A/N: Written on the fly, for the one I love most in the whole world.

Enough

His hammock was warm and comfortable.

Raph buried deeply into the cozy softness and sighed deep. He'd had a great night out, and managed to slip back into the lair and into his room without anyone knowing. Now with the door shut, his aching joints snuggled down deep beneath a slew of blankets and pillows, he finally felt at peace.

Eyes slipping shut, he let out a satisfied sigh of content as he buried heavily into his pillow.

The sigh of relief turned into a groan of frustration, as he heard Mikey's shrill shriek and heavy pitter patter as he ran past his room shouting loudly. Always curious of his brother's comings and goings, he creaked open a weary eye and listened.

"Donnie! Donnie! Raph's tearing up the dojo again!"

"He's back? I thought he'd left?" Donnie wearily sighed in reply. The sounds of a computer chair being pushed back was heard, the clink of his coffee mug being set down. "Just leave him be Mikey. I'll go in and fix it up when he's done. Don't let Leo know what's going on hmmm? Don't need anymore fights between them."

Raph sniggered darkly from the comforts of his bed. "Idiots." he mumbled to no one in particular. "Ain't me. 'm sleepin'."

The gears in his head moved slowly as he rolled over and tried to settle down to sleep. It dawned on him that Mikey had run to Donnie, and Donnie had replied. He himself was tucked up in his hammock.

So who was tearing up the dojo?

Leo.

Oh this was too good to be true. Leo tearing up the dojo in a fit of rage? What on earth would spark him to do that? It had to be good.

Something worth seeing for himself.

If for no other reason than to gloat.

He sighed softly, as the pull of his hammock was gutwrenching. However the opportunity to see his brother falling was impossible to resist. Raphael slipped out of his hammock and used all his ninja skills to pad down secretly to the old wooden door. It was locked, but that was no deterrent for someone as determined as him. It didn't take much for Raph to pick the lock and venture inside.

Mike wasn't kidding when he said the dojo was a mess. The mats were tossed and torn and thrown in a corner, the punching bag had been broken off its hook and split. The weights had been ripped down into a messy puddle and there wasn't one thing left upright and in its place.

Standing quietly in the shadows, Raph tilted his head and watched as the glossy shell in front of him heaved and hulked. He saw quite clearly his brother's tense muscles, tight ropes straining against the skin of his neck. His fists were clenched tightly, and even without seeing Leo's face, he knew his leader was on the verge of insanity.

Leonardo knew his brother had slipped in. Even in the eye of the hurricane, of the whirlwind of madness that pulled him and teased him and begged him to stumble down the slippery path, he knew. Knew there was only one brother stupid enough to open the door and step inside.

The one brother he really didn't want to see.

Shoulders slumping cruelly, in bitter defeat, a brief flash of stinging steel and sweet peace coursed through his mind, but it was easy to resist.

Leo had had enough. If it was the Ancestors will to humiliate him fully, then he would stand up and brave the storm.

The light green turtle laughed, a cruel and bitter laugh, that held a sickening edge of darkness.

There was no way he was able to stand up to anything right now, and he held a firm belief the Ancestors knew it. They just wanted to see him tumble and turn and twist in the maddening wind, in the tidal wave of his mind that was drowning him.

Killing him.

So be it.

Either way, Leo knew, in the depths of his heart, that he had had enough.

Unsure why there was an awkward silence between them, believing with all his heart that his leader would turn on him and demand he leave as soon as he heard the door swing open, Raph rested heavily against the wall and silently waited.

This was so unlike his brother, he didn't know what to say. They usually played the same game, the same well worn kata of brotherhood between them, with ground rules put in place from the moment they crawled out of the ooze.

But this was something different, and Raph knew it. He tasted it in the air, a bitter, pungent aroma of disgust, confusion and defeat. This wasn't a moment to gloat over in gleeful triumph, like he thought he would.

This wasn't a taste to be savoured, tasted fully on his tongue.

This was something entirely different.

The eery silence between them made Leo laugh a small hurtful laugh, knowing once again his brother was asking for instruction, to be led. Like they always did, even if he was asking it in an entirely new way, not the sarcastic ramblings and bitter complaints of before. Rubbing his tired face, his skin stretched tight over worried bones, he spoke in a voice that felt heavily bound with the chains of frustration and guilt.

"It's never enough, is it?"

Raph blinked confused, and shifted his weight. Was this question rhetorical? Or was something needed to be said? Out of all the brothers to utter such words, the last person he'd ever thought he'd hear it from was his fearless leader. After all Leo was so put together wasn't he? The leader of their group, wasn't he? The most trusted by Father, the most reliant, the strongest of them all, in skill and intelligence.

Why on earth would he think things are not enough?

Perhaps he was talking about them, his brothers, their practice? Raph bristled at the thought and tightened his fists. This was the first piece placed in their usual game and he was ready to counteract it. Leo always bitterly complained that they were not up to standard, that their training and skills were always lacking in some way.

