Firstly, I own nothing to do with TB or SVM. Just a fan.

I am so sorry for taking so long to update. Last year was so hectic and I didn't get much time to unfortunately before the new year. I hope you all are well and are having an amazing start to the new year!

Chapter 39

I consider heading straight on home, now that my whole showing up to get married business is complete. But then I decide I wouldn't mind staying back and taking it easy for a bit, even if I am dressed in my white vampire bride outfit and I don't fit in with all the other patrons.

Jorge, the creepy Magister who saw witness to our marriage ends up packing the ceremonial knife away carefully back where it belongs in his suitcase before he leaves, wishing both me and Eric the very best. He stares at my cleavage area one last long time while he does it, and by the time he vamp speeds out of the back exit, I feel all the tension leave my body in relief at once. That certainly is one vampire I could do without meeting ever again, that's for sure.

I stare at Eric anxiously as he comes back through the back exit. I have no idea how to act in a situation like this. I mean, what are you supposed to say to your vampire hubby after just marrying him? Am I supposed to laugh sadistically and shout 'Look whose your wife now?' and run up to him, shoving my breasts in his face? Or am I supposed to tell him to pack his things quick sticks so that we can go on a much needed honeymoon together?

Instead, I simply smile at him while he stares at me while rubbing the side of his face with a hand. I guess neither of us have been particularly lovey-dovey so in a moment like this, we are especially out of our depths.

"Well, I, uh... I've got to go out to the bar now, Perky." He sounds nervous and uncomfortable as he gestures with his hand.

"All right then," I say tentatively. I watch him go, then decide I may as well follow him to sit for a bit.

I don't know what I was expecting; Maybe I was expecting him to be a bit more happy? Or... emotional even? I know it's both an unrealistic and ridiculous expectation of him, because I know for a fact ever since being with Eric now, that his vulnerable side isn't one he likes to put on display very often.

After all, there is no harm done in spending a bit of quality time with your husband, even if it is a little awkward at present. I can feel the happiness of what just happened radiating from me like the sun as I head into the bar area. Just like before when I came in, its fairly crowded with humans; most of them sexually frustrated and horny at the idea of getting a vampires attention for the night.

As I look around, I spot Eric sitting on one of the long sofas near the dance floor and the stripper pole, still in his tuxedo, long legs stretched out as he leans back slightly, watching all the humans around him. He reminds me of a cat almost. Er, well, I ought to say he more so looks like a hungry cat watching birds flutter around him, wondering when the precise time is to pounce and murder one of them by peeling off their feathers.

Like he can somehow smell me approaching, Eric turns suddenly, looking past his shoulder to stare at me. Talk about creepy. I lift my arms, sniffing under my armpits in a hopefully secretive and discreet way. As far as I know, I don't give off too much of an odor. Then again, I was sweating like crazy in his office with the Magister in the room. Do I smell sweaty to him? Is that why he can smell me coming from a mile off like a bad smell? Hell, if I know.

Recovering from my unease, I start walking again until I reach him. I step between his legs, leaning down slightly despite knowing fair well he can hear me.

"You mind if I sit next to you for a bit before I head on home?"

He sits up slightly, then he pats his thigh with his hand, motioning for me to sit on his lap. Which, sure as hell is not happening, like I'm some little girl.

"No, thank you, beardless fanged Santa Clause man," I decline, as nicely as possible. "I'm happy just sitting next to you on the couch. Besides, I don't exactly want to ruin the whole thing you've got going on." I go to sit, then hesitate. I can't tell whether he actually wants me to or not. "You sure you don't mind me sitting next to you while everybody's around us? Or would I be seriously cramping your style?" I ask.

He gives me a funny are you serious look before shifting a bit on the couch to make more room for me. "Don't be fucking daft," he mutters under his breath as I sit next to him, making myself comfortable, crossing my legs in my dress.

