So it's been like… nearly four years? Don't even know if anyone is still following this fic but I opened my old laptop tonight, stumbled across all of this and thought I may as well post it. I tried to fix it up a bit so forgive me if the style of writing is slightly changed, could be because I have slightly changed in the three and a half years I've not been on this site… definitely finished school and am halfway through uni now to say the least lol.

Anyways, if anyone is still actually reading this, big thanks and enjoy I guess xx

PS. took me forever to figure out how to work this site again...

"I want to take you out," Kurt blurted out, surprising Blaine and making him look up in shock.

"Excuse me?"

Kurt took a deep breath and shifted closer to Blaine on the couch beside him. "I want to take you out."

Blaine looked into his eyes. "You want to take me out?"

Kurt nodded. "Like on a date out."

"Oh," Blaine said quietly. He blinked at Kurt before sinking further into the couch and turning his attention back to the TV in front of them. Kurt watched Blaine anxiously as he licked his lips and swallowed thickly.

"Would that be okay?" Kurt asked. He'd thought Blaine would say yes immediately. They'd been hinting towards it for so long and Kurt had taken him out so many times already. He just figured Blaine realised there was something more down the line.

"Um – I," Blaine paused and took a deep breath. Kurt studied Blaine's movements as he leaned forward to lift the TV remote, pointing it at the TV and turning it off. Blaine turned on the couch, tucking one leg under the other and looking straight at Kurt. "I think it would be okay but just not something huge, yeah?"

"Yes," Kurt nodded eagerly, trying to ignore the excitement bubbling within him. "Yeah that's fine. It was only going to be something quiet anyway."

Blaine ducked his head and pulled at a loose thread on one of the couch cushions. Kurt bit his cheek so as his grin wouldn't spread too wide; he tried his hardest to refrain the need to throw his arms around Blaine and hug the life out of him. Whenever Blaine raised his head again, a small smile was tugging at the corner of his mouth. In that moment, Kurt was reminded of whenever they started dating; how shy and coy they were with each other, how they didn't want the other to know just how ecstatic they were to be together.

"So we're going on a date," Blaine said shyly and his smile grew bigger.

"We're going on a date," Kurt confirmed, letting go of the grin that bloomed over his features. It was all he could do not to jump up and down squealing. "I'll pick you up Friday at eight?"

Blaine nodded excitedly but his features changed suddenly, taking on a stricken look. "What do I wear?"

Kurt shrugged one shoulder and risked bringing his right hand up to smooth down the collar of Blaine's dark blue shirt. "Just wear what your usual charming self wears."

For a glorious instant, the gleam that used to cover Blaine's face whenever Kurt complimented him crossed over his features but it was gone as soon as it had arrived. Kurt tried to ignore the pang in his chest and grinned back at Blaine, showing his excitement.

Blaine nodded bashfully. "Okay."

Kurt's bark of laughter was a mixture between nerves and excitement. "Okay."

"Where are we going?" Blaine asked excitedly and grinned at Kurt as he put his seat belt on. Kurt smiled fondly at him and for just a moment he let his mind pretend it was back how it used to be.

"You'll see," he said.

They drove for a while, each of them singing along to a song on the radio and sometimes exchanging small talk. It was a different dynamic from whenever Blaine had had the crash; sometimes Kurt had to remind himself that this was Blaine but this Blaine didn't know Kurt.

Kurt had to restrain himself from kissing Blaine on several occasions like when he'd pouted at him when Kurt said he'd have to wait to see where they were going or when he'd told Kurt how good he looked in the shirt he'd picked. He also found himself itching to reach out and grasp Blaine's hand, entwine their fingers together and rub his thumb along Blaine's knuckle, especially whenever Blaine got annoyed he'd forgotten something.

Twenty minutes later, Kurt pulled into a layby on the side of an unused road. They were high up and the barrier looked over and beyond Lima, the lights twinkling and flashing in the night's sky.

Kurt cut the engine and unbuckled his seat belt. He looked over and smiled at an awestruck Blaine.

"We're here."

Blaine made a noise that was almost like a laugh. "Yeah, I got that."

"Come on," Kurt grinned. "We're not going to sit in here all night."

Blaine was nervous and excited and giddy all at once. He hadn't realised just how easya date with Kurt could be. Kurt was charming and gentle and gorgeous in his tight dark jeans and crisp white shirt. Blaine had felt comfortable as soon as he'd gotten in the car with him, all his previous nerves vanishing in an instant whenever he saw Kurt standing in front of him on the doorstep.

