100 Themes Challenge: 88) Pain

[2009]

I want to hold you to the sun, I want to be your faithful one

I want to show you all the beauty you don't even know you hold

I'm hurting you for your own good, I'd die for you, you know I would

I'd give up all my wealth to buy you back the soul you never sold

She was jealous of the boy that Juudai loved so deeply. He loved him more than anything, even though he had promised his love to her—Yubel and no one else. He had promised her, so many lifetimes ago… Perhaps, her distraught mind had thought, he did love her still, and this was only his way of showing it. Perhaps he was hurting her with her own jealousy because he loved her. Perhaps… pain was love. Yes, that must be it. That must be why he continued to reject her in favor of the boy. He was demonstrating his love by hurting her.

I want to mix our blood and put it in the ground, so you can never leave

I want to win your trust, your faith, your heart, you'll never be deceived

If pain was love and misery adoration, then she would do everything that she could to hurt him, to show him how much she loved him. She would use the boy to hurt him. She would control his body and imprison his mind, because if her beloved Juudai Yuki loved him so much, then perhaps he would love her if she became the object of his desires.

"Yuki Juudai, come with me to the other world!"

Liar

Their first encounter in Dark World was the centerpiece of her plan, and had caused the Hell Kaiser, Ryo Marufuji, the senior that Juudai had looked up to and admired, to lose his life. As the Kaiser lay dying and she walked away, her beloved had confronted her in a cracked and shaking voice that had threatened to break with every word he spoke. "Wait, Johan! No… Yubel! How could you… How could you do such a thing?!"

I want to heal you, pretty sweet, I'll throw rose petals at your feet

I'll spend eternity comparing all my poetry to yours

I'm hurting you for your own good, I'd die for you, you know I would

I'd give up all my fame to fight your demons and your bloody wars

She had purred complacently in her second skin, body pressed flat against the freezing stone of the gate that led to nowhere, reveling in the sensation of murder, of creating such a deep wound for her beloved. "Juudai…" The name slid from Johan's tongue like a savory liquid as she watched the tears threatening to spill from bruised eyes. Her plan was working, and she glowed with pride at the ideas that flowed through her mind's eye—ideas of how she could use this body to drive her beloved to even further precipices of pain and agony.

Are you suffering?

I want your suffering

I want your beautiful suffering, I want to see your pain

I want it

I want it!

Johan's eyes were no longer his natural green color, now narrowed and shining a rustic orange of Yubel's influence as he whispered in a voice that only Juudai could hear, "I'll be waiting for you at the top." And just like that he was gone, disappearing into the shadows that lay before him and leaving destruction in his wake.

I want to mix our blood and put it in the ground, so you can never leave.

-Liar by Emilie Autumn