Born to Die

Seventeen

/

Hilary wheezed. She could hear her heart beating in her ears. Did it normally beat that fast? The New Year hadn't brought any luck to her yet. In fact, it had brought nothing but bad luck. She was sicker than ever, the weather was shockingly horrible and yesterday, she and Tala had had their first fight. Yes, 2014 was starting off fabulous. Today was the first day back at school, something she had been dreading since the first day of the year. At least it wasn't snowing while she was walking to school. And that she had Beyonce's new album blearing. She couldn't remember a time when she wasn't listening to her new album. It was perfect, like listening to god or something. Dear god she hoped that Mariah was in some of her classes. She entered the building and walked to her locker. Hilary stopped. Megan was waiting at her locker, looking like she was trying to blend in with the lockers. "Megan?" She asked as she pulled out her headphones. "What's wrong?" She asked as Megan barely moved an inch from her locker. Did she want Hilary to be able to get into her locker?

"It happened again." Megan whispered.

Hilary spun the dial on her locker. Her head spun. Jesus, it was like she had done a million spiny circles. "What happened?" She asked. What day was it today? Ah Tuesday. That meant Tuesday morning books. Hilary paused, was it Tuesday?

"It happened, I got another email."

Hilary turned her head to Megan. "Really? Weird, who was it from?"

"Hilary! It was one of those emails, you know…." Hilary frowned. Oh yes. She nodded. "It said if I don't tell the real reason on why I broke up with this guy I dated in sophomore year, publicly, on his Facebook wall that they will. And they will do it on every social media site."

"Is it a bad reason?" Hilary asked. Man, her head hurt so bad. She wondered if she could take anymore panadol.

Megan shifted her feet. "Kind of. I kind of cheated on him with his best friend. He's really popular and lives back home in New York… and he has like four thousand friends on Facebook and most of them are my friends from back home and if I do it, I'm ruining my reputation back there."

Hilary closed her locker, breathing deeply as she leant against it. Maybe she could just fall asleep here. She felt so tired. Maybe coming to school was a bad idea. "Honestly is the best policy." She said. "That's what my mom says."

"It's not that easy. I will never be able to return to New York ever again!"

"I think you're being a tad melodramatic."

Megan grabbed Hilary's sweater and shook her. "Are you listening to me? I'll be finished! And I won't be safe here, people will find out!"

Hilary's head spun. She stumbled slightly. "Maybe, we could come up with a plan?" She suggested. Megan let go of Hilary's sweater. "After school, we could, I don't know, work up something, I just, I have to get to homeroom."

"Are you okay?" Megan asked. "You look really pale." Megan lifted her hand onto Hilary's forehead. "Oh my god, you're burning up!"

Hilary swatted her hand away. "I'm fine." She said as she took off down the hallway. "I'm fine." She repeated. She could vaguely hear Megan calling out to her. Hilary blinked a couple of times to unblur her vision. Jesus. It was like she was drunk. Hilary froze. She could see a familiar head of dark blue hair. Jesus Christ, no. The throbbing of her head got worse. Hilary clutched her head. It felt like she was dying. Maybe she was. Dying in the hallway of school in her school uniform. Her vision blurred. Hilary closed her eyes. It felt like she was going… to…

/

She heard the sound of beeping before she opened her eyes. Wherever she was, it was fucking cold. And smelt like bleach. Just like a hospital. Hilary opened her eyes slowly. They burned as if she had hay fever. Hilary coughed. Her throat was dry. And sore.

"You're awake…"

Hilary opened her eyes fully, only to almost close again. Damn, she was tired or exhausted. "Tala?" She asked. She felt a hand run through her hand. "Drink?" There was a straw placed at her lips and drank as fast as she could.

"Slow, slow, not too fast." Someone was running their fingers through her hair. Her hand felt like something sticky was pinching it and it felt like a needle was jabbing into it, leaving it sore. She wiped her eyes, finally opening them to see she was in a room, in a hospital. "How are you feeling?"

"Why am I here?" She asked as she tried to sit up higher. Tala helped her by gently lifting up the pillows behind. "What happened?"

Tala sat in the uncomfortable looking chair next to the bed. "You collapsed and you wouldn't wake up and you were brought here." Now she remembered. The intense weird feeling she had in the hallway and then the sudden darkness. "The doctors said you have pneumonia and that you should've seen a doctor like I told you too."

Hilary yawned. She was not in the mood for a 'I told you so' from anyone. She felt horrible still, like she was drowsy from cough medicine. She rubbed her eyes. "I'm really tired still. I'm going back to sleep." Tala stared at her. He looked pissed off. Hilary pushed the pillows so she could lie down.

"I'm going to tell the nurse you woke up." Tala said, standing up.

Hilary closed her eyes.

/

Hilary woke up to someone shaking her shoulder gently.

"Hilary? Your friends are here to see you."

Hilary groaned. Her hand still hurt from the IV and the sticky bandage helping it stay in. "What?" She asked as she rubbed her eyes. "My friends?" Why wasn't anyone letting her sleep? Why couldn't she just go back to the hotel, to her comfy warm safe bed with heaven like pillows?

"Yes your friends. I've told them two at a time." Hilary finally opened her eyes to see the nurse, an older lady with dark hair pulled in a bun wearing dark purple scrubs, fiddling with the machine next to the bed. She helped Hilary sit up and gave her a plastic cup. "Drink." She opened the door. "You two are first." Hilary sipped the water slowly. It was freezing cold. Mariah rushed into the room followed by Rei.

