Echoes of the Past

Javik stared into the rippling waters in his room, washing his hands absentmindedly. He was a little disappointed that he was not chosen to accompany Shepard to Thessia with the Asari and the Turian. While Javik knew there was plenty of Reapers, he still wanted to take down one of them when he had the chance. His vengeance for his people, for his planet was like an unquenchable thirst, a never ending hunger. Until the last Reaper fell, Javik would not stop. Javik glanced over his shoulder at his memory shard hovering near the doorway. He turned away from the water and walked towards it, staring at the sleek shard in disdain. So much pain was held within that tiny piece of metal…no one could begin to understand the secrets held within it.

"Javik. The Commander has returned and has requested all squad members to meet her in the war room." EDI's voice announced over the comm.

Javik lingered for a moment longer, contemplating the shard before exiting his room and heading towards the elevator. Upon entering he crossed his arms. What poor engineering these primitives had. The elevators on Ilos were much faster, and they were built fifty thousand years prior. Shouldn't technology be more advanced by now? Javik scoffed and remembered that he was, after all, with primitives. Finally, the elevator doors opened and he stepped out and onto the CIC. Even though he had been on the Normandy for a formidable amount of time, the eyes of the other crew members still lingered against him. He could smell their uncertainty, their apprehension…their fear. Javik walked into the next room and allowed the annoying scanner to move over his body. The normally chatty Alliance soldiers remained quiet as the scanner moved over him, cleansing him of any contaminants. Once it was finished, Javik continued forward and entered the war room. Everyone else was already assembled, save for the Asari. Upon entering the room, Javik sensed that something was wrong. Not only was there a solemn look on Shepard's face, but he could smell the remnants of saline…no doubt from tears that were shed. Javik's eyes widened. Had Liara failed? Had something happened to her? For some odd reason, he felt compelled to know if she was alright. A nagging voice entered his head, urging him to ask Shepard immediately where she was and of her wellbeing. Before he could say anything though, Shepard lifted her head and addressed everyone in the room.

"We…Thessia is lost. The Reapers were too strong." Shepard said in a cracked voice.

Javik felt his heart sink. Another planet lost…how many more would fall beneath that devastating red beam?

"How's Liara, Shepard?" Kaidan asked softly.

Jane shook her head.

"Not good. I tried talking to her but…everyone just take a moment and remember Thessia and how this affects Liara. I don't want anyone bothering her, not now. She needs her time alone to mourn. That's all for now. Dismissed."

Javik watched as the Turian touched Shepard's shoulder. The release of pheromones was nearly too much, and Javik felt suffocated. He moved to leave, but stopped when Shepard called his name. Turning, Javik placed his hands behind his back.

"Yes, Commander?"

Shepard turned to Garrus and nodded towards him, whispering that she'd speak to him later. Garrus nodded and squeezed her shoulder before nodding towards Javik and exiting the room. Javik contemplated the commander as she took a deep breath and released it. The stress of pulling all the species together to live another day was beginning to show across her features. Tired eyes stared back at him, a notch was carved between her brows, and her mouth was set in a thin line.

"I know I just said I didn't want Liara to be bothered but…do you think you could talk to her, Javik? You're the only other person on here that knows what it feels like to lose your home world…and I believe Liara needs to talk to someone who understands what that feels like."

Javik didn't say anything at first. While he wasn't surprised that Shepard asked this of him…he was not sure how he could fulfill her request. The fact was that he was not eloquent in the art of speech, nor could he offer consoling words of comfort. The best advice he could offer the Asari would be to move past it and carry the memories of your loved ones with you as you fight against those that took them away from you. Fight to ensure another planet doesn't fall. Yet there was another reason Javik was hesitant. Speaking about the destruction of one's home planet would surely bring old memories back to the surface. Javik was not ready to see the faces of his friends, of his loved ones again. He wasn't ready to see their mangled corpses, wasn't ready to look into their indoctrinated eyes... For some reason, however, Javik felt compelled to help.

"I will…do what I can." He stated.

The Prothean turned to leave, but stopped as he felt Shepard's hand on his shoulder.

"Javik please…Liara needs a friend now more than anything that understands her pain. Try to offer her some type of solace."

Javik stared at the commander until she removed her hand. He nodded slowly at her and left for Liara's room. In the elevator once again, Javik thought over what he could possibly say to Liara to offer comfort. He was not strong in this area…had received no words of comfort himself when his own planet fell. What could he possibly say to make the situation better? The answer was simple: nothing. Thessia was gone and it was not coming back. It was now added to the ever growing list of other planets that had fallen to the Reapers. As Javik stepped out of the elevator and walked down the hall, he realized he was defeated in this area. Perhaps before anything was said he should return to Shepard and explain why he couldn't speak to Liara. That thought left him as he stood outside her door, however. Not only could he smell the salt in her tears, the steel of the door was not thick enough to muffle her cries. Javik looked at the floor as he placed his hand on the door's opening pad. He was not surprised to find it inaccessible.

