Im alive! And writing on my tatablet because my computer broke and this is nearly impossible and I know the format sucks I cant change it on this thing. Sorry! But yay update also turns out I have a gennetic connective tissue disease that causes me to dislocate things daily and my whole body to sorta always be falling apart because cconnective tissue is everything. It causes lot of pain unfortunately but im doing my best.
Hope iits ok!-Jazz
;"The next day had started with therapy for Kurt, and Puck couldn't help but wish he could've gone with because when Kurt came back? He came back with bloodshot eyes and very quiet, seemingly lost in thought and emotionally drained. As much as he already missed the initial happiness that came the day before he knew that working through this would be an uphill battle. As is he'd spent all night tossing and turning unable to stop thinking about Kurt sleeping alone in the hospital bed worrying that without other people around to keep his mind off of what had happened his mind would drift back into the dark place that lead him to the cemetery with a plan in mind. Puck had showed up before visitors where even allowed and was snuck into Kurt's room by a kind nurse who had seen them in bed cuddling the day before and assumed they were together. Seeing that he was getting more time with Kurt he decided not to correct her. After therapy however Kurt had quietly asked to take a nap so their free time was spent sleeping apart but together and Puck slipped off easily before being roused awake by the creaking of Kurt's bed. "Kurt what are you doing? " Puckerman asked with his eyes still closed, he'd been listening to Kurt attempt to slip out of bed for the last five minutes. Hearing a heavy sigh he opened his eyes and saw Kurt blush slightly "I was trying not to wake you while I went to fix my gross hair and brush my teeth, if it smells as bad as it feels I shouldn't be around humans." Letting out a snort Puck moved to grab the bag on the table behind him and helped Kurt into the bathroom watching the boy take in his appearance and frown heavily before averting his eyes from the mirror. "You're still beautiful you know" Puck said quietly letting one of his hands settle against the firm pale hip peaking out through the lounge pants Kurt was wearing and felt his lips tilt up in a slight smile when he saw a flush of pink touch the tips of Kurt's ears only to drop into a frown once Kurt responded. " You dont need to lie to me Noah. I know how what I look like, you dont need to worry Ill try again just because I saw the reality that's my own reflection" Puck could hear the bitterness in the words, he could see the way Kurt kept his eyes down and the tension in his jaw and recognized the look of near self loathing he'd seen on his own face more than once in the mirror after banging some milf to make sure he got tipped well enough to be able to provide for his sister. He knocked Kurt's toothbrush from his hands and turned Kurt to face him, kicking the bathroom door shut and lacing their fingers together causing Kurt to look up at him in confusion. "You really dont see yourself clearly do you?" he asked lifting one hand to lightly touch the side of Kurt's cheek and caressing it in a decisive moment of affection. He was done hiding who he was. Especially from Kurt. Maybe if he'd been honest about his confusing feelings for the boy in front of him as opposed to keeping his distance out of fear…this wouldn't have happened. Kurt averted his eyes and pulled his hands away turning back to the sink and splashed some water on his face before speaking. " really Noah you dont have to do this….yesterday was intense and I was pretty out of it sure and I know you said some stuff…but you dont need to keep this up, I don't expect you to suddenly think I'm wonderful and attractive just because I nearly died. Im alive. You're a hero and badass. You dont need to feel guilty and pretend to like the gay boy just to save my feelings " Fuck it. Apparently subtlety isn't going to do it with Kurt, he would need to be direct if he was ever going to get him to take what he was saying and feeling seriously. With that decision he reached for Kurt once more grabbing his hips to turn him and back him against the bathroom door stepping into his personal space causing Kurt to look up at him with wide confused eyes. " is this OK?" Puck asked praying he wasn't blushing purple and nearly sighed in relief when Kurt nodded slightly, it was reassuring he saw no fear in those eyes staring into his own so intently. "Kurt….I meant every word I said yesterday, this isn't because Im guilty or because Im trying to save your feelings…and if I was less of a coward I would have told you how I feel about you years ago but I swear on my Nana I am being honest with you. I think you're incredible Kurt, and Im done pretending I dont want you. " the words were quiet, but they were firm and Puck hoped that Kurt could see and hear the truth of his words. "I…y-you…what?" he could see the disbelief written all over his face and sighed taking Kurt's face between his hands. "I know this isn't the most ideal timing, but the reality of almost losing you means I cant let you keep thinking that no one wants you. That there isn't someone who thinks about you every single day, who wonders what it would be like to hold you, or if your lips are as soft as they look. That no one thinks you're amazing and way too good for the people in