What can I say? Real life - husband, kids, work - has gotten in the way. I apologize for the delay on this. Thank you to all who have reviewed, favorited, and followed the story and the last chapter! I really appreciate it and hope there are still some interested in this. Would love to hear what you think of this latest chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds or any of the characters on the show.

Spoilers: None specifically in this chapter but this takes place during Season Five.

"There are two kinds of secrets. The ones we keep from others and the ones we keep from ourselves." - Frank Warren

Emily sighed contentedly as she rolled off of him, collapsing on to her side of the bed. She closed her eyes in satisfaction, a small smile gracing her features.

"What are you thinking about?" Derek asked, rolling on to his side and propping his head up on his elbow as one finger traced lightly down her arm.

"Nothing in particular," she replied, glancing over at him briefly before allowing her eyes to drop to his muscular chest. Seriously…it should be criminal to look that good without a shirt on. "Just wondering what happened between the time we left work and now, causing us to end up here." She waved a hand in between them, indicating their obvious state of undress.

Derek cringed. This was the awkward part of their arrangement. He didn't want to tell her what he had been doing. Not because she'd be jealous. In fact, it frustrated him to no end that she didn't appear to be jealous whenever he told her where he was before he'd text her to come over, Emily showing up at his doorstep, and the two of them inevitably ending up in this very position time and time again.

Emily noticed his hesitation and, while inwardly she wanted to claw the eyes out of whomever he had dinner with tonight, on the outside she was the epitome of calm, cool and collected. "Derek, it's fine. You can tell me that you had a date. We agreed not to let it bother either one of us." No strings. That was the arrangement. And it was working for them. Or so they thought. In fact, Emily would never admit that her insides burned with insane jealously every time Derek told her he had a date. Every time she pictured him at dinner with another woman, his hand on her lower back as he guided her to and from the car, his lips on her cheek as he kissed her goodnight.

"Are you jealous?" He asked, his eyes boring into hers. All he wanted was for her to say yes. To end this stupid arrangement that they had. It's one thing for them to be keeping it casual when they didn't actually have feelings for one another and hadn't already been in a relationship. It was quite another to go backwards—to openly admit to each other how they felt about one another, to commit to each other for over a year, have it all come crashing down in one devastating heap and then assuming that a casual fling would actually work better. To end up in bed together in one desperate moment of weakness. And then to have it lead to this – a supposed casual fling. Dozens of moments of weakness.

Right after Haley died…after that horrible case in Nashville…that was the first time. But it was by far the last. They found excuses to see each other outside of work and they would inevitably end up in the same position. And afterwards they would both seem to regret it…or so the other thought…each rushing to say how it was a mistake and that they needed to have more willpower. Although they would have had to be superhuman to resist the pull of temptation.

Emily limped towards the door, her arm around her middle, seemingly holding her cracked ribs in place. Her head pounded, her wrist hurt…hell…her whole body hurt. Not surprising after rolling down the hill in the inside of car. "Hey," She greeted Derek who was waiting in the hallway. She shouldn't have been surprised. After the way he had been acting since he found her on the side of a road in upstate New York, semi delirious from a concussion, due to the car they were being struck by a truck while transporting a prisoner.

"Hey," Derek replied softly. "How are you feeling?"

Emily shrugged, turning around and motioning for him to follow him into the living room. "I already told you…like I got hit by a truck."

Derek held her elbow, helping her to ease herself down back on to the couch where she must have been before he got there. He felt bad now…his coming over forcing her to maneuver her battered body over to the door to greet him. "I'm so sorry. I don't know why I let you go with Bunting. I should have been the one to transport Shrader. You should've gone with Jenny."

"Let me go?" Emily's raised her eyebrow. "You didn't 'let me' do anything, Morgan. I chose to go with Bunting. And Jenny felt safe with you. This is not your fault."

He bristled at her use of his last name. He was starting to despise the way she called him 'Morgan' more and more lately. Almost as if it was serving to create an even further distance between the two of them. "That doesn't make dealing with what happened any easier, Em. I feel like we've been here before. Me checking up on you after you've taken another beating during a case. This needs to stop."

"Tell me about it." Emily rolled her eyes. It's not like she liked ending up in these situations. "I guess we have been in this situation a time or two before."