"I have come to offer my condolences." Javik stated.

The cries stopped briefly on the other side of the door and a moment later it opened. Javik looked at Liara and swam in her blue eyes, eyes that were turning slightly purple because of all the crying. Her freckled cheeks were wet with shed tears and her eyes only held more, waiting to trickle down her face. Javik stepped into her office and looked down at his feet.

"I am sorry you had to witness your planet fall. It is something that you never forget…the images will haunt you forever, as will the ghosts of those who fell with it. It is hard to remember the time before when all was well, but these are the memories you need to remember now. Try to remember Thessia when she was beautiful and in her prime as opposed to burning and dissolving to nothing but ash. If you do this you may be able to sleep at night."

Liara contemplated the Prothean as another tear fell from her eyes.

"Is that how you remember your home? Thriving and prosperous?" Liara asked in a shaky voice.

Javik looked at her.

"It is how I wish to remember it…yet every time I close my eyes I see nothing but red. I see fire, smoke, buildings crumbling. I hear the screams of my friends as they are killed or worse…indoctrinated. You must realize, my planet was at war already when I was born. I know nothing of a thriving home world, only a home that is fighting for survival. That you have these memories before is something that I envy and can only imagine. You must take advantage of this. Be grateful that you have a home that you can remember when it is not engulfed in flames." Javik said harshly as he turned his back to her.

He closed his eyes tightly and balled his hands into fists. The echoes of his lost brethren rang through his mind as he witnessed a Reaper land in the distance behind his closed eyelids. Liara tentatively brushed her hand against his. Javik stiffened at the contact.

"I…often forget that you never knew peace in your life. I am sorry; I don't know why I'm even crying. I am not the first to lose their home world to the Reapers…and, although it pains me to say it, I'm sure I won't be the last. All this time I've wasted could have been put to good use, I should,"

Javik squeezed her hand, effectively silencing her.

"No. Allow yourself time to mourn. Let your anger and hatred for the Reapers fester within you so that the next time you meet, you may exact vengeance upon them."

Liara looked up at Javik and drew her brows together.

"Did you ever have time to…mourn?" she asked softly.

Javik turned and faced her once again.

"No. There will be time for that after the last Reaper falls."

Liara was quiet for a moment before she nodded.

"Then I will wait and mourn with you once this is all over." She replied in a voice barely above a whisper.

Javik stared at her briefly before nodding his head slowly. Liara managed to give him a smile. For a while they both just stood there, hands still touching, swimming in the depths of each other's eyes. From touching Liara's hand, Javik learned everything about her in an instant. He'd seen all of her great accomplishments and felt all of her feelings, happiness, and sadness, so many others. That feeling formed within him once again…a feeling of protection, of care. He released Liara's hand after another moment and nodded towards her.

"I have overstayed my welcome. I am returning to my quarters."

Javik turned to leave, but something stopped him from stepping through the door. He looked over his shoulder to find the Asari staring at him, a small smile gracing her lips.

"Thank you, Javik…for everything."

The Prothean bowed his head towards her.

"You…are welcome."

He let his eyes linger over her for a moment longer and noticed that her scent had changed. He now smelled admiration spewing from the scientist. Javik walked down the hall and towards the elevator once more. He wished he had a planet to remember that was not engulfed in flames but as Liara's image slipped into his mind, an image of her smiling at him kindly, her eyes sparkling with life and discovery…

Perhaps,

Javik thought briefly as he stepped out of the elevator and back to his room,

My nightmares will finally come to an end.

xXx

Javik stared once more at the Echo Shard. He had not touched it since Shepard had come to visit him and provoked him to. Seeing the faces of his squad…of his friends…of her…it was too much for the Prothean to bear. He closed his eyes, willing himself to sleep but knew it was out of his grasp. Again it was the night before an impossible battle. Javik knew there were no pods for him to escape in this time…he knew his death was imminent. Although Shepard appeared to be in good spirits, Javik smelled her fear and uncertainty. He turned sharply as his door opened, revealing Liara.

"May I speak with you?" she asked softly.

Javik looked her over and realized she carried with her a capsule of some sort. He nodded slowly.

"Yes. What is it you need?"

Liara stepped into the room, the steel door closing behind her.

"I wanted to record a few words from you…that way if things don't go well tomorrow, someone somewhere will find this and have the account of the last Prothean."

Javik studied Liara for a long while. It seemed that she had been trying to spend an awful amount of time with him ever since he relayed his words of comfort to her for Thessia. She'd either come to find him and ask him a question he was sure she could've easily learned from someone else or she would just look for an excuse to talk to him. What was even more alarming was the fact that Javik did not mind her constant intrusions. That feeling of care and protection continued to swell within him…and it was only deepening with the passage of time.

Javik placed his hands behind his back and nodded towards her.

"What is it you wish to know?"

