Title: Peridot

Rating: M

Characters: Nick, Sebastian, Jeff

Summary: Sebastian Smythe is the new kid in town and Nick is hooked but he can't figure out why. But when he takes Sebastian home to meet his parents, secrets slowly begin tumbling out and Nick finds himself on a mission to save his friend before it's too late. Warnings inside. AU

Warnings: Swearing, implied sex/sexual references, attempted suicide, character death, talk of depression/self-harm, medical squick, daddy issues

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the recognisable characters, places or songs used in this fic.

A/N: This fic is based off an idea I had for an original story but I wanted to get some feedback on the basic idea and plot which is why this fic only shows certain scenes. But I hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you thought :)

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PERIDOT:

Nick Duval couldn't figure out why the new boy at Dalton Academy had caught his attention. He had been sitting in the cafeteria minding his own business when all of a sudden it felt as if the sky had collapsed around him and the sun was a brand new star in the sky, dazzling him with its strange, awesome power. And the sun's name was Sebastian Smythe.

Nick leaned across the table to his best friend, Jeff Sterling who was dividing his attention between a sandwich and a history textbook.

"Hey, what do you know about the new kid?" Nick asked in an eager whisper.

Jeff glanced over his shoulder, shrugging as he turned back. "Nothing," he replied with a mouthful of his sandwich.

"What good are you..." Nick mused to himself before he turned his attention back to the boy sitting by himself at the end of one of the rectangular tables. He seemed out of place - which he was. What kid transferred schools in the last semester before graduating?

"How about instead of just ogling at him, you actually try talking to him?" Jeff suggested as he highlighted a section of his book.

Nick looked at his friend as if he had just discovered the meaning of life but his expression of amazement swiftly turned to a shade of embarrassment. "I can't just go up and talk to him..."

"Why not?" Jeff asked, only half interested. If that.

"Because he's tall and beautiful and has eyes like frickin' peridot."

Jeff sighed as he gathered his books and stood up, looking down at his friend. "Nick, I love you man, but I can't deal with one of your gay moments right now. And I have no idea what the hell peridot is."

Nick watched as Jeff walked away before returning his attention to the boy he'd only seen and heard about. It didn't matter how gay he was or how many gemstones he could compare to the boy's eyes. Sebastian Smythe would never be interested in him.

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Nick hated feeling distracted but he couldn't help himself. Sebastian Smythe was in his Trigonometry class. In his TRIGONOMETRY CLASS. They were halfway through a double period, partaking in the short break Mr Clemmens always gave them when Nick tripped, stumbling over the small step back into the building. Strong hands grabbed and steadied him, Nick already starting to murmur an apology to Trent or Thad who were forever rescuing him from certain peril. But when he looked up, the words died on his lips as he looked up into peridot eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"Feel like I've been punched in the face actually," Nick murmured as he took in the sight of the one and only Sebastian Smythe. Jeff was right, he was having a gay moment. Or maybe just a gay day.

"I'm not really sure how to respond to that so I'm just gonna head inside," Sebastian Smythe said slowly as he buried his hands in his pockets and turned to stride back towards the class.

Nick shook his head, growling as he mentally chided himself for being so weird before he ran after Sebastian.

"I'm sorry - sometimes I just say really messed up stuff. I didn't mean anything by it."

Sebastian shrugged, not turning to his classmate. "If you're crazy that's fine with me, just don't get me caught up in your bullshit."

Nick was taken aback but quickly noticed the smile on Sebastian's face. "Well, I'm not really sure how to respond to that," he said almost coyly.

Sebastian scoffed slightly before turning to Nick and almost backing him up against the wall. "So what are you looking for? Casual fuck from the new boy in school or something more regular with a sweet little schedule to go with that sweet little mouth?"

Nick could feel himself blushing and didn't know how to make it go away. He swallowed before he sent a sharp gaze up into Sebastian's eyes. "We're going to be late for the rest of the class."