They were both quiet for a minute. Both quietly reflecting on the past few weeks, when Derek actually took a look at his surroundings, taking in the half-drank glass of wine, the almost-empty bottle of Pinot Noir, the small prescription bottle of painkillers…all three items sitting on the coffee table in front of him. He glanced over at Emily, noticing the slight glaze in her eyes, the flush in her cheeks. He understood her need to numb herself from the pain, but it didn't make his worry any less. "Emily…"

She knew exactly what he was going to say. "Don't say it, Morgan. You can either sit here quietly and not judge me. Or you can go. I'm not in the mood for a lecture on not mixing booze and pills. My whole body hurts and I just want my brain to shut off for just a few hours. You can either come along for the ride or you can go home." She reached for the bottle but Derek was faster. He grabbed it, holding it out of reach. "I'm not going to let you do this, Em."

Emily rolled her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to keep her anger in check. "This is MY house, Derek. How dare you come in here and try to dictate—"

"I'm not trying to dictate anything, Emily," he stared her down. "I'm trying to help you. Do you really want a red wine hangover on top of a concussion and some broken ribs? Take the painkillers – that's fine—but don't mix it with the wine. You're going to hate yourself in the morning."

The brunette seemed to deflate at that. How could she be mad? All he was doing was looking out for her. But it made her angry. She wished he wouldn't care about her so much. He deserved so much better than her. She was nothing but a liar…a fraud. He deserved someone who could be honest with him. Someone who could give her whole self—mind, body and soul—to him. Because Derek Morgan deserved nothing less than someone like that. Someone Emily clearly wasn't. "Stop worrying about me, Derek," she whispered. "I don't deserve it."

Derek ran a hand over his smooth head, frustrated with her stubborn attitude. Why couldn't she just see how much he cared about her? How much he loved her? But he wasn't going to fight with her tonight. That's not why he went over there. He went to reach for her…to pull her closer…when she winced in pain. "How much pain are you in, Emily?"

Emily released a long breath she had been holding in as she tried to breathe through the pain in her ribs. The throbbing pain in her head was consistent, her skin burning from where the seatbelt cut into her. All she wanted to do was numb that pain. "It hurts," she whispered. "I just want it to stop."

"Come here," Derek stood up and reached for her hand. He gingerly pulled her to her feet and led her around the couch to the staircase up to the 2nd floor.

"Where are we going?" Emily's eyes narrowed. Derek upstairs in her bedroom couldn't lead to anything good. He pulled her into the master bedroom and had her sit down on the bed while he walked into her bathroom. She heard the water turn on and cabinets opening and closing. Finally he appeared back in front of her, reaching for her hand. He led her into the bathroom which was bathed in soft candlelight. "Derek…you didn't have to do this."

"I know," he told her simply. "I wanted to, Em. You need to relax and heal. And hopefully this will help." He turned to leave but she grabbed his hand. "No!" Derek turned back to look at her in surprise. "Don't go."

"Emily…" he started, wanting nothing more to stay in that bathroom with her. To make her feel better. But this wasn't right. She was hurting. In more ways than one.

"Please," Emily whispered. "Don't go."

He stood behind her while they both faced the mirror, his hands resting on her shoulders. His eyes caught hers in the mirror and they just stared at each other for a minute, neither saying a word. The only noise in the bathroom the sound of the faucet filling up the bath tub with warm, soapy water. The air charged with the tension between them. Her hands reached up and slid over top of his that were resting on her shoulders. Their eyes didn't leave each other's in the mirror as Emily moved both of their hands down to the top button of her blouse. Derek took the hint and unbuttoned the blouse, reaching around from behind and undoing one button at a time. When he was finished, Emily's hands fell to her sides as he slid his hands lightly up her sides back up to the collar of her shirt and carefully…slowly…slid it off her shoulders.

As the garment fell down to the floor, Derek leaned down, placing light kisses on her pale skin, his lips lightly dancing across her shoulders to the back of her neck. Her head fell back on to his shoulder, eyes closed, enjoying the feel of his soft lips on her neck. Derek turned her around slowly…carefully…and her lips met his, almost desperately. Emily groaned, sliding her tongue in his mouth, all the while her head screaming at her that this was wrong. She couldn't keep doing this…leading him on like she was. He didn't deserve it. And she didn't deserve him.

