The world fades in. It becomes a flat plane of blue, then white, then ripples up and outwards. Like a water droplet hitting a pond, the calm surface becomes a wave of change. But rather than becoming a still plane once more, it becomes a field of shapes which condense and coalesce into a city. Into Tokyo-3.

An empty Tokyo-3, with two titanic figures inhabiting it. One purple, one red.

"So," Misato Katsuragi announces via her god-like, holographic head, "We've connected you two to your Evas via the Simulation Bodies. This means you both can beat the crap out of each other and not cost us a cent more than the normal operation of the VR simulation!"

The two Evangelions look up. Misato glances to the side, eyes go wide, and she turns back to them. "Turns out that this costs a fuckton of money anyway. So, let's see how good you two are, and how much Uri has to train Shinji!"

In the entry plug, Shinji folds his arm and huffs, "I read the manual." His plugsuit creaks, lines of green glowing along his arms. Flaring nostrils, he glances side to side, and finally balls his hands and coughs. "I mean, eventually."

The streets shake and buildings tilt. Shinji looks up through the transparent walls of the spine tampon he pilots his giant cyborg sister from, and catches a glimpse of Unit-02 charging at him. "Ha!" Shinji yells. And Unit-02 runs into the wall of golden light. After all, Shinji thinks, his synch rate is over sixty percent now. So he can do things.

"See," he says with a smile, "AT Field! I counter the charging robot with my invincible wall of energy-"

...

In the entry plug, Uri Sohryu rolls his shoulders back, cranes his neck, and nods. "Well, looks like it's time for a rude awakening," he says, "Since this is a simulation, am I cleared to do it?"

The screen opens in front of him. Asuka grins and nods. "Do it. Do it do it do it now."

Kicking off the pedals at the base of his seat, Uri stands up. He extends his hands, and the butterfly controls detach and rise to his palms. "Zwei! Authorizing Unlimited Control! Inversion mode: Password-"

The floor hums. The entry plug dims and lines with red lights.

"The Beast!"

Chapter 14:

Delicious Chocolate Filling

On the screen, the red evangelion rises up, shoulder fins detaching before launching itself upwards, over the skyline and landing in a crouch on the roof of a skyscraper. They see the transformation- the terrible power built into the first of the production models. No one says a word.

The first sounds over the silence of Central Dogma are the laughter. Long and proud, hands on her hips, the red haired young woman in the beige NERV uniform only grins wider while Maya calls out the changes in Unit-02.

"Now!" Asuka Langley Sohryu announces, "Witness the power of this fully armed and operational Evangelion!"

And for effect, she pushes her glasses up her nose to reflect off the ceiling lights.

...

Two Weeks Earlier

"So, what's our cousin like?"

Shinji Ikari looks up from his lunch in the school cafeteria to stare at his half-maybe-two-thirds-sister and student council president. She looks back with happy blood-colored eyes and a smile which he knows has no end and multiple rows. It is not the weirdest thing he has had to deal with. "Okay," he says, "Imagine you put Kei in a blender."

Rei nods. "I can do that easily."

Shinji reaches over and sips his canned coffee. "I'm going to forget you said that. Now, put her through a strainer and remove all her dorkiness, all her passive aggressiveness and her inability to get along with people-"

Rei tilts her head. "There's not much left when you do that."

Shinji nods. "Yeah. But buffer it with pure evil. She's, like-" He shifts to angrish for a second. "She'll get you in trouble not because you broke the rules, but because it amuses her! I mean-" Wildly gesticulating, he sips the coffee to calm himself, but finds that caffeine does the exact opposite. "I mean, once, she ate my pudding and got me sent to my room!"

He folds his arms and sulks. "I was nine."

Rei nods. "Okay! So she's like Iti!"

He shakes his head. "She's evil! She's a nasty little perfectionist snob who doesn't let you get away with anything!"

"Oh, so she's like Mom," Rei says, and taps her lip, "Or Hatchi!" Tilting her head with a smile, she pushes off the table. "We'll get along fine, you're just sensitive~" And she skips off with the sing-song.

...

It is with this on her mind that Rei Ayanami sits across the circular small table from Annette Ikari. The blonde girl- still in her riding clothes, her hair tied back by a blue ribbon matching her eyes- smiles at her cousin and folds her hands across her knee. "I do hope that you had a good trip over," she says, voice light, airy, cultured.

"It was fine," Rei says in passable german, "We didn't have much turbulence, and Grandpa was happy to give me a ride over." Two cups of tea sit, one in front of each of them. "So, how've you been considering y'know we've never met before." Rei tilts her head and smiles.

Neither touches the tea at first. "Oh I'm fine," Annette responds, smiling tightly, "I've heard so much about you. Aunt Yui talks so much about you." She tents her fingers and folds them in front of her face. "She also told me you were coming."

"Did she?" Rei purrs. The albino girl folds her hands on the table. "So what did she say?" For effect, Rei sips her tea.

"She said to keep you from doing anything extreme." Annette tosses her hair back. "That's why I laced your tea with a mix of crushed sleeping pills." She sips her own tea, lips pulled back further and watching Rei over the lip.

"Oh I know that. That's why I drugged your tea with amphetamines." Red eyes stare at the cousin and eyebrows waggle.

Annette puts down the tea. She cocks her chin imperiously. "Oh ho ho ho! I knew you would try that. That's why I switched our teacups when your back was turned!"

"And that's why I switched the cups before my back was turned!"

Blue eyes narrow. The blonde girl folds her arms and stares down her nose at her cousin. "I switched them first! How could you have switched them before I switched them?"

Rei leans back in her chair. She rolls her shoulders back, folding her legs and grinning. "Because I arrived before I met Asuka which was when you noticed I was here and switched the cups and drugged your cup of tea!" She sips her tea again. "Weird. I don't taste any drugs."

Annette picks up her cup and sips it, rolling the tea around in her mouth. "Me neither."

Both turn to the side, glancing at the empty, third cup. Just before Asuka collapses face first to the table and rolls off onto the floor.

