Chapter 19

When I think of Tommy, I'm reminded of a time in my life when I was good and innocent and pure. A time when life was easy. Well as easy as it could be for a kid back then. But it was also through him and his family that I saw a lot of crappy shit, but I learned that life could be horrible and wonderful all at the same time.

Not saying goodbye to him that morning he left for the Marines, broke my heart again and again every time I thought about it. I promised myself I would never make a choice like that again. Something I would live to regret. Life was too short anyway.

When I found out he was home again, I thought I could get everything back. I thought I could get me back. The me that was smart and brave and strong. The only me I ever actually liked. I thought I could cure myself of the guilt I was holding onto for not saying goodbye to him. The guilt I was holding onto for not becoming a woman that my best friend Tommy could be proud of. For becoming someone he would hate to see.

Where was that girl now? That girl wouldn't take shit from anyone. That girl wouldn't be where I am now.

I don't know where she was, but she wasn't here now.

"You hungry?" Luca asked me a moment later, taking a deep breath.

"No," I told him, defiantly. I couldn't exactly tell if I was hungry. I felt fear and I felt anger. Mostly at Luca, but also at myself for chasing Tommy away when I needed him the most.

Then I ignored it all, and tried to concentrate on my stomach. I was hungry. Ravenous, in fact. It hurt. Like the emptiness was burning a whole in my stomach. But I would never tell Luca that. There were a lot worse things that could happen to me besides being hungry. Anyway, I shouldn't need permission to eat in my own house.

"You sure?" He asked with a twisted smile on his face. Like he knew I was lying. I was just waiting for the right moment when he was distracted so I could make a run for it. He went over the fridge.

"You must be. You never had breakfast. What do you want?" He asked.

"I'm not hungry," I said trying to keep calm, but my heart was racing. I could feel all the adrenaline I so badly needed to use.

"Well," he said peering inside to fridge door. "I think I'll have bacon and eggs...and maybe pancakes. Do you have bacon, Dani? I know you like the turkey bacon stuff."

I didn't answer. I watched him prepare. Meanwhile I kept eyeing the front door. It was about 35 steps away. 10 maybe if I ran. I didn' think trying to run while he was cooking was a good idea. Not unless I wanted hot oil to the face.

When Luca was done, he put a plate in front of me.

"Here you go," he said.

"I said I wasn't hungry," I told him, turning away from it.

"I know, but I made your favourite... Here." He cut up a piece for me to eat. "You used to love my pancakes," he added.

I didn't want to be reminded.

Luca talked a lot. Way more than Tommy ever did since he came back into my life. But Luca was nothing like Tommy. The difference between them was unsettling. Like night and day really. Luca was worldly, charming,sociable. I could bring him around my friends and family and not have to worry. He could handle himself.

Then there was Tommy. He was intense, a little impulsive, a bit of a recluse. A wild card at times.

Sometimes when he was upset, it was as if I could feel the heat radiating from his body...Hear the breath in his lungs...feel his blood pumping. He was so beautiful. Even when he was upset with me.

I was never really sure if he was going to yell or take off..But there was one thing I was certain of, he would never hurt me.

There was never a doubt in my mind. I don't know why he couldn't see that. Whatever he thought, I thought about him was wrong. I knew he wouldn't. I just needed a chance to tell him that.

He could be seething, but there was still a light in his eyes. One that said, "I love you. no matter how mad you make me".

God, I really hurt him yesterday. What was I thinking? All of this could have been avoided. What am I saying? It's easy to want to blame myself, but the truth was, I didn't know that if I hadn't fought with Tommy things would be better now. They could have been worse. I don't know how Luca would have reacted if I wasn't alone. It could be much worse.

"Am I going to have to feed you?" I heard Luca's voice again, taking me out of my thoughts.

He pulled out the chair across from me. He put the fork towards me and I hesitantly opened my mouth. I watched Luca talk as I chewed, but wasn't listening.

"You know when I first decided to come here, I just wanted to hurt you," he said. "Kill you even. "He stopped, waiting for a reaction from me. I finally glanced at him and he smiled and continued.

"Now, I think I might keep you."

He put down he fork, reached forward and "You're even more beautiful than the last time I saw you. How is that even possible?

I really didn't want to go through this any longer. I wanted nothing more than to be with Tommy right now and to apologize for being such an idiot.

I couldn't help it. I started to tear up. When Luca saw, it pissed him off.

"Why the fuck are you crying?" he spat at me. I think he knew why, but it definitely ruined the illusion if he thought we were going to play house.

I wanted to stop, but his yelling only made it worse. More tears came until I was full blown crying. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." I kept repeating, afraid of what he would do.