Oh, wow. I'm married to a vampire who swears like a sailor. It's still such a difficult thing to completely believe. It almost feels like a surreal dream. Who would have thought Eric and I would have actually gotten married by vampire tradition? Certainly not me. Then again, I'm a telepath, not a fortune teller. I still get my own nice surprises in life.

"Well, I know you're trying to keep up appearances," I say, looking around. It occurs to me that I have never really sat with Eric in his bar before. Especially not when there are so many people around. "I wasn't sure whether it would kill your vibes; Me sitting here, a human woman, with you trying to come across as all Mr Lethal and Sexy Badass to all your patrons."

"Not at all. I... I'm glad you decided to stick around." He can't look me in the eye as he says that. He peers down at his big hands as he clasps them out in front of him. "You look abso-fucking-lutely beautiful in your dress." His tone goes throaty and deeper, his voice wavering with some strong emotion.

I flush with pride, because I know it is taking him a whole lot to say that. "Thank you. I'm real glad you think so." My heart swells with overwhelming emotion. "And you look mighty handsome in your suit. I'm glad you thought of wearing a suit to our wedding."

"Well, of course I would. What else would I wear?"

"I don't know. I thought maybe you were gonna end up wearing your leather jacket or one of your foul-mouthed shirts or something. I'm real glad you didn't."

We fall into a silence for a few minutes, just sitting near each other, people-watching. It doesn't feel awkward fortunately. It just feels all nice and peaceful, and I can't seem to quit grinning, not for the life of me. It's like my mind keep repeating it, over and over. I am married now. I am Eric's wife. He is my husband. By how happy I'm feeling, I'm surprised it isn't radiating from my skin, making me glow like Tinkerbell with her fairy dust.

My eyes single out a couple sitting at one of the tables. I'm sure they are both humans, not vampires. They are both wearing black, and I'm pretty sure the guy is wearing eyeliner too. He's sitting real close to her, one arm slung around her shoulder, and she's laughing and grinning at him.

I can't help comparing us to them; We are sitting fairly close with Eric's shoulder pressed against mine, but he doesn't have his arm around my shoulder and he isn't touching me with his hands, unlike those two are. It's like they can't keep their hands off each other and even by their thoughts, you can tell how crazy they are for each other. It's sweet.

It may be young love, sure... with them both being the same age and not with the man being old as a dinosaur, but... I think I actually wouldn't mind that for me and Eric. When I steal a look at Eric's face, I see him watching them as well. He isn't smiling at me or acting like he is so crazy for me or besotted. He just looks all... dark and broody, like he is warning everyone silently with his face alone not to dare approach him- or me, for that matter- because he'll maul their faces off if they do so.

I haven't realized how much I could be a touchy-feely person, until now while witnessing those two kids.

I want Eric to actually hold my hand in public or to at least be... a little affectionate with me right now. Especially seeing as we just only got married and all. I thought newly married couples were meant to have that newlywed glow and that they found it next to impossible to keep their hands off of each other?

But you heard him when you went to step into his office, my brain scolds me. You heard him tell that Godric told him to marry you in the first place, that Godric had suggested the idea apparently. It wasn't entirely his doing and what he wanted for you. It was mainly all Godric's doing.

When I glance Eric's way again, I realize he is staring directly at me, his eyes shining at me in the pulsing lights around the bar. My stomach does a funny dance as I lean in towards him to talk to him through the music, "Now isn't that sweet?" I say, jerking my chin towards the couple. I don't want him to realize the funny mood I'm in. "They can hardly keep their hands off each other. Isn't that lovely?"

Eric's eyes drift off into their direction again and a comical look of disgust comes across his face. "You find that sweet, Perky?" he asks me in disbelief. "You actually find what they're doing sweet?" The revulsion in his tone is clear as day.

"I do," I admit without hesitation. "I find it so sweet. They are so in love that they can hardly keep to themselves. I find it to be the sweetest thing in the world. I think that's how all couples should be." Hint, hint.