"Welp." Rei shrugs. "Guess we'd better head home." She reaches into her fleece, pulls out a straw, and shoots Annette. The blonde looks down at the collar of her red riding jacket. She smirks, staring at the feathered, puffy blow dart hanging from the cloth, and proudly opens her jacket to reveal the padded undershirt keeping the dart from penetrating, going so far as to pull up the padding from her collar to show the hanging point that has failed to reach her skin.

Rei then shoots her with a second dart.

"Well played, cousin," Annette says, and collapses forward onto the table.

...

The hand hovers. Fingers splay, allowing in the streams of florescent light, before they are blocked off by the shadow of the blue haired girl. Red eyes stare down at her. Her face is, as always, blank. Her lips a straight line with only the smallest hint of an up or downturn. "Are you hurt?" she asks, voice level and hinting at concern.

She groans, reaching up and pinching the bridge of her nose. Asuka sits up, shaking her head. "No, no. I'm..." She sighs. "I'm fine. Think I just...ah...overdid it with the medicine."

Rei reaches down and pulls her to her feet. The metal floor feels cool underneath her sock-clad feet, the artificial lights giving everything a thin white, dream-like sheen. "We should go," Rei says, "Mother will be worried if we are late."

Asuka nods, feeling the pale hand gripping her own, and is pulled along down the sterile metal corridor. They weave through the moving carts of endless equipment. Around the footfalls of the white, black-lipped giants that oversee all.

"How've you b-been?" Asuka asks.

"I am well," Rei responds, looking ahead, charting their path, "It will soon be time."

A white giant leans down, on one knee. Rei stops, looking up. Listening to it as it speaks to her- the instructions for her ears only, her purpose. Her calling. It reaches down and takes her hand in its own, white wrapping around her and pulling her up, towards the ceiling and the sky.

...

And Asuka's eyes open with a start. She blinks, rubbing the bridge of her nose, and lifts her head off of the pillow. Glancing side to side, she finds herself in her guest suite in the Makinami estate- the curtained room containing the lent desktop, her suitcases, her doll and her other worldly possessions. Most of which has been packed into an suitcase now sitting at the foot of her dresser.

"Hey!" She blinks and looks to her left and finds Rei sitting silhouetted by the window. "Glad you're up. Sorry you got drugged. So we'd best get going."

Asuka nods, rubbing the back of her neck. Standing unsteadily at first, she wobbles and takes a deep breath. "Y-yeah. So where are we going and how are we getting there?"

The silhouette of Rei Ayanami flashes white teeth. "I got a plan." Red eyes narrow. "But first, I need a shower and you need to change. Wear something baggy." The smile stretches wider. "And wear your running shoes."

...

The stagelights flash and turn to full power. On her sensible, freshly polished shoes, her school uniform pressed and cleaned, the blue haired young woman opens red eyes and steps out in full view of the teeming masses of immature humanity. Flashing white teeth, she gives forth her enthusiastic greeting. It washes over them like a wave, a wave of joy and cheer, of rapture and ecstacy, and she is met with the resounding chant of,

"IA! IA! AYANAMI F'TAGHN!"

"Look on the plus side," Hikari Horaki says with a shrug, "At least Rei introduced the first years to american literature."

Leaning against the overlooking chest high wall, the two watch the gaggle, the mass, the murder of first year students as Rei-but-really-Kei leads them through their mid-day cheers.

"Her Rei impression has improved remarkably," Hikari notes. Shinji nods, leaning against the railing. Kei has already brought up volunteers for today's lecture on dealing with tentacle monsters. "So where is Rei?"

"Berlin." Shinji works his jaw. "Mom thinks that she's going to kidnap Doctor Sohryu's daughter. Turns out she's one of Rei's old friends, and-"

Hikari clamps her hand over his mouth. She narrows her eyes, and works her jaw. "Does Doctor Sohryu's daughter have red hair?"

Shinji nods, cocking an eyebrow. "Dammit," Hikari growls, and turns back to the stage, "She wanted to kidnap a red haired princess and make her a sidekick. Rei blurted it out in front of all of us!" Slumping her shoulders, Hikari leans on the railing and rests her head in her hands. Obediently, weeks of being a boyfriend giving him experience, Shinji rubs her shoulders.

...

The gloved hand places the phone face up on the table. Across from the man in the suit, his reflective glasses giving new hint of the eyes behind them, the woman with blue streaked, blonde hair taps long fingers on the metal table. Florescent lights line the ceiling, but they are off. The light comes from a set of lamps on either side of the table, giving the room a warm, natural glow.

"So." The Section 2 Agent, dark haired and pale face, folds gloved hands. "Miss Llewelyn, could you please say, for the record, what was it you saw?"

The woman nods. She is not unpleasant looking- when less frazzled, when less terrified, the middle-aged woman gives off a matronly vibe. There are hints of the warm smile on tight lips, the attentive and caring gaze on wide eyes.

"I saw a moon colored blood," she says, fingers twitching, knuckles cracking, "But it wasn't covered in blood. It was red stone and shifting...slime, like blood but far thicker."

The agent nods. "Continue."

The woman nods. Her fingers writhe, her knuckles crack. "It opened with many mouths. From it poured forth black angels. Giants of light and clothed in cloaks of living shadow. Each of them bore faces of death, and from them came a fire which swept the world."

The agent nods. Reaching under the table, he takes a small flask and a short, clear plastic cup. Pouring amber liquid into the cup, he passes it over to the woman. Without a moment's hesitation, she takes it, downs it, and sits still for a moment before collapsing forward onto the table.

"That should keep her out for about eight hours," he says with a sigh, "We'll get her down to the dubbing center and scrub it." He rubs the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. "Double check with Three, Five, and Seven on their psychics and make sure they're all getting the same dreams."

In the shadows, there is a shifting motion. Doors open, and the other Section 2 agents walk out.

...

The roar of the helicopter engines fill the sky- four rotors on each, eight helicopters on each giant. One underestimates the size of a giant robot, and the weight of a thing made out of metal and fiber. Even though they are half the size of an Evangelion, a Jet Alone Type-3 is still an object heavy enough to require a new system of measurement.

Like 'battleship', or 'giant robot.'

