A long, long, long time ago, in a galaxy not so far from here, I created this fanfiction.
Today it ends.
You may be surprised, but it's more likely that you won't be. I haven't consistently updated this fic in over a year. I'm a junior in high school this year, which I am told is one of the most important years of my entire career as a student. I need to devote my time to things other than thinking about fanfiction. I'm trying to cut myself off as much as possible for the next few months; no , no AO3, and minimal tumblr visits. I'm determined to not make this year suck as much as the last.
I've had a great time writing this and following this story wherever it decided to go alongside you guys. To know that I have such a wonderful group of people showing me their support is a feeling that makes me happy to get out of bed in the mornings.
Which is saying a lot, for me.
This is my final "real" chapter, however, you can still expect maybe a bonus chapter or two sometime in the (likely distant) future, since I'd like to experiment with the epilogue of the series and such.
Thank you for your love and support. You've all been so wonderful. ^^
(one more thing! like a PG-13 movie, I believe I am permitted one f-bomb through the course of this fanfic. You have been warned!)
Merlin: omg run
Lancelot: from what
Merlin: I found out that Gwaine helped arthur to turn me into the platysnakeasnark or whatever
Merlin: and sweet justice has been served
Merlin: now is the customary designated time for fleeing
Merlin: also I told him you helped
Lancelot: wat
Merlin: it's very simple, Lancelot, find somewhere good to hide from Gwaine or he will light you on fire now GO
Lancelot: where merlin
Lancelot: oh god send help
Merlin: you couldn't find your way out of a paper bag, idiot
Lancelot: depends on the size of the paper bag.
Merlin: where are you
Lancelot: uh...third floor, west wing
Merlin: there should be a closet about halfway along the hallway you can hide in. I'll meet you there.
Lancelot: um
Merlin: what
Lancelot: it's just
Lancelot: it's dark in there
Lancelot: and I can hear things moving around in the corners
Lancelot: and I'm scared of spiders
Merlin: now I've officially heard everything.
Lancelot: ...
Merlin: keep your hair on, I'm coming to help
Merlin: I should start a babysitting service
Merlin: what with all the practice I've had recently
Arthur: yoke shuffleboard the follicle upstairs.
Merlin: I appreciate the support.
Gwen: what's going on...?
Merlin: Lord of the Rings marathon in the storage room behind the kitchen.
Gwen: explain...?
Merlin: um
Merlin: the wifi is fantastic and there's no shortage of snacks here?
Gwen: ...
Lancelot: go talk to gwaine.
Gwen: I'll be back.
Gwen: Gwaine? You won't answer my texts. Can you at least tell me where you are?
Gwen: I haven't heard an inebriated rant from you in three hours and I'm beginning to feel concerned.
Gwen: Plus I found this creepy-ass spider in the third floor closet and now I'm scared to keep searching
Gwaine: ...
Gwen: seriously do you have anything to say
Gwen: anything
Gwaine: nyoom nyoom nyoom nyoom nyoom nyoom
Gwen: well that sucks
Gwaine: hella
Merlin: report on your findings?
Gwen: I've learned two things
Gwen: you changed almost every word on Gwaine's phone shortcuts to nyoom
Gwen: and no one's allowed to go down the third floor corridor
Merlin: might one say it is out of bounds
Merlin: to anyone who does not wish to die a most painful death
Gwaine: nyoom nyoom mothertruckers
Merlin: creative. You've found a word I forgot.
Gwaine: hella.
Merlin: two.
Gwaine: nyoom nyoom nyoom nyoom NYOOM
Merlin: I feel you buddy.
Gwaine: NYOOM.
Gwaine: *Nyoom.
Gwaine: nyoom...?
Gwaine: help.
Arthur: istanbul this evanna real estate?
Merlin: sure?
Arthur: I'm going to funhouse kidnap your abs.
Arthur: wait
Merlin: that sounds exciting
Merlin: and slightly little illegal
Arthur: fledgling
Arthur: dammit
Merlin: what is air
Arthur: I herpes you.
Arthur: MOTHER
Merlin: i love it when you talk dirty to me
Lancelot: dammit merlin, stop pissing him off.
Lancelot: It's still his castle
Lancelot: he can have your ass banished faster than you can say "snarkapus"
Merlin: he wouldn't dare. I'm too valuable to him.
Lancelot: You suck at your job.
Merlin: oh no, I'm a terrible servant.
Merlin: but who else will he irrationally throw in the stocks when he's angry?
Merlin: I am a valuable piece in this pyramid of social hierarchy.
Lancelot: that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Lancelot: and I know Gwaine.
Arthur: No no, he has a fair point.
Arthur: EUREKA BITCHES
Gwaine: nyoom nyoom nyoom nyoom
Gwaine: nyoom nyoom nyoom nyoom
Gwaine: nyoom nyoom nyoom nyoom nyoom nyoom nyoom nyoom
Gwen: am I the only one who read that to the tune of the meowmix commercial?
Merlin: ...
Arthur: ...
Lancelot: ...