He glances their way again, watching them for a moment longer, considering. Then he licks his lips slowly and I think I catch a shining glimpse of his fangs. "What? So you don't find them even just remotely sickening, Perky? You don't find what they are doing rather... distasteful?"

"Nope, I don't," I keep up strongly, not bothering to look in their direction again. "Not even a little bit."

"So you think its all right to basically fuck someone in public?"

"What?" I gasp out loud in confusion, my head whipping back to look at the two again. Oh, no. They're making out heavily, his hand in her hair while the other roams. He squeezes her breasts through her shirt, drifting even lower to slip his fingers beneath her leather skirt. Now I can see why Eric finds it so distasteful the way he does. "Ugh, no. There's a time and place for everything and now..." I cringe in disgust, wincing when I hear him thinking extremely rude and sexual things about her. "Now is most definitely not that time."

"Well, you said it was the sweetest thing in the world?" Eric's mocking me, making fun of me. I turn, giving him a sour look to let him know I am not pleased. I can tell he is trying to suppress a grin, his eyes filled with humor.

"No!" I splutter, feeling my cheeks redden. "I never meant it like that!"

He is so terrible. He deliberately did that on purpose to get me between a rock and a hard place. I search frantically for something else to say, something to make him forget all about what I said and stop teasing me.

The only thing I can seem to up with is, "I shaved my legs today. Can you tell? Do they feel extra nice and smooth?" I lift my right leg towards him, enjoying it when he reaches down with his hand, bending slightly off the sofa only to run his cool fingertips up towards my kneecap and back down again, feeling around for any stray prickly hairs I may have missed. Which, I know for a fact I did not, because I am a very thorough leg shaver these days. "See how hair-free they feel today?"

My Lord. Best thing I can come up with is the topic of how I shaved the hair off my legs? Oh, well. I have never once claimed I was any good at the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. Or, er, I should probably say now the husband/wife thing.

He nods once, his eyes on nothing else but mine. "Mm," he moans deeply at the base of his throat, licking his lips. It feels sweltering in Fangtasia all of a sudden, though I know it's nothing to do with the temperature in the room that has me so hot and bothered. "They feel nice, Perky."

"Any-who, how's your night been so far?" I blab out, trying to repair the awkwardness I feel when he repetitively strokes up and down my leg with his fingers like he a vampire on crack and is overly enjoying the heightened sensation when he touches things. "H-how's your night?" I can only get him to stop touching me when I deliberately cross my leg again over the other, shifting slightly at an angle so he can't reach them anymore.

"Well, as you know, I only just woke barely three hours ago. Then I got married. All in all, I'd say it was a good nights work."

"Are you happy to be my husband?" I ask uncertainly, unable to help fishing around. Maybe I'm hoping he'll reassure me a bit, since he isn't being very obvious on how he is feeling about it?

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

I shrug, finding myself having to glance away from him quickly. Then I decide I may as well just get it over with and say it. "I... I heard you talking when I went into your office."

"Oh? About what?"

I hesitate, nervous to say it. What if he confirms it and it only serves to break my heart? "That Godric suggested the whole thing? That you asking me to marry you wasn't what you wanted, but what... Godric wanted?"

"Godric did tell me to do it last night."

Oh, great. Just as I thought. He never wanted to do it because he wanted to or because he loved me enough to want to be my husband. It was all about what his Maker wanted for him when he came to him in his vision. A stab of pain shoots through me. How could I have been so foolish and silly to believe otherwise?

I sigh loudly through my nostrils. "Right. And so if Godric told you to jump off a cliff, would you?"

"Of course I would," he says vehemently. "But I don't get how that applies to-"

"-So why did you want us to get married in the first place, Eric?" I butt over him, unable to keep the hurt from spilling out with the words. "Just because Godric wanted you to do it? He told you to and so you did?"

