Infinity Hill

Summary: AU Sasuke was used to dealing the unpredictable, but this was just ridiculous. SasuNaru, ItachiSai, Former SasuSai

Rated M

Genre: Humor, Supernatural, Drama, Romance

Warnings: Violence, Sexual Situations, Language

Chapter One

Here he sat, high up in a Konoha penthouse suite, wrinkling his suit that cost more than a middle-class salary due to his slouch. If his mother glanced over from her circle of gossiping friends, he knew she would send him a deep frown and a slight narrow of the eyes. He couldn't bring himself to care.

Yes, Uchiha Sasuke, second child of Fugaku and Mikoto Uchiha, brother of Itachi and Head Reporter at Channel 15 news, was not sitting up straight and drinking heavily.

Not only was he chugging down his fifth-or maybe sixth? - Glass of unidentified brown liquor, he was also brooding. Not his regular I-hate-the-world-and-everyone-in-it brooding. No, this was a special kind. This was the kind that came after a horrible breakup with a certain black-haired son-of-a-bitch that he had stuck with for six years, six long years full of petty arguments and taking off work to come to his stupid art shows so he could sell his mediocre art to poor suckers with even poorer tastes. This was the kind that kept him up at night, the kind the made him realize that he'd pretty much wasted his early twenties on a man the leeched off his success and then had the gall to whine about how Sasuke never had enough time for him.

Was it Sasuke's fault that, not only did he travel for work, covering hurricanes and world issues alike, but also have a wealthy, known family that always made him attend these charity events nearly once a week? Hell, what did Sai even have to complain about? He was the one loved these type of things, always clinging to Sasuke so he could get in good with all of Fugaku's rich friends so they could add the Sai's coin purse. He did everything for him. Everything. Sasuke couldn't believe that Sai would just-just leave! On a Wednesday no less. It used to be Sasuke's favorite day, being the halfway point through the week and all. But now all he hated it. Just like everything else.

Sasuke pulled himself out of his own thoughts. No use in mulling over it now. He had old ladies to smile at and appearances to uphold. He stood, perhaps a little too quickly, as he stumbled a bit and nearly fell on his ass. He grabbed the side of the lounge chair he'd just rose from to steady himself. He looked around quickly with slight panic, although he would never admit it, hoping to God that no one had seen the great Uchiha Sasuke almost stumble over drunk. Luckily for him, everyone was too caught up with their conversations and hadn't noticed him.

Sasuke adjusted his suit and pushed his hair out of his face. He gently pulled on one of his bangs and brought it in front of his eyes. He really needed to get a haircut. His usually smooth black hair was beginning to look like a crow's nest. The thought made him scowl. He way be feeling sorry for himself, but he wouldn't allow himself to fall that far. He gazed at the half-empty glass of liquor on the chair side table, debating with himself on whether he should finish it or not. Hell, he was already drunk; another half of a glass wouldn't help or hinder him. Besides, the last couple of days had consisted of: Getting plastered. Passing out drunk. Massive hangover. Throwing up his lungs. Repeat. With maybe a few bitter tears in there somewhere, just to switch things up. He didn't really feel like changing that anytime soon. His family would just have to understand that, for once, Sasuke had gone out on a limb and went against his own instincts to really care about someone else. Really care. Like, love care. It had also come back to bite, kick, and scratch him in the ass. But that was beside the point. He walked over towards the coat rack to grab his coat and head home. His family would also understand that it was getting late, and this was the first time he had a break from work that was more than a day in months. No way in hell did he want to spend it here with a bunch of rich dicks. If he was going get hammered and possibly start to cry, he would do it in the privacy of his own home, thankyouverymuch.

He didn't move fast enough, for his mother spotted him trying to make his great escape from across the room. Damn her eagle vision. If he didn't know any better, he would like she would be able to spot a scurrying mouse in a dark alley below them. She did look a little hungry. He snatched his coat off on the rack and quickly put it on as she sauntered over to him, flowing over the lush carpet like a ghost in sparkling heels. She opened her mouth to speak, but he raised his hand to silence her. Her eyes were questioning, and she tilted her head slightly in the same way she always did when she wanted an explanation.

"I'm going to head home now, Mother, It's gotten quite late." She smiled sweetly, but her eyes gave her away. They had a little edge to them, the kind Sasuke got when whatever he wanted was about to be thoroughly ignored.

