I got home just after 8 in the evening, I had another cry on biscuits shoulder, not just over the failed audition but over what had happened with James.

"kace cmon he is so not worth all these tears" biscuit soothed.

"I know but that's twice now I thought he actually really liked me" i sobbed "I had no idea he was such a pig"

"go and get your pjs on and we will watch titanic ... I will get the wine" she smiled.

"thanks biscuit, your a great friend, I would be lost with out you" I sniffed

"your welcome" she smiled just as the door knocked "I'll get it" she said as she made her way up to the door and opened it up.

"is Kacey here?" I heard james' voice,

Biscuit looked at me with a turn of her head, I waved my arms at her and shook my head madly stating that I did not want to talk to him.

"She isn't home" biscuit then lied to him.

"can I come in and wait?" He asked sounding sarcastic, I think he knew I was here.

"no! She is in Seattle for an audition, she will be home tomorrow but then she will be going home to her parents house, so just call her and make your own arrangements James, I can't help you" biscuit said then tried to shut the door but James put his foot in it.

"James honestly, I won't hesitate to phone the police!" Biscuit threatened.

"look biscuit... Jesus what is your real name. biscuit is ridiculous, I can't call you that!" James hissed at her.

"Marissa, my name is Marissa" biscuit sighed.

"Marissa please, I know she is here, I really need to talk to her, its important"

"she isn't here James, please leave!" Biscuit tried again,

My phone then started ringing, the caller id said it was James calling... Fuck! He had rumbled me.

"Kacey... Kacey please" James then shouted through the door.

"she hates you James, just do her a favour and leave her alone yeah!" Biscuit said to which James removed his foot and left.

I peared out of the curtain, again now in floods of tears, I watched as he got in his car, he saw me and stood and stared for a minute, before turning his engine on then leaving.

After that I tried to keep myself busy, I sent a load of demos to as many record companies as I physically could, I finally did get signed but it was on the same record label as big time rush, I knew it was going to cause me heart ache eventually but I didn't realise just how much, I had managed to avoid them so far but my agent called me with an opportunity she said would be great for me.

The opportunity was in fact to guest star on an episode of big time rush, ironically I was to be a love interest of Carlos, but was madly in love with kendall. It could of been worse I guess, at least I wasn't working with James that closely, I was to do one scene with him where we supposedly both jumped in to the pool, I could handle that. Work I took seriously... James I didn't.

A few weeks later I went in to rehearse my scenes. I Had been to a table script read but James wasn't present, only Carlos and kendall were so this was to be the first day that I would see James since that night I watched him get in his car from my window.

I had it set in my mind that I was just going to be professional, polite and go home... Then I expect cry my eyes out whilst eating a ton of chocolate.

Logan had a little chat with me, he actually asked if I would speak with James but I said I had no desire to speak with him with anything that was not work related, I think Logan could see that I was hurt so he dropped it,

There was so much waiting around, it turned out that kendall was stuck bumper to bumper in traffic waiting for an accident to clear.

The producer of the show handed me my script, I read over the lines. It was funny, I had to declare my love to kendall, while he was trying to fix me up with Carlos as he was afraid jo would see me with him.

The scene for this was set in room 2j, but in the bathroom that I had bungled kendall in to to get him alone.

In the end the producer came back over to me and said kendall was going to be ages to reach rehearsals and that I would have to do mine with a stand in.

I just shrugged until I realised James had opted to do kendalls part for him. I could of cried.

As the scene started off with Logan and Carlos leaving room 2j, I then had to take kendall by the hand and drag him in to the bathroom. I hated kendall Schmidt today for getting stuck in traffic and forcing me to do this with James.

As Logan and Carlos left, I grabbed James hand and bundled him in to the bathroom of apartment 2j.

I read my lines out, "Carlos is weird... He wears a helmet!" I said to kendall/James.

"he is perfect for you... Your weird!" James spoke out kendalls lines. As he had to then pick up my hat shaped hand bag

"but I love you" I then had to say from my script. It took all my might to not cry as I looked in to James' eyes.

"I love you too" James replied.
"CUT!" The producer called out.

"James, kendalls line was 'but I love jo' ... Let's start from the top" the producer said.