"Don't start Leo." The hot headed turtle quietly warned, more than willing to rumble with his brother, regardless of his state of mind. "We all do our best Fearless, ain't our fault ya ain't thinkin' it's enough ..."

"... that's not IT YOU IDIOT!"

Before Raphael could blink, Leo was at his throat, bailing him up against the wall, foaming at the mouth, his onyx eyes bloodshot and red, rambling flecks of saliva hitting Raph's cheek.

Completely confused and caught off guard, he stared deeply into the abyss of Leo's eyes, as his brother ranted with his heartfelt plea.

"ME!" Leo cried, his frantic eyes desperate for an answer that haunted him cruelly. He slumped and pulled away, retreating to the far side of the room like a frightened child, wrapping his elegant arms deeply around himself, as if that was all the comfort he would get in the world.

"Why aren't I ever enough?"

"You?" The red masked turtle was completely blindsided. This kind of talk always threw him sideways, and left him fumbling. Never one for feelings, of any kind, he honestly didn't know what to say. That is to say it wasn't that he didn't have feelings, hell every time he went to the rooftops it was, in some part, to stare at the night sky and ask the great questions of life.

But he'd usually do it on his own, after a large quantity of booze, a damn good bike ride, and a bloody good rumble.

Sometimes in that exact order.

Walking slowly to his brother's side, to gather his thoughts and try to remember all the drunken things Casey had said to him, when the booze had loosened his tongue a little , he finally made his way to Leo and sat down beside him.

A little too clumsily, as he almost fell down with a small "oof", as if drunk.

Which right now he REALLY wished he was.

"What da fuck does ya mean ya ain't enough Leo?"

Leo looked at him and sighed. Did he really want to bare his heart and soul to Raphael? Out of all people? The one he fought with constantly, the one that annoyed him in every, single way, the one that was almost the antitheist of his life?

Looking at his brother keenly, it dawned on him that if anyone knew about not being enough, it was Raphael.

After all, that's what most of their fights were about, wasn't it?

Unable to look, to stare his brother in the face, his shame too great, Leo shifted to stare at a wall, at the mess around him, and drew his knees up to his chin. Wrapping his skillful arms around them, he whispered small, almost childishly his hidden fears.

Almost like the teenager he was, not the leader they all expected him to be.

"I'm never enough Raph. Why?" Leo swallowed deep, and carried on. "No matter what I do, someone's mad at me, or I get into trouble for something. If it's not Sensei lecturing me, it's you telling me what I'm doing wrong." The vulnerable turtle threw his brother a cutting look. "I train endlessly, I study, I meditate. I know the seven ways of bushido, I know the Book of War like the back of my hand. I always keep my weapons sharp, I always try to be fair. I do my best, my damn best ..." at that, Leo punched heavily into the floor, blinking back his bitter tears. "... but it's never enough. Sensei will lecture me over something, or you'll say I'm not good enough. Donnie will question my every move and Mikey will just completely ignore me."

Swiping heavily at his eyes with the back of his arm, as if to seem tired, he sighed and moved away, uncomfortable to have his brother so near to his thoughts and heart. "I try and try and damn well try but it's never enough. Never."

Finally having enough distance between them, the fearless leader turned, to look at his brother, as if he wanted Raph to inspect him, as if his brother could visably see the hidden fault. "Why am I never enough?"

"Da fuck?" was all Raph could honestly say in reply.

In all truthfullness he didn't know what to say at that particular moment, the mood quickly turning far too heavy for him. He didn't want to leave his brother flailing in the darkness, but he didn't know what else to say.

Licking his lips nervously, he drew a deep breath and tried to gather his thoughts. Out of all people why? Why would Leo think like that? Sure if anyone was going to get into trouble with Sensei it was Leo, as leader he was responsible for all their faults. Sure Raph was the first to pop off at his brother and proudly announce all of Fearless' faults, but shell, didn't Leo do the same to him?

Staring at his brother for a moment, as his eldest sibling shyly stood away from him, it dawned on Raphael what Leo meant.

It wasn't his brother asking him what was wrong with what Leo did.

Leonardo was asking what was wrong with him.

Standing up, his aching joints constantly reminding him of the soft hammock he'd left behind, the red masked turtle walked calmly up to Leo's side.

He wanted to swear, but knowing how his brother would react, he just snorted heavily and pulled his sibling into a fierce, clumsy hug.

Never once did he stop to think how hard life would be as leader, he only thought of the glamourous side. But now as he had time to think about it, and let his brother's tears fall on his shell, he realised that the heavy burdens would make anyone crack, crumble, break down and question yourself and your humanity.

Or turtlemanity. He wasn't quite sure.

"Ya enough Leo." he growled as gently as he could, which wasn't very gentle at all.

