Getting It On (Inspired and Based on True Events)

Today was an ordinary May morning. Sometimes they can feel us or what I can say that nature can release to us. Then again, it's all bullshit. I woke up and was ready to get to EJH. I really don't like morning, but I can say this; we all have a choice, even when we don't know.

Can we all get along? That's my decision to play rough or even care. I was walking through the halls of EJH, Elmore Junior High, and I can't help but say that this is some morning. I was reminded of an old hunting trip I had.

I was with my dad and his friend. We were hunting bucks or a deer, in my case, but it wasn't all bad.

We were walking along the lines and it seemed calm, but I needed to piss, take a load, make lemonade, or whatever you want to call it. My dad and his friend were talking though.

"Do you know what I'll do if I find you with my wife?" He asked

"Probably ask for help?" He said, then releasing a big laugh from both of them.

"No, but seriously, do you know what I'll do?" He nodded and he took out this big black blade. It was a rare hunting knife. It's been modified so many times that it needed to keep the handle working since it's over 500 years old. Believe me, it's old, but so much blood was on that weapon.

"I would cut off your fucking dick and slice you up. I don't care what the police would do to me. When a woman lets another man enter the tunnel, I'll lose it." He was dead serious and I could tell that he may have scared him for life. "I would do what the Indians did," he said, while holding the knife in a grapple position, "cut off the body part that got them in trouble." Then I just couldn't hold it anymore.

"Dad, I have to go."

"Well go ahead," he said and I just ran out and took it out. Nothing came out. I should there in the cold, it was stiff, but now wasn't the time for that. I just keep forcing it out, but nothing came out. It finally came out and I may have flooded the forest with my piss.

I ran back and looked for my dad and there he was. He gave me something that day. The reason why was because when I ran back, I heard something.

I remembered that I had my dad's revolver. It was a snub nose, but only one bullet was inserted in that thing. I was 9 at the time. The dark was crawling around me and the howlers were disturbing. They sounded like animals doing each other or just an act of rape.

That second, I heard a twig snapped and I turned and shot fire. I didn't know what I shot and I dropped the gun and crawled myself in like a baby. Me, personally, was scared at the time and didn't know what to do. I heard my dad coming towards with a flashlight. He saw my back and when he called me out, I was covered in blood. My innocence was gone, but something was born. My dad went over and saw I shot a deer. He was proud of me, but yet I was so scared that I pissed my pants. I didn't even think it was possible, after the load I got out. That day he drove me to a fast food restaurant, bought me a cheeseburger and gave me a gun. It was a gun that wasn't like a revolver. I don't know the name, but when I do, I'll tell you.

Anyway, I was walking with a couple of my friends and then Principal Brown calls me into his office. I knew exactly what it was about, I damn well knew.

When I entered his office, he told me to sit down and then he sat down. I folded my hands, but I will say I have an amazing way of folding my hands.

"How have you been?" He asked.

"It's been alright."

"Good," he then checked some papers, "but you know why you're here, right?" He then gave me this cliché look when it happens in the movies.

"How could I forget? Beating him up was an unforgettable moment."

"You know he is recovering in the hospital and won't be back for a month."

"That's something."

"Is it?"

"Hey, I didn't kill him. That's something"

"Yes it is," he said to me, trying to put guilt on me, "but do you wish you had?"

"No." He got up and gave me this dirty look while he leaned over to me.

"I'm kind of irritated when I say I'm trying to help you."

"Don't bother."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Wouldn't you say that I'm this kid that no one understands?" He didn't know how to answer my question. "Aren't we all just some game that all the time we all lose a try?"

"I don't know what you're trying to say to me? But let's not play games then. This is a public facility that we should respect each other, even if we can't stand being next to each other. We try to live together and we move on, that's life. What's so hard to understand?"

"What if we aren't supposed to follow these rules?"

"You have to. You knew this when you got in this school."

"No. No I did not," I said, trying to show him a turn around. "Since I wasn't allowed to make choices like that because my parents put me in school since they believe if I can get an education then I can have a successful life, but does it really happen? Believe me, I know that since I know many people that went to college and became successful, but then they're others. They are people who didn't get an education and what happened was they became the biggest thing in the entertainment business. They earn more than any 'college education' got them. School has never been a factor in becoming successful since that's the hard way. The easy way is just let crazy shit happen to you and you become famous. Simple as that, Principal Brown or you don't get it?" He stared at me steadily before sitting back down.

