Disclaimer: I do not own Hunter X Hunter.

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Just let a meteor fall and kill me now, Machi thought wistfully.

There was absolutely nothing in this world that was worse than waking Feitan from his slumber. He literally becomes a living and walking hell (complete with flames and all) when anything uncalled for disturbed his sleep.

Who sleeps under hot water anyway?!

Oh, wait. This idiot in front of her does. Thankfully, that particular idiot (who currently had the potential to transform into a hyperactive demon at any given moment) was actually still half asleep. That itself wasn't a real blessing though. With half of Feitan's brain still active, he was bound to sleepwalk sometime soon (which was probably how he ended up here in the first place). A sleepwalking Feitan was not a pretty sight. Phinks should know. He lost his eyebrows that way. Of course, that was only top-three in Feitan's oddest sleepwalking adventures. Top two was of Feitan sleep…cooking. Legend has it that the bandit attempted to make delicious 'Phinks Stew' by filling his bathtub with boiling water, vegetables and spice, which included a pint of human seasoning that had been stolen from the local torture store. Guess what the special ingredient was. Poor Phinks was almost thrown into the mix. Luckily, Feitan missed the mark. That night had ended with Feitan chasing after Phinks with a large butcher knife at hand, still half asleep. Top one was really more of a horror story than anything since the torture maniac had tried to crucify their leader in his sleep. Yes, CRUCIFY their BELOVED Danchou. How Feitan managed not to get excommunicated by Kuroro that night was still a mystery.

Machi stole a glance at Feitan. He was slowly drifting back to sleep. Good. At least, she can relax for a bit longer. Though with all the bad luck she's come across lately, she can't help but feel mischievous at such opportunity. A maniacal laugh was threatening to burst out her chest as she jumped out the tub and back with a pouch of dreadful gadgets that only the most prestigious and most meticulous of women carry—cosmetics. A part of her always did want to become a make-up artist.

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Korutopi gripped the baseball bat tightly, his fingers lightly drumming over the contour of the object. There were some things that just needed to be done as a member of the Genei Ryodan and this was one of them.

The sound of thunder roared through space as Korutopi swung the bat and hit contact with a solid object.

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I've been in the water for too long, Phinks thought.

He was beginning to hear imaginary noises such as Machi screaming and an atomic bomb going off in a distance. Just then, a monkey that was foaming at the mouth appeared from one of the bushes and stared at Phinks with wide, creepy, unblinking, red, demonic eyes. It slowly turned its head around. There was a sound of bones cracking before the head quickly rotated into a full 360 and started swaying from side to side with its teeth ferociously gnawing on air, clearly indicating that it wanted to rip Phinks's flesh apart. Yeah, he was definitely going crazy.

"I'm gonna check what kind of food Shalnark ordered," Phinks said to Franklin before excusing himself.

He went over to his robe and covered himself with it before stepping out of the men's hot springs. He found that Shizuku had recently finished bathing as well.

Phinks called out, "Have you seen Shalnark?"

The girl shook her head.

"Help me look for him?" he asked.

Shizuku tilted her head to the side before answering, "I think I should just gather everyone in the dining room we reserved."

"Shouldn't that be Machi's job?"

"Machi didn't seem to be feeling well…," said Shizuku, looking concerned.

Phinks chuckled to himself. Maybe Machi saw the hell-spawned monkey as well. "Ah, alright. I'll see you later then."

Shizuku waved a goodbye before realizing that her glasses had been foggy due to the steam of the hot springs. She took them off to clean them, but stopped for a moment. She was about to do something, but she can't remember what it was. Then, she scratched her head profusely, pocketed her glasses absentmindedly, and walked off to find the other members. It wasn't long before Shizuku managed to crash her face against an almighty wall of concrete.

"Oi! Are you okay?!" screamed Phinks from the other end of the hall.

Shizuku just blinked before strolling again, crashing yet into another wall. She walked onwards, leaving a trail of holes embedded within the walls.

Is she gonna be okay? Phinks wondered, a drop of sweat suddenly materializing on the side of his head. He let his concern fade away as the symphony of crashes grew fainter in the hall and turned on his heel to walk out in the garden and get a breath of fresh air.

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"Bastards," Nobunaga kept muttering to himself.

If I find them damn tourists, I'm going to cut them to pieces.

Wait a minute. Where the hell was he?!

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Phinks lay nonchalantly on the hammock. He noted that the garden was less green but more colorful than the scenery in the hot springs. There were happy colors everywhere—pink, yellow, white, you name it. It was disgusting. All the swirly mush of colors was making him sleepy and nauseous. He wanted to find Shalnark but…

About twelve paces away from Phinks were two young girls walking side by side. They were heading inside the building when a random towel just flew in and started attacking the girl on the left. Phinks closed his eyes tiredly and pinched the ridge of his nose. All these plants were making him hallucinate the strangest things. He opened his eyes again. A chair that was thrown by the angry towel narrowly missed his face. Phinks felt the skin where his eyebrows should've been twitch. He hadn't been imagining things.

This…was not normal.

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Korutopi stared in the direction he threw the rabid towel at. Screams were beginning to infiltrate the air. Oh, well. Not his problem.