Then he got up, lunged himself across the table to grab my face, forcing my mouth together.

"Shut the hell up," he snapped. "I'm warning you." He added, as he let go, shoving me backward as he did.

I nodded and the tears began to subside.

He went over to the kitchen counter and rested his hands on them. His back was towards me. He let out a heavy sigh.

All it would take was a few seconds of luck, I thought. If I got outside everything would be OK. I would get to a neighbour's house and call Brendan and Anna and Tommy

I finally couldn't take it anymore. Without thinking, I made a dash toward the front door. I had to get out of here. No matter what.

"Dani!"

I wasn't fast enough. He was on me within moments.

"I've tried to be nice!" He yelled as he grabbed me by the waist, yanking me backward. When I was facing him, he punched me forcefully in the abdomen. I fell to my knees in excruciating pain as I clutched my stomach.

"It's taking all the strength I have not to kick your ass right now," he sc "And believe me, I want to. I've wanted to since the day you left me. So please Dani, do not push me."

He began pulling me up by one arm like a doll and shoving me into the next room.

"I'm guessing you don't want to eat then." He didn't wait for a reply. Not that I could anyway. I was still clutching my belly as I lay on the floor. "Good. You can fucking starve for all I care."

{Tommy}

After Tess and Brendan left Tommy's place, he left to go to see Frank. With Dani out of the picture, he needed to feel productive again and this was the only way he knew how. He needed to be in the ring again. Nothing could replace the euphoria of a fight. One where he was in control. Plus, he needed to prove to himself that he still could.

When he drove up to the gym, he spotted Frank talking to someone outside from the far end of the lot. They exchanged pleasantries and the person then went inside and Frank was about to as well, until he saw Tommy.

Frank stopped. He was a while away, but Tommy could see the apprehension in his eyes. A lot of people got that way when they saw him. Who is this man? What is he capable of?

For a moment, Frank never made a move to go over and Tommy didn't either. He looked a little startled by Tommy staring him down.

Then a second later, Frank started walking over to the car with a smile on his face. He raised an arm in the air to wave as he approached. "Hey, Tommy, how are you?" He called out.

Tommy got out of the car quickly. and headed to meet Frank in the lot.

"Good...good. You?" He asked.

"I'm glad to hear it," he said. "And I'm good thanks."

Tommy nodded. "That's good," he said.

For a moment, neither men said anything. It's got awkward quickly.

"So, Brendan tells me you're uh…seeing someone now," Frank said. "Is that right?"

Great, there it was. The last person Tommy wanted to be thinking about right now was being brought into a conversation she had no business being in. Why was Brendan mentioning his life to strangers anyway. He abruptly changed the subject.

"So listen, I was thinking I wanted to start fighting again," Tommy said.

"Really? Wow," Frank replied. He was definitely taken aback. There was that apprehension again. Tommy in the ring again...that can't be good.

"I was thinking you could set it up," Tommy continued.

"Uh yeah…I could," Frank paused. "Does Brendan know you're doin' this?" Frank asked.

Tommy grit his teeth. It always came down to Brendan one way or the other. It started to piss him off.

"Are you serious?" Tommy asked.

"I just meant..." Frank could see the irritation on Tommy's face. "You know what, never mind. I'll see what I can do." Frank said. "I'll uh…give you a call when I have something, alright."

"Yeah," Tommy said swiftly. He started heading towards his car without looking back.

"Call and leave your information," Frank called out to the back of Tommy's head. "Fuck," he muttered when Tommy was out of earshot.

{Danielle}

After a moment, I was finally calm. I still couldn't bring myself to stand.

I heard something rustling and looked up to see Luca going through a bag on the floor behind the couch.

To help you sleep," he said as he stared to walk toward me.

"I don't want to sleep," I told him.

He stopped. "Are you really going to say no to me?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

I shook my head slowly and he continued walking over. "Anyway, I have somewhere to be and you can't be left awake while I'm gone obviously, "

When he reached me, he bent down so we were face to face and raised the syringe. He tapped it a little. The thought of that needle piercing me and knocking me unconscious soon after made me feel dizzy.

"W-wait..you're leaving? Where are you going?" I asked, trying to stall him.

Luca smiled at me and placed the needle up to my neck. I instinctively jerked away, but he roughly pulled my neck toward him with his free hand. "Maybe I'll tell you when I get back."

I let out a small gasp, as the needle pierced my skin.

A/N:

:0

I have a surprise for you all coming up (not a chapter, but something else)
I know what's coming, but no sure I've foreshadowed enough. (shrugs)

Thanks for reading! The next chapter is on it's way.

Posted August 15, 2016