Quiet

Tifa x Cloud

Cutting through the serenity of the night, the dark outline of a sleek motorcycle and its two passengers glided onward through the lonely countryside. Save for the low hum of its engine, all the world was quiet and still, but somehow the consistent rumble weaved itself into the tranquil song of traveling winds and night crickets.

As the motor bike finally stuttered to a halt on the outskirts of a dimly lit town, a woman with rich mocha colored eyes and silky ebony hair slid off the back of the motorcycle and hypnotically strode towards the town. The driver of the bike, a man with unimaginably blue eyes and blond spiky hair, killed the droning engine and set the kickstand before coming over to stand beside his companion. Wordlessly, the woman crossed beneath the metal archway, the man following not far behind, and paused as the town filled her eyes.

Nibelheim.

Almost too instantaneously, Tifa recognized the landmarks of her childhood. Barely made up of more than a dozen cottage-styled houses and shops, Nibelheim had always been a cozy community to grow up in. In the center of the town was the old wooden water tower, and on the north western edge was the long vacated Shinra Manor.

Despite the warm breezes blowing through her hair, an unsettling, foreboding chill rested in the woman's bones and her muscles tensed as she gazed critically upon her hometown. This place looked exactly as she had remembered it as a kid. And that would be fine, except for the fact that she almost too vividly remembered watching this town being burnt to the ground seven years prior.

"Tifa?"

Tifa turned at the sound of the familiar low, quiet voice speaking her name and met the Mako-infused eyes of her male companion, feeling them pull her in like the tide. She shook her head lightly, snapping herself out of her trance and returned her eyes to his gaze. "I'm alright. It's just strange to be back here again."

The man, Cloud Strife, nodded stoically as he looked forward again. Tifa inhaled deeply, facing her old hometown once more as she felt a little more brave. Never would she have thought that she would come back to this place so soon after defeating Sephiroth. For the second time no less.

But here she was.

As much as it pained Tifa to be back here, she knew it was long past time that she came to terms with the demons of her past. After all, Cloud had finally done just the same with Zack and Aerith's death. Granted, it hadn't been an easy road to redemption, but he had done it, and Tifa couldn't be more proud of him.

Involuntarily, Tifa's muscles coiled as everything from that fateful night came back to her. It was that night, when Sephiroth had brutishly destroyed everything in his sight and needlessly struck down Tifa's own father, that Tifa's unshakeable hatred towards Shinra had been born. Her whole entire life had been taken away from her in such a short amount of time, and nothing, she had justified, but revenge would ever make that pain go away. Now that she was older though, Tifa saw how foolish and selfish she had been. So many innocent people had been dragged into her fight against Shinra, so many lives lost at her expense. And it was all because of a childish declaration of revenge.

As if sensing how tense his companion was, Cloud glanced towards Tifa as she silently stared out at the town. She stood like this for what seemed like hours, reliving all the memories that she would have rather forgotten. The raw pain that Tifa felt associated with this place was the same as his, so Cloud understood clearly how she felt. He just stood by her the whole time, not saying a word. But he didn't have to. Just having him close by, having his all encompassing presence and security with her was enough.

Finally when she was ready, Tifa exhaled and looked to Cloud, the weight of her sins visibly lifted in the way she held herself. She seemed stronger, more assertive, and that quiet strength was what Cloud had always loved about her.

"I'm glad we came back here," Tifa admitted to him earnestly, gazing out at the sleepy town again. Although the memories of what had happened here would never entirely leave her, the past could no longer rule her life or hurt her like it did before. Smiling weakly, she looked back to Cloud, her gaze sincere, "Thank you for coming back here with me."

Cloud shook his head softly, "You would have done the same for me."

Tifa smiled and nodded. A tender, almost unnoticeable warmth formed in the pit of her stomach and sent jittery tingles through her body. Trying to ignore the sensation and how much she enjoyed how it made her feel, Tifa tried to change the subject. "Hey, how about we set up at the well," she suggested brightly, nodding her head over at the water tower of their past, "You know, just for old times sake."