"Carlos is weird, he wears a helmet" I repeated my lines.

"he is perfect for you... Your weird" James repeated, again lifting up the huge hat shaped hand bag.

"but I love you" I said,

"I love you too kace" James replied again a very loud "CUT" came from the producers mouth.

I looked at James and he took my hand.

A tear did finally escape from my face.

"can we take 5 Scott?" James asked to which the producer looked at me and nodded his head.

"Kacey cmon... Come with me" James said then guided me by my hand out of the studio.

He took me in to his dressing room.

"why didn't you call me back kace" he said as I sat down on a sofa in his room.

I just sobbed, "why do you keep messing with me James"

"I'm not messing with you, I misunderstood you Kacey, I got you wrong okay, I admit that... I'm sorry" he whispered.

I just cried with my head in my hands

"that's why i didn't call you back after paint ball?" he said

I looked up at James "what do you mean... I tried calling you, and I text" I said.

"I know... I know, I got it wrong, I thought you were just after a good time so I tried to let go of you, after paintball I started thinking that I really liked you but I didn't want to keep fucking about with you and Logan, that was fucked up" he explained.

"You liked me? Why the fuck did you turn your phone off then James?"

"because it kept ringing and ringing, I was with Sheriden that night, she was crying her eyes out over her old boyfriend and her back was hurting, I was trying to be a good friend" he explained.

"I didn't want Logan at all" I said quietly.

"did you mean what you said... That night I took you to brook?" He asked.

"I did yeah... James you've broken my heart, I can't go on like this, I need to go" I said standing up and heading for the door.

"I meant what I said just then... In the bathroom" he whispered.

I turned around "I don't believe you" I whispered back.

James then walked up and kissed me, once again he had instantly healed my broken heart, the hole closed up and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I love you... I do" he said pulling away.

"I love you too" I replied then enjoyed another of his amazing kisses.

So that was the point that James and I finally got together. We would spend so much time together, I was so happy, so incredibly happy. The love I carried for him was overwhelming.

Our happiness continued for 5 short months, he would shower me with affection, he piled his love on thick, I'm not sure what happened to him at this point, but he started to become withdrawn, we started arguing, I couldn't do anything right, even though I knew I had done nothing wrong, I soon realised that James carried a torch for Sheriden, we hung out with her a lot, as far as I was aware it was kendall that still liked her, but it was the day of kendalls 21st birthday that James came round to see me to say things weren't working out.

I remember sitting there stunned, I couldn't speak.

my music career soon suffered because of my mental state, I launched an attack on James during a drunken night in, it seemed like a good idea at the time, but I pretty much ended my career as I wrote out dozens of foul mouthed tweets aimed at James.

The worst part was Sheriden was now dating kendall, so if James had dumped me to be with her it was all for nothing so it seemed.

If my tweets that i had attacked James with weren't bad enough, I decided to yell abuse at him at an awards ceremony, Tammi, Carlos' girlfriend was shoving me about and I ended up smacking James around the face.
The very next day I had a phone call saying that I was being dropped from my record label because of my actions. I was so depressed I didn't even care.

I eventually got my act together and ended up in a girl group with paisley and another friend she had introduced me to, amberleigh Scott, ironically it was Sheriden that signed us on her and james' record label that they had created with kendall, Sheriden was now with James.

In a last ditch attempt I did try to succeed in that band but again hate and jealousy ate me up from inside and I went to the papers and told them a load of bull shit about Sheriden, she tried to kill herself because of it, but she ended up taking me to court for slander, my family lost so much because of that, and paisley got caught up in it, it worked out good for her for a while though, she had a baby with kendall, and had some great music in a solo career but a year later she died.

James and Sheriden got married, the day after that happened I saw all the pictures of them in the news paper and on line. I then tried to take my own life. It was after that I met my fiancé, he was infact my phsychologist, so we are a well suited couple, he knows my deepest fears and problems and still loves me regardless.

So that brings me to the end of my diary. It all seems a bit pointless to think back and realise I ruined my life, my career and hurt so many people all because James broke my heart. But the hole in my chest is still very much there.

"Kacey!" My fiancé called me a week after I had finished writing my depressing story out.