"Oh, alright sweetie, but I wanted you to meet the Yamanaka's daughter, Ino, she's-"Sasuke sighed. He was sure that his mother didn't know that he already knew Ino; otherwise she probably wouldn't have been so quick to try and introduce them. A loud, boisterous girl that he'd attended high school with. He used to score weed from her boyfriend Shikamaru back then. If his mother wanted him to "meet" Ino, then Sasuke could only assume that they weren't together anymore. Shame. They were one of the only couples he known back then that he thought might actually get married later on. She also happened to be one of Sai's best friends. So no, he didn't really feel like having a tiny reunion at the moment. Not to mention his mother, even after all that time with Sai, didn't seem to understand that Sasuke was a card-carrying member of the rainbow parade and had absolutely no interest in Ino's, or any other female's nether regions. Or maybe she just didn't care.

"No, Mother, I'm very, very tired and I need to return home right now. I promise that I will meet her next time, alright? Say goodbye to Father for me. " He didn't even give her the chance to respond before giving her a quick peck on the cheek and slipping out the door. Sasuke was very glad he managed not to slur or waiver at all. Maybe he was starting to become too much of an expert in drinking if even his own mother didn't know he'd had too many. He walked into the hall, trying desperately to tune out the useless chatter of the useless people he could still hear behind him. He reached the elevator and pushed the down key none to gently. Sasuke felt an uncomfortable churning in his stomach. Great, now he had to pee. He looked fleetingly down the hall at the room he just exited. Nah, he could defiantly hold it.

The Elevator seemed to be taking a damn long time to open, and he hoped that it wasn't broken. All he needed was to have to stumble down twenty-six flights of stairs while he was drunk. A brief vision of himself tumbling down each stair and turning the corners to keep falling flashed across his mind, making him frown. He tapped his foot. The elevated dinged, and he steeped in, not before he felt a horrifyingly dark presence that sent a shiver down his spine. He shook slightly, and bundled his coat closer to himself. He reached out to push the symbol for the parking garage, but an equally pale hand beat him to it. Sasuke grimaced; he hadn't even noticed him slip into the elevator with him.

"Itachi." He said dryly. Just the person he wanted to see.

"Little brother." Itachi acknowledged. His brother was dressed smartly, as always, wearing a black, pinstriped suit with a blood –red tie. His long black hair was tied at the base of his neck, giving him an aristocratic look. He stood with his hands behind his back and a single eyebrow rose in Sasuke's direction.

"You're drunk. And you stumbled. And if you ran from mother any faster I would have thought your pants were on fire. She was quite worried and sent me after you to make sure you got home in one piece." If there was one thing you had to know about Itachi, it was that he would explain his purpose for being somewhere even if you hadn't asked.

"Yes, brother, I am. Wonderful observation skills, as always." Sasuke smirked, his usual defense mechanism kicking in, but was met with a blank stare. Sasuke sighed. He loved his mother, he really did, but she should have known better than to send Itachi to check on him. She knew, hell, everyone knew that Itachi was the last person he wanted to see right now because-

"You're upset. Is this about Sai? Are you not over it yet, Sasuke?" Sasuke glared at the glowing red numbers. Floor sixteen. Move faster dammit, he silently begged.

"It's only been two weeks, Itachi, so no, I'm not 'over it' yet." Sasuke ground out. "Not to mention I've had to see him almost every day because he's shacked up with you."

Did he forget to mention that his ex-boyfriend had left him for his elder brother? Yeah, that happened. Sai had said he wanted a "real man" to take care of him, which was horribly ironic in Sasuke's book because Itachi was even more of a pretty boy than he was. Sasuke shifted uncomfortably. He still had to pee and the damn elevator wasn't moving fast enough for his liking. He would very much like for this conversion with his traitorous brother to end so he could go home, curl up in a comfy blanket in fuzzy socks and proceed to cry himself to sleep.

An unpleasant silence filled the elevator, the only sound being the slight tick of changing floors and the brothers' breathing. Sasuke refused to look at his brother, but he could feel his anger rising with each passing tick. He clenched and unclenched his fists, suddenly unsure what to do with his hands. They begged him to punch his now-silent enemy. They hadn't really had the chance to talk about this with their busy schedules, and he really did not want to have a heart-to-heart right now. Itachi must have sense his thoughts, because he sighed and shifted slightly closer to him.