this stupid ass town. That no one looks into your eyes sometimes and forgets how to think straight and ends up saying something stupid just to keep from blurting out how they feel about you. ….Kurt I hate hearing that you think you are unwanted especially since its the furthest fucking thing from the truth." "Am I hallucinating? " he heard Kurt whisper and felt two trembling hands reach up and clench into his shirt bunching up the fabric. He let out a laugh and shook his head whipping away a tear that escaped Kurt's eye. " Am I really dead? " "Nope...you're really here, this is real..but out of curiosity would you consider this heaven or hell ?" At that he saw a corner of Kurt's lips tilt up and let his hands fall to Kurt's shoulders. "Look….nothing needs to happen here and if you want to forget I ever said this then Ill accept that and respect it and I swear it wont change me being here for you, you're stuck with me now. Even if only ever as friends" with that Puck forced himself to take a step back only to be held in place by the hands clenched in his T-shirt within moments Kurt had switched their positions holding him against the door and was staring at him as if he'd never seen him before. "Do you mean to tell me that you think you can say all those amazing things to me and I could ever in a million years forget it?" Kurt asked and Puck flushed lightly before shrugging a shoulder and rubbing the back of his neck with one of his tanned hands. "I just want you to know there's no like…pressure or anything. I mean…I'm not Blaine. Or Finn or even Sam. I know of all the guys who could blurt out their secretly in love with you Im probably not the one you'd chose and I accept that… I know I'm not the type of guy you'd ever…I mean…. you just…You needed to know that you're wanted. Maybe not by who you'd hope but that there is someone who if given the chance to be with you would take it without a second thought. " Puck couldn't help but wonder if Kurt could feel how hard his heart was pounding, there it was. ..his heart and soul blurted out in the bathroom of a hospital to the one guy that made him question everything. Not that a change of venue would make a difference. He wasn't stupid. Being Kurt's friend and protector was one thing but he had no high hopes that his feelings would be returned…like he said, he wasn't Blaine. "You-you're in love with me ?" he looked into Kurt's eyed and nodded. "Why?" he heard Kurt breath out and he let his hands slip back to Kurt's hips giving them a slight squeeze. "Have you met yourself? How could I not?" he said with a small smile before letting go and waiting to be told to forget the conversation had ever happened and they would never be anything more than friends. "Noah…-"Kurt started and before he could finish the door was pulled open causing both boys to topple to the floor, one on top of the other at the feet of a bemused Burt Hummel. "Im not even going to ask." Burt said with a head shake before reaching down to help up the two of them and Puck knew both himself and Kurt probably looked more than a little intimate pressed up together in the bathroom against the door and mentally cringed at the idea that his approval from might be in jeopardy but then the man gave him a wide smile and patted him on the shoulder before giving his son a bear hug and ruffling his hair causing Kurt to nearly squawk in protest and both himself and laugh. "Just came to tell you kids…there going to let us take you home tomorrow night so just one more day and you will be back in your own bed and I already talked to the schools and whenever you are ready you can go back to McKinley. Finn apparently had a talk with coach beiste and that glee teacher of yours apparently him and some of your other friends swore they'd quit both teams unless they got their head out of their asses and stepped up to start protecting their students and doing something about the bullying, your scary friend Santana apparently did the same with that cheer lady who didn't need to be convinced and I've been told to inform you that once your ready apparently you will be taking the co captain spot with that Santana girl and she's sworn you will be given her full backing and protection against the and I quote "the knuckle dragging heathens"….I should mention that i really like that woman, she's got spirit that's for damn sure " Puck watched Kurt take in the news and saw the complete and utter shock just flood his face "for me? They threatened to QUIT for me? Who? Why?" It bothered him how surprised Kurt seemed to be over his friends having his back, though in all honesty looking at their past actions he couldn't blame him really. Them stepping up had been long over do. "Fin and I had a talk with the glee kids and the football team….the gleeks on the team made it clear if shit didn't change we were all done. The idea of losing the quarterback and only talented members on the team was enough to make them listen. We aren't screwing around with this shit anymore. They either knock this shit off or we are done and any chance they had of getting scouted for college is over because the team cant play without players and we know if Sylvester gets the chance she will make sure to get the entire program cut if they dont have enough players since her cheerios actually win. So between us, coach and Sylvester….I'm pretty sure we scared the team enough they wont be so much as making eye contact. And Im not completely sure what they did….but I think Brittany and Santana did or said something to Karofsky and Rachel…not that I could really blame them but Karofsky is switching schools apparently and Rachel got pulled out of glee by her dads and the only thing I know is she came back to school with her tail between her legs and Santana and Britt both looked way too proud of themselves and whenever the look at Rachel she squeaks and averts her eyes apparently.