And this is the fabulous new story to my finished fanfiction "Did I tell you my best friend's a Weasley"

A few things you should know if you're a first time reader, if you HAVEN'T read "Did I tell you my best friend's" Then this may not make much sence to you and I suggest that you do that. If you have then WELCOME BACK!

This story, as well as my other one is slightly...different, in the way that my main character is completely crazy and has a love for sharp objects, namely hatchets and maces. But that's okay, we're all crazy at heart.

I hope you enjoy this, I would love some rewiews early on, any funny ideas that Jess could do, I take everything you suggest into consideration!

I love you all!

"You know," I said, yawning, "we could just try to make them wireless, then we could plant them around the house and tune into them when needs be, like a radio." I picked up an extendable ear from one of the boxes on Fred bed; the twins were sitting on George's looking dejectedly towards the ears.

It was half way through the summer holidays; the Weasley's, Hermione and I were all staying at Sirius' old house. Also known as "The Order of the Phoenix's head-quarters" we were trying to figure out an easier way of listening in on the top-secret meetings they had daily in the kitchen, opposed the old-fashioned method of dangling an extendable ear down the stairs and hoping no one catches you. Mainly because this way seemed to be getting us into a lot of trouble with Molly, and everyone knows, when Molly's angry with one person, unless you're Harry-Bloody-Potter, everyone's blamed.

"How the hell are we supposed to do that, though?" Fred demanded, throwing his hands in the air in sheer exasperation.

"Dunno yet. But the muggles figured out how to do it with phones and those walkie-talkie things;

and they did that without magic. So it can't be that difficult."

Midway through my sentence muffled yelling started, steadily getting louder until it was possible to decipher every word.

"I do believe that's Harry's dulcet tones." I stated from my position on the bed.

"I believe you're right." George said quickly, so we could listen in.

"WHO HAD TO GET PAST DRAGONS AND SPHINXES AND EVERY OTHER FOUL THING LAST YEAR? WHO SAW HIM COME BACK? WHO HAD TO ESCAPE FROM HIM? ME!" Harry's voice boomed up the stairs.

"He didn't escape from Moldemort,' I said, (heh, see what I did there?), "I saved his sorry ass. I saved it twice in that Tournament, where's reference to my heroism in his angry rant? I'm hurt, deeply."

"He seems a bit tense doesn't he?" Fred said, grinning once again, seemingly forgetting our ear problem.

"Let's go see if we can cheer him up with our delightful sense of humour," George suggested, clapping his hands together.

With that they both apparated out of the room. I sighed as I made my way out of the room and down the few stairs leading to Ron's bedroom at 12 Grimmauld Place.

"Ah, I thought I heard your dulcet tones, Harry," George said, grinning broadly from ear-to-ear at him.

"You just repeated exactly what I said upstairs!" I accused, crossing my arms and leaning against the door frame.

George, who was still grinning turned to me, an evil twinkle in his eyes, he raised his eyebrows at me, "yeah, so? What you gonna do about it?"

I couldn't keep the grin off my face, "cheeky bastard," I muttered as he came over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I'm sorry," he murmured into my hair, "I didn't quite catch that."

"You don't want to bottle that anger up, Harry. Let it all out," said Fred; who was beaming just a moment ago, but was now rolling his eyes at me and George.

"Yes," I added, "there may have been people 50 miles away who didn't hear you."

"You know," Ron stated, shuddering, "it's really creepy how you all do that, you know, finishing each other's sentences."

Ron's statement was ignored, much like a lot of things he says.

"You lot passed your apparition test then?" Asked Harry, still a little grumpy.

"Georgie and I did, with distinction. Little-miss sunshine here on the other hand, failed quite miserably."

"Pfftt…" I rolled my eyes, "It was my first test, and I'm sorry, Oh Wonderful One, that I miscalculated slightly."

"Slightly!"Exclaimed George, "you ended up in Switzerland!"

Harry's face lit up as he turned to me for confirmation, from the look on his face, the expression on mine must have given it.

"I was aiming for Switzerland, thank you very much," I replied in a dignified-at-all-times manner. I think it worked.

Ron looked puzzled; he was looking up at the ceiling as if he were thinking very hard about something, "but…but why would you want to go there?" he asked, bewildered.

"She didn't, Ron, you moron," Fred sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as if very put out, "she's just trying to cover it up-"

"Noooo… I'm not, they have goats there, and cheese, it's practically a paradise."

Hermione chipped in then, "what makes you say that?"

"A book I read about it," I replied.

"What book? And I didn't know you read."

"I don't, it was a punishment. It was called "Heidi" it was basically about a little girl who lived with her grandfather on a mountain, and looked after goats, and EVERY DAY eats cheese, they're all obsessed with it."