"Then maybe we'd best not show up at all," Sebastian breathed as he leaned in to kiss Nick deeply.

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Nick's head fell back against the cubicle door with a thud as he sighed long and slow. The lingering sparks of lust flitted through his veins as Sebastian slowly got to his feet, wiping at the corner of his mouth.

"That was…" Nick couldn't find words; he was still waiting for the stars to clear from his eyes.

"Yes it was," Sebastian murmured as he smirked. Nick looked up at him, smiling at the glazed over look in Sebastian's eyes before looking down and watching as Sebastian tucked Nick back into his pants. "I'll go first; you look far too blissful to have just taken a piss."

"Wait? Go? Why?" Nick pawed at Sebastian. He knew he was pathetic but he'd just been blown off in a bathroom stall by a boy he met by tripping over.

Sebastian chuckled softly. "What do you think this is? Relationships don't usually start with a blowjob."

"Well maybe this isn't "usual"."

Sebastian shook his head. "I'm not looking for a boyfriend or a fuck buddy or any of that shit. I just wanna finish high school."

Nick didn't know how to respond. He stood stoically, letting Sebastian shove him out of the way to get out of the cubicle. He turned and watched as Sebastian washed his hands and ensured he looked presentable.

"Why did you transfer anyway?" Nick managed, leaning against the door as he watched the mirror. Sebastian's gaze moved to watch Nick's reflection before he shook his head and looked back to the water swirling down the drain.

"I just wanna finish high school," he said simply.

Nick moved forward, carefully placing a hand on Sebastian's back. "Come hang out with me. We can listen to music or watch TV or anything. Just give me a chance."

Sebastian cast a sidelong glance to Nick before nodding as he sighed. "Fine, but I'm not blowing you again."

Nick laughed brightly and clapped Sebastian's shoulder before they headed back out into the empty Dalton Academy hallways.

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Nick grinned up at Sebastian when he opened the door. His boyfriend was wearing those damn black skinny jeans again and part of Nick just wanted to drag Sebastian upstairs but his family were waiting in the dining room.

"Hey, is this okay?" Sebastian asked nervously as he stepped inside. With the jeans he was wearing an untucked white shirt with a black tie and dress shoes.

"You look fine," Nick answered as he shut the front door. "Don't worry. I'm sure they'll love you. Besides, it's just dinner."

"To you," Sebastian muttered. Nick rolled his eyes playfully as he grabbed Sebastian's hand and led him through the house to the dining room where his mother, Ellie, was dishing up the meal. When is father, Ben, looked up however, the smile that had lit his face disappeared as soon as he saw Sebastian. Nick frowned in confusion before he felt Sebastian tense up beside him.

"Sebastian?" Ben looked to his son. "Sebastian Smythe is the boy you met at school?"

"Yes… Is that a problem?" Nick asked, totally unsure of what was going on. How did his father know who Sebastian was?

"Of course not," Ben said with a harsh swallow. "Just wasn't what I was expecting."

Nick narrowed his gaze at his father before he and Sebastian sat down at the table. He had a sneaking suspicion about what was going on but he wasn't entirely sure he was right. But Nick had always been patient and was sure that he would figure it out in no time.

"I hope you like tuna mornay, Sebastian. I can assure you that it's nicer than my husband's manners." Ellie shot Ben a sharp look and Sebastian chuckled softly.

"I'm sure Dr Duval's manners are fine," Sebastian looked to Ben with an expression Nick couldn't quite read. "After all, it's not every day your son brings a boy 'round for dinner."

"No, it most definitely isn't," Ben murmured.

"You just transferred to Dalton, didn't you Sebastian?" Ellie asked as she sat down. "It's a little odd to transfer in your senior year."

"Yeah, I um, I was sick for a long time. My parents kind of took over my education while I was though. I couldn't work with the school. There were a lot of issues with bullying and stuff before I got sick and I was actually expelled. Unfairly, but … yeah." Sebastian glanced to Ben and Nick realised what was going on.

