Author: Casandra

Email: [email protected]

Disclaimer: Wouldn't I love to own em! But of course I don't, how much does that suck? Everything herein belongs to Mr. Whedon, Mutant Enemy, yada yada yada.

Rating: PG-13. What can I say, I still haven't gotten up the courage to try my hand at naughtyness

Warning: If the idea of two grown woman in a loving romantic relationship gives you the squicks, well then you better avert your eyes.

Distribution: If you want it, feel free. Just drop me an email to let me know where it's going.

Feedback: Always welcome and appreciated.

Spoilers: Almost anything is fair game with me. But nothing past mid Season 5 I don't think.

Pairing: Buffy/Willow

Summary: Buffy wrote letters to Willow, but never sent them. What happens when the letters find their way into Willow's hands?

Author's Note: Ok, I wrote this in a completely different way than I've written anything. I started it back at the end of May and just wrote bits here and there when the mood struck me. And I've switched POV's back and forth between Buffy and Willow a little bit. Hopefully it won't get you too confused and hopefully it doesn't feel all that disjointed.

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I can't believe it's the end of our freshman year of college already. It seems just like yesterday that Willow was sitting in the graveyard with me on patrol, trying to get my procrastinating butt in gear and pick my classes. How can that be 9 months ago? So much has happened since then, and I've been counting my lucky stars this past week for not losing Willow in the process of it all. But I came pretty close, and that thought scares me more than almost anything.

I pick up Mr. Gordo and stick him into one of the packing boxes that litter our dorm room. I didn't know I had so much stuff! Between the two of us there must be close to 20 boxes in here. I guess we're both just big pack rats.

I've been wondering about something the last couple of days, and I haven't had the mind, or the courage probably, to bring it up with Willow. I think I'm afraid of the answer. But I can't put it off any longer, we're almost done packing and I promised Mom I would have her Jeep back in an hour, in one piece.

"Will?"

She turns away from the box she was packing her bed sheets in and gives me her undivided attention. "What's up Buff?"

I fidget a bit and pick up a packed box to keep my hands busy, carrying it over to the door and adding it to the pile ready to go downstairs to the car. "Well I was sorta, well curious about something."

"About what?" Willow's eyes sparkle with curiousity.

"About next year. Actually, the living arrangements next year." I look up from the new box I was packing hesitantly.

"Oh."

She seems just as confused and unsure as I am, so I decide to bite the bullet. "I know we didn't start off as roomies, but I've loved sharing with you . And I also know that this year wasn't the best for us, I mean I know you felt like we weren't even really room mates anymore. But I'd like to try and make up for it. Next year." I took a deep breath and looked up to meet her eyes. "Will, would you maybe want to room together again in the fall?"

She looks a little hesitant and I take that as a bad sign. "Buffy, I'd really like to, but well, I mean, Tara sort of already asked me."

"Oh." I had actually forgotten about Tara. Which is hard to imagine considering her and Willow have been locked at the hip the last few months. At first I didn't think anything of it, with the exception of being a tad bit jealous that Willow had found a new friend that she seemed so close to. But I was so wrapped up in Riley and the Iniative stuff that I didn't stop to notice what should have been really obvious to me. When Willow told me that Tara wasn't just her friend, but something a whole lot more complicated, my jealousy actually spiked tenfold. I should have felt relieved that I wasn't being replaced in the best friend department. But for some reason I felt I was losing Willow anyway.

"Well I didn't actually say yes yet, I thought it seemed like a big step, living together. We've only been dating for a few months. Lets just wait and see, is that ok?" I must not have been hiding my disappointment well because she was awfully quick to try and reassure me.

"It's ok Will, I understand, she's your girlfriend, she should come first." I tried not sounding too bitter. Willow has this gentle sympathetic look on her face, one that I've seen on more than a few occasions, and quickly crosses the room, navigating her way through the mess, and wraps me up in a strong hug.

"I've known her for 6 months, you've been my best friend for 4 years. Nothing is more important than that." She pulls back and looks at me with a hesitant smile. "But I do have to think about it ok? I'm not saying no, but I can't say yes just yet. Can you understand that?"

Well as long as she's not saying no flat out I can live with that. Besides, it gives me the summer to try and convince her just how good a best friend I can be. "Sure Will, take your time and decide."

