Elena woke up one morning and walked downstairs to see her brother Jeremy decked out in all pink, except his gator shoes, those were green. He carried a pimp cane with him with a lion's head at the top.

"Well, you're dressed up today," Elena said. "What's the occasion?"

Jeremy handed her a small business card that read: Jeremy Gilbert. P.I.M.P. 555-6667.

"Wow," Elena said. "So you're in the business now? Who do you have as prostitutes?"

"Well, so far, I only have three," Jeremy said. "But they really are of the highest caliber. Bonnie Bennett, Caroline Forbes, and Damon Salvatore."

"I want in!" Elena said a little too enthusiastically.

"You want to be a hooker? You're the best sister ever!" Jeremy said.

"No, I want to be a customer," Elena said. "I want Damon."

"Sweet, he's a bit pricey. A hundred bucks for every inch of his penis. But I'll let you measure," Jeremy said.

"Do I measure hard or soft?" Elena asked.

"Hard," Jeremy said. "Damon's a grower not a shower."

"Okay, I'm in," Elena said. "Where is he?"

"At my whorehouse," Jeremy said. "I'll take you there."

The whorehouse turned out to be the Salvatore home. Damon answered the door, wearing nothing but leather pants. "Hello, Jeremy. Have you brought me a customer?"

"I DID NOT AGREE TO MAKE OUR HOUSE A WHOREHOUSE!" Stefan yelled down at Damon.

"Doesn't matter," Damon said. "You're just jealous that Jeremy didn't want you."

"I am not!" Stefan said and he went to go brood in his room.

"Alright, drop trou," Jeremy said.

"Already?" Damon asked. "I don't need to be asked twice." He pulled down his leather pants with some difficulty.

Jeremy pulled out some measuring tape. "How do you make this thing work?" he said poking Damon in the penis.

Elena dropped to her knees and took Damon into her mouth. The results were immediate. Then she got up and then she took the tape and measured.

"Ten inches," Elena said. "Well, it'll have to do."

"That'll be a thousand bucks, and then you've got him for the hour," Jeremy said.

Then Elena went in her purse and counted out a thousand ones. Jeremy groaned. "What? Stripping pays the bills."

Soon Elena was alone with Damon in Damon's room. Damon pants were still pulled halfway down. Elena stripped them off. "Now where shall we start?" Elena said, licking her lips.

"Well, I was thinking we'd start off with a bit of foreplay in my downtown area," he said motioning at his crotch. "And then we'd do it doggie style."

"No, Damon," Elena said. "I wasn't serious. I paid a thousand bucks. You don't get an opinion."

"Alright, then. Lie down, let's get this over with," Damon said, but his expression gave away that he was enjoying himself.

"You don't get to be on top Damon!" Elena said.

"But that's not fair!" Damon whined.

"No uterus, no opinion!" Elena yelled. "Now get on the bed." Damon laid face down on the bed. "The other way, dickhead!"

Elena stripped in slow motion while Damon waited impatiently on the bed. Then Elena went in her purse and grabbed a whip. "Now you listen to everything I say," Elena said.

"Yes, ma'am," Damon said.

"I didn't say you could talk!" Elena said whipping him right in his juicy thigh.

"Ahh!" Damon screamed.

"Quiet, bitch!" Elena said. Then she mounted his man pole and rode him like a wild animal.

Damon groaned. Elena whipped his a good one in the chest. "Get up!"

"Okay, okay!" Damon said standing up. He was rewarded with a swift whip in the ass. "Isn't this supposed to be fun?"

"I'm having lots of fun!" Elena said pushing Damon up against the wall. "Bend your knees!" Damon did as he was told. Elena grabbed Damon's dick and put it inside her. Then she started humping him hard.

Elena pulled Damon's hair hard. "Oh, yeah," she said. Then she got down and laid on the bed. "You want to be on top?"

He quickly obliged and entered her. She clawed at his back hard enough to make it bleed. Then she came with a loud yell.

Then she pulled away and got up. "Okay. Have a nice day," she said.

"But wait! That's not fair!" Damon protested.

"I got what I paid for," Elena said and she slammed the door.

A/N: Thanks for reading! Be sure to review and tell me what you think. Also feel free to suggest to me any pairings. I'll probably take all of them. Unless you want me to write a sex scene with Tyler because that is just not happening. Prepare for some Team Salvatore in the future.