"You had been talking about breaking up with him for weeks, Sasuke." Itachi reminded him softly. Sasuke snorted, and here he thought his brother couldn't say anything else to piss him off more. How wrong he was. Sasuke whirled on him, staring him straight in the eyes. Itachi fidgeted.

"I told you that in confidence, Itachi, and I didn't tell you that so you would feel free to fuck him behind my back!"

"Sasuke-"

"NO! You're supposed to be my brother! How could you even do that to me? I loved him!"

"You always end up loving the wrong people, Sasuke; it's obvious to everyone around you that they never love you as much you loved them." Sasuke flinched, taken aback. Itachi's eyes widened comically as he realized what he said. They stared at each other for what seemed like a long time. Itachi finally looked away, his eyes swimming with guilt. So that's what he really thought, huh? Did he feel bad about him and Sai at all? Sasuke felt the tell-tale signs of tears climbing up to his eyes. He blinked hard willing them away. He'd be damned if he would cry in front of fucking Itachi of all people.

They were silent until they reached the bottom floor. Sasuke dung around in his pocket and pulled out his car keys. He tossed them at Itachi, who caught them at the last minute. Itachi looked at him questioningly.

"Here, I'm not going to drive. I'll catch a cab. You don't have to walk me out." Sasuke was proud that his voice didn't waiver in the slightest. Itachi sighed, and then nodded. Sasuke went to step out of the elevator, but paused with his hand on the door. He could almost feel Itachi stiffen behind him. He let out a small, vicious chuckle but didn't turn around.

"Your right, I do end up loving the wrong people. Because I sure did love you." He was met with silence, and was glad for it. He was sure that anything Itachi could have said would have triggered the waterworks. He let the elevator door close behind him.

Sasuke waited until he heard the elevator begin to ascend before walking towards the stairs that would take him up to the street. For a moment, he thought about taking the elevator back up to the first floor and leaving out the front entrance, but changed his mind. Itachi might still be hanging around and he didn't want to have to deal with the awkwardness of seeing each other again after such short span of minutes. He regretted saying anything to Itachi, sure, but he didn't think he could keep up the cold war between them without exploding into a giant puddle of feelings. Which he kind of did. In an elevator. While he was drunk. He was sure he would feel ten times worse about this little confrontation in the morning, and he was sure to get a call from his mother for the details. He sighed. There was no way he could possibly feel any worse than he did right at this moment.

Sasuke halted suddenly, getting a horrible feeling in his gut that was not from his need to use the bathroom. He swallowed thickly and slowly turned his head to the right. Nothing. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. The place was almost unnaturally dark. Sasuke was sure that there was supposed to be adequate lighting in these types of places so that hotel guests wouldn't fumble around in the dark. There were a few lights scattered here and there, and for future reference, he told himself to chat up the owner next time to see about fixing that.

He paused, fishing a cigarette out of his pocket and taking a drag, blowing out the smoke into the frigid air around him. He gazed up at the stone ceiling, imagining all the foot-falls a chatter of the people above in the hotel lobby. He had no idea when everything began to spiral to hell in his life. He had been a bright kid, well liked, and now he was well respected and known around the country. But all that couldn't change the fact that every relationship he'd ever been in had ended in pure, unmitigated failure. He knew that Itachi was right, that he always ended up loving the wrong people. He had told himself that a million times before as he sat with a drink in his hand and a cigarette in the other, trying desperately to drown his sorrow. But hearing things like that always stung from other people. Not to mention that right now, Sasuke did not want Itachi to tell him anything. Least of all about himself.

The people he fell for were always too…flashy for him. They were dancers, or singers, or artists with quirky smiles and a certain sense of awkwardness to them that made him fall head over heels. He had no idea why, since he was a bit gloomy, and dark, and the things he liked were nothing like him. But hey, he liked what he liked. Even though he knew they would always grow bored with him, or find somebody else while he wasted away and pined like a little bitch. He knew he would probably never find anyone who wanted to stay with him or devoted to him forever, or give all that he gave right back to him. And that fucking sucked.

He shivered, dropping his half-smoke cigarette on the ground and crushing it under his foot. He pulled his coat closer to himself, adjusting his scarf so that it covered the bottom of his mouth. He wished he had thought to bring gloves, but he hadn't expected to go out today. One of the only functioning lights flicked overhead, and he squinted at it. It was casting unnatural shadows all around him.