Each Jet Alone weighs as much as One Giant Robot. And that is very heavy. It requires eight superheavy cargo lifters- specially made four-rotor cargo helicopters weighing in at .4 Giant Robots and with a lifting capacity of .28 Giant Robots.

While one might ask what the advantage of a smaller robot is, as two of said robots are airlifted over the fortress walls of Tokyo-3, the responses from the EDF teams that maintain the Jet Alone Program (subsection, David Spencer's Thrusting Piston Hammer) would fall into two categories.

First, the Jet Alone robots are modular and easier to maintain than whatever the Hell is in an Evangelion.

Second, while there's a good chance that Spencer will seize control of the JA program and take over the world when the Angels are gone, he will not force humanity to join a cult dedicated to his own magnificence- like Yui Ikari would- or a cult dedicated to his cat- like Ritsuko Akagi would.

The JA program has figured that by the time the Glorious Revolution comes around, Spencer will have managed to seduce Kyoko Sohryu.

Since David Xavier Spencer was in fact the front man for the Bavarian Illuminati, it only made sense that he would be attempting to divide the current Trinity in NERV-1, which was plotting to down the line bootstrap the Evangelions into true godhood, thus allowing their Majestic-12 compatriots to fulfill their true purpose to-

"And that's why Sasoriko Yochi is that far down the pilot candidate list," Yui says, fixing the hoodie covering her head and absently dropping the alarmingly thick packet on the table, "Yes, she scores rather high on all synchronization and physical-based assessments, but she also regularly produces this!"

Standing across the circular table, Ritsuko Akagi picks up the booklet. Fixing her glasses, she flips through it, cocking an eyebrow. "I'm still trying to understand what this is," Kyoko says with a sigh, leaning on a low backed chair, her clothes traded for a fluffy NERV bathrobe, "And that a sixteen year old student is writing fan fiction about me and David."

"Legit. Legit. Legit." Ritsuko smirks, flipping pages. "Plausible."

Yui rolls her eyes, reaching into her hoodie to rub her nose. "Suko."

"You're just upset that we've been found out by a sixteen year old friend of Hatchi's," Ritsuko purrs, missing just the ears to complete the cat-like grin.

Yui slams her palm against the table. The other women look down, and nod when they see no cracks. "She thinks we're part of an evil conspiracy that rules the world," Yui growls. The two women are silent. Sohryu glances to Akagi. The redhead shrugs and the brunette responds.

"But we are."

Muttering gibberish, the head of Project E tosses her hands up and paces. "Anyway, the ideas are ridiculous enough that she'd probably have all sorts of thought garbage if we recruited her in the first place," Ritsuko adds, tossing the packet onto the table, "As it is, we have bigger priorities. Power's back up, but I'm worried about the MAGI."

Yui waves her off, pulling up her hood and running her free hand under it, over her hair. "MAGI's fine, I've talked with the interface. It was some sort of cherubic goo that was vaporized when Shinji blasted it with the AT Field."

She pulls back the hood. The brown hair, while damp, shows no signs of blue. "Let me deal with the MAGI interface. How did we get the power back on in the first place?"

Sohryu shrugs. "I sent Maya and Shigeru down to investigate," Ritsuko responds, "He doesn't have the details, but apparently he found the cut circuits and reconnected them. I'm still trying to figure out how he got from one end of the base to the other that fast."

Yui blinks. She leans against a chair, cocking her chin. "Where's Aoba, now?"

Akagi shrugs. "I sent him off when we got the all clear. Last I heard he took Maya out to a movie."

...

The ash haired youth muses for a long moment if he is intruding. Standing outside the door, he cocks an ear. Turns, looking up, looking to the side, looking around. He reaches up and knocks on the maple wood door, and finds it opening. Taking this as a sign, he walks in, hands in the pockets of his black pants, golden red eyes glancing side to side.

"Miss Sohryu?" Kaworu Nagisa asks, "Miss Sohryu, are you here? Do you know why Annette seems to have nodded off in the tea room?"

He walks in, black shoes on the carpet, looking around. Spotting the suitcase on the bed, half filled. Odd, he thinks. Is she planning a trip? Trotting over, he looks into it- as socially unawares as he is, he knows better than to root through the clothes of a woman, especially a guest. Instead, he looks around for more clues, for more things that suggest the who, what, where, when, and why.

He finds it in the form of a PDA resting on the table, next to a discarded blue jumper and pair of white sneakers which he knows are not Asuka's.

He also finds it in the naked, pale girl with blue hair walking towards him from the bathroom. Red eyes pin him, towel wrapped around her shoulders and hair still glistening. He starts, eye wide, taking in everything before him- from the curves, to the legs, to the face, to the legs, to the sheer amount of skin before him. Looking down, he thinks, Gee, that has never happened before.

Kaworu Nagisa moves to leave. Instead, he then trips over his own feet and his sudden lack of balance, pitches forward, and takes the naked blue haired girl down with him. There is a moment of palpable silence. Absolute silence. Utter silence.

"So. You gonna get off?" Rei's question hangs in the air. Accidentally straddling her, Kaworu finds his hand has accidentally found something warm and soft. "Or you do that already," Rei deadpans.

Kaworu's hand whips away as if it was on fire, hanging in the air above him. Golden red eyes stare down, and he cannot help but think I am on top of a naked, beautiful woman. Another part thinks, Woot.

A third, and very important part of the pale youth's psyche then notes that it is, in fact, on top of a beautiful woman. It tells him that he must make the most of this situation, and form a lasting bond with the young woman beneath him.

"So is this sex?"

His answer comes in the form of a throat punch and unconsciousness.

...

Within a storm thrice the size of the planet earth, he sits. The corpus forms, at the center of a raging hurricane. Bones of carbon dredges from the deepest pressures of the system gas giant, with the faint red crystal at the center. The heart and seat of he soul.

He sits in the lotus position, six arms folded in a wheel. At the center, there is a smaller storm churning, but no less violent. He sits and he steels himself. He sits and he waits, the boil of the directed anger the equal to the centuries old violence around him.

Each beating wind carries his words.

The Great Red Spot knows his name.

Ramiel.

Angel of Lightning.

Defining Soul of the Thunder of God.

