A/N: S4 angst has really been inspiring me lately. I'm only just holding back from picking up the multi-chap that was nagging at me last weekend. Heh. Anyways, couldn't decide where in 4x04-06 this should take place, but I've decided it's going to be at the end of 4x06…post-4x06 basically. XD Enjoy. =)
*I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.
…
"Sister."
She took a deep breath and walked further into the suite. Her mind was still warring with herself. Should she be here? Should she not? Should she have come much sooner? Would Blair be pissed? Did the ends justify the means?
She was getting a headache.
"Something tells me there would have been more bite to your bark a few days ago," she said.
He turned in his seat towards her, looking into her eyes. There was nothing left of the cold, calculating, soulless daredevil that had tormented her best friend for the last two weeks. What was left was a broken man and she knew why. She had heard everything.
A truce to stop the pain between them. Because there was nothing left and they didn't have to hurt. They had a choice.
Bull.
Since when did Blair and Chuck have any choice but to love each other completely and fully, bringing them to the brink of insanity? Even when they hated each other, it was fueled from how crazed or hurt or how blindsided they were by this passionate love.
It was madness, but she would be lying if she said that sometimes she wasn't just a bit jealous.
"Did Blair send you?" he asked, genuinely confused.
He pursed her lips, gazing at him, seeing how lost he was and just wanting to make it better, the way only Blair could.
"No, I…I came on my own."
His eyebrows furrowed. "Why?"
"Do I need permission from Blair?" she laughed.
His expression didn't change.
She sighed and she made her way across the room to him, sliding onto the stool beside his.
"Chuck, you have to go to her," she said gently.
He shook his head and picked up his glass of scotch again.
"Did that already. No more fighting, no more torturing, I promised," he paused, and then gave her a sidelong glance. "We made a truce."
"I know."
He turned in his seat, so he was directly facing her. "Blair told you?" Serena raised her eyebrows. "I-I mean, so soon?" he recovered, kicking himself for forgetting the best friends tell each other everything clause that Blair and Serena had.
Still, Serena surprised him further. She shook her head.
"No. Blair doesn't know I'm here."
"What?" Now he was really confused.
"Chuck, I heard your conversation. I had just gotten back before you came and was near the door."
His brows furrowed further.
"My room's right down the hall."
Right. Serena lives there now. He was not doing good tonight.
"How much did you hear?"
"All of it."
He sighed. "Look, Serena-"
"I didn't come to argue with you or to harp on you for everything you've been doing to Blair for the past few weeks, most especially the Jenny incident, which I do not hesitate to point out you didn't apologize for."
"I had nothing to do with that blast coming out. Clearly, I just underestimated Little Humphrey."
She took a deep breath, reminding herself that she'd just said she wasn't here to argue.
"Whatever the case may be," she cleared her throat, "it's in the past now. I'm here to talk about your future."
He raised his eyebrows in amusement and relaxed some.
"Are you now?"
She rolled her eyes. "Chuck, god, will you just take me seriously for one moment?" Her voice was rising and she hadn't meant it to, but she still hadn't gotten to the point of why she'd come and it was extremely irritating that he kept interrupting.
He straightened in his seat. "One."
She sighed, aggravated. "Blair's not over you!" Again, hadn't meant for her voice to rise – and stay risen. But she hadn't recovered yet. His cool demeanor was back, his Chuck Bass demeanor rather.
He studied her intently for a long while and then his brows furrowed again.
"What are you saying?"
She bit her tongue, forcing herself not to sigh or give into an explosion of shrill screams at how difficult he was being. Either he literally could not read between the lines or he just liked to hear the facts said clearly out loud. She had a feeling it was a combination of the two.
She leaned forward a little, eager to capture all of his attention.
"What you said tonight, that you're both holding onto the hurt because it's all that's left."
"What about it?" he demanded, getting a little jittery suddenly.
"It's not all that's left," she said softly, seeing the desperation in his face. "She still loves you."
His mouth opened and closed, then he shook his head rapidly.
"No. No, that's not it. She's told me twice that she doesn't love me anymore, and I spent weeks trying to destroy her life because she'd run Eva out of town, the one person that mattered more to me than anyone else."
"Oh, give it up, Chuck."
His eyebrows narrowed angrily.
"Why did Eva leave?" she asked before he could shoot any venomous words at her.
He paused. "Because Blair-"
"No. Not what you've been telling yourself and telling Blair, and the excuse you used to wreck havoc on her life. What the real reason?"
He ground his teeth.
"Chuck," she prompted, feeling more in control anymore.
His jaw clenched one moment and then the next it relaxed as his eyes closed in anguish. Serena almost felt bad for pushing him.
"She said I'm still connected to her." He opened his eyes and looked up at her. "That I'm still connected to Blair. That she…" he sighed. "She said she can feel it in the room when we're together."
"Like magic," she whispered, awed.
He nodded and looked away. "I told Blair last year that there was a magnetism between us…when I was trying to win her back," he paused and then looked back at her. "Because there is, there always has been."
She nodded softly. "Chuck…" Her hand floated in the air for a moment before she set it down close to his hand. She looked back up at him. "Blair's hurt, but deep down…she wants you. She wants you badly. She loves you so much."
