Super Hyper Dragon Sparkling Power: Defeat the Reaper Minato-kun!

Disclaimer: I do not own Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 and make no profit from this work.

"Hello Minato. Welcome to the Velvet Room." A blonde haired woman clad in blue announced once I walked into the room. I looked around the blue-tinted room— adjusting my headphones—before I spoke.

"I would like to request the Bloody Button mission."

She stared at me for a moment and then cleared her throat. "Are you sure? That mission requires for you to defeat the Reaper and at your current level…well maybe you should stick to the shadows on the fourth floor. "

"…Just give me the mission."

Lv. 7

We had finally made it to the fourteenth floor, fighting the various shadows along the way. I decided to split up our group to better cover the area. After we beat the latest threat, it left something behind. Ah, I received a card. I wonder what it is… It-It has a skull on it…oh shit.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Crap that was Yukari! I should check on them. Okay, I arrived at the spot— man, she and Junpei are knocked out cold. Let me just sneak away while the Reaper's distracted and—damn, he saw me! Okay maybe if I use Orpheus and-AAARRRRGGGG!

DEATH IS NOT A HUNTER UNBEKNOWNST TO ITS PREY...

Okay, Mitsuru just revived us so let's try this again. This time, the Reaper won't catch us. Let's see…oh here's another card…with the skull again…Everyone regroup and run away! Okay team, let's just run toward that safe-looking pole and—it's a dead end. Ack, it's the Reaper—let's run behind him. Okay, now we are circling the pole behind him—he saw us, change direction—it's like we're playing ring around the roses (I'm getting kind of dizzy). What the—he caught us?! What the hell?! Dammit he killed Yukari before the battle even started—how do you even do that… Okay I just revived her and Junpei attacked Reaper with Hermes…for seven points of damage…Wait, what kind of attack is Reaper usin—AAARRRRGGGG!

DEATH IS NOT A HUNTER UNBEKNOWNST TO ITS PREY...

…Maybe we should level up a bit before we challenge Reaper again…

Some Time Later…

Lv. 67

Alright, let's head to level 220 of Tartarus now. Now we should be able to clear the level before the Reaper appears and—

Fuuka's voice is clear in my head. "Be careful. I sense death near us."

FUCK! Maybe if we get to the stairs before he catches up and—Goddamit why are you guys fighting him?! Well, maybe we'll stand more of a chance at this level, aaannd now Mitsuru is dead.

…

Okay we've been fighting this thing for like an hour now and according to Fuuka we took off about…one third of his life bar and—did you just die again Mitsuru? Alright, Mitsuru and Junpei are down. Let me just heal them and—AAARRRRGGGG!

DEATH IS NOT A HUNTER UNBEKNOWNST TO ITS PREY...

MOTHER FU—Calm down Minato…calm down…go into your happy place…Okay, let's try this again…

Two Game Overs Later…

THAT'S IT, HE'S DEAD! KID, DOG, AND ROBOT, COME WITH ME! Okay, we'll wait for him and then we strike.

"Be careful. I sense death near us."

Alright guys, let's try out a new strategy I found on Gamef—I mean I made up myself. Come on bitch! That's right Reaper, it's us, the party you've beaten five times now—don't laugh at us!

Alright party, huddle! Here's the plan: I'll have Odin as my persona—Ken and Koromaru go to knock down mode and Aegis support and heal. Then when I stun him, knock him flat and then we All Out Attack!

Simple, right? I'm such a genius…

"Minato, if you're such a genius, why didn't you do this before?"

"Hey Ken, why don't you try to kill yourself again—oh wait, here he comes!"

Naturally, everything was going according to plan and— FUCK AEGIS IF YOU DIE AGAIN I WILL CUT YO—I mean here's a revival bead. And… we won…we actually killed him…Oh man, I know just the perfect music for this occasion. Let's see—ah, here it is!

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIEND…

Yes, all is right in the world.

"Minato, maybe you should wait until we—"

"I'm sorry Aegis; I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am. Now let's collect our reward from Elizabeth."

In the Velvet Room

"Alright, we finally managed to kill the Reaper. What's our reward?"

"Good work. Did you receive the Bloody Button from the Reaper?"

"The Bloody whatnow?"

She continued as if I hadn't said anything. "Without the Bloody Button, I'm afraid I cannot give you your reward. You'll have to fight the Reaper again until you receive the item."

"…"

"…"

"…"

We did all that work for nothing…I-I don't even feel like listening to my victory music now…

"Minato, don't look so depressed. I'm sure if we just work together again we can defeat him—"

"Aegis. Shut up."