This Love

It wasn't how Vincent had imagined their first kiss. He had imagined something hesitate, chaste almost, nervous maybe. He had imagined something slower and gently but he wasn't complaining. When they finally, and reluctantly, broke apart he was shuddering and his breath was coming out in raspy chunks. He would have felt self conscious and felt like his animal side was exposed but Catherine looked just as shaken, but in a good way, she looked love struck and happy and he wanted that so badly for her, even though he worried it was selfish, he wanted her to want him as badly as he wanted her and somehow despite all the odds, she did.

Neither knew what to say at first. Her hands found his instinctively, because she didn't want to let go of him, didn't want the moment to end. "So what now?" Vincent asked at last, he really didn't know what to say. Logic told him he should go into hiding, lay as low as possible. JT had only let him leave the warehouse because in recent times JT had begun to realize that Vincents happiness was important, maybe not quite as important as his safety, but close. For so long their sole focus had been on survival but Catherine and Sarah entering their lives had made both men realize that a long empty life was not necessarily preferable to a short and meaningful one. "I should go, but I don't want too," Vincent admitted when Cat was still looking at him wordlessly, all googly eyed. She nodded but instead of moving away her mouth reached for his again and like a insect discovering light for the first time he was powerless to resist her. The next kiss was softer and slower and more gentle but just as all consuming. Knowing that she'd told him she loved him and that he'd admitted that he was in love with her magnified everything and the gentlest touch carried with it huge emotion.

Did they really have to stop? Or could they just stand here forever on the rooftop?

A helicopter with a search light shattered the moment. Vincent tore away to stare over his shoulder towards the sound. It could have been there for a million different reasons. It could have been a TV news crew, it could have been a different case, totally unrelated... but they were both filled with fear.

"I should go."

"No stay. It's not safe."

"I can get back to the warehouse, I'll be alright."

"I won't sleep worrying about you," Cat confessed.

"I'll message you when I get there," he reassured her.

"Vincent please, I just want you there beside me, just tonight, we don't have to do anything. Just stay with me? I'd feel safer."
"What about Heather?"

"She look sleeping pills, I know my first priority has to be being there for her, but we've got a few hours until she wakes up. Just let me be selfish, just this once."

"You're not selfish."

"It feels like I am. I have to lie to her again tomorrow. I have to let her and Tess believe we broke up."

"If this is too much for you... I can wait. I can give you some time, until Heather's doing better and Tess is off your back. Maybe I should get out of the city for a few days."

"Where would you go?"

"JT and I have contingency plans. There are places I can hide." He sounded confident but she sensed he was putting on a facade to reassure her.

"But JT would stay wouldn't he? I mean if you're coming back he wouldn't leave the university."

"Yeah."

"I don't like the idea of you away from here, alone like that."

"I'm a big boy Catherine, I can look after myself for a few days."

"That's not what I mean," Catherine examined her own feelings. "Maybe I'm more afraid of being here alone without you."

"You're not afraid of being alone," Vincent chastised. He knew her better than that. "And as much as I would love to stay with you I should probably get out of here before the sun comes up."

Catherine nodded, futile against the logic in his words. Keeping him safe had to come first. "Okay," she hugged him as hard as she could. "But stay safe," She mumbled into his chest. "Text me when you get home."

"Sure," he reassured her. "I'm not saying things aren't going to be different, we're all going to have to be more careful. But it will be okay, I survived this long."

Catherine couldn't point out the truth - that hiding had been easier before she had come into his life and brought all her personnel connections and relationships. Her life had but his in jeopardy. She wanted to be angry at Darius or even Heather or Tess for not trusting her or Evan for pursuing the beast, but as frustrated she was with all of them, she knew that none of them were responsible for putting Vincent in danger, not really, the chain of events all lead back to her. Was loving her worth this? Not if it cost him his life or his freedom. But she couldn't push him away anymore, not even for his own safety, she had to believe that they would find a way. Even if it meant that stolen moments would be their only time together.

Five minutes with Vincent was worth a lifetime with another man, she honestly couldn't believe that she could love anyone else. She had tried too many times and failed. Heather had said to her in a fit of anger and frustration "You don't know how to be normal," well maybe Heather was right, she didn't know how to be in a normal relationship anymore, she only knew that she wanted Vincent, needed him to be safe and loved. She could never exile him to a lonely life in the warehouse with JT and his computer games again.

Author's Note: There will always be *some* people who disagree with how it eventually happened, but personally I think "the kiss" (the one on the show I mean) was perfect, it was the most beautiful sad romantic moment. I was darn proud of Cat for putting herself out there and holding on instead of letting him push her away. I was so happy that Vincent found the words to tell her how he felt. I loved everything down to the tone of his voice and the way the setting and lighting all set the scene up as a stolen moment in his world rather than hers. I wish Cat could have normal but I'm happy she's realized that not normal is enough. Anyway the show was and is fantastic all by itself, it doesn't really need my silly fanfiction, but I just had so many feelings about this episode I had to put them on paper. Goodness knows how I'll survive until the 15th! I seriously hate hiatuses, although they do make the season last longer in terms of the year so I guess we can be grateful for that. Incidental side note - rewatch the kiss on Youtube - how sexy is Jay grabbing Kristen's ass like that? I don't know if we have a director to thank for that or if it was just great acting but it seriously made the scene feel so real and not just like a "stage" kiss (it's okay I know it's not real folks, but good TV/theatre/fiction should allow you to suspend your perception of reality for at least a moment in time). Anyway I think I just broke my record for longest author's note, please review and let me know what you think...