She sighed and began to talk as if talking to a child or the mentally impaired, "Heidi is a novel about the events in the life of a young girl in her grandfather's care, in the Swiss Alps."

"That's what I said."

"That's not all though" George said, talking to Harry and Ron, a malicious look in his eyes, as he throws a smirk in my direction.

Realisation spread through me, he was going to tell them a very embarrassing fact that happened on my adventure via Switzerland.

"Don't," I said sternly.

"Dear old, Jess here ended up in Switzerland, that's true, but it's what on that's the true comedic part of it all."

"George, I swear, I'll cut you!"

"Jess apparated on an old,Switz…Pensioner." He said, pausing between each word, "the old maid was luckily a witch, going about her daily stroll with her eleven cats."

"She was fine, George!" I yelled, then turning to Harry, "she was fine!"

"Fine my ass!" Fred yelled, laughing, "you busted her hip!"

"She was old; it was on its way out anyway!"

Ron who was watching the conversation in silent giggles like it was a tennis match suddenly fell to the floor, rolling about laughing.

"Hey, Ron?" I called, he looked up, "enjoy your last few hours, okay?" He gulped loudly as I beamed down at him sadistically, savouring the satisfaction of his suddenly terrified face, then exited the room.

(A/N: Just thought I should mention that the discussion that Harry had with Sirius DOES happen, with all the questions, you know that one? Well, Jess is there, I began writing it out, but I honestly don't see the point of it, aside from Jess thinking "whipping your wands out for everything" was funny it's pretty much exactly like the book, and that's boring, SO I'm going to skip ahead to theday of Harry's trial. Fun city!)

I woke up a little after half past five on the day of my second apparition test, hearing someone whom I assumed to be Harry moving about.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes, I'd forgotten this time of the morning even existed, it should be illegal.

I got up and dressed as quickly and quietly as I could, but after jumping around on one foot while trying to put one of my socks on and falling over, I realised both the girls I shared my room with slept like the dead… unless they are dead… I'll go check…

If they are I'll get blamed for murdering them, I'll have to go on the run if they are, no way in hell am I going to Azkaban. Not after seeing what it does to people first hand from Sirius.

Thank god, they're alive, I don't have to go into hiding and live with a wild pack of Alsatians. Oh… and their lives matter to me too. I'm happy they're not dead because I like them. God, I'm not that horrible, I do actually care about them.

You do realise you're having a conversation in your head like you're talking to someone right now, right?

Yes, brain, I know it and accept it.

Ginny and Hermione were sleeping in their beds and not dead. Ginny was curled up on her side, her knees touching her chin. Whereas Hermione was on her back, her arms above the covers and down by her sides in a very military like fashion.

I resisted the urge to draw crude things on their faces, (I should get a reward) and went downstairs.

In the kitchen sat Mr and Mrs Weasley, Sirius and Remus, along with Tonks and Harry. They were all fully dressed apart from Mrs Weasley, who was wearing a quilted purple dressing gown and was bustling around the kitchen making Harry some breakfast.

"Do you want some breakfast too, Jess dear?" She called over her shoulder, it wasn't a question though, I would be getting breakfast whether I wanted it or not.

Sirius patted the top of the chair next to him, "sit" he said.

"What do you want for breakfast," Mrs Weasley asked, "porridge? Muffins?Kippers?Bacon and Eggs?Toast?"

"Errr… C-can I have Mu-Muffins, please, Molly?" I asked, stifling yawns.

Mr Weasley, who had been talking to Tonks, was not wearing wizard robes, but a pair of pin-striped trousers and an old bomber jacket, turned to Harry.

"How are you feeling?"

Harry shrugged.

"It'll be over soon," Mr Weasley said bracingly, "in a few hours' time you'll be cleared."

Harry still said nothing.

"The hearing's on my floor, in Amelia Bone's office. She's head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, and the one who'll be questioning you."

"Amelia Bone's is okay, Harry," said Tonks earnestly, "she's fair, she'll hear you out."

Harry nodded, seemingly still unable to think of anything to say.

"Don't lose your temper,' said Sirius abruptly, "be polite and stick to the facts."

Harry nodded again.

"But if you do lose your temper, Harry,' I said, 'I've got a gun you can borrow, she'll never see it coming, and they won't think to ask you to hand in a gun."

"Jessica!" Molly scolded.

"I don't really, Molly!" I said, hands raised in a surrender.

Once she turned away I mouthed, so only Harry, Sirius, Remus and Tonks could see, "I do if you need it," and pointed to my pocket.

"Can we keep her, Moony, please?" Sirius asked Remus, to which Remus smiled.

"I don't think Molly would let you, Padfoot."

