Lobelia Sackville-Baggins considered herself a respectable hobbit. Sure, she had little patience for insolence, and a certain fondness of shiny things that was most certainly not akin to hobbits. She also had a quick temper and a tendency to make everyone she passed quake in their boots, or would have, if hobbits took it upon themselves to wear shoes. Seeing as how they had thick leathery soles about their feet and they were also covered in a fine downy hair that kept them warm even in the snow, hobbits rarely if ever wore boots.

If there was one thing she wanted more than anything, it was a certain smial called Bag End. She had coveted it from the day it was built by Bungo Baggins for his new bride, Belladonna Took, and was bound and determined to make it her own. Bag End was rumored to be the most splendid smial in the entire Shire, full of rooms and windows and taking up the entirety of the crown of the Hill, as the hobbits called it.

However fate, while it generally hadn't been unkind to her, had left her with a simple little hobbit hole, not lavish by any means. Certainly not as lavish as that wonderful smial she could see from her back door every morning. Oh, how she wanted that lovely smial for herself!

But in the meantime, she had taken it upon herself to swipe a few silver spoons in her pocket every time she came visiting, always when there was a large gathering in the infamous hobbit hole, so that no one could simply pin it on her, or at the very least, notice her do it.

And if Bungo or Belladonna had ever given any indication that they knew it was her, they never voiced it aloud to anyone. Whether because they were simple gentlehobbits who despised conflict and hated confrontation, or they decided that a few spoons weren't that big of an issue, Lobelia couldn't say. All she knew is she had quite the collection of silver spoons by the time their son, Bilbo Baggins, came of age.

Alas, Bungo and Belladonna were not free to enjoy a long life within their lovely home, for it was the summer after their only son, Bilbo, came of age (which for hobbits was the age of 33), that Bungo and his wife drowned in a boating accident on the Brandywine river. For neither of them could swim, and it was only by sheer accident that they had ended up in the boat in the first place, the bridge over the river having been washed out in a storm while they were visiting their relatives.

Unfortunately for Lobelia, who saw this as the perfect chance to acquire that lovely splendid home that she had coveted for so many years, Bilbo had ended up not joining his mother and father while visiting their distant kin in Buckland, choosing to visit his Took relatives instead. Having been the surviving son, he inherited Bag End and all its contents, much to the seething of a certain formidable hobbit woman.

Her wrath at being denied this auspicious residence had every hobbit avoiding her as much as possible. When they would see her walking up the paths ahead of them, every hobbit, from the oldest to the youngest walking child would give her wide berth. In those days, she no longer managed to wear the façade of being a gentle hobbit. Rather, if she hadn't had hobbits quaking in their hobbit feet at her temper before, she certainly did now.

Wielding her umbrella, which the hobbit children were learning could most effectively be just as efficient as any sword of legend when it came to inflicting pain (especially on ears, which were frequently boxed at the slightest provocation), Lobelia was a whirlwind to be reckoned with. She could achieve a good mood, if it could be counted as a good mood for her, and even be rather pleasant, as long as no one dared to mention the words Bilbo, Baggins, Bag End, well, one gets the idea.

She rarely received visitors, no doubt since rumors of a certain set of missing silverware began to spread through the Shire. Apparently, while his parents were willing to let things slide in that particular instance, Bilbo had noticed it when, at the age of 50, he had held quite the party at his Smial to celebrate being half a century old, and in his enthusiasm had brought out his finest china and best silverware. Needless to say, he was rather (unpleasantly) surprised to discover that not a single piece of his mother's coveted silver cutlery remained. He had been forced to use pewter cutlery, which did not suit the fine china at all.

His guests never seemed to take notice thankfully, and remarked in plenty about the magnificent feast, but he had long suspected Lobelia of swiping the cutlery over the years, having nearly caught her himself a few times as a child, and this only confirmed his suspicions. Especially as he had happened to see a flash of silver in her hand one night through her open front window as he passed by, Lobelia pulling a cooled pie out of the window with what (he deduced) was one of his mother's silver knives in her hand. She had slammed the window shut in a hurry, and he had scurried off, having no wish to meet the wrong end of her umbrella.