Sebastian was a patient of his father's.

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Sebastian had been miserable the past week and it was taking a toll on Nick. It didn't help that his father was walking on eggshells around him. It wasn't his fault he fell for a patient of the great psychiatrist Doctor Benjamin Duval. Whenever Nick thought about it, he wanted to throw up.

Part of Nick had always romanticised depression but when he and Sebastian had talked about it after the disastrous "Dinner of Discovery", he realised he had been very wrong. Sebastian swung between hating himself for all that he was and not feeling anything at all. He had to – or felt that he had to – cut himself to remind himself he was alive because he would forget in the deepest throes of the depression.

Nick was finding himself caught up in something much larger than himself and he didn't know what to do. Sebastian was terrified Nick would tell his dad if he said anything while Nick was worried that his father might be hiding things from him, things that would help him help Sebastian. The only solution he could find to any of his problems was to keep his boyfriend and his father as far away from each other as possible. Outside of their appointments of course.

Nick and Sebastian were sitting in the library at Dalton when Sebastian posed a strange question.

"My Chemical Romance."

Nick looked up from his homework, blinking. "Come again?" Is he saying he's a drug addict too?

"My Chemical Romance," Sebastian paused to see if it registered. "They're a band. From New Jersey. Coming to Columbus next week."

"And..?"

"I have two tickets, and I would like you to come with me."

Nick froze before he turned to Sebastian. "You want me to go to a concert with you?"

"Please. I've wanted to see these guys since I was fourteen and my parents won't let me go unless someone they trust comes with me."

"Your parents trust me?" Nick asked, surprised.

Sebastian smiled bashfully. "Yeah, they do… Will you come?"

Nick smiled and nodded. "Of course I will."

Sebastian's smile transformed into a grin before he leaned across the table and kissed Nick. "You're the best boyfriend ever."

"No more than you."

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Nick felt extremely out of place as he stood beside Sebastian in the crowd. The music was loud and all the words blended together in Nick's head. But Sebastian was wearing short sleeves and smiling wider than Nick had ever seen. The sight of the raised scars had scared Nick at first but here in the dark with thousands of strangers, Sebastian seemed free and comfortable for the first time since Nick had met him.

"Are you having fun?" Nick shouted over the crowd in a break between songs.

"Yeah," Sebastian laughed as he beamed down at Nick. "Thanks for coming with me, Nick."

"No problem," Nick replied with a sly grin. "It's payback for the day we met."

Sebastian's bright laughter echoed through the air and Nick struggled to ignore the ache in his chest as the band started playing again. The next song started with a simple acoustic guitar riff. Nick heard Sebastian sigh beside him and looked up to see his boyfriend smiling softly.

"What? Is something wrong?" Nick asked worriedly.

"No," Sebastian shook his head before he turned his smile on Nick. "I always loved this song."

"It's nice," Nick murmured as the vocalist began to sing.

"It's called "Disenchanted"," Sebastian laughed quietly. "I've always kind of wanted to slow dance to this song at my wedding."

Nick blushed slightly before he focused on the song.

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It was the roar of the crowd

That gave me heartache to sing.

It was a lie when they smiled

And said, "You won't feel a thing"

And as we ran from the cops

We laughed so hard it would sting

.

He could dance to that at his wedding.

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After the concert, Nick and Sebastian found themselves on a playground down the road from the concert hall. It was almost midnight, and Sebastian was overflowing with energy as they raced around the playground.

On the upper level of the playground was a small maze that the two boys raced through. Nick knew both he and Sebastian were fully capable of bounding over the barriers but Nick was enjoying the chase. They broke free of the labyrinth and Nick watched in awe as Sebastian grinned wickedly before propelling himself down the slide to the ground.

Nick imitated him, landing at a run and feeling the stiff friction burn stinging his fingers as he crossed the park to the swings. Sebastian was sitting in one of the swings, watching Nick with a breathless smile as his green eyes shined in the moonlight. Nick smiled back as he grabbed the chains of the swing and leaned down to kiss Sebastian, feeling something stir within him as the boy kissed him back.