I glance at him, although it hurts. He looks away from me for a moment, setting his jaw. I can sense an argument coming from a mile away. He glances at me again, his eyes narrowed. "What the fuck is going on here?" he asks lowly through gritted teeth.

"Well, did you just want it because he told you to? Or was it because... there was a part of you, deep down inside, that actually wanted me as your wife?" I compress my lips tightly together, waiting patiently for him to answer.

I can tell Eric is struggling. He glances away from me again, his eyes shining with frustration. He opens his mouth, then closes it again, the hesitation radiating off him. "Well, I... I knew how advantageous it would be."

Advantage? Jesus. It's like I'm just a chess piece he can use.

"If something goes wrong, if Talbot tries to retaliate and set his wolves on us again- which I know that he will- then I can claim I was only defending what was rightfully mine." He shifts towards me on the sofa, meeting my gaze. "If he tries to hurt you, with you as my wife, I can-"

"-Oh, great!" I can't help the outburst that erupts out of me. He has hurt me, good and well. "So that's what this was all truly about? You just asked me to be your wife so that you couldn't get into trouble when the time comes! You're using me as an excuse to be pardoned from going on a killing-spree!"

God, I hate myself right now. I feel so stupid. How could I have ever thought Eric may have only wanted to marry me because he actually loved me? That he wanted to be my husband because he actually loved me that much?

Eric blinks at me for a moment in silence, his teeth gritted. The muscles in his jaw twitches. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Silly me then for being a naive romantic and for thinking otherwise," I mutter under my breath in offense. "Here I was, thinking you did it because you actually loved me enough that you wanted me to be your wife!" Embarrassingly enough, my eyes well up with tears, which is something I so do not want to happen in front of him right now. I don't want to be weak and cry in front of him, not at all. "I thought maybe you did it because you... you wanted it yourself? Not because you were just simply thinking about saving your own hide?"

"Sookie, are you fucking blind?" I realize he reverts to calling me Sookie when we're arguing. I'm not Perky when we are arguing, I'm just Sookie. But am I blind, he asks? I don't even understand what he means by that?

"I guess I am pretty blind," I retort tartly. "Obviously I am if I completely misread your intentions about why you were asking me to marry you. It wasn't because you loved me or you thought it would be a romantic notion to have me as your wife at all!" It's too late, and miserably, the tears end up sliding down my cheeks uncontrollably. I hastily wipe my eyes, checking around the bar to make sure no one is watching.

He mutters a rude word under his breath, as he does. Mr Potty-mouthed vampire.

"I just... I thought you did it because you wanted me to be your wife, is all. I mean, that is usually what normal people do when they ask somebody to marry them!"

When I force myself to glance at him, I'm startled how different he looks. His expression is hard as stone, yet eager, when he leans towards me.

"I never said that I wasn't marrying you because I didn't want to be your husband, Sookie," he says, speaking in a low, slow voice, putting great emphasize on each word. "I never once said that. You put those words in yourself!"

"Oh?" I scoff incredulously. "Did I really?" Goddamn it, we aren't supposed to be arguing. It's supposed to be a happy time! We just got married for goodness sake!

"The main reason I even asked in the first place was... yes." He brings his eyes down to his tightly clasped hands in his lap, breathing heavily. He can't even so much as look at me. I realize he is breathing heavily through the music, his chest heaving. "Of course, I wanted to be your husband. I... I wanted you to be my wife." Eric's that embarrassed to have to point it out that he mutters it down at his hands heatedly. "If I never wanted it, then I wouldn't have bothered asking you. It would have been pretty fucking pointless to ask if I never wanted it myself, wouldn't it?"

As what he is attempting to say gradually sinks in, I start to feel so guilty for my tantrum. I was jumping to conclusions, when he did actually want to marry me because he wanted to be my husband, too. It's not my fault he can be downright confusing at times, though.