Before Blaine knew it, Kurt had stopped the car at a layby at the side of a windy country road that looked down over Lima. They were both silent as Kurt cut the engine and a sense of familiarity started to creep through Blaine's bones. He got out of the car and goosebumps erupted over his arms; a hazy memory came back of standing in the same position looking over the town, of kissing Kurt here, of doing… stuff… with Kurt in that very car here.

There was a light breeze blowing around the two of them, carrying whispers of unspoken words and forgotten promises. The faint hoots of owls in nearby trees were encouraging Blaine, pushing him closer to Kurt. The lights of the town sparkled below them, showing them hope and something to work towards. And suddenly, as Blaine neared the barrier and looked over at the view, these thoughts hit him like a tidal wave. His face dropped and his eyes widened as he simply stared at it all, not knowing what to say.

Kurt bit his lip, looking at Blaine, studying his profile for some sort of reaction. He was nearly certain this would light a flame within Blaine, ignite him with the fire he used to have and he'd remember. He'd remember the words, the promises, the whispers, the confessions, the laughs, the tears, the kisses, the hugs, the cuddles, the lust, the need, the trust, the love.

But Blaine didn't make any sort of movement or give away any hints that he remembered. He just continued to stare. He stared for a long time, his eyes growing less saucer-like and the smile leaving his lips completely as his hands stayed stuffed in his pockets, his curls continuing to blow about in the breeze which was now more of a cold wind.

Kurt gazed at Blaine. Blaine. Blaine who had always been there for him, Blaine who had always helped him, Blaine who had made him feel wanted, Blaine who had made him feel loved, Blaine who had helped him trust, Blaine who had made him smile, Blaine who was not only Kurt's best friend but his saviour, his love, his home. His.

But then Blaine's head was turning, his gaze meeting Kurt's and his sparkling hazel eyes full of understanding, companionship, friendship. The orange glow of lights reflected in Blaine's irises, showing off the sparks of green and gold inside them like fireworks; his unshed tears were especially obvious.

"Kurt…"

Kurt didn't realise he was crying until his tear touched his lip.

"This - this is…"

For a moment; a small, perfect, joyous moment, Kurt thought Blaine had remembered.

"Special."

But then he really looked in his eyes.

"Is this somewhere we used to come?"

Kurt nodded, his brain on autopilot.

Blaine dipped his head, looking at his feet for a moment before returning his gaze to Kurt's face.

"Look, Kurt," Blaine sighed, his frustration showing. "I'm glad I'm getting to know you again and I'm glad I have you in my life, but this isn't something that's exactly easy for me. I want to remember. God, you more than anyone know that I want more than anything to be able to recall my memory. B-but you more than anyone also know that it's not going to work like that. I…" Blaine looked out over the lights again, as if the answer would be printed down there. "I-I'm just so confused."

"I can fix that Blaine," Kurt said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Please. All I want is for you to love me again."

"Kurt –"Blaine's voice broke and he looked down at the ground. "I… I want t-to love you. But… I – it's hard. God, it's so hard."

"Blaine," Kurt spoke softly again and took a step closer to Blaine. He reached out and entwined both his hands with Blaine's. Blaine's eyes shot to Kurt's, wide and frightened. Kurt felt his bottom lip quiver at how unused he was to seeing Blaine's eyes like that when they were looking at him. His voice came out as a whisper. "Please…"

Please what? Please remember; please come back to me; please love me?

"I can't," Blaine said, gasping through tears that were steadily making tracks down his cheeks. He tried to still his quivering jaw but to no avail.

Blaine's eyes were locked with Kurt's and there was something in them Kurt couldn't place. They were wide, frantic, confused, scared. But there was a flash of something else and Kurt cried even harder when he couldn't figure out what it was. Blaine started to back away from him, but Kurt panicked. He couldn't have Blaine leave him, he couldn't let him go, he couldn't say goodbye to him.

He let go of Blaine's hands, cupped his face and smashed their lips together.

The kiss was dry, it wasn't drawn out or passionate, it was closed-mouthed… but the lips were still Blaine. They were home and Kurt never wanted to pull away from the one place he felt safe; comfortable.

For a split second before the initial shock that Kurt's lips were on his set in, Blaine felt something so perfect and something so comforting. But then he panicked. He realised what was happening and pulled away quickly. He was gasping, sobs wracking his body and fear pumping through his veins. Kurt reached out for him, his tongue and lips stumbling over apologies but Blaine backed away, tripping over his feet.

"Blaine – I – please… stop," Kurt was still stuttering out regrets that would have no benefit. His heart was beating faster and faster with every step backwards Blaine was taking. He hated himself for making Blaine feel like that. "I'm so sorry – I didn't… oh god, I'm sorry."

"Stop!" Blaine's voice rang out above Kurt's and it reverberated all around them, being carried through the air on the strong, freezing wind that was whipping through their hair. Blaine stared at Kurt long and hard. He was scared. The realisation hit Kurt like a ton of bricks.