Cloud shrugged agreeably, smirking slightly after Tifa as they made her way over to the oak water tower. It wasn't all that tall, but in order to get up on the platform they needed to climb up the creaky ladder attached in the back. Tifa went up it first, and Cloud followed as they walked around the edge of the platform and gazed up at the sky.

The night sky above them was like a beautiful quilt melded together with various patches of dark blue and periwinkle. The almost full moon was blooming just over the top of Shinra Manor and was accompanied by a million irregularly sized stars, dazzling the sky like a mine of rare diamonds. The glow bathed the entire town, including Cloud and Tifa, in an ethereal silver frosting.

Tifa's breath hitched and she smiled, glancing over to Cloud when she was sure he wasn't looking just to see his expression. It was as placid as to be expected, but past his emotionless façade, Tifa had come to see, was an entirely different story. Giggling inwardly, Tifa gazed back up at the sky and let herself become unraveled in its majesty.

"It's really pretty isn't it?" Tifa said aloud without even realizing. She didn't look back to Cloud, but she imagined he nodded in silent agreement.

Cloud and Tifa eventually lowered themselves on the wooden platform so they sat at the edge, their legs dangling over the side casually. After sitting there for a while, Tifa let out a shy laugh. "This feels just like when we were kids huh? The water tower, us sitting almost exactly in the same places, the night sky…" Tifa drifted off wistfully

It really was as if they were trying to recreate a moment in time. The most perfect moment. Even though most of the memories now associated with Nibelheim were either bad or tainted, the memory of two kids under the warm night sky, even after all these years, remained the proof that at one time things had been wonderful. It was one of the strongest memories Tifa clung to, and wasn't one her heart ever wanted to let go of.

"It's like nothing's changed," Cloud spoke up, startling Tifa. She turned to him curiously, her eyes gently pressing into him until he went on. He shrugged awkwardly, his gaze shifting slightly. "…We've been through so much since that time. And this town as well…But yet here we are." Cloud looked up to her again, "It's just strange."

Tifa offered a faint smile and nodded, "It is…" Everything was different, yet really, how much had changed?

Cloud lowered his eyes away again, but Tifa's gaze still remained consistent. Finally she spoke up again.

"Is it hard for you too?" Tifa paused, "You know, to be back here?"

Cloud shook his head, meeting Tifa's eyes, "A little. Always is…. But I've come here a few times now, so it's easier."

A few times? Tifa looked at him curiously, "Really?" His comment had caught her off guard. Cloud had never talked about visiting Nibelheim. Then again, there was a lot that Cloud kept to himself. "I thought when you went out by yourself you always went to…" Tifa stopped, wincing at what she had almost said.

Cloud's gaze flickered away, but to Tifa's relief, he didn't seem upset. Simply thoughtful. "…I did go to the church often…You know, to clear my head and to…." He cut himself off and looked back up to Tifa, "But I came here sometimes too, to remember..."

Tifa smiled half-heartedly, "There's a lot of things to remember here."

Cloud's gaze was steady. He didn't say anything for a long time, but eventually he nodded and retreated back to his introverted thoughts.

But again, Tifa didn't mind the long lull in conversation.

In this moment in the radar of eternity, all that mattered right now was Cloud's presence beside her and the serenity of the night. It was all she could want and so much more.

` Ever since moving in together at the new Seventh Heaven in Edge, Tifa and Cloud seldom had the time to talk or enjoy one another's company. Tifa had the bar to run and Denzel and Marlene to take care of, while Cloud kept more than busy with his delivery service. There were times when the four of them could be together, but never just Cloud and Tifa alone. And then all at once Cloud had just left, isolating himself from Tifa and the kids for months. His absence had certainly taken its toll on everyone.

But now that the mess with Kadaj, Sephiroth, and Geostigma has been cleared away, their lives had finally begun to turn around. Cloud had returned to living with Tifa, Denzel, and Marlene and was making an obvious point to be a part of their lives. It wasn't much, the things he would do, such as taking Denzel and Marlene for day trips out of Edge or helping Tifa clean up after closing hours, but it still gave Tifa hope that they were finally becoming an actual family.