"Oh," I say softly. "So you did actually want to marry me because you wanted us to be married? Not just only because of... all that other stuff?"

"Yes." Finally, Eric finds the nerve to look at me. He's that heated over it, that desperate to make me see that, that his nostrils are flaring. "Yes, Sookie. It was mainly why I did it, though... it confuses me why you would feel it necessary to even ask?"

"Oh." My heart surges in relief. "Well, thank you for clearing that up then. I'm glad."

"I..." He glances away from me again, fixing his eyes on something in the crowd. "I love you, Perky. Sookie. I wish I didn't have to say that all the fucking time, but... I do."

Aww.

I smile, feeling a gushy waterfall of emotion hit me. "Well, I love you too, husband." I lean against his shoulder, ignoring the way he stiffens when I rest my head against his chest, closing my eyes peacefully. "And I'm sorry for overreacting and getting emotional, but... that's what brides do?"

There is nothing like hugging someone once a fight has pretty much been resolved. Even if it is one-sided, and they're hard as rock when they go rigid. But after a second, I feel him loosen up, enough to rest his chin against my forehead.

"Hi, I'm Sookie," I say to myself cheerfully the next afternoon, talking to my reflection in the mirror. "I'm Sookie Northman." Hmm, it definitely has a lovely ring to it. "I'm Sookie Northman, and it's a pleasure to meet you... I'm Mrs Perky Northman..." I smile to myself widely in the mirror, flushing with excitement and happiness. "Yes, my husband is Eric Northman and, no, he isn't like those rumors say he is. He doesn't actually bite off Fangbangers nipples. Thanks for asking, though!"

A night has gone past already since I went to Fangtasia and Eric and I got married in his office, in vampire tradition, and still I can't believe it. I am a wife now and I have my very own husband. Honestly, I never once imagined myself getting married to someone. I never thought it would be possible for me; I have spent all my life feeling like a freak and alone, due to my telepathy and my reputation for being a little nutty.

Yet, look at me now!

Here I am, in a relationship with someone... Or, well, I should call it a marriage now, maybe? Who would have thought it? I am actually a wife to somebody. Me, the freak who hears people! Now I no longer have to worry about never getting a boyfriend or never get married like I used to when I was younger and in the habit of feeling sorry for myself... I am someone's wife now, and they seem to love me whether I hear people's thoughts or not, and its great!

And I think there's something stuck between my teeth. I get closer to the mirror, squinting hard to see. Surely enough, I've a poppy-seed stuck between my two front teeth from the lunch I ate today during my lunch break. Oh, great. So apparently I walked around Merlotte's all day, serving people with a black poppy-seed caught between my teeth, yet no one's thoughts even dared to make me aware of that earlier, not even once!

"Still, you can't take that away from me," I whisper to myself after managing to get it out with my thumbnail. "I have a husband and no amount of food stuck in my teeth can ever take that away from me!"

I sigh loudly, turning away from the mirror to pick up the damp towel that I had laid on the floor when I had my shower. It's in times like these that I truly have to question my sanity; I'm talking to myself and no one is even here in the house to talk back to me. I heard once that talking to yourself is a major sign that you're unstable, yet... I think it has something more so to do with loneliness and boredom than how crazy I am on the inside.

Sometimes when there is no one to talk to in the house, then you've just got to talk to yourself, I reason, opening the bathroom door and darting downstairs to do some laundry. If Gran was still alive, I would talk to her, yet she isn't anymore so there is really no one else to talk to right now.

Eric is supposed to visit later on, but he's still dead to the world and sleeping since it's still daylight out.

In order to distract myself, I end up going around the house, doing boring housework like dusting and vacuuming the floor. By the time the sun has gone down and I have to turn on a light to see around the house, Eric still hasn't arrived which is... unusual even for him. Usually he's punctual and he turns up on time, if yet a little earlier. Yet according to the clock on the wall, he is running over fifteen minutes late. Now what gives?