"Well the school says differently," he said as he went over some papers, "schools have helped many people become symbols in our living society."

"Is that supposed to mean something?"

"Why did you do it? For God sakes, he was there for nearly four hours on an operating table-"

"Why is Mr. Small's question." I said "He's the school shrink. You, you only ask it because it makes a lead-in to your sermon. They don't mean shit to me. It's over. He was going to live or die. He lived. I'm glad for that, but I honestly don't give a damn about him. Do what you want, but don't try to understand me."

"Understanding is part of my job."

"But me helping you do your job isn't part of mine." I said. I was dead serious what I said. "So listen up so I can help you with your little communication problem."

"Okay." I held my hands to my lap. They were trembling for God sakes.

"I'm sick of you and Miss. Simian; you used to make me afraid of you guys. I'm not anymore. I really am serious. For all of any of us that should be scared should be you. You shouldn't underestimate me. I'm more unpredictable than anything you've seen. You and all of the teachers and students can literally go to hell. You're not qualified to help me. I'm warning you. You're not qualified, so back off." Principal Brown was a bit overwhelmed by this.

"You are disturbed, I will say. But the school says diff-"

"I'm disturbed?" I disrupted him and I think I may have overreacted but I had to say what I had to say.

"Yes, but the school says different." He started to go babbling about that I needed professional help from a psychiatrist.

"Mr. Man, you can go straight to hell."

"What?" He said.

"In hell, judge not, lest ye be judged. Are there any insanity in your family, Nigel?"

"I'll discuss this with you." He said, getting comfortable. "I won't engage in-"

"…immoral sex practices," I finished him off. "Just you and me, okay? First one to jack off wins the Putnam Good Fellowship Award. Fill yore hand, partner. Get Ms. Simian here. We can have a circle jerk."

"Wh-"

"Don't you get the message? You have to pull it sometime, right? Everybody has to get it on; everybody has to have someone to jack off on. Come on. Why don't you just admit it already? You get a kick off my meddling flesh. I'm the best thing that's happened to you since 1976." I swear that he had dropped his jaw.

"Wh-"

"Don't bother. I'm tired of being masturbated on. Be a god damn man for God sakes. And if you can't be a man, then pull up your pants and be a principal."

"Shut up," his face turned bright red from anger. "You're lucky we live in a progressive school and that we don't conclude you as a criminal. I'm not sure you belong here anymore-"

"Thank you," I said as he grunted at me, looking as if I'm a bad guy.

"For treating me like a human being, even if I had to piss you off to do it. That's the real progress." I crossed my legs, acting a bit innocent. "Want to talk about panty raids you made the scene at while you were at Big U learning the kid business?"

"Your mouth is filthy," he said deliberately. "And so is your mind."

"Fuck you," I said and laughed at him. He looked at me wrong as you could vividly see the anger in him.

"You should show me some respect, you rotten little punk."

"I could show you my ass and you'd kiss it," I said.

"Go on and tell us about your panty raids. You'll feel better if you do. Show us your panties! Show us your panties!" He literally grabbed me, but he had self control. He closed his eyes and let me go.

"Get out," he said as he was dead serious. "Get your books, turn them in here, and then get out. Your expulsion will be in effect on Monday and you will be sent to Elmore Academy. I'll talk to your parents on the phone about it. Now get out. I don't want to look at you." I was expelled.

Mr. Small got in and got me out. Before I left, I turned to Principal Brown, winked, and whispered to him.

"Remember. Throws us your panties, right?" I was sent out and they talked for a while.

"Don't worry, the system will be sweeter without him," said Mr. Small.

"I hope so. He's just fucked up and I don't know why."

"…So you understand that when we increase the number of variables, the axioms themselves never change. For example-"

I came in to Ms. Simian's classroom and that was a couple of minutes after my little talk.

"Do you have an office pass?" Ms. Simian smiled at me, knowing that this was going to be the last time she sees me. She was right and I was glad.

"Yes," I said as I took out the pistol from my belt. I wasn't even sure it was loaded until I shot fire at her. She didn't know what hit her, I'm sure of that. She fell sideways onto her desk and then rolled on the floor, and then expectant expression she had on, never left her face.