Barret however, had felt the need to give them further assistance. The other day he had surprised them all by unexpectedly showing up at Seventh Heaven, much to the delight of Marlene. Tifa had curiously asked him the nature of his visit, just as he then conjured up two free passes to the Golden Saucer that someone in his travels had given him. He had declared that they were for Cloud and Tifa. Knowing she had been set up, Tifa had dutifully told Barret she and Cloud couldn't go out, and that Barret should take Marlene instead. Barret however had counter-argued that Tifa and Cloud were both long overdue for a vacation and needed an adult's night out to have some fun again.

"You're too young to forget what fun feels like," Barret had told her gruffly with a hearty laugh, but even still Tifa had refused. After a few more unsuccessful attempts, Barret wrangled Marlene and Denzel up and had them do the begging and pleading for him. All three of them desperately wanted Cloud and Tifa to go out, and it was mere impossible to ignore or refuse.

It had taken a long time of convincing before a flustered but appreciative Tifa eventually accepted the tickets, promising Marlene and Denzel that they'd all go together very soon. When Cloud had come home later, Tifa had told him what had transpired and he simply sighed tiredly and to her surprise asked when they planned on going out.

Despite her initial reluctance, Tifa didn't regret going out with Cloud tonight for anything. Barret had been right when he had said that Tifa had needed it. Her and Cloud both actually, now that she thought about it. Their "date", if one could call it that, hadn't been anything superfluous; it had just been two friends playing games, going on rides, and simply relishing being in a great company.

Tifa had always felt clumsy over her words whenever she was in a circumstance where she had to voice her own feelings. Unlike people like Aerith, whom she still admired and envied, she had never been able to effortlessly speak from the heart or express herself.

But with Cloud, she seldom felt the necessity to. Without any words at all, he put her mind and body completely at ease, and things just felt right when they were together. And maybe that was part of the reason she liked him as much as she did. Too many people in this world felt the incessant need to say too much, but Cloud was not like that at all. He was a man of few words, and only said what was needed, if any. In many ways, Tifa had come to see, she and Cloud were very much alike in the way they struggled to find the right words. They were both perhaps socially awkward in that sense. But as awkward as they were, sitting in silence next to him was anything but. She, for once in her life, felt comfortable again by just simply being with someone. And Tifa knew that that was something rare indeed.

The whole night it had just been her and Cloud, and everything else had just fallen away. And to her utter delight, their night was still going on without end, and had somehow brought them back to this sacred spot. Everything in the universe, especially now, just felt right. And Tifa felt that Cloud was thinking the same exact thing.

But even if he wasn't, Tifa wanted nothing more than to just pretend in the silence that Cloud was, and that he'd always be hers. Whether Cloud actually felt the same as she, perhaps Tifa might never know.

And that was why silence was a doubled edged sword:

While it prevented people from saying too much, it also restrained them from saying the words that needed to be spoken out loud…

Although she would have preferred for the memories to have stayed locked up tight in her heart, they all at once flooded over her like water through a broken dam. They were memories of Cloud, of her and him together particularly. They were of the times when she had asked herself the time's old question: Does he love me as much as I love him?

It was all the same, but the most mortifying memory was of the two of them making love the night before their final battle against Sephiroth. Both of them completely undone beneath the Highwind that night by the sheer force of everything. It had been a beautiful, complicated, and mesmerizing act done in absolute silence. Beautiful. What had Tifa said to him that night? Oh, of course:

"Words aren't the only way to tell someone how you feel."

She could remember it all too well…. The taste of his skin, the warmth as their bodies melted together, and the tingling, insatiable joy as Cloud had entered her. And his eyes. Oh, that gaze. The intense glow of his gaze as his body lowered over her. His gaze of Mako-saturated eyes. The color of the sky, with swirls of unworldly greens and blues. She would remember and feel those haunting eyes with the same intensity for the many nights to come.