Liara asked him question after question regarding his people. She asked him about their culture, their goals, and how they tried to stop the Reapers. Javik answered each question to the best of his ability. As Liara closed the capsule, she looked over her shoulder at the Echo Shard and said,

"Shepard told me what happened when she saw you last. I had no idea you had to kill your own squad…I am sorry."

Javik blinked and said nothing for a long moment, contemplating his reply. He turned his back to her and sighed.

"I did not tell the commander all I saw." He stated.

Liara blinked and looked at him.

"Oh?" she asked.

Javik braced his hands near the sink and closed his eyes.

"I also took the life of the woman I loved."

Liara's eyes widened. She didn't think Javik was capable of loving another, figuring that he would see it as a weakness and a distraction in a time of war. Apparently, she was wrong.

"Her name was Zyphoria. She was a commander of another squad. She showed no fear in anything that she did. Many considered her cold and calculating; I however, saw her as a strong woman in the face of the enemy. She looked straight into the indoctrinated eyes of our brethren and killed them without consequence, knowing that they were no longer themselves. Against my better judgment, I began to care for her. She was an impeccable commander and showed no mercy, as there was no mercy to show. Yet she too fell to them."

Silence filled the air as Javik closed his eyes, remembering Zyphoria in all of her glory. Her bravery was unmatched, as was her leadership.

"May I ask how she died?"

Javik sighed and turned to look at Liara. She was shocked to see his eyes glossy and noticed the pain held within them.

"She too became indoctrinated…yet part of her still remembered who she was. She begged me to end her life while she was still herself. In her dying breath she thanked me and confessed her love for me. I held her in my arms as she bled out…I have never experienced such pain as losing the one I loved. If you think me cold now you should have seen me after Zyphoria's death. I cared not for my own life and threw myself into battle after battle, fighting the Reaper's with all the strength within me. And still it was not enough. I failed my people and I failed Zyphoria. I do not intend to fail again."

Liara stared at Javik for a long moment.

"I do not believe you failed her. She knows that you tried your best to stop the Reapers,"

Javik shook his head and clenched his fists.

"Yet my best was not good enough. I have to be better than that, I have to be better than myself if I have any hope to stop them." He replied harshly.

Liara drew her brows together and waited for Javik to calm down. Once he had she asked,

"Why tell me this and not Shepard?"

Javik darted his eyes to her and started to say something, but closed his mouth and set his hands behind his back.

"I…while Zyphoria was cold and calculating, there was a softer side to her that no one else saw. You…remind me of her softer side. She was no scientist as she was carved by the rough hands of war…but she did take great pride in our culture. Much like you do."

Liara blushed slightly at his comment and Javik noted that her scent had changed. Before he could say anything else, Liara tucked the capsule under her arm and gave him a small smile.

"T-Thank you. That is very kind of you to say…and thank you for allowing me to record your account…this will prove invaluable to someone in the future."

Javik bent his head towards her.

"Yet I hope that person will not find it amongst the rubble of destruction, and instead on display somewhere where a great monument is built in our honor for ridding the galaxy of the Reapers."

Liara smiled.

"Yes, I hope the same."

The two stared at each other for a long moment and again that swell of caring bubbled within Javik. The same could be said for Liara, as her scent was betraying her. She blushed slightly as she realized her eyes had lingered over him and turned to leave.

"I should return to my quarters…but thank you again."

Javik looked at his feet as she stepped through the door.

"Dr. T'Soni?" he called after her.

Immediately, Liara stuck her head in the room.

"Yes?"

Javik cleared his throat and said,

"Perhaps I will help you write the biography of my people after all…seeing as you have come to me with many questions, you clearly do not have enough knowledge of my people to write an accurate account of my species. As I would like the rest of you primitives to know the truth of my people…I feel compelled to help you scribe this…collection."

While he knew his words insulted more than praised Liara's work…that was the best he could come up with without relaying that the only reason he wished to write this biography was so he could spend more time with the scientist. Looking up, he noticed the smile on her face and smelled the pheromones she exuded.

"Then I look forward to working with you, Javik."

Liara thought she saw a small smile come across his features before he quickly turned away. As she exited Javik's room and moved towards the elevator, she prayed to the goddess that she and Javik would have the opportunity to work together…and that they could deliver a much more in depth look at the Prothean species than just what was contained in the capsule.

She also wouldn't lie to herself and hoped that she and Javik would be given the opportunity to spend more time together. The brief window they had had been filled with arguments and clashes. Only now was Liara beginning to see a different side of the Prothean…and it was one she was eager to know. She wanted to learn more about his past and help him move on from that. She wanted him to have victory over the Reapers and finally be at peace. She wanted to help him move on and look towards the future…a future she hoped to share with him.

Liara wanted all this and more and prayed to the goddess that they would all be granted another day…yet she did not know that happiness and joy would still be out of reach even after the Reapers were defeated.

The true test was only about to begin…