Title: A Defense Problem

Rating: M

Summary: Takes place during Harry's third year. There's an accident during Defense Against the Dark Arts that causes Hermione to become pregnant with Remus child. How in the name of Merlin did this happen and why is Snape laughing.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of Rowling's characters and I'm making no money.

Chapter 1: The Foundation Of The Problem

"Today, we are watching me work on a potion that will be covered during your sixth year. I want to give you all a taste of the kinds of potions that we will be doing, if you choose to continue to study under me."

It was after Halloween, before the first Quidditch match, and everyone was looking forward to their Christmas break next month. The idea that they had to watch Snape brew a potion was enough to make everyone groan, even the Slytherins. However they didn't dare if they didn't want to get detention from their Head of House.

"This potion is a fertility draft," Snape said, "It's very sensitive to magic and will draw energy of two people that happen to be next to each other. This energy will mimic human sexual interaction and if anyone here doesn't know what that is I suggest you ask your parents."

Ron made a face and Hermione grinned.

"In short, you will get pregnant by the nearest male that you happen to be next to without actually having sex with him."

Ron made another face.

The lecture continued and they watched as Snape brewed the potion, not needing any instructions as they all knew that he must have brewed this before. When the bell rang Snape called for each of them to come forward and look inside the cauldron. As each did Ron made a third face.

"Smells like a baby's bottom," he said.

"And you have experience in this area," Hermione asked him.

Ron went white but shook his head. They all collected their things and left.

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Professor Snape left the classroom, intending to take care of the potion when he was done. He put wards up to warn him if anyone was coming in and then closed the door. In the corner of the room a figure appeared and walked over to the cauldron, pouring some into a bottle that would break at any sensation of magic. Now all he had to do was put it in Granger's bag and she would be knocked up without even knowing.

Oh he would have his revenge.

He didn't see Granger at all until Care of Magical Creatures, which didn't have the use of magic in it. He followed the Gryffindor's out of the castle and down to Hagrid's hut. Today was going to be a boring lesson because of what happened to Buckbeak. He saw her placing her bag on the ground and joining Harry and Ron. With her back turn, and the class focused on what they were doing, he slipped the bottle into her bag and then joined the others.

The only class where this would work was Defense Against the Dark Arts, which was going to be so much fun.

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"Do you ever clean your bag out, Hermione?" Harry asked as they headed to Defense Against the Dark Arts.

"Of course I do, Harry," Hermione said, "But I just didn't have time this week."

"I think you should do it when Defense is over," Harry suggested.

"Okay, Harry, fine," she said and they entered.

"Today class we are going to be working on the Fire Hex," Professor Lupin said, "I do hope that all of you have been reading up on this one."

Everyone had but hadn't tried it because Lupin had said that it wasn't safe.

"Okay, I'm going to ask someone to come forward and try this spell out," he said, "Miss Granger, bring your bag so that I can show what this spell can do. Don't worry, I'll repair it but take all your books out."

Hermione nodded and took all the books out that she had. She then brought the bag over and dropped it. Not even Lupin heard the sound of glass hitting concrete.

"Wand at the ready," Lupin said and he shot the spell at the bag.

The bottle exploded, showing Hermione and Professor Lupin with the contents of the potion. Everyone gasped in shock at what happened, red and blue light going around them. When the smoke cleared Hermione was lying on the floor.

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"Hermione," Harry cried out.

"No, don't," Lupin said, "We don't know what was in her bag."

The bag was gone but the shattered bottle was still there.

"Ron, take her to the Hospital wing," Lupin ordered, "I'll get Professor Snape in here to look at this bottle."

Both boys nodded and Harry said, "Hermione wouldn't have a potion bottle lying around. Never know what will happen."

Lupin gave him a worried look as she was taken away.

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When Hermione came to she was lying in the Hospital Wing and didn't know how she ended up here. When she moved Madam Pomfrey suddenly appeared. How she knew when a student was awake she would never know.

"How are you feeling, Miss Granger?" she asked.

"Okay, but my head hurts," she told her.

"That's understandable," Madam Pomfrey told her, "I suggest that you leave and come back if you're feeling any effects."

"I will, and thanks," Hermione said, "When will I get a new bag?'

"I'll have Professor McGonagall buy you a new one," she told her and Hermione hurried out of the wing.

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A/N: Oh boy, Hermione has no idea that she's in for the ride of her life.