In no words at all, Cloud had given Tifa his everything. In turn, he had taken her virginity and so much more…

But that was where it ended.

The next morning, they didn't speak about their night at all. Tifa had expected as much, and she hadn't thought that there was any need to rehash what had happened. But then as the hours turned into days, and then months, and then years, Tifa began to feel as though she was suffocating. It was so obvious how badly they both wanted to ignored the huge elephant in the room, but Tifa couldn't take it. She needed to have one of them finally work up the courage to least acknowledge it or maybe even ask, "What just happened between us?" And then after that, perhaps they could venture further by asking "What did it mean?", and then, "Where do we go from here?"

Weren't they supposed to ask these questions? Tifa, not having any other experience of the sort, assumed yes. Simultaneously however, Tifa was also wondering if words would ruin it? Would talking about their magical night together, dissecting every savoring detail out loud, make the memory seem less sacred than it actually was? Tifa never wanted to imagine such a thing.

So was it really better off that they had said nothing at all?

And that was where she was conflicted; while she very much enjoyed just quietly being near Cloud, for some reason she had a desperate need to figure out exactly what Cloud was feeling for her. Was it really that much to say the words "I love you" out loud to finally just confirm the act they had preformed. Then again, they didn't call it making love for nothing. But still, Tifa knew that people who often weren't in love made love anyway, like it meant nothing. Was that it? Had they just been using one another that night to comfort one another's fears? Just so that they didn't feel so scared and alone in the world?

Tifa exhaled, her head now spinning and her thinking slurred. Was this all in her head? Was any of what they had shared real?

At all?!

She knew she was over-thinking this ridiculously, but she couldn't help herself. She also knew that she could easily have all the answers she needed just been turning to the person on her left, but she couldn't.

She just couldn't.

She wanted the truth, hear it come flooding forth from Cloud's mouth to either liberate her from or confirm her greatest fears and insecurities. But sometimes what people wish for isn't all what they wanted. Tifa knew this well. As badly as she to be embraced by the truth, Tifa knew she'd safer within the realms of her delusions. Never finding out Cloud's feelings corresponded with Tifa's wouldn't nearly be as terrible as finding out that what they "shared" together meant nothing to Cloud.

Sometimes, things were better left unsaid. Now was no exception.

Unbeknownst to Tifa however, Cloud had come to the same decision in his own mind. As badly as he wanted to finally come clean with Tifa, the little boy inside of him made him hold back. Ever since he was young, he had always feared being rejected by Tifa, and had always been ashamed of how important she meant to him. These thoughts consumed him. It was back then that Tifa had always acted like Cloud didn't exist, going off with her own friends and their silly games. Now that they were both older, nothing had really changed. Tifa and him were finally close, but his romantic feelings were still stifled and he still feared merely the idea of being rejected by the most beautiful, loving, and independent woman he had ever know.

Aerith, Cloud had realized when he noticed the tension between Cloud and Tifa in conversations about the deceased flower girl, was another factor. Perhaps he had blind to it at the time since Aerith and Tifa had always been such good friends, but at the root of their friendship was a flare of jealously. Cloud enjoyed both women, but Aerith had been the one who was unafraid to make her feelings known. Looking back, Cloud couldn't be sure if he had given Tifa a reason to think he preferred one of them over the other, but the others in the group seemed to think so. Especially after Aerith's devastating death.

But the way Cloud had responded to her death was justified wasn't it? It didn't matter whether he preferred Aerith over Tifa at that moment. Aerith had been a great friend, and she had been an innocent life taken. No one deserved to die, and she had died even though Cloud had promised to be her bodyguard and never let anything bad happen to her. She was his responsibility and he had let her die.

It had taken a long time to finally believe that Aerith was at peace and that he wasn't to blame for her premature death. But now that Aerith's death no longer came between them, there should be no problems. Right? Cloud wasn't so naïve as to think so. If Tifa really had believed that he had loved Aerith, would she think that Cloud was just using her as a replacement for Aerith? Is that what she had thought when they had made love that night, and why she hadn't ever brought it up again? That was something that Cloud never would have wanted for Tifa. She deserved so much more than to ever feel second place to anyone…

After all, Tifa was, and always would be, his first and only love.

