Disclaimer: I still don't own HIMYM. It's shocking, really.

A/N: So apparently when I said 'later this week' I really meant 'a month from now.' Sorry about that! I'm still working on the next chapter of 'Dear Diary,' but I won't hazard a guess as to when it will be finished, as I'll probably just end up jinxing myself. ;-)

My thanks to those of you who have stuck with this story. Finally, to all of you who celebrate Passover, Chag Sameach!

Chapter Three

"Well you are," Barney said. "Kinda perfect, that is."

Robin leaned over and gave him a kiss. Barney was just starting to get into it when she suddenly pulled back.

"I guess as long as we're coming clean about stuff," Robin said hesitantly, "you should know that I – I can't have kids. Literally can't have them. I found out last December after our pregnancy scare."

Ah. Right. About that –

"I know," Barney told her.

Robin froze. "Wha – how?"

Barney's mouth twisted wryly as he said, "You know Lily can't keep a secret to save her life."

Robin let out a sound that was half groan, half strangled laugh.

"I'm going to kill her," she muttered.

"She didn't mean to, if that helps any," Barney said. "She thought I already knew."

He did his best to keep the bitterness out of his tone. This was about Robin, after all, not about how he'd felt upon learning that bit of information second-hand.

"Why didn't you say anything to me?" Robin asked.

"I figured if you'd wanted to talk about it with me, you'd have told me," Barney said with a shrug.

"I –" Robin stammered. "I probably should have told you."

"Why didn't you?" Barney asked, hoping she couldn't read how much it had hurt him. "You told everyone else."

"Yeah, but – that's different," Robin explained, words tumbling awkwardly out of her mouth. "You're the only one who mattered."

That shouldn't have made sense, but it did. They really were two of a kind.

"Do you – do you want kids?" Barney asked, suddenly realizing that they had never had that discussion. It had never occurred to him that she might, but…

Robin shook her head, eyes a tad over-bright.

"No," she said quietly. "Do you?"

"God no," Barney said with more vehemence than he had originally intended. "I mean, I'm going to be busy enough with Marvin Wait-for-It and Ted's kids, whenever he has them. And you know he's going to have them."

Robin smiled, and while it was weak, it was also genuine.

"Those poor kids are going to need so much therapy," she said. "I mean, Professor Infosauraus?"

Barney gave a dramatic wince of agreement.

"Not just therapy," he said. "They're going to need lessons in awesomeness too. That's where we come in."

Robin's smile widened a fraction.

Encouraged, Barney continued. "I mean, Lily isn't so bad, but Marshall and Ted? If those kids manage to escape childhood without becoming totally lame, it'll be thanks to our hard work."

"I take it you already have lesson plans written up?" Robin asked, voice dry but fond.

"Please. I've been preparing for this role my whole life," he assured her. "But, uh, the plans are still a work-in-progress if you wanted to, uh, add anything."

Gaze softening, Robin said, "I call dibs on teaching them how to shoot and skin wildlife."

"All yours," Barney said generously. "But I get to teach them how to play laser-tag."

"Deal," Robin said, holding out her hand.

Barney shook it firmly.

"Uh, look," he said carefully, "I'm not going to change, you know that, right? I'm always going to love coming up with complicated schemes. I'm going to remember my womanizer past fondly; I mean, let's face it: it was pretty awesome. But that – that doesn't meant that I want to go back to it either, you know? And I'm going to screw up a lot. I won't mean to, but I will. Can you deal with that?"

"Barney," Robin said, smile growing on her face, "One of the reasons I love you is because you're almost as messed up as I am. And frankly? Deceit and subterfuge are hot on you. Just – don't lie to me about the important stuff, OK? I can't – just… let me be your assistant, not your mark."

"I don't want an assistant," Barney told her.

Her face fell.

"Oh. OK," she said stiffly. "That's –"

"I want a partner, Robin," Barney said.

Light returning to her eyes, Robin said, "Barnman and Robin, partners in crime and life. I like it."

Lips still slightly swollen and eyes reddened, Barney thought she'd never looked more beautiful.

"God, you're hot," Barney murmured breathlessly.

A wicked twinkle in her eye, Robin said, "You know, we still have some time before Lily and Marshall return…"

He didn't bother waiting to let her finish the sentence before his lips were on hers again.

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[Commercial Break.]

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Tag Scene:

A knock sounded on the apartment door.

"Barney? Robin? You guys alright in there?" Marshall called.

No response.

He opened the door and –

Abruptly covering his eyes, Marshall said, "Seriously, you guys? Couldn't you have done it in the bathroom like normal people instead of desecrating our couch? We put Marvin on that thing!"

"Sorry, Marshall," Robin said, but her tone contradicted her words.

"Only we're not really sorry," Barney put in.

"Yeah, I got that," Marshall said in a strained voice. "You guys are paying for that couch to be sanitized, you know that, right?"

"Worth it," Robin said, and Marshall suspecting she was making googly-eyes at Barney.

"Totally worth it," Barney echoed.

Marshall exited the apartment, slamming the door behind him before he was scarred any further.

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[The HIMYM closing theme music plays and the end credits begin to roll.]

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