Everything had been so wonderful and when Nick pulled Sebastian closer, he knew he could do it. He knew he could say the words he'd wanted to say for three months.

Pulling away, inwardly grinning as their lips peeled away from where they'd stuck together, Nick looked into the peridot eyes. "I love you, Sebastian."

There was a long pause, Sebastian's face falling as he sighed and pulled away.

"You don't want to be in love with me, Nick," Sebastian whispered.

Nick shook his head. "Of course I do. My dad doesn't matter, the depression doesn't matter. I love you – for all that you are. We can make this work. We can be together."

"I'm not worth the pain."

Nick leaned back in and kissed Sebastian. "I have never felt as alive as I have whenever I've kissed you, Sebastian Smythe. You can't hurt me."

Sebastian's expression split as a sob rocked through him and he stood to embrace Nick, the swing smacking the backs of his knees as he sniffled. "I wish that were true," he whispered brokenly.

Nick bit his lip. He knew there was nothing he could say to make Sebastian feel better. But he wasn't going to let him give up. He would do whatever it took to keep Sebastian safe. He had to.

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Nick was still shaking. He hadn't seen Sebastian for three days and whenever he thought of him now, the only thing he saw was the scarlet red blood and the small white pills across the floor. His father was sitting next to him but for all that Ben could say to other people, he had no idea how to console his son.

"I know you can't tell me anything," Nick managed, his voice wobbling. "But you knew he was getting worse, didn't you?"

Nick heard his father sigh, a pause, before, "Yes I did."

Nick turned to face him then. "You should have told me."

"I can't breach doctor-"

"I don't give a shit about your stupid fucking confidentiality laws!" Nick yelled as he got to his feet and glared down at Ben. "I'm your fucking son and my fucking boyfriend tried to kill himself three days ago after he had a fucking session with you!"

"I don't know what you want from me, Nick," Ben murmured.

"I want you to be honest with me and to care about me the way you care about your goddamn patients," Nick answered in a broken whisper as tears slipped down his cheeks and he fell to his knees. "I don't wanna be like Sebastian… I don't wanna feel like this."

Nick felt arms wrap around him and breathed in the scent of his father's subtle cologne. "You're not going to be like Sebastian, okay? I promise," Ben whispered. "You're going to help save him."

.

.

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Kidney damage.

Liver damage.

Transplants.

No viable donors.

Two months.

Ten words, repeating themselves over and over in Nick's head as he sat beside Sebastian's bed, watching his boyfriend sleep. He was out of intensive care but he wasn't going to go home again. He was getting some of what he wanted though. Because unless by some miracle, he was going to be dead before graduation.

Nick took a deep breath when he noticed Sebastian stirring. He plastered a smile across his face and leaned forward, taking Sebastian's hand gently. Nick hated that the bandages and the drips and the identification bracelets were so familiar. He hated that this was how he was going to be forced to remember Sebastian.

Eyelids slowly fluttered open and green eyes focused on the ceiling before turning to rest on Nick as a smile graced Sebastian's lips.

"Morning."

"How are you feeling?" Nick asked quietly as he stroked a thumb across the back of Sebastian's hand.

"I'll survive," Sebastian replied as he shifted carefully. "What time is it?"

"Half past ten," Nick said as he watched Sebastian grimace in pain. "Do you want the nurse to bring your meds?"

Sebastian shook his head. "They can't give me anything stronger than Tylenol. I'll manage."

Nick nodded slowly before with his free hand, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the small box he'd brought with him. "I brought you something," he said as he pressed the box into Sebastian's hand.

"What is it?" Sebastian asked as he took the box, turning it over in his hands.

"Open it."

Nick watched Sebastian's face as his expression shifted. Concentration as he fought to grip the box, his fingers never quite co-operating how he wanted them to. A look of confusion as Sebastian moved the fabric off the box's contents. Surprise at seeing what Nick had given him. Surprise turning to disappointment as Sebastian looked back to Nick.

