his buddies jealous. I'm worth more than that. I am more that tits or a cunt."

She dragged a hand through her hair and looked at his shocked face. "I tried to love him. I really did. But I don't. I was miserable and angry and hurt. I was stuck in an abusive relationship, where I was the one abusing myself. Well, I stuck it out as long as I could. If I had stayed any longer, I would have died inside. Sheldon, he never even knew me. He doesn't know what I want out of life. Does he know who my friends are? Does he know my mother's name? I'm willing to bet he doesn't even know when my birthday is or how old I am for sure."

Penny moved around him and picked up her basket. "I do regret losing all of you guys. I've never been so lonely in my life. But that's not a good enough reason to stay with someone."

She walked out the door and left Sheldon standing in the middle of the room, his mind and emotions chaotic and overwhelmed.

Xxx

Sheldon glanced at Penny's door as he and Amy headed to the apartment. It had been two weeks since their confrontation in the laundry room. He unlocked the door and watched Amy settle on the couch.

He hesitated before taking his place in his spot. He turned toward Amy, placing his hands on his knees.

"Amy, allow me to ask your opinion on a hypothetical situation."

She nodded and faced him curiously.

"Two people are in a relationship. One person claims utter and complete devotion to the other, yet knows very little about the object of their claim. They do not know even the simplest things, such as age, favorite color, or mother's name. How would you characterize the first persons claim, in the face of their lack of knowledge? Would you believe their claim of love?"

Amy frowned and considered the situation. "It seems to me that the person claiming to be in love is deluded. It is more likely they are confusing love and lust. The two emotions are often companions in the psyche. It is not hard to mix them up because they result from the same chemicals. However, love, unlike lust, drives a person to know and understand the object of their affections. Lust is a mindless drive toward sex." She looked up at Sheldon. "Do you suppose Penny mixed up the two? Is that why she did what she did? Does she think she only feels lust, not love?"

Sheldon shook his head. "No. I think Leonard did. I spoke to Penny 16 days ago. She said Leonard never loved her, that he didn't even know her. She said the relationship was hurting her. I think she was right. Looking back, Penny was unhappy. Ever since they began dating again, she was sad, prone to drinking more, and often crueler. It was turning her into someone different, someone dying inside."

Amy sighed. "Sheldon, Leonard did everything he could to make her happy."

Sheldon nodded. "I know. But it didn't work. She wasn't happy. Not because he didn't try hard enough, but because no matter how hard Leonard tried, Penny was never in love with him."

Amy looked down at her lap. "Maybe if Penny had tried harder to accept his love…"

Sheldon shook his head. "No. Love isn't something a person can make themselves feel. It's either there or it isn't."

Amy looked up at him sadly. "We aren't talking about Leonard and Penny anymore, are we?"

Sheldon shook his head slowly. "I am sorry, Amy. But I don't like who you are becoming because of my inability to love you. And I can't be the man you are trying to force me to be."

Amy clenched her hands together. "Maybe we could compromise."

Sheldon watched her closely. "Amy, would you really be happy with a man who can't be who you need? You say you want a normal boyfriend, but I am not that. I will never be that. No amount of pressure will make me normal."

"I love you," she whispered.

Sheldon shook his head. "Don't mistake love for lust, Amy. You want sex, closeness, to be loved. You are intelligent enough to know that it's not me you want. It's love you desire."

Amy slowly stood up. "Is it Penny?"

Sheldon stood and shrugged. "I do not know what I feel for Penny. Or if I feel anything at all."

Amy moved to the door and paused. "At the moment, Sheldon, I truly hate you. But I hope someday I can forgive you. Goodbye."

Sheldon watched the door close and he sat back down. Did he care for Penny? He had no answer for that. After a moment he picked up the remote. Some Doctor Who would take his mind off his problems.

Xxx

Penny was wiping down the bar when she caught movement in her peripheral vision. She turned with a bland smile but stopped when she saw Amy. She walked over, wondering if Amy was here to berate her over the break up.

"Hello, Ames. Can I get you a drink?"

Amy nodded. "Scotch on the rocks."

Penny's eyebrows shot up but she poured the drink. She grabbed a napkin and set the drink in front of the neurobiologist.

"Explain it to me," Amy requested quietly. "Help me understand what went wrong."

Penny sighed sadly. "It didn't 'go' wrong, Amy. It was always wrong. He has a lot of insecurities. So do I. He wanted me to be his trophy. His 'look at me' sign. He liked me okay, but he never really approved of me. To Leonard I was his shot at finally being on top. All the insults, bullying, and humiliation he went through was terrible. And he has never really gotten past it. To him I was the hot girlfriend he could show off and make all the jerks envy him. For me, he was supposed to be the 'nice' guy. The one who didn't cheat or make me feel cheap. He was going to be the one who treated me well and loved me unconditionally. The one to make me feel better about myself." Penny shrugged sadly.

"We were in it for the wrong reasons. No matter how much he might want me, he never thought of me as anything other than the hot, not-so-bright girl. No matter how much I wanted his adoration, he was never going to be the guy who made my heart jump, or made me feel worthwhile." Penny looked up at Amy. She was stunned to see tears in Amy's eyes.

"Amy, please don't be upset with me. I am sorry I upset everyone. I truly am. But I can't be with Leonard anymore. It's destroying me. And it was destroying him, too, even if no one wants to admit it."