He grabbed her arms, pulling her battered body closer to him…that is, if they could get any closer. She winced as his shirt brushed up against the seatbelt burn across her chest. He noticed her expression of pain and pulled away, frowning at the dark red mark across her chest. "Does it hurt?" He whispered. Emily nodded, trying not to let the threatening tears fall. "I'm sorry…" He started to pull away but she reached up with both hands, grabbing his face and crushing her lips to his again. Yes, she was nothing but a liar. And a fraud. But she needed this. She needed him.

"Of course not," Emily scoffed, breaking eye contact with him and sitting up as she searched for her underwear on the floor of his bedroom. Another lie. It's what they did best. "This works better for us, Derek. You know that."

"Yeah," he sighed, more to himself than anything, watching as she pulled her shirt over her head, getting ready to leave as she always did lately—never staying longer than she had to. It didn't work better. He didn't want to be out with other women. He felt actual rage when he pictured Emily out with other men. But he couldn't tell her that. He'd take her however he could get her. And if this was all he could have then so be it. He was okay with it.

Who the hell was he kidding? He was absolutely not okay with it. He missed her terribly and the jealousy was making him crazy. But what could he do? He could be honest with her and lose everything. Or he could keep quiet and continue to be with her but not really be with her. It was a lose-lose situation no matter which way you sliced it.

Secrets and lies.

One Month Later

"Good morning," Emily greeted, smiling as Derek walked into the break room. She glanced around to make sure that no one else was around. "What happened to you last night? I thought you might stop by."

"Um…I…uh…" Derek stuttered, not quite knowing how to respond. This was new territory for him. For them. And he wasn't exactly sure how to tell her.

"Spit it out, Derek," Emily chuckled. "What has you all tongue-tied? I thought you had…." She trailed off, suddenly realizing why he was acting funny. He had a date. And unlike those that he had before this…the ones that usually ended up with empty promises of calling the next day and Derek showing up on Emily's doorstep or Emily on his doorstep…this one must have actually gone well. He must have actually liked her.

Derek knew at some point something like this was going to happen. This was why what they were doing was such a bad idea. He met Kristin at a coffee shop in Georgetown the previous Saturday morning. Coincidentally, he had been on his way home from Emily's apartment. She had asked him out and he agreed, figuring he'd treat her to a nice meal and then end up at Emily's before the night was over. But the opposite happened. Instead, he had a great time…and for once he wasn't checking his watch every five minutes, wondering how much longer he had to pretend to be interested in his date before he could rush over to Emily's apartment. "I'm sorry…I…"

She plastered a fake smile on her face, seeming to laugh off his apology. "Why are you apologizing, Derek? You're free to date whomever you want. I'm glad you had a good time." And with that, she quickly spun on her heel, rushing back to her desk so he couldn't see the tears building up in her eyes and threatening to spill down her cheeks. What the hell had they been thinking? It was such an obviously bad idea from the beginning…someone was bound to get hurt.

"So Em," JJ placed three frosted mugs on the table in the crowded bar. A favorite happy hour spot for DC law enforcement. JJ passed both Garcia and Emily a beer, sipping her own glass gingerly so as not to spill anything down the front of her. "What's going on? You've been unusually quiet today."

Emily shrugged, not wanting to get into it with her friends. While JJ and Penelope both knew about Emily and Derek's previous relationship, the most recent arrangement was still a secret. "Nothing in particular. Just sick of paperwork. Is it weird that I want the crazies to come out just so we have something more exciting than consults and case files to go through all day?"

JJ laughed. "Absolutely not. And you're not the only one. I was about to strangle Reid today. I swear, sometimes it's easier to get Henry to sit still than it is Reid. He's like a little kid."

"What do you expect?" Penelope snorted. "His mind moves a mile a minute. It only makes sense that his body would too. Unlike my Warrior Princess here who is the picture of calm, cool and collected most of the time." JJ laughed but Penelope noticed that Emily was staring at something off in the distance, an odd expression on her face. "What is it, Em?"