Gwaine: ...
Lancelot: no
Merlin: dammit lancelot you've defeated a griffin
Lancelot: and I know the Meow Mix song.
Lancelot: sue me.
Merlin: dude, we're not in america.
Arthur: theologizing wasps kill ramen
Merlin: See? Arthur agrees with me.
Merlin: glad I got that fixed, aren't you?
Merlin: would hate to see you speaking coherently for a change.
Morgana:
Merlin: HOW LONG HAVE YOU EVEN BEEN SITTING THERE WOMAN
Morgana:
Morgana: I've been here the whole time
Morgana: silent
Merlin: like a rock
Morgana: or like...darkness. Or a foreboding cloud of death.
Merlin: or like a rock
Morgana: that's it, all. I'm out.
Morgana: thanks for the nice vacation accommodations.
Morgana: I won't miss cooking for all eighty-seven of your knights, Arthur.
Gwen: i'll miss ya homie
Morgana: right back atcha.
Morgana: no one else?
Morgana:
Morgana: kk lolbye
Arthur:
Merlin: don't you fucking start.
Lancelot: MERLIN
Lancelot: MERLIN
Lancelot: MERLIN!
Merlin: keep your hair on I'm here
Merlin: What is it?
Merlin: Where's Arthur?
Lancelot: Merlin...
Lancelot: He's dead.
Merlin: Yeah right.
Merlin: Told him one of your puns, did you?
Merlin: I told you they're god awful.
Lancelot: I'm not kidding.
Lancelot: Mordred...and Morgana...and Gwaine...
Lancelot: there was something about setting a contraband waffle iron on fire
Lancelot: I can't explain on the phone.
Lancelot: I'm sending you my coordinates.
Lancelot: Get here asap.
Merlin: oh god.
Merlin: So, just to make sure I've got this right...
Merlin: I have to wait hundreds of years of immortal existence.
Merlin: me.
Merlin: watching the entire world change around me
Merlin: so I can see Arthur again?
Kilgharrah: Such is the legend.
Kilgharrah: Albion will rise again, Emerys.
Kilgharrah: But only if you survive some of the worst dangers the world has to offer.
Kilgharrah: Among them, the invention of rap music and the public educational system.
Kilgharrah: And if you can do anything in the world to stop the rise of Twilight
Kilgharrah: Please do.
Kilgharrah: I'm begging you.
Kilgharrah: The horrors are unspeakable.
Merlin: wow thank you
Merlin: that was vague
Merlin: please, is there anything else you can say to make this conceivably worse
Merlin: I dare you
Merlin: make my day
Kilgharrah: I didn't ask for your sass.
Merlin: And while I'm waiting for "The Return of Arthur™" what becomes of the sword?
Kilgharrah: Excalibur?
Merlin: no, Glamdring.
Merlin: yes
Merlin: excalibur
Kilgharrah: From what my premonitions can discern, it appears that some sort of film studio is built over it.
Kilgharrah: Ah. Harry Potter.
Merlin: That would explain a lot.
Merlin: I miss him
Kilgharrah: I have a screenshot of a previous conversation
Kilgharrah: You were the most sarcastic little shit in the world to him
Merlin: I was not
Kilgharrah: Evidence.
Arthur: As punishment, you will clean out the stables. Without a shovel.
Arthur: you'll also polish my boots, shine my armor, sharpen my sword, brush my horse, fold my clothing, and write my speech for the feast my father is holding tomorrow.
Merlin: anything else sire
Merlin: I mean would you like the castle moved a bit to the left
Merlin: ah yes
Merlin: good times
Merlin: I believe that was our first phone conversation together
Kilgharrah: So it's a long standing tradition, I see.
Merlin: Us texting?
Kilgharrah: You being a little shit.
Merlin: wow. Ouch.
Kilgharrah: that was what I believe you may refer to as a "burn."
Kilgharrah: It's amusing.
Kilgharrah: Because I am a dragon.
Merlin: this thousand years is just going to fly by.
Merlin: rise, my creation.
Merlin: LIVE
Merlin: seriously I've been poking you with a stick for hours
Merlin: today's supposed to be the day
Merlin: ello?
Merlin: Arthur
Merlin: There's free wi-fi around your grave now
Merlin: pls
Arthur: POADHNEPBFHOUWPSPDJNPI
Merlin: halle freaking lujiah
Merlin: ouch Arthur
Merlin: this hug is crushing my spleen
Arthur: I might yodel, Merino sheep.
Arthur: oh hell
Merlin: I can't believe it.
Merlin: all those years...
Merlin: and your auto-correct is still on.
Merlin: come on
Merlin: We've got to figure out how to get back the others
Merlin: and I've got to catch you up on the eight hundred new models of the iphone
Merlin: i would like to be the first to personally welcome you to hell.
Arthur: fanta.
Merlin: come along, dork.
Merlin: there's adventure to be had, buildings to burn, and a future to ruin.
Arthur: ICE SOLOMON EXTRAPOLATE!
11.6.14
Uther: :-)