"Let them be overconfident." Upon the still forming face, three red eyes open. "And let us break that overconfidence, and in turn break them. Send the tactician."

...

And in

The space between the inner and outer solar system

Do the ten spheres of rock and debris realize themselves

And open their minds with

The thought of

[I AM]

...

It starts as a rustle in the small pouch, built, sewn into the front of the red knapsack. It shuffles, shifts, causing the bag to tilt forwards ever so slightly. Followed by the faintest, and yet most noticeable of sounds.

Shinji looks down, leaning to the right from his desk. He stares at the bag and waits for the sound once more. Once more, does the bag make the smallest, most noticeable sound.

"Uri?" He blinks, staring at the bag. "Is your backpack mewing?"

Uri looks up from his book. He turns to the bag, nods, and sighs. "Yes. One must have snuck in." Reaching down, he unzips the front pocket, reaches in with both hands, and takes out a small, gray kitten with a fluffy tail. Holding it up to eye level, he stares at it and states, "That is not a cat carrier."

The kitten tilts its head and mews, voicing its disagreement. Followed by high pitched peals from the female students around him, who find their attentions drawn between the tall, hot european redhead and the adorable kitty.

Uri sighs, placing the cat on his desk. Turning back to the laptop, he finds that the cat has managed to somehow both move and expand, covering the entire keyboard.

And then the backpack mews again. "How many cats do you have?" Shinji asks, turning his desk to the side with a scraping sounds, "Oh, right. You live with Dr. Akagi, don't you? So, all of them?"

Uri unzips the top pouch, reaches it, and pulls up a tabby kitten by the scruff of its neck, the kitty mewing happily before scrambling up Uri's arm and curling up atop his head. He sighs, reaching under the gray kitten to continue typing, even as several girls tentatively reach out to stroke his head-kitten.

The bag mews again. Shinji reaches down, unzipping the back zipper. He does not reach in, though. He does not have to. Rather, the head of an enormous cat peaks out, staring at Shinji with a gaze full of wisdom, age, and judgement.

"How did you not know you were carrying that?"

Uri reaches into the bag and extracts Merrill. He looks down, narrowing his eyes. "I don't know. But I do know he ate my lunch." He turns to the enormous feline. "I should eat you."

Merrill stares at the redhead, face set. Then yawns, slips out of Uri's grasp, and stalks out of the classroom.

...

The vent cover drops, bounces off the metal catwalk, and drops into the slow moving river beneath them. Rei drops down, hanging from the edges of the duct by her fingertips before landing in a crouch, turning, and catching Asuka.

"So," Rei says, carrying Asuka in bridal carry, "If my map's correct, we go through here, down the Core Shaft, through the Heaven's Gate Second Entrance, and through the Magoruku Generator to Plan A."

Asuka quirks her lips, and Rei lets her down. "What's Plan B?" she asks, "Do I want to know what Plan B is?"

Rei smiles at the query, but her explanation of how big the fireball would be gets interrupted by overhead speakers and the sound of an old man's voice from on high. "Hello, Rei."

Rei perks up, popping onto her tip toes. "Hi Grandpa!"

There is a loud, scratchy clearing of the throat. "Rei. Have you kidnapped Miss Sohryu?"

Rei nods, hand darting out to clamp around Asuka's wrist. "Hey-"

The redhead's protests fall upon two sets of deaf ears. "I understand, Rei. Are you ready for some plausible deniability?"

Rei pumps her fist. "Aye-Aye, Grandpa!"

The voice sing-songs, "I can't hear you!"

"Aye-Aye Grandpa!" Fist pumped in the air, eyes alight, Rei braces one foot behind her for the inevitable dash.

"Excellent. Section 2 has been alerted to your location. Bon chance." And the voice cuts out. Followed by cameras switching on and laser sights painting the two.

Asuka's response comes out as a short and succinct "Eep," followed by a shriek when Rei sprints down the catwalks, dragging her friend with her.

...

The sluice gates open to admit them, trotting through the thick orange sludge which nonetheless has a deceivingly non-citrus odor. Asuka keeps the hem of her skirt above the slow rushing river, softly cursing about how she's feeling it all the way in her shoes. Rei trudges along behind her, hands dragging in the gunk.

"This is horrible," she whines.

"It's not as horrible as I thought escaping from NERV would be," Asuka admits, "Just...kind of boring?"

Asuka trudges over, climbing up onto a railing and slipping underneath it, walking on the catwalk next to the river of pudding. Rei follows, then trots up next to her, hands folded behind her. "So," Asuka starts, "Rest of your plan?"

Rei shrugs. "Well, we can go down this way and get to the Magoroku generators and that should be fun." She walks on the railing, balancing on the balls of her feet and pacing herself next to her friend. "Aaaaaand maybe the Heaven's Gate? But I mean, truth be told that's Plan A and I like Plan B better so have you been talking to my brother?"

Asuka stares at her blue haired best friend. "You have a brother?"

Rei nods, sliding off and next to Asuka, arm wrapped around her shoulder. "Yep! Just arrived! Pilots Unit-01, kinda passive aggressive, name's Shinji!"

Asuka's nostrils flare. Her eyes narrow and she scoffs, folding her arms. "I have. And he's an immature, hormonal troglodyte."

Rei leans in. "Are you suuuuure?"

"First thing! He said!" She stamps her foot for emphasis, "Was that I had a sexy voice!"

Rei makes a sound. A sound which matches her cat like grin, leaning against her friend. "He said you had a sexy voice," she purrs, "Aw yeah. You know what that means, amiright?"

Asuka tilts her head. Her cheeks tinge crimson and she leans away from Rei, but the girl does not release. "Nnnnnooooo. What does it-"

"It means he's in luuuuuuuuuuuv."

Asuka blinks. Blinks again. They pass an overside rotary fan and something which resembles a metal face, but neither pay attention. "I what wait what?"

"Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv," Rei repeats, monosyllabic and smiling. Arm around the shoulder tightens and Rei pulls her into a one armed hug. "He's in luuuuuuuv. With more than one girl cause he's a teenager and stuff so I'm sure we can do a time share!"