He hated parking garages, they were so creepy and monochrome and holy fuck, what the hell is that?

It stood, surrounded by an ethereal black glow. Smoke-like tendrils of matter curled coiled in lazy patterns around its form, sizzling in the nighttime air. It was almost like a stain of blood on the backdrop of grey. Its fur red and stance wide. A behemoth of a thing with a wide, slack jaw and blank, soulless green eyes.

How the hell had something this big move so fast without him noticing? Also, why the fuck was there a red bear in the middle of Konoha? He took a deep breath. Big mistake. The fuzzy bear-thing growled at him. It charged. Sasuke shouted, and dived out of the way. The creature skidded, overly long nails scratching across the ground like nails on a chalkboard, but composed itself quickly. Sasuke mind was clouded by the alcohol in his system, and was too slow to avoid its next attack. It charged at him again, reared back and back-handed Sasuke clear across the garage, tearing a large gash across his middle with its claws. Sasuke gasped at the sudden pain, and nearly passed out when he landed on the roof of a car. His head bounced painfully on the windshield. Blood started to run down from a wound that must have opened on his head. Sasuke groaned, and tried to move. He nearly screamed when he shifted his torso. He bit his lip to keep any sound from escaping. It unexpectedly hurt to breathe. Shit. I don't even know where that thing is. It's going to kill me. He heard a growl somewhere to his right he snapped his eyes in that direction. Lucky for him, as lucky as he could be at this moment, he had landed on a SUV, so it was a little bit taller than the bear-thing and it wouldn't be able to see him right away.

His lifted his head to inspect the damage to his chest. He was bleeding, naturally, and had four deep slices in his chest, but he couldn't see any of his internal organs hanging out of him. That was a start. He looked around frantically, still not able to locate it. He could hear it moving around, and its heavy breathing was making his heart beat at an unhealthy rate.

He sat there, for seconds, a few minutes maybe, but the creature seemed unable to find him. It was odd to him, how he wasn't afraid, just wary. He had not, of course, ever been eaten by anything and torn to shreds. But from all the news stories he covered on escaped animals at the zoo or exotic pets on the loose he knew that it couldn't be very pleasant. It was most likely due to the heavy alcohol in his system, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

His body fell lax. The tension he felt had finally left. The first hit left him a tightly coiled mess, but his body was now terribly numb. Now, he was just waiting for another wave of agonizing pain to hit. Now he could wait for death. He was bleeding profusely; his precious lifeblood sliding away that, at any other point would have horrified and disgusted him. But for some reason or another, he was eerily calm about this. Maybe because he was at a low point at the moment. Maybe it was because he had string after string of failed relationships. Maybe because the one person he was supposed to trust more than anyone had stabbed him the back. Maybe because his father would always be disappointed in him for not going into big business like him, for finally following his own dreams and doing what at least, as it turns out, to make him somewhat content, much to his disappointment. Or maybe it was the fact that his sweet, loving mother had always smiled her painfully awkward smile that only Sasuke could see through whenever Fugaku would undermine his work or Itachi would take what his. Maybe he had finally made peace with his dissatisfying life.

He closed his eyes. Fuck you, Sai. This is your fault. If that bastard hadn't dumped him, his mother wouldn't have felt the need for him to get out of the house and socialize. He wouldn't have been in this hotel trying to entertain a hotel room full of generous old broads and then cut out early. And now he was going to die a bloody death with freaking Sai on his mind. Great.

He blinked at the haze of red that flew into his vision. So it had found him. The thing must not have had the greatest sense of smell if it took this long. He stared at it, and it returned his gaze. The watched each other, probably to see who would make the next move. Not Sasuke, oh no, even if he had the desire to, what was he going to do, punch it in the eye? That would undoubtedly only serve to piss it off. It would probably bite his hand off before he even connected with those monstrous teeth. It growled, opening its jaw wide. It stood to its full height, belting out a mighty roar that seemed to shake the foundation. Sasuke flinched when it slammed its paws down on the side on the SUV, snapping its jaws at him, barely missing. The weight of it sunk the car down low, causing it to creak and groan. He braced himself waiting for painful death. It roared again, and adjusted its feet to pounce. He closed his eyes, but not before he saw a flash of bright yellow smash into the unprotected side of the red-bear-thing, hard.