"It's a peridot necklace," Nick murmured before Sebastian could say anything. "Peridot used to be used to help heal the body and to help relieve depression. I thought it might help you – maybe even help you heal enough to be allowed a transplant in case they found one."

"Nick, this isn't gonna help me…" Sebastian said sadly.

"Please. Please, just try it. I need you to try and to believe in it. It could save you."

"The only thing that's going to save me is a new liver and kidney, Nick…"

"It doesn't have to be," Nick whispered, his voice cracking.

A look of resignation settled on Sebastian's face then and he sighed as he handed the box back to Nick. "Put it around my neck then."

Nick smiled as he obliged, carefully fastening the pendant around Sebastian's neck. "It suits you."

"Matches my eyes," Sebastian murmured as he looked down at it.

"Yes it does," Nick replied as he sat down. My boy with peridot eyes.

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The doctors had warned that it was bound to happen sooner or later but it was still shocking. Nick still didn't know how to make Sebastian feel better as he cried for all the things he was going to miss. He was curled up in his bed, his head in his hands, as he cried around listing the things he was never going to do now that he was dying.

"I'll never go on a road trip with no destination."

"I'll never be allowed into a bar with proper ID."

"I'll never go to a college party."

"I'll never go home again…"

"I'll never see my kid's first steps…"

"I'll never get married…"

Nick had forced himself to leave then. He couldn't handle it. He had walked down the dark corridor out into the courtyard. The air was cold, the ground wet from the day's rain, and Nick had to think of something.

There was no way he could give Sebastian all the experiences he wanted. Some of them were simply not possible. But there was one he knew he could achieve; he just needed a little help.

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"Nick, where are we going?" Sebastian asked as he laughed. He had a Dalton tie around his head covering his eyes as one of the orderlies wheeled him down the hallway.

"Stop trying to ruin your surprise," Nick laughed.

"But I wanna kn-ow," Sebastian whined through another chuckle. He wasn't better. He was getting sicker and his skin had a haunting yellow hue to it as his liver slowly gave up. There was a minimal chance they would find any sort of donor now and the hospital had finally given him stronger pain medication which was making him a little loopy. Nick knew there wasn't much time left but there was time enough for this last thing.

Nick led the orderly through a pair of double doors into one of the large conference rooms of the hospital. Sebastian was wheeled into the centre of the room where a nurse was waiting to transfer the IV bags onto a stand so that Sebastian could get out of the chair.

Nick knelt down in front of Sebastian, holding his hands gingerly. "I'm going to take the tie off in a second, okay? But I want you to remember this moment, right now."

"I will," Sebastian whispered.

Nick took a deep breath before he reached up to remove the tie from Sebastian's eyes. The boy opened his eyes and as he looked around the room, his jaw slowly dropped. Nick stood and moved to stand beside Sebastian. The room was lit by candles and strings of white fairy lights. Off to one side was a table set for two (one setting with a small plastic cup of tablets) and to the other side of the room was a stereo.

"Did you do all this?" Sebastian asked quietly as he looked back to Nick.

"With some help from the nurses," Nick answered with a grin. "There was something I wanted to help you do. It's not quite how you wanted it but it was the closest I could get."

Sebastian's quizzical expression soon softened as the stereo was turned on and the introduction of "Disenchanted" began to play. Nick smiled as he reached out a hand.

"May I have this dance?"

Sebastian's breath hitched slightly as he nodded before letting Nick and the orderly help him to his feet. Nick pulled him close, an arm wound tightly around Sebastian's waist as they gently swayed back and forth.

"You said you wanted to slow dance to this song at your wedding," Nick murmured after a few moments. "I can't marry you but I figured-"

Sebastian leaned in and kissed him gently. "It's perfect."

Nick smiled and leaned forward to rest his head against Sebastian's shoulder as they danced. He breathed in the scent he knew was going to leave him soon. He listened to the beat of the heart he wished he didn't have to lose. He held the boy tightly before pulling away as Sebastian hummed.