The light skinned turtle flinched as if stung, but he looked into his brother's eyes and only felt the quiet coals of brotherhood blazing bright.

"I'm ... what?" Leo whispered small.

"Ya enough." Raphael also quietly replied. Wishing with all his heart and soul he had a beer in his hand, or more importantly in his mind, he tried to push past the heavy iron gates that kept all that fluffy, mushy stuff well sequestered, only to be called upon when enough booze had rusted a hole in it.

"Sure, we gets shitty atcha, at whatcha do." he shifted awkwardly, praying to all the Ancestors in the world that Mikey wasn't listening in. "And sure, Sensei snaps atcha fer all da bad things we does." Raph barked a dark laugh, always endlessly thankful that it wasn't him. "But dat don't mean ya not enough Leo. Don't means dat at all. Don't means ya needs ta train harder or be someone else. Don't mean anyone's upset with ya, don't mean ya gotta change."

Scrubbing his face, trying to explain his emotions, knowing he's failing miserably, Raphael pressed on. "I know whatcha thinkin', ya thinkin' we all hates ya 'cause ya got a stick up ya butt and ya a bossy bastard, but we don't."

Shaking his head, feeling completely lost, the younger brother decided to do what he does best and just shut up, muttering sheepishly. "Just tryin' ta say ya enough Leo. Don't ever think ya ain't, 'cause ya are. Ya always enough fer dis family. Always does enough, always are enough."

Shrugging tentatively, so wishing he could run, he blurted out quietly. "Always enough fer me."

Taken aback, completely thrown by his younger brother's heartfelt beliefs, Leo silently walked up beside him and give him a tender hug. "Thank you." he softly whispers, his voice drained, but happy, as if a festering wound had finally been lanced and cleaned. "Thank you so much for saying that."

"Means it too Leo." Raph clumsily murmured in reply, mentally counting how many beers he had previously consumed, and how many should still be in the fridge. How many more he'd need to finally wash the nightmare of his openness from his mind. Whilst he definitely meant every word, this was never a conversation he wanted to have. He patted his brother's shell clumsily, awkward, lightly, unsure if that's what needed to be done.

There were new rules now in their arsenal, new pieces to play. He wasn't entirely sure how the game would progress, but it was nice for once to have a new board to explore.

The air around them changed suddenly, as Leo smiled small once again at his brother's clumsy attempts to make him happy. It felt right somehow, and he shyly leaned into it, quietly thinking of a way to repay the debt.

After a moment, Leonardo pulled away and punched his brother's shoulder, lightly, in good humour.

Raphael stared at him in disbelief, lightly touching the mark, as if his shoulder would now spontaneously combust, or fall away.

"Did you just ... punch me?" He growled in confusion, eyes quickly burning to flashpoint.

"Too soon?" The eldest sibling winced, waiting for the fireworks to begin.

There was a different spark to Raphael's amber eyes, as he picked up his punching bag, and threw it across the room. Bellowing loudly, he almost had a wicked grin of delight as he ranted and raved, in the well worn kata they knew.

"Ta shell with ya Leo! Ya can't touch me!"

Leo sighed, slumping deep. Even in this conversation he hadn't been good enough, smart enough to prevent his brother's fiery temper.

Frantically trying to think of a way to lead his brother out of his torture, he almost didn't realise his hot headed brother's hearty grin, or returning brotherly punch to his shoulder. Whispering small, so that no one could hear, Raphael threw a few more things, to drown out his comforting words.

"Remembers dis eh? Ya enough." chuckling darkly, the emerald green turtle threw a few more things. "Oh and ya owe me one."

Realisation dawned on Leo when his brother threw open the door with a bang, and stood proudly in the doorway, face and fists full of rage. "Ya such an arrogant prick Leo! Nothin' I do is ever good enough fer ya, is it?" Slamming the door frame, he stormed back up to his room.

Mikey peeked out from Donnie's strong hold, wireless controller in his sea green hand. "Sorry Leo found you in the dojo. Donnie said he'd help you fix it up."

Raph's shoulders shrugged as he happily snarled, and played his part to a tea. "Don't give a fuck Mikey." he growled dangerously at his doorway, thankful to be finally getting back to sleep.

"I've had enough."

A/N: Shell! It's been sooo damn long since I wrote anything! This was written on the fly, like I said above. I'd LOVE to learn how you guys manage to spill out so many beautiful, fantastic, wonderful fics with such regularity! The wisdom of your masterful minds I'd love to know, because I do adore writing stories, but the time factor always runs away from me, and my inspiration runs even faster!

Do I smell? *sniffs her armpits* Is that the reason inspiration and motivation leaves me at every opportunity?

*shrugs deeply* I dunno, I honestly don't, but if you know, can you share it with me? Pretty please?

Rant, rave, review, and share your wonderful words. Like I said, wrote it for the love of my life.

Hope it helps.