He waited a few seconds, counted to three to see if he was dead or not. He wasn't. Dammit. When he opened his eyes again, Sasuke couldn't quite see it from his position, the other had tackled the red one just at the edge of his line of sight. He gathered that this was going to be a standoff, and judging from the way that of that tackle, it was going to be not-too-friendly. Not to mention the horrifying growling noises they were making. This one, however, was a yellowish-orange with many tails. How many, Sasuke couldn't be sure. They also appeared to be on fire, but he could have been imagining that. Hellhound, his mind said, there's possibly a fucking hellhound in the middle of the city. Wait till the news hears about this. The tails flailed wildly in an odd pattern; occasionally beating the ground heatedly in what Sasuke could only guess was from anger? Irritation? At what? Maybe the yellow one had already had Sasuke in its sights and was pissed the red beastie had gotten him first. His eyes were starting to droop heavily. There really was no reason to stay conscious, in his opinion, because no matter which horrible fuzzy bear-thing won their growling and slashing match, Sasuke was going to be ripped to shreds or lose all of his precious blood while waiting to be ripped to shreds.

The yellow one appeared to be winning, if the noises were anything to go by. The red one was making such loud screeches, too odd and high pitched to be anything remotely human. It was getting destroyed out there, and Sasuke almost felt a little sorry for it. Here it was, just a squirrel trying to get a nut, and it was accosted by a fiercer squirrel that wanted a bloody death match for the nut. What? The hell is wrong with me? The damn thing tried to kill me! Oh, please God let me die. I will not allow myself to feel sorry for a fucking bear. And with that, his last coherent thought tumbled in his brain before he passed out.

The parking garage was now quiet, and the blond Tangible raised its head, victorious. Its mouth was covered in the Intangible's cursed blood, and it seared like hell-fire, but it did not care. It sniffed about, searching. In the fray, it had lost track of Sasuke, and that was entirely unacceptable. It knew it was running out of time. It had to get Sasuke away from here; it could smell other humans coming this way, curious from all the noise. Rightly so, for the fight had turned over cars and cracked the concrete. If the humans took Sasuke away, it wouldn't get to see him for days. The Tangible growled at the thought.

It poked its head around a little more, finding Sasuke's scent in few moments. It stood on its hind legs, lugging its huge and mostly impractical body, if you asked it, over the side of the SUV that held Sasuke's injure form. It tipped its lips, trying to smile, but it didn't work well in the form. Not to mention that the car could not hold its weight very well, and tipped dangerously low, causing Sasuke to slide. The Tangible almost smacked itself, no doubt the minute Sasuke spotted him he would freak the fuck out. He should have approached him slower. He would freak out too if a large, yellow, fox-bear thing –Seriously, what the fuck was he even supposed to be? - looked at him with large, blue eyes, flaming tails, and shark teeth stretched into a horrible caricature of a smile. He was trying to appear friendly, of course but he knew it would only be more frightening. It stared, rearing back a little to give the human time to adjust to his appearance, only to sigh heavily though its nose when it realized that Sasuke was out cold. It lifted Sasuke's limp body off the car and laid him gently on the ground. He was mindful of the bloodstain that still rested on the car and knew that the owner would never get the stain, nor the heavy, paw-shaped dents out of it, so, being merciful, he flicked the damn thing fully across the garage, barely hearing when it smashed to pieces. It stared down at its prize. Sasuke was bleeding heavily, and looked so small and vulnerable. It didn't like that one bit. It suddenly threw its head back and howled, its furry tails forming into two legs and the rest of its body thinned and elongated into human size. Its yellow fur was now blonde spikes and its bloody snout was twisted into a frown. As gently as he could, Naruto gathered Sasuke into his arms and took off into the night.

:Infinity Hill:

When he awoke, Sasuke was aware of two things: He was snuggly warm and sore as hell. But, to be sore, you had to be living, and he wasn't actually upset about that. He sat up, instantly thinking he was going to regret it, but surprisingly did not. He looked down at his chest, fully expecting to find his poor little organs hanging out and his blood all over his comfy-cotton sheets.