"Ok, now that it's settled for the time being, we better get a move on. Didn't you promise your Mom that you would have her car back by 6? By the way, how in the world did you convince her to give it to you in the first place?" She gives me this curious look, and I know she's thinking about the last time I managed to get my mother's car keys. It honestly wasn't that bad, I mean, I might have gotten into one minor little accident, but it wasn't my fault, and she knows that. I think she just likes to tease me.

"It wasn't that hard Will, SOME people don't hold that one tiny little fender bender against me forever you know." I give her an exasperated look, but I know I'm none too convincing, because I can't help but smile at her. She has this way about her, every time I look at her I can't help but smile, even if I'm in a terrible mood, taking one look at her, even if it's just for a moment, cheers me right up. I've spent 4 years wondering how in the world she does that.

"I don't hold it against you Buffy, I know it wasn't your fault. But I can't say I was enjoying the ride all that much before that. I think it took a couple of days for the feeling to return to my fingers after holding on so tight." She sticks her tongue out at me, and I think I should be really worried about the reaction it seems to have had in me. Desire? No, no way, that's not it, nuh uh, she's my best friend, that certainly was not any kind of lustful feeling.

So why do I not sound convincing even to myself?

"Buffy?"

"Huh?" Uh oh, I must have really spaced out there, because when I look up and refocus Willow is standing right in front of me with her hand gently resting on my shoulder.

There's that feeling again.

But it's not a naughty one, not in the least bit.

Nope.

"Are you ok, you look kinda spooked. Spidey sense isn't going off or anything is it?" She looks around the room quickly, apparently checking to make sure there aren't any hell beasties suddenly ready to munch down. I can't help it, she looks so adorable that I just have to pull her into a hug. She stiffens for a second before relaxing and draping the arm that was on my shoulder around my back and returning the embrace. "Ok, now I'm really starting to get worried." She tries to sound like she's joking, but I can hear the nervousness in her sweet voice.

I pull back reluctantly and release her, but she doesn't step back far, returning her hand to my shoulder and meeting my gaze. "Sorry Will, just got a lot going on up in here." I tapped the side of my head for emphasis.

She smiles warmly at me and takes the hand that was resting on my shoulder and gently brushes away a few tendrils of hair that escaped from my ponytail. "Aww, poor Buffy's brain. Anything I can do to help?"

Well considering where my runaway thoughts just took me, I'm thinking letting Willow in on them isn't the best course of action. "No, don't worry, I'm fine. I guess I was just getting sentimental that's all." Ok, so that's not a complete lie, just half of one, which means I'm kind of telling the truth right? Because I absolutely hate lying to her.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Our first year of college, I can't believe it's over already. Time just seemed to fly by, didn't it?"

Sure it did, time that I could have, scratch that, *should* have been spending with Willow. The same time that she was spending with Tara and slipping away from me. Hindsight is always 20/20 isn't it? If I would have known back in October that Willow would fall in love with a girl this year my first guess would have been that it would be me. I mean we've been best friends for almost 5 years now, I'm closer to her than I am to anybody else, most certainly Riley. We know everything there is to know about each other. So why not me?

Wait a second, why do I want it to be me anyway?

Great Buff, first you're having lustful and completely naughty thoughts and desires in the best friend department. And now you're complaining that Willow didn't fall in love with you. Oh this is gonna be the best summer ever. Lets see how long it takes you to jump her bones.

Great.

Could things get any worse?

"Hey Buff, my parents rented this condo out in Malibu for a few weeks this summer. They said I can have it for one of the weeks while they're at some convention in Philadelphia. So I was thinking, maybe we could take them up on the offer?"

Gulp.

Willow. Me. Beach. Malibu. I think the odds are definitely against me on the jumping her bones deal.

"Yeah that sounds great Will, I'm sure Xander would love that, checking out all the beach bunnies, it would be like heaven for him!" Of course he would go straight to hell once Anya found out about it.

"Actually, Xander has a construction job in Monterrey for most of the summer. His company is footing the hotel bill for him and everything. And Anya's going with."

Oh god! Xander isn't coming. Xander, the buffer, the man who makes it not just me and Willow all by ourselves. He isn't coming!

"What about Tara?" Ok, why did I say that? I mean the last thing I really need this summer, what with my little naughty best friend thoughts and all, is to see said best friend smooching in the sun with her girlfriend.

"Tara left for the summer. Back east to visit family and everything." Huh, funny, Willow didn't sound all THAT upset, considering the fact that she won't see her girlfriend for 3 months. "So I guess it's just you and me Buff."

Oh god!

Willow. Me. All alone for a whole week. With the possibility of bikini's playing a big role.

Things just got a whole lot worse!