"What is it?" Nick asked softly.

"Nothing," Sebastian said with a broad smile. "I'm just really glad you tripped over."

Nick smiled back at him. "I'm glad I did too."

Sebastian leaned down and kissed Nick as the boy wished it could last forever. But he knew that was far out of his control now.

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Nick uncurled his fist from around the peridot pendant once more. He watched as the stone swung back and forth in the air. The nurse had given it to him the next morning along with a hug and the news that – while he knew it was coming – rocked him to the core.

Nick's date with Sebastian had been wonderful. Everything he had wanted and more. It had filled him with new hope. New hope that had been drained from him in an instant when he walked onto the ward the next morning.

Sebastian had slipped away in his sleep "with a smile on his face". The hospital had had to call Nick's parents to pick him up because he couldn't stop crying long enough to drive home.

Nick heard his bedroom door open but didn't move from where he laid on his bed. He felt the mattress sink by his legs before he heard his father.

"I'm not going to try and make it better."

"Good."

"But if you need to talk, I'm here."

"Since when has talking to you ever made me feel better?"

"Your mother and I are worried."

"Worrying won't make what happened hurt any less."

"I know it won't," Ben murmured as he carefully rubbed a hand over Nick's back in a way he knew soothed his son.

"I should have done more," Nick gasped as he began to cry. "I wasn't trying hard enough. I was meant to be helping him."

"You were helping him… So, so much," Ben said as he carefully turned his son onto his side.

"I should have done more," Nick whispered again.

"The only thing more you could have done would have been to be God himself."

There was a long pause before Nick whispered again, "I'm so fucking angry at him, Dad."

"And you have every right to be. And he knew that. But if he hadn't met you, he would never have had these last six months. You gave him something to live for and even if he didn't realise it, it was the best gift he was ever given."

Nick blinked to clear the tears from his vision before he looked up at his father. "What are you saying?"

"I had been treating Sebastian for a lot longer than I let on, Nick." Ben took a deep breath as he shook his head and cracked a smile. "You couldn't imagine some of the thoughts that went through that kid's head. He was so sick for such a long time and going to the psych unit made him a lot worse. I was running out of ideas when he met you. If I'd known you were the key to helping Sebastian, I would have introduced you myself."

"You still wouldn't have been able to tell me when to help him. He still would have taken that overdose. He'd still be gone."

"Do you know the first thought that popped into my head the night you brought Sebastian over for dinner?"

"What?" Nick asked as he reluctantly sat up.

""Maybe now he'll get better.""

"And did he?"

"He improved more in the last six months than he did in the entire six years I had been treating him. Because he finally had a friend, someone who saw him for more than his depression and his scars. Sebastian had never had that before."

"Really?"

Ben simply nodded and smiled at his son.

Nick leaned forward and hugged his father. "I loved him so much."

Ben shook his head and Nick pulled away, confused. "No, you still love him. And that's okay." He took the peridot necklace from Nick and carefully hung it around his son's neck. "Peridot inspires healing."

"That's why I gave it to him."

"And that's why he wanted it given back to you," Ben said with a smile. "He wasn't going to leave you with nothing, Nick."

"Did he love me?" The words made Nick feel cut up inside.

Ben smiled widely. "I'm sure he still does."

Nick embraced his father again, feeling secure in Ben's arms. Being with Sebastian had been wonderful and losing him hurt more than Nick could fathom. But he had shown Sebastian what life could be like and it might not have saved him, but it had shown him that life could be happy. And perhaps, Nick thought, that was the best thing he could have done.

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A/N: Well, I hope you liked it and thank you very much for reading. I understand that some parts aren't particularly clear and that some of the jumps are a little jarring. But if you have any feedback, please let me know as that is one of the sole reasons I wrote and posted this fic :) And if you have any questions, feel free to ask them. Thank you again for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day –Frankie xoxo