But there was nothing. Not a scratch, a wound, a gash, and certainly no wayward organs. And Sasuke was certainly confused. Did it really happen? Was it a dream? There was no way he could have healed that fast overnight. Maybe he imagined it, the broken lot and the nightmarish monsters. He was definitely drunk enough. He stood up, a little unsure of himself, testing his weight on one leg before carefully stepping down on the other. Nothing. No back breaking pain or anything. He smiled a little, lips dry and cracked from the heat in the room. Then he sighed heavily, all the tension in his body relaxing. Oh thank god, he thought, he didn't really want to die, that was drunken man bullshit. He fucking loved his job, and his bastard of a brother and dick of a father and angel of a mother. And damn did he love booze, even if it fucked with his thoughts sometimes. But in the middle of his internal victory dance, he paused. How did he get home last night? He knew he went out, that part was real. So did his brother take him home? Or did he actually catch that cab? He shrugged. These were things to think about after he got some food in his stomach. He was famished.

He padded to the kitchen, stretching his sore muscles. He looked at his wall clock, raising an eyebrow at the time. Nine o'clock in the morning was by no means late, but for Sasuke it was nearly unheard of. It was a good start to his three day break, much better than the idea of being in the hospital or in a box.

He grabbed piece of bread out of his breadbox, holding it in his mouth as he rummaged in his fridge for the butter. From the kitchen, he could hear his extremely loud ringtone-the one he had designated for and recognized as his mother's-coming from back in his bedroom. He ignored it for the moment, opting to put his toast in the toaster before jogging back to grab it. When he got there, the ringing had just stopped, only to start again two seconds later. He lifted it up, eyes bugging out when he saw that his message box was full and he had 56 missed calls- numbers varying from his family and multiple friends.

"What the hell?" He muttered to himself. Did he sleep for a freaking year? What could have possibly happened? He looked to his wall. No, it was February 6th. He checked the date too. Nope, still 2013. So what the hell?

He answered the phone before he missed the call again, lifting it to his ear with a wary:

"Hello?"

"Sasuke!" His mother shrieked. Her voice was equal part panic and relief.

"What? He answered the phone?" He could hear his brother in the background. His voice sounded the same way his mother's did. Sasuke furrowed his brow, confused. What was wrong with them?

"Let me talk to him!" His father yelled. Now he definitely knew something was wrong.

"Hold on, hold on, I'm putting him on speaker. Sasuke, honey, are you still there?"

"Yes mother, I'm here. Is everything alright?" He asked slowly.

"Why the fuck haven't you been answering the phone, Sasuke?!" his brother demanded.

"Itachi! Language!" His mother chided.

"No, he's right. Sasuke, what the hell have you been doing!?" He father said.

"Sleeping actually, up until now. And how was your morning, Father?" He asked dryly, rolling his eyes. He walked back into the kitchen, taking out his finished toast and biting into it. He flicked on the TV, watching it passively as his family chewed him out.

"Don't take that tone with me, young man; we were worried sick about you!" His father bellowed.

"Why?" He asked, genuinely confused.

"Why? Sasuke, the parking garage under the hotel was decimated! Cars were destroyed, the ground was cracked, and there was blood all over the place! They found some sort of beast in there, and the police took it away, but they couldn't find you! We knew you were down there, and we were so worried Sasuke! Oh god, I thought you were dead!" She broke out into uncontrolled sobs, and Sasuke could hear his father and brother trying to calm her down. He stared forward, unable to say anything. So it had been real. Holy shit. It didn't make any sense. There was no way he could have survived there by himself. Had someone helped him? But who? Who could have gotten there before the police? He jerked, a sudden idea hitting him.

"Wait…Only one beast?" He said. He mother's cries stopped suddenly. She hiccupped.

"What? O-oh yes, it was big and very much dead. They covered it with a tarp so we couldn't see it being carried out. Why, is that important?" She asked.

"Well, um, there were two." He nearly whispered.

"WHAT?!" They all exploded simultaneously. He sighed, covering his hand with his eyes. This was going to be a struggle.

"You will tell us what the hell happened this instant, Sasuke!" His father yelled. He was afraid he was going to blow a gasket. Take it down a notch, old man. He mentally kicked himself for that. He had no right to be an ass when his family was genuinely worried about him. And judging from all the missed messages and calls, everyone else he knew was too.

"Okay, okay!" He said, trying to think of the words to say. "After Itachi left and I was about to take the stairs to the street that…Thing came out of nowhere and attacked me-"

"I knew you shouldn't have left him alone, Itachi! Are you alright, Sasuke?!" His mother said. He could hear Itachi sucking his teeth from the other side. He smirked.

"Hush, Mikoto! Go on, Sasuke." His father scolded.