"Blaine – "

"Please, Kurt… just take me home," Blaine choked around the words and he sniffed loudly, wiping angrily at the tears on his cheeks. "Please?" the low voice was broken and suddenly the whispers of forgotten promises and forgotten love were screaming voices inside Kurt's head and he wished more than anything he could show them all to Blaine; make him recall it all.

Blaine felt so relieved whenever Kurt swallowed, lowered his gaze and nodded.

"Okay."

Kurt walked into the kitchen where Burt and Carole were clearing the table after dinner. They were moving around each other and working together in a comfortable silence; Carole had a soft smile playing across her lips and Burst gently brushed his hand over her wrist as she set a knife and fork down. Kurt watched silently from the doorway as he calmed himself down. He hastily wiped leftover tears off his cheeks, swallowed the lump in his throat and hoped his eyes weren't too red and puffy as he cleared his throat and spoke up.

"I'm going to book flights back to New York for tomorrow."

Burst looked up as his son spoke. His smile faded as he took in Kurt's blotchy face. Carole took a tentative step forward and searched Kurt's face.

"Is everything okay, honey?" she asked, concern lacing her voice.

Kurt took a deep breath. "Just brilliant," he said with a certain nastiness that he knew Carole didn't deserve.

"Did your date not go as planned?" Burt asked with an almost hopeful look in his eye.

Kurt simply shook his head and turned away. He started climbing the stairs to his room. Every step was painful, every breath he took tore his chest open a little bit more, every tear that slipped down his face was another reason why life was useless without his Blaine.

Kurt's head pounded and his mouth stayed as dry as a bone throughout the rest of the night. He booked a flight to JFK airport for twelve noon the next day before changing into pyjamas and crawling into bed. He curled up into a tight ball, hugging his knees to his chest and crying into his pillow until he fell asleep.

Kurt woke up at exactly eight o'clock the next morning, not even needing his alarm clock. He dressed quicker than usual, having laid his clothes out the night before; he coiffed his hair with a lot less precision than he should have.

Burt and Carole were already in the kitchen whenever Kurt went downstairs with his suitcase trailing behind him. They were sitting at the table in silence; Burt was sleepily eating his porridge and Carole was reading the newspaper over her cereal. Kurt sighed inwardly in a defeatist type of way and wondered how many times over the past number of weeks he'd watched his family from the doorway. Maybe this would be the metaphor for his life from now on. Always watching. Never partaking.

After refusing a lift from Burt and finally getting away from Carole, Kurt was sitting on a plane crushed between two strangers. He didn't notice anything or anyone; all he wanted was to be away from Lima, away from a Blaine who could never love him again.

Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame

Where there is a flame, someone's bound to get burned

But just because it burns, doesn't mean you're gonna die

"Wait Kurt pull over, I'm genuinely about to piss myself." Blaine's words were slurred and he knew Kurt was annoyed at him but he also didn't want Kurt to be even more annoyed at him if he wet himself in his pristine car.

"Well maybe that's your own fault for drinking too much tonight." Kurt snapped.

"Kurt pleeaaase."

Kurt did an eye roll Santana would have been proud of and screeched into the nearest layby along the back road he was going down to get to Blaine's house quicker. He shot Blaine a withering glare, "You better be quick."

Blaine stumbled out of the car and disappeared into the bushes. The mixture of the cold air and his relief calmed his brain down slightly and his vision stopped spinning just so much. He made his way back into the car, already starting to feel guilty for annoying Kurt and making a fool out of himself in front of their friends. As he pulled his seatbelt across his chest he turned to Kurt and saw him wipe a tear away from his cheek.

"Kurt," Blaine whispered and reached across to touch Kurt's hand; he was relieved when Kurt didn't pull away. "Kurt, I'm sorry. It's been a tough week – I didn't mean to get like this."

"It's okay," Kurt replied quietly. "I just had a really rubbish night."

Kurt allowed himself to be pulled into Blaine's arms and be held tightly against his boyfriend's chest. He cried a little but not too much. After a few minutes it was just nice to be cuddled together with Blaine's hand soothingly brushing through his hair and his cheek resting on top of Kurt's head. They were quiet for a long time with not even the radio on in the background.

Blaine was the first to break the silence.

"It's kind of beautiful here."

Kurt looked out the windscreen properly for the first time. He saw the city lights of Lima shimmering in front of them. He felt a smile pull at the corner of his lips because everything in that moment felt perfect.

"This can be our place from now on," Blaine continued. "No matter what, we'll always have this."

You gotta get up and try, and try, and try

Gotta get up and try, and try, and try