"But she's so funny, she sort of reminds me of a mini me."

"I think you'll find that I'm comedy genius, and not for sale," I said to Sirius, as Remus had turned back to Harry.

"The laws on your side,' Remus quietly stated, "Even underage wizards are allowed to use magic in life threatening situations."

Before Harry could answer however, Molly came out with my muffins and a wet comb and attempted to tame Harry's hair, or should I say "mane".

"Doesn't it ever lie flat?" She asked desperately, Harry shook him head in answer.

Once I had finished my muffins and Mrs Weasley had stopped attacking Harry's head, Mr Weasley checked his watch before looking up at Harry and me.

"I think we'll go now, we're a bit early, but I think you'll be better off at the Ministry then hanging around here."

Both Harry and I got up.

"Good luck, both of you, and Jess, darling, please try to stay in the country this time?" Molly asked, pulling me into a hug before reaching for Harry.

"This country?" Sirius asked.

Oh, no.

"Yes, it's a quite a funny story actually-" Molly began.

I turned to Mr Weasley, "please let's go now."

As we walked past the large golden water fountain in the middle of a large plaza following behind Mr Weasley, Harry stopped briefly, staring at the fountain. He started muttering quietly to himself. Because of this, many people nearly walked straight into him, others had to walk around him with scowls on their faces.

"You know Harry," I said to him, "you're really not helping yourself with all these rumours and stories about you being crazy, you know the ones that have been in the Prophet, by randomly muttering to yourself in a public place."

He turned to me, "I wasn't talking to myself," he retorted.

"What were you talking to then?" I questioned.

He paused for a moment, "the water fountain…"

"Inanimate objects are no better."

"Whatever."

"Well, I'm sorry, next time I'll just let you look like a nutcase in front of hundreds of people"

"You can't say much, the whole school thinks you're mental."

"Now, that was just mean, completely below the belt," I accused; what a strop pot he is.

Once we had gotten outside of a large oak door that led into the room where the apparition test was being held, Mr Weasley turned to me, gripping my shoulders.

"Now, Jess. I know you can do this, you know you can do this. Just remember to focus; I don't think I can stand another week of Fred, George and you constantly teasing each other all because of this."

I opened my mouth to respond, but quickly closed it again, he was far from finished.

"Just… try not to think of goats or whatever you thought of last time. You're a smart girl, just please," he begged, "if you care about my sanity, pass the test."

Again I was about to speak, this time to tell him how much sanity was overrated, and how I'd turned out just fine and I'd been insane since I was a foetus, but before I got it out he opened the door and pushed me inside.

Inside the room were a group of misfits. A couple of people were my age, a few a little older, a few looked like they were in their late 20's early 30's, and one man, stood away from the rest of the group, who could easily be 70.

"You're late," said a stern looking man who had begun addressing the group, I fought the sarcastic remark that was in my head and simply apologised.

"So as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," said the man, as he smoothed down his moustache, "there will be 3 parts of this exam and they will be much like the ones you encountered in school."

I looked at the old man, if you could remember that far back…

The examiner looked around at everyone, stopping on each face individually.

"The first, is to merely apparate from this hoop," he gestured to a line of hoops on the floor, "too another," he continued.

"The second is for you too apparate with your eyes closed, into the same hoop. And finally, the last part is for you to apparate to the next room. You will take it in turns and then walk back through this door," he pointed to a door on the opposite side of the room to the one which I had entered through.

I passed the first two parts of the tests perfectly, gaining a round of applause from the examiner.

It was the last part of the test that I had messed up on the first time round, I started thinking of the cheese sandwich that I would have at lunch, and suddenly Voilà, Switzerland.

When the time eventually came for me to do the test I stepped forward, took a deep breath, closed my eyes and spun on the spot.

The sound that answered my ears wasn't what I was expecting. I looked around to see that I was in the middle of a very sandy place; I turned to find a young girl with a large lolly-pop in her hand and a T-shirt saying "I love Egypt," she stood gaping at me as if I had just turned up out of thin air. Oh, yeah… heh, heh, I had.

"It's rude to stare," I said, before snatching her lollypop and turned on the spot.

I landed on my feet in the next room. A man smiled at me when I looked at him.

"Perfectly executed" he said in an offhanded manner. HAHAH, they don't know I just ended up in Egypt and stole a child's lolly-pop! I am the winner!

I walked back into the next room, where the examiner looked at the lolly-pop in my hand for a second before slightly shaking his head.

"Congratulations." He handed me a certificate and swept his arm towards the door.

"Thanks"

With that I left the room grinning smugly to myself as I licked my lolly-pop.

And that's the end of my first chapter, hope you liked it!

Remember to review, seriously, I love them and have a mimi heart-attack everytime I get a new one.