"yeah?" I replied as I walked out of my kitchen.

"you have a visitor babe" he replied

As I walked in to the hallway I got the shock of my life to see James and the eldest of his three children in his arms.

"hi Kacey" he said looking kind, like what he used to look like.

"what are you doing here?" I asked looking to James then Karl my fiancé

"Karl sent me a copy of your... Diary" James said.

I felt my eyes fill up with emotion

"James come on in" Karl said.

Karl invited James in to our living room, I sat down, my legs felt like jelly.

"I will leave you to it" Karl said as he left the room.

"you look great kace'" James said smiling as he sat down and rested his daughter on his knee.

I was 24 lbs heavier than the last time he had seen me so I doubt very much that he really thought I looked great.

"why are you here?" I whispered.

"Karl sent me a copy of what you wrote, a lot of it I forgot, it was fun to read for a while, but I just wanted to come and say I'm sorry. I'm sorry it didn't work out, I'm sorry we took you to court, I'm sorry for everything. I'm the reason you are filled with pain, I'm the reason you tried to kill your self kace... I did love you, I promise I did, but Sheriden, she is my soul mate, there was nothing I could do to stop how I felt" he explained in a soft voice.

"thank you" I whispered.

"I would like to draw a line and start afresh with you if you want that... Its easier to get along than hate each other" he said.

"who is this?" I asked looking at the baby.

"this is Georgi, we adopted her" he said giving Georgi a kiss on the head.

"does Sheriden know you are here?" I asked.

"yeah she does... She actually sends her best wishes... Kacey I honestly had no idea how strongly you felt for me. When we broke up, I ... I really tried to do it gently, I didn't blame any one, it certainly wasn't your fault, you were amazing and the time we spent together was amazing " he said jogging his daughter on his knee.

"I'm sorry... For going to the papers, I had no idea Sheriden was going to react like she did" I replied.

"I know, just like I didn't know you were going to react so bad to us breaking up, we can't control our feelings kace, we can't change the past... Logan says hi" he chuckled

I felt my cheeks redden. But I smiled "they were crazy days huh" I said.

"very crazy" he smiled.

"its sad about paisley huh" I said

"yeah, it was hard, her daughter looks just like her though, so that's nice" he said.

"James how do I make everything better?" I asked feeling tears fall from me.

"easy, like this" he said as he moved to my sofa and gave me a squeeze with his arm as he threw it over my shoulder.

"do you still feel like you want to hit me in the face?" He chuckled.

I laughed "no, I'm glad you finally understand what I felt And went through though... It makes the difference. It really does"

"Kacey I will always remember the time we were together. It was a crazy time of our lives. the start of so many things happening."

"so will I... I'm getting married in a month" I said sounding up beat.

"yeah Karl said, he is a nice guy Kacey." James said.

"he really is" I smiled.

"well I best be getting this one to bed" James said looking at Georgi.

"thanks James... For coming over, it means a lot... I feel like closure has finally come my way" I said taking my first proper breath of what felt like fresh air.

"its fine, believe or not I do think about you a lot... Kace here is my number, if you wanna chat, sort your head out again... if that hate starts creeping back in then give me a call, I promise I will reply okay" he said as he slung his arm around me again giving me a hug goodbye.

"I may do that... Thankyou" I said.

"take care Kacey... Good luck on your wedding day" he said as he opened the front door.

"Thankyou" I said as I waved at his daughter who was frantically waving goodbye to me.

James chuckled at her.
"bye kace" he said

I smiled and shut the door.

Karl came out from the kitchen
"am I in trouble for doing that?" He asked.

I shook my head then walked in to his arms .
"no I needed that... Thank you baby... I love you so much. My life can start again now" I said as he held me in his strong arms.

just to let you all know, originally i did write this as the last story to finish the series off completly with no loose ends, but there will be another story, with, sheriden, mackenzie, savannah, fran and all the boys coming in the next few days, its going to be the most exciting and dramatic i have written. i love all the characters that i have created but sheriden is by far my favorite, so she is going to be around for a while yet!

thanks for reading follow me on twitter sheridenlloyd for updates or to chat btr

thanks for reading