Asuka inhales, in that the partially neurotic, partially enraged intake of air can be described as such. "I what no!" She stomps her foot but finds her being dragged along anyway. "He's immature! Just because I called him at subjectively two in the morning the first thing he did was flirt with me! He hasn't even seen what I look like so that would be absolutely ridiculous!"

"And then he's gonna see you and he'll be even moar in luuuuuv."

Asuka open her mouth. Closes it. Glances side to side, looks over her shoulder. "I am not attracted to your brother," she states. With finality. With absolution.

Rei grins. "Sexy voice~" she sing songs.

The redhead squirms out of Rei's grip, stepping behind her and making her friend turn on one heel. Rei grins, adjusting her jumper and standing on one leg, hands in the pockets of her jeans and listening. "Be that as it may," Asuka says, hands up as if in a futile gesture to ward off more teasing, "If we want to get out of the Second Branch, we have to make it past Director Heinz."

Rei nods. "I was plannin' on knocking him out with a pillowcase full'a doorknobs, what on account of him almost letting you get eaten."

Asuka stares at her. Long, hard. Disbelief crosses her face, then confusion, and finally exasperation, causing her shoulders to slump. "You think Director Heinz is a person?"

Rei nods. "Course he is! And he's also an asshole!"

Asuka shakes her head. Slowly, thoroughly. "Rei," she says, cupping her friend's face, "HEINZ is the Second Branch MAGI."

What follows is something that can best be explained as 'Rei Ayanami realizes that in order to kidnap we mean rescue and take to a more exciting place her best friend she must match wits with and possibly severely damage a supercomputer.' As for the sound that Rei makes and the expression on her face, Asuka would later quantify it in one word.

Reegasm.

"Ermagahd," Rei breathes, goofy expression on her face, "I'm gonna need something bigger than a sack of doorknobs."

Asuka stares at her long time friend, silently. Hefting her knapsack over her shoulder, she reaches in to it, pulls out the hypospray, and presses it up against the side of her neck. Rei watches, head tilted and goofy smile fading.

Asuka then pops in a fresh cartridge and doses herself again. "Yeah, I'm an enabler," the redhead mutters, and starts walking towards the nearest access hatch.

...

Shinji Ikari is, on one level, happy that Hatchi is out of the tube she had been stuck in for the past week. On the other hand, he is currently shirtless, doing pushups, and for every time he doesn't do them perfectly he gets whapped upside the head by a wiffle bat.

"Why am I doing this?" he whines.

The answer comes in the form of the wiffle bat lightly tapping him right under the armpit, giving him a giggle fit from his most ticklish spot. "Less talking! More push ups! You're out of shape and that almost got you eaten by an angel!"

The incentives offered by his sister were myriad and eldritch. 'Girls like a fit guy' was offered, but seemed less a statement by her than a question, which prompted him to unwisely muse on whether that means Hatchi likes Uri.

Hatchi responded with a judo throw.

What surprised him- more than being slammed to the floor- was that she didn't do it out of anger, but because he let his guard down. "Exercise is about setting goals! My goal for you is to be able to do one hundred pushups with a teenage girl on your back?"

Shinji sputters, looking up. "Why a teenage girl?"

"Because Rei said Hikari has to handle your post workout calisthenics!"

The bare foot of Hatchi Ayanami comes down on the top of Shinji's head and kindly, softly turns him to face down. Wearing shorts and a t-shirt, the ponytailed Ree balls her hands on her hips and starts counting over again. From one.

Shinji grunts, rolling his eyes. Hatchi's foot hooks underneath his arms, but rather than kicking him, he finds that she's helping him. "So! Let's first try a small teenage girl!"

"Wait wha-"

Which is when Mari comes out of nowhere and sits on his back. The pigtailed girl sits lotus position on his back, and Shinji grunts, finding that Mari is a bit heavier than she looks.

"Keep your back straight!" Hatchi switches feet. "Girls like tall, upright guys!"

Shinji works his jaw, thinking of how he can string the question of whether girls like erect men. "Don't," Mari whispers in his ear, "It's better that she doesn't know."

Light enters the domed gymnasium, bathing the three in its warmth. A light source that is not the sun, but the secondary sun which provides the light source of the inner geofront which the Ree inhabit, giving light to the grays and blues of the workout room, and admitting one Kei Ayanami, with a greeting of, "I thought we were trying to pair him up with Sohryu's other daughter?"

A greeting which Shinji notes, between the weight on his back and the foot to his ribs, that drips with palpable snark.

"Wait, you mean the one Rei's off kidnapping?" Mari asks, hands on Shinji's back as he rises and falls, "I thought the current plan was him and Hikari."

Shinji grunts, moreso when Mari sits on her knees and accidentally drives them both into his kidneys. "Isn't that illegal?" he squeaks.

Hatchi shrugs. Kei nods. "Never stopped Rei before," Mari adds sagely. Shinji grunts, and the training punishment continues.

...

"So, to summarize." Asuka wipes off the orange gunk, wringing out the ends of her dress. "The Berlin MAGI is now trying to answer what happiness is. The cameras are down, you hijacked a VTOL, ditched it and then hijacked a helicopter, ditched that and then hijacked the Evangelion Mark-06."

Rei nods, arms folded.

"And then you ditched that." Asuka rubs the back of her head. "And now we're taking a car...why?"

Rei pumps her fist into the air. "Varied attempt experience bonus!"

Standing at the entrance of the motor pool, Asuka considers the words from her friend. She walks over, places her hands on Rei's shoulders, and looks her in the eye. "Your fourth wall isn't that thin. Try again."

Rei shrugs. "Well, it's really 'cause everyone kinda expects me to steal an Evangelion and ride it home, and if everyone expects me to do the unexpected, it's more unexpected if I do the expected!" She smiles, ear to ear, and skips over towards the cars. Asuka shrugs and follows, hefting up her backpack.

"You mean like how everyone expects...what? You to suddenly decide to pair me up with your brother? Or you to kidnap me?"

Rei turns on her heel and walks backwards, shrugging. "I just think you'd be cute together," she says, cradling her head in her hands, "I mean, he'd probably find you, you know, really hot."

Asuka's cheeks flush red. "I am not hot."