"Oh my god!" Mariah threw herself on to Hilary, almost sending the cup of water flying. "Are you okay? I told you were sick and that you needed to go to the doctors but no, you didn't listen!"

Rei, thankfully, took the cup off her. "Mariah, don't start." He said, sitting in the empty plastic chair.

Hilary wondered where Tala was. Was he pissed at her? "I'm sorry." She said as Mariah sat on the edge of the bed, holding Hilary's hand. "I thought I was getting better. Honestly."

"I tried to leave school early but only Tala managed to get out. I was so worried, especially with the way Megan was describing it."

Hilary could just imagine the story. She didn't want to ever show her face back at school now because people were more than likely making up some ridiculous story that she had died. "I'm fine. If anyone asks, I'm not dead or giving birth. I can't imagine what kind of crazy rumour someone has made up."

"Everyone wanted to come and visit but Tala said only one or two so everyone will visit when the doctors let them."

"Everyone?" Did Mariah mean Kai as well? Rei was staring at her funnily.

Mariah shrugged her shoulders. "The important people." Mariah squeezed her hand tighter.

Hilary looked at her lap. Why was she even disappointed? They were no longer friends. Of course he wouldn't care. God, she had to stop being stupid and just forget him. "Has anyone told my mom?"

"Yeah, she was called but apparently she's in the middle of a really big case so she might not be able to come." Rei said, lifting the bag in his hand. "We brought you some stuff."

"Can you tell her not to bother? Especially if it's a high profile case?" Hilary's mom was a lawyer and constantly never home. It never bothered Hilary, maybe it was why she spent so much time watching television.

"Sure, I'll send her an email when I leave here." Mariah said. "Are you sure you're okay? You've seemed sad since new year's…"

"I'm fine, I promise. I'm not sad."

Mariah stood up. "Okay, I'll send your mom an email, I'll text you when she replies and I'll be back tomorrow. Is there anything you want me to bring?"

Hilary shrugged. A plane ticket home? "A book. Many books."

Mariah nodded. She looked over at Rei. It looked like they were having a conversation with their eyes. She wondered what they were trying to communicate with each other. "Okay, get better." Mariah said as they left the room.

Hilary stared at the open door. Did Mariah think she looked sad? Did she look sad? Hilary ran a hand through her hair and leaned back into her pillows. Her hand was seriously chaffing and her head was starting to hurt and it was suddenly way too hot under the blankets. Hilary kicked a foot from underneath and pulled off her sock. Oh yes, much cooler.

/

It was late into the night when she woke up next. She felt like someone had knocked her over the head with a brick or something as heavy. She groaned as she tried to sit up. A hand pushed her back down and then suddenly they were trying to shove a straw into her mouth. The doctor had mentioned the drugs were most likely going to make her sleepy and out of it… but she didn't think that she'd be falling asleep a minute after the nurse had pushed them into her IV. "Tala?" She asked, coughing, her voice sounded like it had gone through a food processor. There was a pause.

"No. It's me."

Hilary's eyes flew open. It was Kai, standing next to the bed, holding the drink, in the dark. It hardly could be considered dark. The fluorescent lights from outside were practically lighting up the whole room despite the blinds being shut. Kai put the cup down on the tray and sat back down in the chair. There was a book on the tray and can or something similar next to it. How long had he been here? "What… are you doing here?" How was she still tired? She had slept the day away practically, like how much more sleep until she wasn't so tired anymore? "I thought you hated me."

"You are seriously sick." Kai was frowning at her like normal.

Hilary giggled. "You look so funny when you try and be so angry."

Kai stared at her still, looking very serious. "The nurse told me that you might be… out of it." He shuffled the chair closer. "I'm being serious Hilary, you are very sick, you are very lucky that it wasn't worse."

"You sound like everyone. The doctor gave me a lecture like he was my father."

"He's a doctor; he knows how sick you are. I don't think it was intentional."

Hilary's head was heavy again. She was very confused on why Kai was actually here. It could've been 2 am for all she knew. "I don't even know who my father is." She said in a soft voice. "I don't even know why I told you that."

"It's probably the medication you're on." Hilary felt like she was going to cry. Why was she feeling like this? "I don't remember my mom."

Hilary looked up at Kai, way too fast for the current state of her head. Kai stared at her, his face blank. He couldn't… remember his mom? Kai never mentioned his parents, Hilary wasn't even sure they were still alive… "I deserve it."

Kai frowned. "Deserved what?" Hilary bit her lip. Kai shifted in the plastic chair. "I think… that you need to go back to sleep and stop thinking such stupid things."

Hilary snorted. "I'm not being stupid." She said as she leaned into the pillow. This pillow was so shit compared to her pillows back at the hotel. "I'm realistic."

"No, I think you are being stupid and your sick and you're not thinking straight."

"I think you're being a meany bum."

"I can't believe you just said that."

Hilary stared at Kai. "I miss my bed." She sighed. "My pillows. I really miss my pillows and I miss my blanket and my pink sleepy jumper and my pillows and I really want pasta with cheese…"

/

So, this chapter is really short (compared to the last and future chapters) and so is the next one and both will be probably as illegible as this one as Hilary's pretty out of it (she'll be a bit better next chapter) so that's why it's all over the place. Sorry about the delay… I got married ahaha and hit a road block on how I wanted these two chapters to work. Plus I've been working on a Kai-centric thing that goes with these two chapters that will pop up after chapter 18… thanks for all the reviews guys! Almost 100..!