"Anyway, it had like, hit me into a car and ripped my insides open and I was bleeding out and ready to be eaten when another one of those things came and fucked the first beast up before it could. Then I passed out and woke up with no cuts or gashes or anything so I figured it was all a dream until I saw my phone and here we are." He said that all in one breath, not even pausing to breathe. Rip it off like a Band-Aid, he thought, let's try and minimalize the freak-out.

He was met with silence on the other end, which, in his opinion, was worse than all of them yelling and screaming at him. A silent Uchiha was a thinking Uchiha. That was never good for anyone.

"I'm coming over." Itachi said firmly and quietly after a few silent moments. Sasuke could hear his parents murmuring in agreement.

"There's no need for that, I'm fine."

"Bullshit!" His brother yelled. This was probably the most he'd ever heard him raising his voice in his entire life. It kind of scared him. They all must have been really freaking if Itachi was willing to show this much emotion. He felt bad for not waking up earlier.

"There's no goddamn way you could just heal overnight if that thing attacked you, Sasuke! Something fucked up is going on here and I'm going to come get you and bring you back here. I'm not about to leave you by yourself, that's for damn sure!"

Sasuke wished he wasn't touched by Itachi's rare display of concern for his well-being, but his heart warmed a little anyway. But he desperately didn't feel like being coddled right now. And he was also still trying to be mad at him. There was no way he could be if his usually cold and stoic big brother was fretting over him.

"Aniki, really, it's okay, I'm fine." He said firmly, trying to brush him off.

"Sasuke-"He sighed, closed his eyes and counted to three. If he really wanted to be left alone, he was going to have to pull out the big guns. He hated pulling out the big guns.

"No, I'm seriously fine…Onii-san. Don't worry." he said softly. The big guns usually worked better when he could make puppy-dog eyes and pout slightly, but seeing anyone right about now was exactly what he was trying to avoid, so it would have defeated the purpose.

Either way, Itachi fell silent.

Sasuke was sure that if the occasion hadn't been what it was now, his mother would have squealed.

At that same moment, Sasuke's ears picked up a slight splashing noise from the bathroom. He whipped around, taking a step backward and bumping into the counter. He hadn't even gone into the bathroom this morning. Why was the water on? He walked forward, grabbing a knife out of the holder and advancing. He ignored the chatter over the phone line, holding it was from his ear. He wasn't going out like a bitch if there was something there. As he got closer, he could hear strings muffled curses and the sound of water sloshing around. He sucked in a deep breath.

"Everyone." He whispered, grabbing their attention. "I'm going to have to call you back."

"Huh? Why?" His mother asked. "Why are you whispering?"

"Because there may or may not be someone in my house. Bye." He said while hitting the end button before they exploded again. He nearly sighed. There was no way they weren't coming over now, probably toting the police and the fire squads with them. Dammit, he should have stay in bed.

Sasuke slipped his phone into his pajama pocket, lifting the knife in front of him and holding it with two hands. He stood in front of the partially closed door, debating on whether to slip inside slowly or bust in dramatically, waving around his knife. He chose the latter.

He kicked the door open, and the blond man behind the door jumped slightly, blue eyes wide.

"What the fuck are you doing in my goddamn house?!" He yelled, trying to jab the tan man in front of him. The guy jumped back, letting go of the suit jacket he was holding and pushing himself against the wall.

"Whoa!" He yelled, "Calm down, Sasuke! I didn't know you were awake!"

Sasuke's brow furrowed in confusion, letting the knife fall from in front of him slightly.

"Why in the hell do you know my name?!" He shouted. Instead of answering him, blue eyes flickered down to the knife, and then back up to Sasuke's face. He seemed to be ready to take a chance. He did.

He kicked the fucking knife right out of Sasuke's hands.

"What the hell?!" He shrieked, jumping back and cradling his abused fingers. The bastard moved so quickly, all he saw was a flash of yellow before the knife was clattering on the floor. Wait-

"I'm so sorry, Sasuke! But I had to! I didn't hurt you did, I? Let me see." He said, taking a step towards him. Sasuke looked frantically at the knife. The guy followed his movements, lunging over to it and throwing it behind the toilet. That forced Sasuke to size him up. The guy was a shorter than him, but just about as broad and muscular. It would be a struggle, but he could most likely take him.

"What the hell do you want from me?" He questioned angrily. "Cause if you think you're just going to come in here and steal my shit then I assure you that you picked the wrong house!"