"You totally are." Rei extends her hands, hopping up and walking backwards on a railing. "You totally are! I mean, I want to make out with you and I'm completely straight!"

Asuka blinks. Her cheeks shift to crimson. "I don't like girls," she protests.

"You're young. You'll learn." She shifts and hops on one foot. "Speaking of learning, I gotta convince Misato to teach you the traffic-stopping trick 'cause you would totally be awesome at it."

If there were a shade of red more red than crimson, Asuka's cheeks had reached it. "See! I'm not just kidnapping you to set you up with my snarky brother! I'm doing the world at large a service! A hotness like yours cannot be isolated!"

Asuka goes silent for several moments. She continues walking, alongside her friend. Then looks at her and says, "Rei, I'm dying."

Rei nods. Still smiling. "I know. And that's also why I'm here." She leans in, still walking backwards, still hopping on one foot despite being bent over to be inches from Asuka's face. "Cause you're not dying on my watch." And she pecks Asuka on the bridge of her nose.

...

The metronome rocks back and forth; a small paperweight with a needle that clicks with each side-to-side motion. It sits on the edge of the desk; a normal, low tech piece of equipment amongst the floating holographic screen and laser keyboard. For that reason it catches Shinji's eye.

"So," Kyoko says, rolling her chair out from behind her desk, "Why do you hate your parents today?"

Shinji bristles, both from the biting question and the fact that he is a passive aggressive teenager. "I don't hate my parents," he insists, "It's just-"

Shoulder slump and he folds his hands in his lap, throwing himself back onto the couch. "Is it me or does my mother like my girlfriends for the sole reason that they can wrangle my sisters?"

Kyoko cocks a manicured eyebrow. "I admit that is an impressive skill to have." Clearing her throat, she rolls her chair in front of her desk, adjusting the lapels of her blouse and crossing her legs, idly drawing Shinji's eyes to the ends of her ankle-length skirt. "You do spend a lot of time with your sisters, though. And at the same time, she is concerned about how your sisters would interact with your potential love interests."

He works his jaw. "Love interest?"

"Her words." Kyoko shrugs. "I think she is something of a romantic. Akagi said that the moment you and Horaki became involved, and I quote, 'Yui was picking out baby colors.'"

Shinji rubs the back of his neck. As if taking the cue, or simply spending more time than his healthy around Misato, Kyoko dives right in. "So," she says, "Girlfriends? Last I checked, Section 2 hasn't seen you with non-related female company outside of Horaki."

Shinji sputters. Tries to focus on something else. Doctor Sohryu's chest. Then realizes that makes him look bad and stares at the photo on the desk. "Oh, right." Kyoko snaps her fingers. "Yes, Miss Kirishima."

He clears his throat. "Ah, yeah, Mana." He taps his fingers. "Honestly, I mean, she's living with me and Misato right now, but it's not like we're dating. She's just, like, a short Misato."

"Teasing and playfully flirting with you in a way that makes you want a responsible adult present?"

"Pretty much, yeah." He taps his fingers, leaning back on the couch. "I mean, I don't hate my parents-"

"As you have reassured me." She smirks, tapping her PDA open and scribbling notes with a stylus. She motions for him to continue. "It's not like I'm a practicing psychologist."

He continues as if never interrupted. Perhaps with more sarcasm than was needed. "But I'm trying to imagine what sort of living hell my uncle had to go through when he was a kid. I mean, did my grandparents have this test? Did they test Aunt Alicia on how well she could handle my Mom? Did they test my father on how well he could wrangle my Mom?"

Kyoko smirks. Then the idea of his father 'wrangling' his mother comes to mind, in vivid imagery, and Shinji finds himself laden with fresh issues. "Wait never mind I don't want to know-"

"You must accept," Kyoko says, pushing back the chair and taking the coffee thermos from the desk, "That Miss Horaki is quite passable at handling your sisters."

"Is there a grading system," Shinji asks, trying to not convey sarcasm and failing miserably, even as a sharp shiver of regret worms down his spine.

"Perhaps!" Kyoko chimes brightly, ignoring Shinji's discomfort like everyone else at NERV, "Let us consider her accomplishments. She scores quite well on the Kei module- though of course the way to do so is to treat her as a passive aggressive, sarcastic, poorly socialized sulky teenager. And Miss Horaki can draw on experience from that."

"Are you implying something?"

"Don't follow." Kyoko sips her coffee. "She's a middle child, you know. Also, she has experience with bizarre parenting. As the personnel file for her family says- and don't tell anyone I said this- the trigger for her parents' divorce was her father naming all his children after train lines."

Shinji opens, then closes his mouth. Tries to figure out a way to respond. Fails.

"She also does quite well with the Hatchi module, which is rather more challenging and should do well for her overall score." She taps her lip with her stylus, cocking an eyebrow.

Shinji gives her a flat look. "Hatchi acts like a hyperactive nine year old," he grumbles.

"Now, her weak area is the Rei module. They get along fine, and Rei sees her as a figure to emulate, but she can't really mitigate her actions." She scribbles more notes. "Mm hm. On the other hand, I seem to be able to reasonably direct Rei. Perhaps I should put myself up as a candidate."

Shinji gives her a flat look. And crosses his legs. "Yeah you planned that with Misato."

Kyoko smiles, and shrugs. "For a sixteen year old boy who's been roped into piloting a giant robot, you're understandably tense. Most of the time, Katsuragi teasing you is her trying to get you to loosen up."

"And the rest of the time?"

Kyoko shrugs.

"Speaking of my sisters," Shinji chimes in, "You might know...but what's the deal with Siyon and Iti?" He rubs the back of his neck. "I mean, Siyon lives in the vents, and she's been really nice to me. But what about Iti? She seems normal, but people seem scared of her. In a way they aren't scared of Rei or Hatchi."

Kyoko taps her stylus on the side of her thermos. "On the subject of Siyon, I have my guesses. As for Iti- I don't know. It just seems that people shiver when she enters the room and-"

"Excuse me," the soft voice says, "Shinji will be leaving for his training now."

Shinji would say that he didn't scream like a little girl at the sight of Iti on his right, leaning on the bookcase and with a psychology textbook in her hands. But that would be a lie. "How- what- how?!"