Yes, he loved Aerith, and Aerith would always have a firm grip on his heart. But what he felt for Aerith just wasn't the same as what he felt for his childhood sweetheart, Tifa Lockhart. He had lost his memory, and had forgotten so much of this, but now that he was back in control of himself, he knew with more certainly than ever that the woman he was in love with would always be Tifa.

When Cloud had told her that nothing had changed just now, he had meant that with all his heart. His feelings for Tifa on that night when he promised to be her hero whenever she was in a bind, had never left him. The same stifled passion, with Tifa at the center of his universe. The way he felt, and the way he was too afraid to tell how long he'd been in love with her.

None of that had ever changed.

When Cloud would finally fess up, was anybody's guess. Cloud knew he was a coward, and he knew he couldn't lie to himself otherwise. But that was the truth, and the truth hurts. And if Cloud could help it, he sure as hell was not going to inflict that kind of pain on their already fragile world.

Sighing wearily, Cloud unobtrusively glanced Tifa's way. She had her head down, her long raven colored hair hiding her face. Feeling Cloud's shy gaze, Tifa looked up and sent him a warm smile. He managed a smile back as he watched her run her fair fingers through her hair and pull it behind her ear in one fluid motion.

Tilting her head to the side slightly, Tifa's gaze steadied on Cloud as he continued to stare at her without saying anything. "What's wrong?"

Cloud shook his head, "Nothing….I was just thinking abut something from before." He paused, casting his eyes out at the horizon. Tifa did the same, swinging her legs out so they skimmed the crisp night air before curling them back towards her. Cloud glanced at her again, and found she was already watching him. Swallowing, he spoke. "Tifa…?"

"Yeah?" She smiled encouragingly after he didn't say anything, lowering her gaze self-consciously. Steadying her racing heart after a long pause, she rose her eyes into his again. "You know what I think?" she began casually, and Cloud frowned pensively. "I think it's really stupid that we always worry and put such a strong emphasis on what others will think of us. You know? I mean…" Tifa faced forward as she flexed her legs out again and swung them back in. "If you have something to say, just say it." She looked back to Cloud and shrugged, "…Or not."

Cloud released his face from the grip of his frown. "…That's easier said than done."

"Maybe, huh?" Tifa held Cloud's gaze, lowering her eyes as she let her mind process what he had just said, before meeting his eyes again. "So that's it then?"

Shrugging, Cloud looked up at the sky, a mine of diamonds. He wasn't sure how to answer that, or if he even could. After all these years, he still had not arrived at the answer to the question Tifa was asking.

Simultaneously, Tifa was playing with her hands in her lap. She waited, hoping, just maybe, that Cloud might give her some sign or a glimpse of how he felt. But when it didn't come she sighed and gave up.

"It's just silly…" Tifa said finally, ending the conversation before it even started. Her voice was small and quiet. She shrugged, shaking her head resiliently as Cloud came to meet her eyes. "But it's what makes us human I guess huh?"

Inhaling the crisp chill of night again as it pushed around her gently, Tifa let herself lean backwards and positioned her arms out to the side to support her body as she gazed up at the sky. It was gorgeous, one of the most beautiful skies she had ever seen. Tonight, the sky appeared to be so close to the earth, as if it were merely painted on a ceiling that one could reach out and touch. But that was ridiculous. No matter how close the sky and all the treasures it horded in its vast dreamy pastures appeared, it was forever untouchable.

Untouchable…

For good and for worse, the silence was far more ambiguous at times than either of them would have liked. And yet they both preferred this over ruining whatever majesty existed in-between the gaps of conversation. So, in casting aside their own feelings, they hid behind their quite smiles that mirrored one another…All the while never quite seeing that the truth they were so unwilling to learn, the truth that was so blatantly staring them in the face, was the thing that they had both wanted to hear all along.