…oh and Santana mentioned that Rachel's dads have a meeting with the principal about opening a GSA at McKinley and are apparently more than happy to involve the ACLU if they have a problem with it. Things are going to be changing at McKinley that's for damn sure." By the end of his speech , he could see Kurt swaying on his feet and quickly stepped forward lifting the stunned teen placing him back in bed and meeting the eyes of a concerned Burt Hummel when big fat tears started rolling down the pale cheeks and Kurt let out a barely restrained sob. Both men rushed forward reaching out to comfort and asking if he was alright, in response Kurt gave both of them a watery smile. "Im just….stunned? Overwhelmed? This …I never thought anything like this would happen. This could help so many people…not just me. I just…thank you. Tell everyone thank you so much " Noah met Burt's eyes over Kurt's head and the man gave him a very understanding smile before saying " I think Im going to go call Carol and tell her the good news, Ill leave you boys to talk" and gave what Noah assumed was supposed to be a subtle wink before leaving the room. Kurt looked up at him with watery eyes and hesitant smile before he patted the space on the bed next to him on the bed and moved over. Noah crawled in beside Kurt and wound his arm around the boys shoulders pulling him in so that Kurt was once again cuddled against his chest causing Kurt to huff out a laugh before letting himself relax against Noah's chest and allowed himself to be cuddled. "Noah?" He looked down at the chestnut head of hair and felt his heart warm when he felt Kurt's fingers tracing patterns over his shirt "yeah?" "Do you think maybe when things have calmed down and Im back home we could spend some time together? Talk? I…I know we got interrupted before but…if you meant what you said? I hope you know there's not a chance in hell of me forgetting that. It matters Noah...you loving me matters and Im definitely going to be thinking about everything you said, and I want us to talk about it " with that Kurt lifted his head and met Noah's eyes before lifting a hand and running his fingers over the nervous jocks cheek affectionately. Noah wondered if this was Kurt's way of letting him down gently and as if Kurt could see the perceived rejection on his face as he lowered his eyes, he felt fingers gently cup his chin and lift his face to once again meet Kurt's. "And Noah? One more thing?" Kurt said with a look of determination reminiscent of the fierce countertenor they all knew and loved. "Yeah Kurt?" "You dont see yourself clearly either" he whispered before leaning in and pressing his lips against the tanned teens causing Noah's brain to nearly short circuit before he snapped to attention and responded to the kiss whole heartedly pulling Kurt in closer deciding even this was the first and last time he got to kiss Kurt Hummel he'd try to make it everything a kiss should be for Kurt, keeping his lips soft and slow bringing a hand to tangle into the back of Kurts hair and letting his other hand pull him closer by the hip before letting his fingers slip beneath the back of his shirt and rest his warm against Kurts lower back resulting in Kurt letting out a soft sigh and essentially melt into him. When they both finally pulled away Noah knew his heart felt like it was going to burst from his rib cage because he'd never felt anything like that kissing anyone else and if there was even the smallest doubt in his mind about how he felt about Kurt it sure as hell was gone now. "Wow..that was..wow, yeah..talking..we should do that soon" he heard the breathless whisper and opened his eyes to meet the glazed ones of the beautiful boy in his arms and took in the flushed cheeks and kiss swollen lips and eyes gone glassy with want and groaned softly dropping his forehead to rest against Kurts with a slight chuckle. "If you keep looking at me like that Im going to kiss you again and Im trying really hard to show self control" he admitted softly "Thats not exactly a deterrant you realize?" Kurt quipped with a small grin letting his hand stroke the worn material over Noahs muscular chest, grin widening when he heard an amused snort leave Noah, before a more tender look came over his face and he moved to look more fully at Noah once more. "I really wish that had been my first kiss. That you had been my first kiss." he admitted and saw Noah frown "Why? Who was your first kiss?" "It…can we talked about it another time? I dont want to think about that right now but its probably something we will have to talk about I guess. Lets just say Id have much preffered it to have be you. It should have been you." he said softly and found his eyes falling once more to Noah's and vaguely wondered if he could really rationalize kissing Noah again despite him knowing they should talk first. "In that case…how about we decide that this is the first one that counts? Because you're right. It should have been me and if I had been less of a dumbass it might have