Iti stares blankly at him. Kyoko takes a deep breath and steadies her heartbeat, rolling her chair back to her desk. "Well, you certainly take after your mother, slipping into my room without warning."

"Don't say that," Iti says, levelly.

"I swear, I thought I put a padlock and a motion sensor on that vent."

"You did." Red eyes turn to Shinji. "If you don't leave for training now, you will be..." She pauses, in what Shinji believes to be an entirely purposeful and melodramatic manner. "Late."

...

Several levels above, in the darkened office, Gendo Ikari watches the video feed and smiles, behind tented hands, in paternal pride.

...

"Soooooo you understand, right?"

Clicking on the right blinker, Asuka keeps her eyes on the four lane road, possibly out of a need to not focus on the simmering clusterfuck that this has boiled into. Easing the red convertible into the right lane, she mentally swears at a beeping van and goes for honesty. "No. No, not at all."

In the passenger seat, Rei rolls her eyes. "Okay. So, it's about me and my sisters. Why are we like we are?"

Asuka nods. The crimson vehicle drives up behind a bus and Asuka inwardly squeaks, tapping the break and working the gear shift like a simile which went somewhere that made her blush and possibly involved a certain hormonal troglodyte. "So why's that?"

Rei shrugs. "I think it's kinda making our urges go someplace positive or constructive. Kinda like a giant wheel." She makes a spinning motion with her hand. "Kinda think that there's, like, some sort of hidden Ree somewhere deep within us and she gives it a whirl, while everyone's going all 'Wheel of Urges, turn turn turn! Tell us the lesson that we should learn!"

Asuka blinks. "How does that lead to kidnapping me?"

Rei leans back, the seat already titled back to almost horizontal. Cradling her head in her hands, she puts her feet up. "So, let's say a new sis hatches-"

"Hatches?"

"And she's, like, into being a french maid, speaks italian, never wears pants and wants to be the love interest of the hero. In this case, they'd be acting all incestual not 'cause Shinji's their brother, but because he's the hero!"

Asuka turns and stares at Rei. She tries to figure out what words Rei made up on the sport, and comes to the conclusion of all of them. "Rei. I thought you just had a few sisters who were adopted with you."

Rei sighs, palming her face with both hands. "Aw maaaan. You never got told anything."

She sits up, popping the seat back into its upright position. "Anyway, I figured I gotta get under your skin cause Shinji can't be here. So I'm doing this in his memory."

Asuka blinks and whirls on Rei. "Wait he's dead?"

"Naaaaah. He only got close once or twice." Rei tilts her head, tapping her lip. "I mean, when Shamshel tried to feed him his own face, and then when he and Hikari fell into the water." She shrugs. "Mom might have'ta make a batch of him just in case."

Asuka stares at her best friend for several moments. "Rei. Are you a clone?"

"I dunno. Are you a clone?"

Asuka flares her nostrils. "I am not a clone."

"But if you are a clone and I think you're hot, does that also mean I think Dr. Sohryu's hot?"

Asuka turns back to the road and folds her arms. "This subject is closed."

Rei pumps her fist, unbuckles, and opens the door. Asuka watches her friend skip into the arrival area of Berlin International Airport, vault the information desk, and grab the young man at the counter before kissing him as hard as she can.

Vaulting back over the counter, Rei sprints back to the car and into her seat. "Don't wanna leave anything unfinished! Now punch it!"

Asuka shrugs, guns the engine, and drives off.

...

Burlap bag gives way to dim light, and David Spencer blinks to find himself sitting in a chair in the office of Commander Gendo Ikari. He looks down at the armrests, where his wrists are bound, then back up at the desk, where the most powerful husband in Japan is staring at him from behind tented hands.

"So is this about how I pointed out that your wife has nice legs?"

Light reflects off of the amber lenses. "I do take offense to the fact that you only believe Yui's legs are nice."

Next to Gendo Ikari, a vaguely sinister young woman with blue hair stares at him with red eyes. "As it is," Gendo continues, "This is related to your relationship and ongoing flirtation with Doctor Sohryu. Your distractions have been monitored, logged, and submitted to the psychiatric evaluation and counterintelligence branches."

Iti coughs. "It has also been noted as being beneficial to Doctor Sohryu's efficiency, as your influence has prevented her from engaging in illicit trysts with Doctor Ikari." A faint smirk behind the hands. "Slightly."

"Barely," Iti adds.

"Thank you, Iti."

Spencer blinks and coughs, understandably distracted by the thought of illicit trysts between Doctor Sohryu and Doctor Ikari. "Hey, I do my part to keep NERV chugging along,"

"So noted. The Second Child is currently engaged in an endeavor related to Doctor Sohryu." Behind the lenses, amber eyes narrow. "We have...modified the route that the Second Child will take to return to Tokyo-3. However, to keep other powers-that-be from interfering, we wish to...be discrete with official NERV funding."

Spencer quirks his lips, cocking an eyebrow. "Well, Ayanami seems a nice enough kid. I'm sure I've got some pocket change I can spare."

...

The entry plug hangs over the LCL reservoir. White light from the ceiling bathes the room. On catwalks overlooking the control cylinder, Yui Ikari nods to the orange suited technicians. One walks forward, clamps gripping the manual release.

Orange fluid sprays out, draining into the lake below, and the entry plug opens. Leaning in, the technician reaches in.

And pulls out a Rei Ayanami action figure.

"Damn it," Yui growls, "If Rei didn't commandeer the Magoroku Dirac Breach System to get back to Tokyo-3, how is she getting back?"

...

"So. Why are we here?"

The umbrella provides shade for both of them, a faint sea salt breeze blowing their hair. Faint strings from the instruments nearby, and a waiter twirls past to refill her iced tea.

Rei looks up from the plate of linguine and red sauce, mouth flecked with tomato remains and napkin hanging from her collar. "'Cause I wanted to try real italian food."

Asuka nods. "Kay. Still doesn't explain why we stopped in San Francisco."

Next to them, one of the canals of the Venice of North America serves as passage to a gondola, the balcony of the restaurant overlooking the current border between land and the Pacific. "Kind of curious how we managed to get tickets," Asuka continues, raising a finger, "In first class, mind you, on a supersonic flight."