Korutopi turned and sighed. The baseball hat he won from hitting a home run was knocked into the ground and got a little smudged. He grabbed the cap and rubbed out the dirt. It was a very, very, very special cap. Why? Because for some odd reason, it had a spider logo on it. Their spider logo on it. Who knew there was a person psychotic enough to create a baseball hat based on the Phantom Troupe? Korutopi placed the item back on his head. Nothing special here. Just a Genei Ryodan member showing off his Genei Ryodan spirit…Woohoo…

He decided not to head back into the arcade room. He had enough of it. Why they'd give out rabid towels as a prize was beyond him. Besides, he already won a lot of items from the arcade anyway like, like…what did he win again? Korutopi opened the sack he was carrying and took a peek. Hmm, let's see. There were a deck of cards, a bag of marbles, a large teddy bear, a ukulele, a whiffle ball bat, a machete and… a bottle of holy water? Huh, that was odd. He didn't remember winning that particular item. Maybe he could use it against the other members for blackmail purposes. It would probably work. Probably. Considering the fact that all of them lack souls…

He shrugged. There was still some time to kill before dinner started, so he walked straight into a door that explicitly stated 'Employees Only' and explored the intricacies of the "inn."

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Phinks could only watch in horror as the towel viciously pummeled the girl. It (the towel) was making primitive noises that resembled that of a shrieking chipmunk. The terrified woman stumbled into a small puddle before she managed to reach her hand up to her face and fling the white, fluffy object away from her. The towel flew into a patch of grass near Phinks. The woman and her friend fled the area. Phinks stared at it. For a moment, it did not move, but like a rabid animal come to life, the thing jolted upward and turned sharply in Phinks's direction. He swore as he fumbled and tripped backwards from a rock. It was slithering and crawling on the floor. It was coming closer and closer. It was—

A warm breeze ruffling through Phinks's hair interrupted all the mental description that he was narrating in his head. It took him half a second to realize that there was something breathing down on his face. A small sound escaped his throat when he looked up and saw the demon of a monkey staring right at him, just a few inches above his head. It smiled, revealing a set of bloody, razor-sharp teeth. Meanwhile, the towel just slithered closer and closer…

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Nobunaga wheezed as his shaky hand pulled himself out of the pit he had accidentally fallen into. This would have to be the WORST vacation he's ever had, right next to when Kuroro thought it would be an exotic experience to go sunbathing in Landarctica. Surely, some good would have to come out of this? It was an inn, after all. Heck, he might even go for a massage afterwards. That is, if he survives all this. He was hungry, tired, and naked. Somehow, he had entered a booby trap zone. A trio of poisonous darts missed Nobunaga's head by an inch when he leaned into a wall and fell through a secret passage.

What the-

Standing in front of him were a herd of…bulls? No, men with bull masks holding butcher knives? One of the man-bull raised his knife and let out a war cry that sounded like a rooster in the early morning. The rest of the herd did the same and started a stampede towards the samurai.

Seriously. Where the hell was he?!

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Feitan had never looked healthier in his life, Machi noted. He no longer had that deathly pale skin he had about half an hour ago. Instead, he now had a rich and luscious tan. The foundation and the blush truly did wonders for his skin.

Now comes the real fun part. Machi grinned mischievously as she contemplated as to which cosmetic to apply next. Mascara or lipstick?

As though the lipstick read Machi's mind, it gleamed in the light, looking extra deadly.

Lipstick it is.

Since Machi had been real careful as to not waking Feitan, she had stayed in the water far longer than was necessary. But she didn't mind it. She was going to see this makeover all the way to the end. Never mind the pruny wrinkles that were forming on her toes. This was actually quite fun. She uncapped the lipstick and gently applied it on Feitan's lips. To be honest, she was quite surprised he hasn't woken up yet. If he did…

Feitan's body slackened a bit. As a result, a small trail of red line was smudged across his face. Machi sighed. She'll have to fix that.

Machi leaned closer to Feitan and carefully placed a hand on his cheek. Her thumb was nested underneath Feitan's lower lip. She was about to rub out the excess lipstick when she suddenly heard a door open. She froze. Then, she slowly turned her head to the direction of the SECOND (and hidden) door of that "private" bathing room.

Machi and Korutopi stared awkwardly at each other.

"Sorry for interrupting your honeymoon," he said before quickly shutting the door behind him. He slowly accelerated across the hall before diving head-first into a concrete wall in order to forget what he just saw.

Wait! It's not what it looks like! Machi screamed in her head as she mentally reached out a hand to the frightened Korutopi.

A large wave of despair went tumbling over her. WHY?! Why was she having so many mishaps in one day?

I surrender! Machi mentally flailed her hands in the air. I don't care anymore!

She turned to continue the makeover (though with a much lower spirit) but accidentally pushed Feitan with her elbow instead. Machi gasped. He was waking up, he was waking up, he was WAKING UP!

Machi was just about to run for her life when she saw Feitan, though still a little groggy, squinting in her direction. In her panic, she punched Feitan in the face. His head whipped back and remained that way for a second or two. Machi was sweating profusely. She knew she had to get out quick, but her body wasn't listening. She was anticipating Feitan's next line of action. When he shifted the weight of his head in the proper position, he was glaring at Machi. Immensely.

He. Was. Pissed.

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Shalnark was STILL searching for the innkeeper when he saw a certain comrade of his flying and smashing his head straight into a wall. That was not a good sign.

"Korutopi, what were you doing?" Shalnark asked, trying to help out the poor, traumatized creature.

There was a muffled reply that Shalnark could not understand, so he looked around to see if there was anything that can be used to help the situation. Through the gaping hole that Korutopi created, Shalnark saw the lady he had been looking for.

"Hey, you found her! We can FINALLY order dinner!" the blonde beamed. He went over to the lady and started giving her a long, long list of food that he was ordering for the troupe. Meanwhile, Korutopi was still sprawled on a heap of rubble, in dire need of medical and psychiatric attention.

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A/N: This chapter was actually written a couple months ago (before last summer ended), but it needed a LOT of revision; hence, the long update. I don't know why but it feels as though this chapter has a lot description, narration, and passive voice that detract from the comedic tone that the fic is supposed to have. I blame all the formal essays I had to write these past few months.

Anways, R.I.P. Phinks, Nobunaga, Machi, and Korutopi. You will all be missed dearly.