Amy wanted to hate her so much. She studied Penny closely. She took in the hazel eyes, the gold hair, the bronzed skin, the perfect figure. She tried to form even the scantest loathing. She finally looked down at her drink and sighed. "Sheldon ended our relationship."

Penny gasped, making Amy look up. She was amazed by the honest and sincere concern Penny was showing. How could she do that? How could Penny worry about her? How could Penny steal Sheldon, yet still be concerned for her?

"Amy, is there anything I can do? I'm so sorry, sweetie?!" Penny reached out and grasped Amy's hand gently.

Amy took a steadying breath. "He said the same thing you are saying. We don't love each other and we are only hurting each other." Amy turned her hand over and threaded her fingers in Penny's. "He says he might have feelings for you."

Penny jerked in surprise. "Amy, no! I have never ….Sheldon and I aren't ….we would never…"

Amy nodded. "I know that now. I came here to tell you I hate you for destroying my relationship." Penny gasped painfully. Amy tightened her grip when Penny started to pull away.

"But after hearing what you had to say, I realize you are right. Not just about you and Leonard, either. I want to be loved. I tried to make Sheldon love me, because he is the first man to ever show any kind of honest interest in me. I tried to force our friendship into something more to fulfill my needs. And he let me to an extent. Maybe because he couldn't be with the one he did care for. Maybe because he was sympathetic to my pain. Maybe because he just didn't know how to stop me." Amy looked sorrowful.

Penny reached out and smoothed Amy's hair back. She smiled softly at her friend. "Ames, when we met, I had no idea what to make of you. When you decided I was your bestie, I was a bit alarmed. But as time went by, I got to know you better. I like you. You are crazy, strange, weird, sweet, devoted and absolutely loyal. You deserve to be loved for all those things. Who you are is amazing."

Amy smiled slightly and stood up. "I hope you find what you are looking for, Penny. Goodbye."

Penny watched her walk away, hands clenched tightly on the bar. When she had broken up with Leonard, she had felt as if her old life was ending. Watching Amy go was the confirmation. Everything before was over now. It was time to begin again.

Xxx

Sheldon knocked his triple round of knocks for the sixth time, annoyance seeping into his expression. It was Thursday. Penny never worked on Thursdays. So why wasn't she answering. It had been 6 weeks since he and Amy had parted ways. During those weeks he had spent much of his time contemplating his life. Last night he had come to a decision. He was miserable. He missed Penny a great deal more than he had thought he would. Each passing day without her seemed to drag by, getting more and more depressing.

He had thought that cutting her out of his life would alleviate his growing feelings for her. How wrong he had been. He leaned his forehead against her door. "Please, Penny. Answer the door. I can't take it anymore. I need you," he whispered.

"What are you doing?"

Sheldon looked around to see the landlord standing behind him. "I am knocking on Penny's door."

The landlord frowned. "You mean Queen? She moved out weeks ago."

Sheldon staggered slightly. "What?"

The man nodded. "Yeah. About three weeks ago. Said she was going back home, handed me the keys and said I could keep the bed and sofa, since she didn't need them in …..Oakland …Albuquerque …wherever it was."

"Omaha," Sheldon murmured. "She is from Omaha."

The landlord shrugged. "Who cares. Listen, I got a potential tenant coming by. So, if you don't mind, I need to double check that apartment."

Sheldon moved away from the door and walked back into his own apartment. He walked into the kitchen and put on a kettle for tea. He needed something to sooth him.

The next thing he knew, the kettle was smoking, the water all boiled away. Sheldon swiftly removed the kettle and turned off the stove. He turned and practically ran back to him room. He grabbed his laptop and pulled up a site he had bookmarked in a folder named Emergency Services.

Xxx

Penny sipped her coffee as she filled out the stack of applications on the table. She heard a car pull up outside and sighed. Her sister had stopped by every day since she got back and dropped off the kids. She seemed to think Penny had moved back to be her personal au pair.

She vaguely heard her dad's voice outside, but kept her attention on the papers. She needed to find a job if she was going to get her own place. She absently reached for her coffee, but her cup was empty. Penny set it back aside and moved on to the application for Horton and Brown Pharmacy. They needed a cashier.

A cup of coffee appeared over her shoulder and she took it gratefully. She looked up to thank her dad, and almost spilled it when she jumped. "Sh..Sheldon?"

He sat down beside her and frowned sternly. "Do you have any idea how much I had to pay that cab driver to bring me out here? Woman, you never think about what trouble you put me through. I do not understand why I let you get away with such deplorable behavior."

Penny's shock subsided and she glared at him. "Excuse me? How can you blame me for your actions? I never told you to come here."

Sheldon rolled his eyes. "Penny, Penny, Penny. Of course I had to come here. It's where you are."

Penny opened her mouth but paused. She closed her mouth and looked at him, really looked at him. What she saw made her rethink what she had been about to say. "Sheldon, what are you saying?"

He smiled shyly. "Whither thou goest, I will go."

Penny's heart thumped hard in her chest. "Why?" she asked softly.

Sheldon placed his hand on hers. "Because I love you."

The universe suddenly clicked into place for Penny.

She smiled brightly. Sheldon reached up and cupped her jaw. She leaned closer and pressed her lips to his tenderly.

"I love you, Penny."

"I love you, Sheldon."