Rei smiles. "I think that part's technically classified," she says with a sing song lilt. A faint woosh on the air and a VTOL passes overhead, followed by red and white helicopters. The hills of the city have given way to valleys and canyons of rivers, the busy cars replaced by oar-powered gondolas and jet skies.

Second Impact was an apocalypse, but in some cities it was a soft one. "Was it Spencer?" Asuka asks. She folds her arms over her chest. Then under her chest.

"Yeauhup."

A red eyebrow rises. "So the guy who hit on me and then my Mom in the same breath?"

"You sure it wasn't your Mom and then you?"

"Rei." Once again, Asuka Langley Sohryu must show that in addition to her bachelors, she has a certification in Reingling. An analogy Siyon would be proud of, if Asuka knew Siyon existed.

Rei sighs, idly twirling the linguine around her fork. "Okay, so Dad went and convinced Spencer to use some of his Giant Robot money to send us home indirectly. S'not like I'm, like, pairing you up with him." She smiles. "'Cause I'm pairing you up with Shinji! Or Kei."

Asuka narrows her eyes. "Isn't she the sister who keeps sulking?"

"Yep! And turns out she's really kinda like Shinji so she'll be crushing for you haaaaaaaard when I get you back to Tokyo-3-"

"What?"

"Aaaaand she swings like a drunken baseball player in a thunderstorm so I figured that she's probably been crushing on Hikari and that proves my theory since Shinji and Hikari dated-"

"What."

"Just hormones, FYI, so she'll probably be all sulky and hide the way she feels." Rei sips her drink, a fizzy soda in a crystal wineglass. "So! Fair warning! Cause either I'm telling you the truth 'cause she swings all the ways and wants what she can't have, or I'm telling you this to see the looks on both your faces when you try to let her down easy, or try to woo her!"

Asuka blinks, and lets out a short, pointed, "What." She holds up a hand.

"You know," Rei continues, holding out her glass and letting a waiter scoot over with more fizzy, "Woo? Flirt? Engage in amorous interactions with the intent of making kissy face?"

Asuka rubs the bridge of her nose, hand still up. "Rei. The last time anything involving boys or...or kissyface came up was two years ago when you emailed me about Hatchi and her kidnapping handsome princes. What has happened in the past two years?"

Rei makes a gesture with her hands. Translated from italian, it would be commonly pronounced as Va Va Voom. Then she reaches down, cups her own chest, and brings it up to let it bounce. "Soooo should I show off my ass, too?"

Asuka's nostrils flare. "Besides that."

...

Several hours, one spending spree (as Asuka had to get clothes, what with not taking a suitcase from Berlin), and four plane rides later, Rei Ayanami kicks a vent open and slides down into a room with a large television, a cross trainer, workout equipment, and a sleeping gigantic maine coon cat.

She reaches into her backpack, takes out her PDA, and clicks the button on top. "Sooo locater's back on, so-"

She doesn't finish the sentence before the lights come on, the door swings open, and Yui Ikari attempts to pin her in place through her gaze alone. "Rei! Where have you been?!"

Rei puts her hands up and shrugs her shoulders. Backing away, she puts on her most innocent smile. But there is innocent as in done no wrong, and innocent as in massive scheme to misuse NERV resources and this is most definitely not the former.

"I can explain, Mom-"

"Don't Mom me young lady, I am very-"

A suitcase drops to the floor, and Asuka climbs down. "Sorry! Sorry about that! Doctor Ikari, I can explain!"

"Asuka, not now, I-" And then Yui stops mid sentence and realizes that Asuka and Rei are in the room adjacent to her office. She walks over, snatches the PDA from Rei's hand, and snaps it out to face the camera lens at the redhead.

...

Kyoko Sohryu looks up at the sound of her mailbox beeping. Easing the cursor over on her screen, she opens the newest message and finds a picture of her daughter staring like a deer in headlights.

DrSohryu: So Ayanami's back from her trip. Not the best picture, I admit. Where was it taken?

DrIkari: In my office.

The empty chair still spins even as the door to her office slams shut.

...

Rei Ayanami has known the fear of being inside an Evangelion that does not like her. She has known the terror of facing down an angel, the existential horror of being what she is, and the uncertainty of human survival in the world of post Second Impact.

She has never faced down a redheaded mother who looks like she wants to tear her a new asshole.

"Ayanami," Kyoko breathes, leaning on the door to Yui's office, chest heaving and eyes bloodshot, "What. Did. You. Do?"

...

Shinji Ikari has seen many a thing. Many a thing which usually would attempt to eat him, as yonic abominations are wont to do. Things horrible, confusing, brain breaking and other-thing-breaking something something. Which he cannot articulate, as he has just finished another training session with his most evil and rambunctious of sisters.

Leaning on the doorway to his mother's office, eyes weary and body weary-er, the Fourth Child wonders if he is wearing pants. But at the same time, he also wonders, "Why was Doctor Sohryu dragging out Rei by her ear?"

Yui opens one eye and shifts the fingers of her double facepalm. Sitting behind her desk, the head of Project E curses the universe. She looks at the other occupant of her office, sitting in a chair with Merrill curled at her feet. She turns to her son. "Dammit! I wanted to set up the introductions!"

Shinji blinks. He looks from his mother to the redhead. Freezes on the redhead. Idly stands up a bit straighter, adjusts the collar of his sweatshirt. Shifts his hips a bit to work out the wedgie. "Ah, Mom. This isn't like introducing cats, you know. We don't need ah a controlled ah environment and hi."

Yui sighs, shrugging her shoulders. "Right. Shinji, this is Asuka. Doctor Sohryu's daughter who Rei kidnapped from Berlin. Asuka, this is my son, Shinji."

The cat has found its way to Asuka's lap. She strokes it gently, and smiles. "Hello, Shinji."

Shinji tries to find some sort of wording, words, wordation to best introduce himself. "Hello sexy klutz voice." He fails, miserably. Three sets of eyes stare at him. One astonished, one curious, one judging. "I said that out loud, didn't I?"