The guy waved his arms in front of him, apparently flustered. "I wasn't trying to steal anything from you! I was just trying to wash your suit before you woke up!" He said.

A beat.

"What kind of fucking thief breaks in to wash some clothes?!" He asked incredulously. The blond man stomped his foot heatedly, putting his hands in the air.

"I'm not a thief, dammit, I live here too!"

"Like hell you do! Who the fuck are you!" The guy smiled then, tipping his head to the side like a puppy, all his previous anger seemingly forgotten. His eyes scrunched so much that they nearly disappeared. Sasuke stared at him oddly.

"Oh? Right, I didn't introduce myself. Heh. I'm Naruto, your plushy doll. Nice to meet you as a person, Sasuke!" He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly before holding a hand out for Sasuke to shake.

A pause.

"My what?" He asked. What the hell was this guy on about? He was psycho, definitely.

"You know the little ninja doll that sits on the mantle place all the time? That's me! Well, most of the time. When I'm not in that form, I look like this! Anyway, the shirt you wore last night was torn to hell so I had to throw it out, but I knew I could save the jacket and pants if I could just get the blood stains out-"

"You're the doll…on my mantle…is what your trying to tell me?" He said slowly, he backed away, keeping his eyes on this insane "Naruto" as he made his way to the living room, backwards. Sure enough, the plushy doll that Sai had given him for their third anniversary was mysteriously missing. But there was no possible fucking way that-

"See? I've sat there for so long wishing I could talk to you, Sasuke! But I knew you would freak out if I did!" Naruto said, making Sasuke jump. He spun around, narrowing his eyes. He went to speak, but Naruto beat him to it.

"I would have let you stay unaware too, but then I sensed that Gaara was attacking you and I couldn't just sit by and let my Master die, now could I? So when I came to save you-"

"Who the hell is Gaara? Master? Saved me? Hell no, the only things down there were me and those things, there was no way that I wouldn't have noticed you!" He said. Naruto sighed, giving Sasuke a look of sympathy that he instantly hated.

"Well, you were pretty out of it, Sasuke, so I guess you don't remember me. Hey! Maybe you'll recognize me better like this!"

Sasuke gave a little shout, jumping back and plastering himself against the wall. There, in front of him, sat the other beast, its yellow and orange flaming tails flying around. It lips- which covered huge, menacing teeth- were tipped into an awkward half smile-grimace. Sasuke waited until he could swallow his heart again before trying to process this. His pushy doll, which could turn into a human, could also turn into a huge bear-fox thing -Seriously, what the fuck was he even supposed to be?- and was standing in his living room after sitting in the bathroom washing his soiled clothes. He felt like he was about to pass out.

"Sasuke! Are you okay? Do you need to sit down?" He asked. It was weird hearing a voice come out of that huge frame.

"Hurry up and change back, idiot!" He said after a beat. "You'll set my carpet on fire!"

"Oh! Sorry, sorry!" Naruto said, seeming to melt back into human form. Sasuke tried not to feel surprised and wary by this, but he couldn't help it. Just what the hell was going on? He swallowed a lump in his throat before speaking again.

"So you knew that other thing? Gaara, you said? And you killed him?" He asked. He didn't know why those were the questioned that came out, since he had so many. But they were, so he went with it.

"Well, not really, he was an Intangible, so he wasn't very "alive" to begin with. But yes, I knew him. It will be alright, though, he'll go back into the Ether and have a chance to be reborn to a better master and possibly become a Tangible. I kind of did him a favor." Naruto said with a sad smile. Sasuke didn't even pretend to know what he was talking about.

"Do I want to know what any of that even means?" He asked, suddenly tired. He really just wanted to go back to bed.

"Of course you do! Look, I explain it all to you over a nice, warm breakfast. Let's get some more food into you, yes?" He said, grabbing Sasuke by the arm and leading him into the kitchen. He sat him down at the table, humming to himself as he pulled out the fixings for his "nice, warm breakfast". His plushy doll-turned demon, turned human- was cooking for him.

"You have to be fucking kidding me." He muttered to himself.

A/N: So, um, yeah…Infinity Hill, Everybody. Anyway, this will be a multi-chapter fic, but it won't be super like, maybe like 5-6 chapters at the most. I'm getting kind of excited because I can write Sasuke in his full, sarcastic glory. Hope you liked it! Tell me what you think!

–TheWonderYears