Title: In high definition

Verse: G1 AU

Rating: PG-13/T

Characters: Wheeljack, Jazz, Prowl, Ratchet, Optimus

Warnings: Nope

Summary: Wheeljack's oblivious, Jazz's amused, Prowl is not.

Notes: Failed attempt at crack. Not beta'd. silberstreif showed me a picture of Prowl in those thongs and Jazz kinda took over, and of course that never bode well for Prowl :D

Being an officer had its ups and downs. But let it be said, it never was a boring job. Today's meeting was a proof of that. Perhaps the fact that it was Wheeljack who was the mech presenting should have been a dead giveaway that something was bound to happen, but the rest of the officers were so used to the exuberant inventor that they paid little mind to his antics.

Red Alert glared at the strange contraption, and if glares could kill, that thing would have been nothing but a pile of spare parts. "Are you one hundred percent certain, that it is safe?" The security officer asked.

"Yes, Red, for the 14th time, it is safe." Wheeljack answered, not bothered in the least. He grinned at his audience. "Alright guys, the Soundwave-processor-owey-stopper's first prototype is finally completed!"

Silence greeted his statement. Then, very slowly, Ratchet raised a hand, "Can I vote for a different name?"

"I actually like it." Jazz was quick to add and grinned at the medic, "Has a nice ring to it, dontcha think?"

"Mouthful." Ironhide grumbled.

"Mechs!" The inventor exclaimed, "Just give it a chance! It works flawlessly. I've test run it on Arnold – the results are excellent."

"Arnold?" Prowl frowned.

"His drone assistant buddy or something." Ratchet waved him off.

Optimus Prime looked at Wheeljack confused, "Didn't he blow up? Last time I saw him he was in pieces." A couple of the officers shuddered.

"Nahh, his fine." Wheeljack's fins flashed cheerfully. The inventor's spark was literally too kind to get offended by their comments. It's what made Ratchet smile fondly at him. "Arnie doesn't mind, besides he was up for an upgrade. But we're getting side tracked here!" The scientist exclaimed, "As I was saying, we have a series problem with Soundwave's processor hacking capabilities, so this here is the solution." He patted fondly the device, "Basically, this is devised in two sets. This one stops the invading of one's CPU – because we need to learn how that works in order to prevent it – and this little device is the stopper. I'll demonstrate if I could get a volunteer…?"

Most of the officers minds had wandered off to somewhere else while the inventor lost himself in his speech, but the sound of 'volunteers' put everyone on the edge. Jazz, who had been in the process of secretly groping Prowl's wings, much to the tacticians annoyance, perked up at that and was quick to offer his services, surprising most of his fellow officers.

"Are you sure?" Asked Optimus.

"Yup." Jazz smiled cheekily at him, ignoring completely Prowl's sudden messages of 'Don't you dare' and 'I prefer my mate in one piece thank you!', "I'm one of Sounders most frequent receiver of his mind harassment capabilities. Only fitting if I go first."

The silence that met that explanation got broken by a rather loud snort from Ratchet. "Please, don't waste our time in lying. Everyone here knows you like explosions you fragging suicide glitch."

Instead of denying the obvious, Jazz gave a shrug, "Yeah, that two." And again ignored Prowl's rather obvious twitch of wings.

"Thank you Jazz!" Wheeljack beamed, "If you would please come and sit here…" He motioned to the seat next to him. Afterwards, he placed a something on Jazz head-

"His helm won't explode, will it?" Red Alert asked nervously making Jazz snicker as Prowl made a chocking sound, forcing Optimus to place a hand his SIC's shoulder.

"It is safe?" Prime asked one MORE time, just to be sure.

Wheeljack huffed, "Geez you mechs, have a little faith!" Turning back to Jazz, he powered up the device that was hooked up to the monitor screen in front of them, "Okay Jazz, now I want to you to think of something and don't try to do those mental blocks they taught you to fend off Soundwave. This is just a test run so we can see a picture."

After a moment, Jazz asked, "What should I think of?"

Wheeljack shrugged, "Whatever you like, but be sure to visualize it."

After a moment of consideration, Jazz's face significantly brightened and he nodded in understanding.

The inventor smiled, "Alright, let's give it a try." He pushed a few buttons on the thing and the huge screen got filled with static and unfiltered images that no one could make out, but slowly they started to clear. Suddenly, the screen went dark for just a moment and then rebooted with crystal clear imagery.

Again, dead silence filled the room as every set of optics was glued to the screen. Jazz's smile could have broken his face as he purred. Though, the stillness got broken by a loud cracking sound and some of the optics turned towards Prowl, who now held a data-pad whose screen got shattered from where he obviously had gripped too tightly.

"Now that's some high definition we're getting'!" Blaster whistled, "The picture is just so crystal clear! And look at th'details. Nice work 'Jack!" He smirked at the spy, "Or should I say Jazz."

Prime had the decency to look away while Ratchet face-palmed as Ironhide and Red Alert were gaping at the screen. Prowl just looked at it with a horrified expression that not even the most ruthless Decepticon interrogators have been able to force on him.

Because before them, on the huge screen stood a perfect, detailed, image of Prowl. Who was in some quite optic-catching red thongs that had white lace on them. The tip of the iceberg however, was the fact that one of Prowl's hands was seductively pulling on the thing for reasons which are quite obvious.

"Okay, good Jazz." Wheeljack continued unaffected and ignorant to the image before them, "Now I'm going to place this blocking device on you, to show you all how it actually works."

Unfortunately, before the inventor could fiddle with more of his device, a sudden blaster shot startled everyone as Prowl promptly tucked his acid pallet gun back into his subspace. He turned to glare at Jazz. Then, without breaking optic contact with the childishly giddy saboteur, Prowl started speaking, "Excuse me Prime, but I must leave this meeting early. I have to go and purchase a couch, because my mate will need to recharge on something, rather than the ground from now on." Without letting anyone answer, he continued, "Yes, I am that generous."

All watched as Prowl made his way out, and as one, they looked at Jazz, ignoring the fretting Wheeljack about the broken screen.

"Mech, you're in so much trouble now." Blaster snickered at him.

Jazz made a snorting sound, "Pfft, it's a good thing you haven't seen what's in his processor. What can I say, mech's just shy. But I still love 'im" And smiled sweetly at them, thinking fondly about his mate.

"Huh, talk about quiet waters that run DEEP." Ironhide commented. Ratchet stiffened a snort as Red Alert muttered something about protocol and Wheeljack deemed the screen unfixable.

The Prime sighed. Yes, officer meeting were never a dull event.

For those who want to see the awesome picture, here: HT*TP:/ morgenty. *deviantart. com */art/ Robots-in-lingerie-february- *353070609

(remove * and space)