That, coupled with her relentless pursuit of Bag End, created a massive now-open feud between Bilbo Baggins and Lobelia Sackville-Baggins. Bilbo avoided her at all costs, for she had let her true nature be known to be a very dreadful and unpleasant woman, in Bilbo's eyes. As for Lobelia, she had decided that she had spent enough time pussyfooting her way around trying to acquire Bag End, and decided full on pursuit was the only way to achieve her goal. In a word, she made poor Bilbo's life miserable.

Every single morning and every single evening, she would storm up to the top of the Hill, bang as loud on the door as she could (for she would not even entertain the thought of simply ringing the doorbell, as that would be too polite) and demand in as loud a voice as she could muster, "Bilbo Baggins! I know you're in there! I wish to have a word with you, and I won't take no for an answer! Do you hear me, Bilbo Baggins?"

Of course, every time she would come, Bilbo would take to hiding and refuse to answer the door or even acknowledge that she was there. After a while, her voice would become a bit hoarse, and she would straighten her dress, huff, and storm off. Only to return again the next morning with the same questions and Bilbo again refusing to even admit he was there, let alone let this dragon of a woman in.

This went on for the entire winter, and when spring came and the roads were again decent enough for travelling, Bilbo decided he desperately needed a vacation from the Dragon Lady, as he had dubbed her. So, late one night, after the entire Shire was quiet and all the hobbits were asleep, Bilbo gathered his pack and set off secretly in the night for Frog Morton. He had a cousin there, and as far as he knew Lobelia didn't know of his friendship with Drogo and Primula Baggins. They were distant cousins, but cousins nevertheless, and Bilbo presumed that, while hobbits in general are very interested in genealogy, he seriously doubted that Primula had extensively studied this particular branch of Baggins, as they were not involved or in line for inheritance of Bag End. Not only did he feel that he could have some peace from her in Frog Morton, but he also knew of a way that cut across country, so he was unlikely to meet any hobbits (or very few) until he arrived at his cousin's house. And if he worked it right, he would travel and arrive at night, so as to avoid any other hobbits in Frog Morton itself, at least until Drogo and Primula spread the word that NO ONE was to say a word that Bilbo had come visiting, for surely Lobelia in her wrath would take to following him and plaguing him there as well. By Eru, he would even walk all the way to Rivendell if he could just have a moment's peace from the Dragon Lady, but he did not know the way (having never gone farther than Buckland in the Shire) and he knew it was a hidden realm so even if he had managed to get close, he doubted he could even locate their hidden entrance. So Frog Morton would have to do.

"It's too bad," Bilbo thought to himself as he took one last wistful look at Bag End before turning toward Frog Morton, "That talk with Gandalf this morning about adventures for a moment there actually sounded exciting. But I have had enough to deal with having the Dragon Lady around constantly pestering me, and I seriously doubt that even an adventure could ease this dreadful headache she keeps causing. No, what I need is a nice and quiet place to stay without having her ranting and banging on the door morning and night. Good food, fine company, and a good night's rest. That and my absence should hopefully make her stop pestering me all the time! I hope I locked all the doors soundly." He was sure he did, as he had checked three times, and since Bag End was at the top of the Hill, there was little chance anyone would try to break in for fear of being spotted.

He turned away and continued on his journey, not even beginning to imagine the adventure that should have been his falling into the hands of a formidable middle aged hobbit woman, and the poor dwarves who would have many an unexpected surprise of their own as none other than Lobelia Sackville-Baggins answered the door and stared down the balding dwarf warrior on the front porch of Bag End with an upturned eyebrow, arms crossed and looking less than amused as the great dwarf bowed and said in a gruff voice, "Dwalin, at your service."