The washing machine finishes with my load so I head outside with my basket of laundry, peering around in the yard. I can't help stressing out. I've known him for awhile now, and being late is uncharacteristic of him. What's keeping him? I hope it isn't something bad, and that he isn't in a spot of trouble. What if its Talbot that's got him? I know for sure that he's still after us, though after our run-in with the wolves he had employed to nab us, so far it has been quiet.

Oh, God. What if he's torturing Eric right now for killing his King husband?

What if that's why he is so late the way he is? Because they got him, and now they're doing terrible things to him? I shake my head, feeling uneasy. I really shouldn't dwell on it, because it makes me frightened, that possibility. I push it all aside with effort, focusing on hanging up my washing instead.

Jason. I remember how badly it had gone when I visited his house and how he had reacted when I had announced I was getting married. He hadn't exactly reacted like a supportive big brother would have. Oh, God. Maybe he's the reason for Eric's lateness tonight? What if Jason managed to hurt him like he said he was going to?

No, surely not. Eric's the vampire. If anyone was doing the hurting between them two, it's Eric.

Oh, God. What if Eric's killing my brother right now?

My goodness. I am in a funny mood tonight.

Picking up my washing basket, I step back up the porch. Then I see a figure blur suddenly to the side of me, and I flip around, yelping, almost dropping the basket to the ground. To my relief, it's only Eric.

My relief dissipates when I look him over carefully. He's holding a hand pressed over his left ear, and I only understand fully why when he steps closer. He's got blood on the side of his shirt, dark and streaked. There are little smears on the side of his face and his neck, and a whole lot of it on his hand that he is holding pressed tight against his ear.

Apparently my fears a couple of minutes ago were completely justified and weren't just plain paranoia at work. He's been hurt and its the reason why he is so late the way he is.

"Oh, my God," I cry out in pity, coming closer to get a better look. "What's happened to you? You've got blood all over you?"

"I'm fine, Perky," he says, wincing slightly. Even just mere talking and moving his jaw seems to hurt him. "I'll feel better in a second once it heals up."

I grab onto his wrist, yanking and pulling, trying to get him to move his hand away so that I can see it. When he reluctantly brings his hand away from his ear, I can't help gasping out loud in equal disgust and anger. Half his ear has been ripped off, it seems. He's missing his earlobe even.

"Half your ears missing? How'd that happen? Was it Talbot's wolves that are after us? Did they bite your ear off?" I guess it was only a matter of time until they were going to strike again and make another attempt.

He closes his eyes tight, hissing when I poke the chunk of his earlobe that is missing with my finger curiously. "I said I'm fine, Perky," he says through clenched teeth, a little irritated that I'm making such a fuss. "It isn't nearly as bad as it looks. It'll heal soon."

"Not as bad as it looks?" I repeat incredulously. "How can you say that? It's bleeding everywhere!"

"Some psycho staked me," he says throatily. "Or so that was how it felt like anyway. I was walking outside in the parking lot, getting ready to fly over here, then someone staked me."

Oh my God. Poor darling. "You think it had anything to do with Talbot?"

He considers that for a moment, touching his bloody ear again. "I don't think so. When I tried to follow them, I saw them speed off in a pick-up truck. It was... purple and a Ford, I think. I caught a scent. It was definitely human."

My stomach flops at his words, dread filling me. Oh, shit. A purple pick-up truck? A Ford?

Jason. Jason drives a purple Ford pick-up. Goddamn it. Could it have been my brother that did this to him in a drive-by attempt to stake Eric?

"Oh, no," I mutter in dismay before I can stop myself.

"What?"

"Oh, it's nothing," I say quickly with a dismissive shrug. I force a smile on my face, disturbed by how intently he seems to be staring at me. "I just can't believe somebody would do that!" I can't tell him it was Jason, my brother of all people, that did that to him. It would just be a death wish waiting to happen. "It looks like it hurts so badly, you poor thing!"