She didn't answer. Instead, both JJ and Garcia followed her gaze to the doorway and saw what had caught her attention. Derek…with a date. A petite, pretty blonde one at that. Garcia cringed. "Emily…"

Tearing her eyes away from the scene at the door, Emily looked back at Penelope. "It's fine. He already told me about her. It's not like I expected him to stay single forever."

"Do you still have feelings for him?" JJ asked carefully. "I mean, it's been so long since you two broke up."

Emily cringed inwardly. Yes it had been a while since they had officially broken up. But JJ and Penelope weren't privy to their recent string of indiscretions. The "casual" arrangement that had been going on for almost as long as their original relationship had lasted to begin with. "Yeah it has and no…I'm happy for him. It's just strange. That's all."

"That is not the expression of happiness, my dear," Penelope chuckled nervously, taking a sip of her drink and waving her free hand towards the brunette's face. "That is the expression of someone who desperately wants to be standing over there, not sitting here with us."

"I'm fine, Garcia," Emily lied, tearing her eyes away from the door. The restaurant was crowded and Derek hadn't noticed the three of them sitting in the bar. But this was a favorite haunt of the BAU girls. He had to have known he might run into them here. It was almost as if he had come here just for that reason. Was this his way of telling Emily things were finally over for real this time? "Derek is free to date whomever he wants. We're over." She stole another quick glance at the door, wanting to smack the smile off the little blonde's face.

Penelope regarded Emily for a minute, her finger on her chin. If it were possible for Emily to actually turn green with envy, she just might have. "The two of you have been over for a while, haven't you?"

Caught off guard at the question, Emily spun around to face Garcia. "You were there when my relationship imploded, Penelope. What do you think?"

Not missing a beat, Garcia ignored the snarkiness in her friend's voice. "You kept your relationship secret from us for nearly a year, Em. For all I know the two of you have been doing the horizontal tango for months now without the rest of us knowing." Her eyes grew wide as Emily's face blushed bright red. "You HAVE been doing the horizontal tango for months! Emily?! Why have you been holding out on us?"

"Keep your voice down!" Emily shushed, rolling her eyes. "Can we please not air my dirty laundry out to the entire bar? I mean, seriously, Garcia. I don't tell random strangers about yours and Kevin's sex life."

"You could though…" Garcia retorted. "And I wouldn't care. My man knows how to please me in that department. Everyone should be so lucky. I mean, seriously, he's incredibly talented with his—"

"OKAY!," JJ laughed, cutting in. "I don't think we need to hear the details, sweetie." She turned towards the brunette. "Seriously, Em. When was the last time you and Derek…you know…"

"'You know'?" She mocked. "What are we, fifteen?"

"Abort! Abort!" Garcia whispered loudly, picking up her drink and taking a sip. They had company. "Hey Sexy!"

"Hi ladies," Derek greeted tentatively, his date standing behind him.

"What's up stud muffin?" Garcia greeted, leaning in and giving him a kiss on his cheek. "Who's your friend?"

Derek smiled, seemingly nervous as he introduced his date to his co-workers. "This is Kristin. Kristin, this is Penelope, JJ and Emily." His voice trailed off as he caught the dark eyes of his partner. There was an apology there. He hoped that she saw it.

"HI Kristin! It's nice to meet you! We've heard…well…we haven't heard anything about you actually." Leave it to Penelope to make everyone feel less awkward. Or not.

"It's nice to meet you too," Kristin responded, quietly…almost nervously. She and Derek had only been out a few times but he had told her about the people that he worked with. The men and women that were the closest thing to family that he had in D.C. But clearly he had not told his friends about her.

"Kristin works a couple blocks away from here. We just thought we'd come in and grab a quick bite," Derek clarified. He hadn't mentioned her to Penelope, which he knew was odd. But it was only because Penelope had been almost as heartbroken as he had been when Emily had broken it off. "Didn't realize how crowded it would be already."

"You should join us!" Penelope suggested out of the blue. Derek and Emily's, even JJ's, eyes widened at the suggestion. Not noticing the tension, she began to scoot her chair over towards JJ's. "Come on…we can make room, can't we?"

JJ smiled tentatively, sneaking a glance over at her raven-haired friend. Emily looked like she wanted to kill Garcia. And JJ couldn't blame her. "Sure. We have plenty of room."