been. If you wanted me to at least. Im sorry I was a coward" Kurt leaned in to softly peck Noah's lips once more , and then again catching him slightly by suprise before a wide pleased grin stretched over his lips. "You arent a coward Noah. You've never been a coward. A little lost maybe once in a while but I certainly wont ever judge you for not being ready . I couldnt hide who I was and Ive always felt very sure….but I can understand how difficult and confusing it would be for someone else especially if they arent sure like I was, more than most believe me I can understand not wanting the backlash or possible judgement. I get it. Hell I dated Brittany because I was desperate to be someone Im not to try and bond with my dad because I was afraid. Despite people calling me fag to my face before I was old enough to know what it means because I was so obvious, I still didnt actually come out till after my stint as kicker. No one can tell you when you should feel ready to come out as anything other than straight. Society is to blame that its something we're afraid of at all. So dont punish Yourself for it noah ok? I dont. Im just glad you're here now, that you could share it with me." He flushed and shrugged slightly letting his fingers go back to tracing paterns over the muscular chest "See…how can you be suprised im in love with you when this is the kind of guy you are? I think' lost' is putting it lightly but you being able to forgive me for being a complete asshole and idiot is more than i ever hoped for. To be honest I dont think I ever imagined you would let me hold you like this….to touch you without you being afraid of me. Hell I never in my wildest day dreams thought you'd ever willingly kiss someone like me" "I do forgive you Noah, I think though maybe its time you forgave yourself. Im here because of you. I get to go back to school and be with my friends because of you. Im going to be safe because of you. To be perfectly honest? I know I said we need to talk and we do….but you should know you have a blanket permission unless I state otherwise to hold me whenever the hell you want." Noah grinned and wrapped his arms more firmly around Kurt " I hope you know what your in for now that Ive got persmission. Like I said Im not hiding how I feel about you or who I am anymore. If I have permission to touch you now does that mean I can flirt with you? " "Oh Im counting on It since I fully intend on flirting with you every chance I get" Kurt admitted with a smirk and Noah laughed outright. "Im looking forward to it" " you should kiss me again" Kurt challenged raising a brow and within seconds he was smiling against Noah's lips because it may have come as a shock….but there was no denying the want or tenderness in Noahs eyes right before he leaned in. They both broke apart when they heard a high pitched squeal and clapping followed by the words "Wanky" causing Kurt to imediately pull back only to be pulled back in for one last peck and held to keep him from leaving his place in Noah's arms which made he stomach flip because obviously this is what Noah meant when he was said he was done hiding. He didnt seem to be phased to have been caught kissing a guy…Kurt… by both Santana and Brittany who where staring at both both them with matching grins and linked pinkies. Kurt felt a moment of brief fear before remembering everthing he learned these girls had done for him and relaxing since the smiles on each girls face was more friendly and proud than anything else. "I just want to say I am in full support of this development and I will kick the ass of anyone who disagrees. Puck is MUCH better for our porcelain than the helmet head hobbit gargler and at least now I can stop pretending to ignore the longing stares at my co-captains ass in skinny jeans Puck thinks I dont notice and porcelains glazed eyes everytime Puck wears sleeveless s Tees or flexes. Its a lot of work pretending to be oblivious when you are as brillant as me you know? Plus you two together is all kinds of hott right brittbritt?" snarked Santana leaving both boys flushing but smiling none the less. "Totally hott. Does this mean Puck is your new sharky dolphin Kurtie? I think he should be, you would be the bestest boyfriends because you were the nicest boyfriend ever and the awesomest kisser and softest baby hands and I really want you to be so happy and have a really sexy boy to kiss that can really see you. I know Puck sees you. He could always see you, you guys should totally have baby shark-dolphin hybrids together." and Brittany nodded her head decidedly at the two of them. "I love you both get over here" Kurt said fondly with tears in his eyes and sniffled before opening his arms toward both girls who grinned at each other before jumping onto the bed causing what Noah could only describe as a puppy pile of cuddles with Kurt giggling in the middle and Brittany making dolphin noises trying to burrow her face into his stomach and wrap around him like an octopus. Noah met Santanas eyes over Kurt and Brittanys heads and they shared a look of fond adoration at the two blue eyed teens that seemed to be able to sing a song that was able to calm even their wild hearts and inner chaos. Later on Burt Hummel would walk back in with his wife and find a tangled mess of teenagers fast asleep cuddled together in his sons hospital bed and grin before taking a few pictures for evidence and deciding to take his wife to lunch and let the kids sleep./p