"Anyway, how was your day?" he asks me, deflecting my attention onto other things. On the bright side, now that we are married, our communication seems to be improving greatly.

"It was all right." I still can't hide how stunned I feel by his asking for some reason. "It was just the same old stuff that happens day to day. How was yours?"

"Shitty. I got my ear staked off."

"Hmm, I guess you've got a point there." I open the screen door, beckoning him in. "Come on in. Let's get you cleaned up. It'll probably heal quicker that way without so much blood on it."

Afterwards, once I'm done carefully dabbing all the blood off with a wet hand towel, I check my work nervously. It still hasn't healed like he said it would. It still looks awful and painful, too. The chunk is still missing out of his ear, despite it being already over half an hour since it happened; It hasn't grown back yet.

"Is that normal for it to take so long to heal?" I ask him with concern. "It will grow back, right?"

"It should do, Perky," Eric assures me calmly from his sitting place on the closed toilet lid. I did try to clean him up while he was standing, only he's too freakishly tall for that, so he had to sit down. He's been an amazing patient, though; He's been still all the way through it, with only swearing once, which is a record feat for him. "I guess we'll just have to be patient, but it should heal."

"How can you be so sure? It's already been over half an hour and nothing has grown back as yet?"

"It will heal. I know it will." He sound so self-assured, almost like he knows by experience.

"What? Have you had your ear blown off before?"

"Not quite, Perky." Suddenly I regret bothering to ask, because I see the way his eyes shine with wicked excitement over the topic. "But I did get a few fingers cut off once," he explains, showing me which fingers on his hands it was. "And, a few toes. A nipple, too." He yanks down his shirt, making the fabric stretch and make a splitting noise, showing me which one as well eagerly. "I think the nipple took longest to grow back. It was definitely more painful than all the others."

I make a face in horror. "How on earth did you get one of your nipples off you?"

"Werewolf," he confesses with a grin. Why he is so proud about it, I have no idea. "I think it actually took a full week for it to grow back. I remember Pam got shitty with me because blood kept leaking through my shirts."

"Oh, I bet it would leak." I shudder in disgust, a bit unnerved by what we are talking about. I move his face to the side gently, checking his ear again.

"Any progress yet?"

"Nope, nothing." Like clockwork, blood starts dribbling out, thick and black like tar. "Oh, no," I gasp out, frantically reaching for the hand-towel again. I shove it up against his bleeding wound, making him jolt slightly on the toilet seat. After about a good five minutes of compressing the wound, you would think it would stop. But only by checking it, I see it hasn't helped at all. "It's not working! What the hell? It keeps bleeding!"

"You wouldn't have any tampons left by any chance, would you?" His voice is thick with pain.

Ooh, tampons. Funnily enough, I never once thought of that. Making him hold the towel to his own ear for a second, I run into my bedroom, searching my drawer for one. I find it, carrying it back into the bathroom urgently. Eric passes me the damp rag and I watch, weirdly fascinated, when he jams it into his ear-hole like a man who is an expert at inserting tampons. I cannot believe that a male vampire, of all people, knows how to use a tampon!

As I step back, scrutinizing him with a tampon sticking out of his ear, of all things, I realize I don't even have the urge to laugh at the absurdity of how he looks. In contrast to that, I feel a warmth in my gut, a deep appreciation and love for him growing.

"How do I look, Perky?" he asks me, teasing me as he stands to his full ogre height, the string from the tampon dangling around his shoulder. "Do I look like a bad vampire that all humans fear right now or what?"

Finding a man who knows firsthand what its like to have to use a tampon is an extremely rare thing to find in life. And what's more, he is all mine. He is my hubby and I have never felt more proud or humbled by that as I do now, in this moment.

Hope this one made up for my absence away from updating. As usual, it's silly LOL! Hope I made you laugh nevertheless! ;)