"No that's okay," Derek shook his head graciously, wondering what the hell had possessed his crazy friend to make such a suggestion, knowing the source of the tension that was clearly present at the table. "We were just going to grab a drink while we wait for our table. We'll go see if we can grab a seat at the bar."

But the outgoing blonde either wasn't noticing the awkwardness of the situation or was choosing not to care. Most likely the latter. An attempt to force the two of them to wise up and let themselves be happy. "Nonsense. We'll scootch over. You guys sit."

Derek tried to catch Emily's eye. To see if this was okay. Of course it wasn't okay…but could they get through the next few minutes without everyone noticing the tension between the two of them? Probably not. But Emily wouldn't look at him and instead chose to down the remaining beer in her mug. "Sure." He pulled out the last remaining barstool for Kristin, allowing her to sit. "I'll go grab us some drinks. You guys look like you need a refill."

"I'm good." Emily abruptly jumped off of the stool she had been occupying, surprising everyone as she grabbed her purse. "I have to go actually. I'll see you guys on Monday."

"Are you sure?" JJ asked, glancing at Emily with apologetic eyes. She couldn't imagine what was going through Garcia's head, inviting Derek and his date to join them. "I thought we were going to grab a bite to eat after drinks."

"I just remembered something I have to take care of," Emily lied, avoiding eye contact with Derek and his date. It was clearly obvious what she was doing. And she doubted that Kristin hadn't picked up on the tension or the reason she was leaving by this point. But she couldn't bring herself to care.

The sound of her doorbell and incessant banging on her front door woke her up from the sound sleep she was in. Emily glanced over at the clock, noticing the early morning hour on a Saturday. She groaned as she dragged herself out of bed. Who is banging on the door so early? Throwing her robe on and wiping the sleep out of her eyes as she padded downstairs and towards the front door, she glanced out of the peephole only to see the grim face of Derek Morgan on the other side, a tray with two coffees in his hands.

"What are you doing here, Derek?" She sighed, throwing the door open. "Especially so early? I assume you probably had a late night last night. I hope you didn't leave Kristin on my account." It was snarky, she knew. And probably uncalled for. But she didn't care at this point. Derek clearly indicated that they were over. And he obviously wanted her to get the message otherwise he wouldn't have shown up at that bar with a date yesterday.

"Can I come in?" He asked, silently hoping she didn't slam the door in his face. Emily moved aside, allowing him entry. She followed him to the kitchen as he set the tray of coffee down, pulling one out and handing it to her.

"Thanks," she muttered, taking a sip. Exactly how she liked it. She cringed at the thought that he knew her so well. This was why they never should have gotten together in the first place.

"What are you doing here?" she repeated, taking her coffee into the living room and making herself comfortable on the couch, drawing her knees up under her. He followed her, sitting on the chair across from her. The furthest apart they had been in months…at least when they were by themselves. "I just wanted to apologize for last night."

Emily rolled her eyes. "You don't have to do that, Derek. We're not together anymore, remember?"

Derek wanted to shake her, asking why she was so stubborn. If she would just tell him how she really felt…he would end it with Kristin. But he was fed up with being with her and not really being with her. And if they weren't ever going to be together again, then he needed to move on. Get over her. And he liked Kristin. He really did. She wasn't Emily. But she was sweet and funny and caring. She made him laugh. She didn't have any drama. She was good for him.

"Of course I do, Emily," he almost growled. "But you can't tell me that what we've been doing has been completely casual. You can't tell me that my feelings are completely one-sided."

"Does it matter?" She asked, desperately hoping he didn't hear the hitch in her voice; hoping that the threatening tears didn't spill down her cheeks.

"Yes," he whispered. "It matters. Just stop…Stop being so stubborn…Stop pushing me away. Tell me we have a future together. I want to be with you, Em. But I can't keep doing this."

"It's not going to work, Derek." She refused to look at him for fear that he could tell just by looking into her eyes that she was lying to him. "I told you that already. So walk away. Go be with her. You deserve so much better than me anyway."

Derek didn't say anything else. He sat there for a minute, just watching her expression but she refused to look at him. Finally, after what seemed like hours, he stood up and walked silently towards the door, slamming it shut behind them. Effectively slamming the door on the two of them as well.

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