"How can you say that?" his voice broke. He wasn't angry. He was just confused. He needed the answer, her reasoning that made her come to this conclusion.
"Because in Paris…before all this happened, and even as she raved about you in those rare moments she let herself open up…she also told me her greatest fear: never getting over you."
He blinked. "She was holding onto the pain," he reasoned.
"Maybe," she allowed, "but that wasn't all of it. Chuck." She grabbed his hand now. "She cried when you left tonight. I heard her," she said quietly.
His eyes widened.
"And you want to know why?" The look in his eyes begged her to continue. "Because you made it sound like the end. And she's terrified of that. She's still very, very hurt…" she swallowed when he sighed. "But I don't have a doubt that she still loves you. Even after everything."
He sat quietly for a long time then finally met her gaze again.
"Why are you telling me this?" he whispered.
She pursed her lips. "Because, Chuck, whether you're intentionally hurting her through public sabotage or cutting ties with her emotionally, you're still hurting her and you're hurting yourself."
He laughed and shook his head. "So, what do you suggest? I just go over there and tell her I love her? Beg for a second chance? She's told me twice, Serena, twice, that she doesn't love me. Even if what you say is true and that she was just saying that to protect herself, what's to keep her from doing it again?"
She shrugged and sat back. "There's always the possibility with Blair that she'll opt for denial."
He narrowed his eyebrows.
"But…" Her eyes flicked up to his. "The two of you let down your walls tonight and had the first truly honest conversation you've had in awhile. If there's any time to make your move, it's now."
He blinked, but before he could put in another word she was already sliding off her stool and going to leave. He could've shot out more questions and she could have pushed him further, but somehow he was left speechless and she felt it was enough.
…
"I'm sorry for what happened with Jenny."
"Chu—"
"And not just for what happened today, but for last spring too."
Her jaw had dropped but slowly now it closed.
"I know I said it was fate for everything that happened that night to happen, but I was wrong."
She tilted her head in confusion.
"Maybe it was fate for Jenny to end up at my penthouse, but I didn't have to sleep with her."
Her lips parted.
"I could have—I should have considered your feelings. Broken up or not, even believing that you didn't love me anymore, I still should have considered your feelings. Sleeping with the best friend is one thing, but going so far as to sleep with your nemesis?" He sighed. "Well, I know I certainly wasn't pleased when I found you gloating over the fact that you'd slept with Carter." He paused. "Even if I deserved it."
Her breath was taken away from her. "Wow. Well, Chuck, I…"
"And I'm sorry about The Empire," he said softer, knowing that somehow this was a more tender topic. "I treated you like property, not priority. It would have been a huge loss to lose my first big investment, but losing you…hurting you…seeing the way you looked at me after you found out what I'd done… That was worse."
She swallowed.
"And these past weeks…" He laughed and shook his head. "The only reason I was torturing you was because you took away the one thing—"
"That mattered most, I know." She nodded, having heard the explanation on repeat.
"No."
She looked up at him, confused.
"You took away the one thing that kept me from remembering all the horrible things I've done to you."
"The pain," she concluded. "All we have left." Tears filled her eyes.
"No." He crossed the threshold and took her hands in his. Her eyes widened as he completely invaded her space. His face was so close now. "Blair."
She gulped. "What?" she breathed.
"Do you still love me?" he whispered.
Her eyes were wide with tears. She was trembling. Then suddenly she was like steel, tense.
"I won't let you hurt me again," she said firmly.
He tightened his hold on her hands.
"Do you love me?" he asked again.
She trembled again and her eyes closed, tears pouring out of them and streaming down her cheeks. Before she recovered, he lowered his lips to hers and captured them.
She responded.
It was slow and steady and after a few moments she'd pulled away and he'd released her.
He waited.
"Do I love you?" She tried her best not to shriek. She choked on her own breath. He stilled. Finally she sighed. "Chuck," she sniffled. "How could I not?"
At first he couldn't breathe. "After everything I've done to you?"
She sighed. "Chuck, you're a part of me."
He sucked in a breath and closed the distance between them again, this time cupping her face in his hands.
"Blair Waldorf, I love you."
Her eyes were shining. "So, it's not fate then?"
"No. It's fate."
Her eyes searched his desperately.
"We're fate. You and I. We're destined."
His lips descended on hers again and she responded eagerly this time, pulling him to her. Her hands were clutched onto his lapels as he kicked the door shut and then came to her. She pushed his jacket off of him as best she could and when they landed on the bed and his lips moved from her mouth to her neck, she cried because she'd missed this so much.
"I love you," she sobbed, her fingers tightly buried in his hair.
He lifted his head to look at her and kissed her tears. "I love you too." His breath caught in his throat. "So much."
She smiled, suddenly deliriously happy. The butterflies were rising in her stomach.
He suddenly got very serious. "With all my heart."
She nodded and sniffled and pulled his mouth back to her. She shivered in his embrace. And all those months of hurt, of betrayal, even fear…well, they weren't forgotten. But she was healing. Because of him. Because they were destined. And because somehow deep down he was changing and she was forgiving him.
…
A/N: Omg, you guys must hate me for always writing something new and never continuing anything. XD I'll try to do better. I really will. Also, I know I already wrote a couple 4x06 CB reunion/alternate ending o/s's, but this one is different! So there! Lol Please review. =)