He liked to think it was just an errant flashback. The products of too many hours on the job; a long tour always took it out of him, and sometimes the exhaustion brought back unpleasant memories, but hey. It wasn't anything he hadn't dealt with before.

He also liked to think that he was dealing with it.

But of course, he knew both of those thoughts were lies.

He'd been doing so well, too.

The first officer's death had been a shock, and he knew there were bound to be repercussions for that one. The man had been like an uncle to him, had been there when his father wasn't...

Just one more person ripped out of Steve's life by circumstances out of his control.

The universe really was out to get him.

Then the 2nd officer went down, and that had hurt even more. Why was it, that everyone around him seemed to die?

The worst part was the not knowing. The knowledge that somewhere, the sniper was preparing for his next kill, and Steve was utterly, absolutely powerless to stop him.

It was that helplessness, that uncertainty that he hated.

By the third shooting, even though it wasn't fatal, he knew the nightmares would come.

But then that last shootout-tackling Danny to the ground, drawing the fire away in the Camaro, finally seeing the bullet casing and holding it in his hand, knowing that he had been so, so close that time-that was the last straw.

His hands were shaking, he knew it, and he gripped the wheel tighter, just so no one would notice.

The vision in the street had just been the slap in the face to top it all off. Hallucinations were a sure sign he'd pushed the envelope way too much.

But that's what Steve was good at, wasn't it?

Not just pushing the envelope, but flat out blowing it up?

Maybe he shouldn't be driving. He should've just let Danny...no, dammit, he was fine! This was just a passing thing. He'd dealt with this before, he could do it again.

"Hello, Earth to Steven; hello, Steven?"

Steve snapped back into attention, Danny's hand waving in front of his face, and scowled.

"What?" He snapped, swatting the hand away. Danny frowned.

"You okay, Steve? This entire case, you've just been kind of..." Danny moved his hand in a very vague circular motion, "...out there."

"'Out there'?" Steve retorted sardonically, just because it was easier than actually answering the question. Banter had a lot less baggage than a dysfunctional ex-SEAL with repression issues and P-

"Yeah, 'out there'." Danny countered, his voice a little to soft for normalcy, like he was afraid Steve might break, "Absent. You've got this 1000-yard stare thing going on, babe, and it's a little concerning, so what's going on with you?"

"Aw, Danno, I didn't know you cared," Steve drawled back, the sarcasm in his words a lot sharper and more tangible than normal. It was the only defense he had right now.

Deflect as much as possible, don't answer the question. Because God knows if you do, you just might not shut up and then it'll all come out and everyone will know just how screwed up you really are, you-

"Steve?" Danny's expression had lost all hints of taunting, and the frown line in his forehead had gotten about five times deeper.

He looked really, really worried.

Steve swallowed convulsively.

"I'm fine," he muttered, finding his voice had gone traitorously hoarse, "I'm just tired. I need some time to think." He tried not to let the relief show on his face as he put the Camaro in park in his own driveway.

Well, his parents' driveway.

But they were gone now, too, weren't they?

Just like everything, and everyone, Steve touched.

Danny nodded his head understandingly, but that frown stayed put. Damn.

"You'll call, right?" Steve paused halfway out the driver's-side door. Danny's face was a mix of real concern and guardedness, like he thoughht Steve might respond with another snarky response.
Nevertheless, the New Jersey detective added, "I mean, if something happens? You'll call?"

Steve wasn't sure what "something" qualified as, but it was a nice gesture. Still, he couldn't let anyone too close...

"Sure," he lied easily, shutting the door behind him, "See you."