A/N- well this has chapter been languishing in my hard drive for a while, I've been working at it when I can, but life did get in the way and I've just really struggled to write this generally for all kinds of reasons. I was toying with all kinds of decisions here and might have taken a different path still not really sure it's exactly as I want... but i just had to bite the bullet in the end.

Any way excuses excuses, not sure if any of you out there are even still interested to read this- you've been so patient and probably lost hope and frankly with Glee/samcedes long gone I imagine most have moved on…but here it is, if anyone is still out there … Thank you for continuing to read it

's not mine etc etc

.

Chapter 31: It's You

"Sam" she tried to call him before he got too far, but her voice was barely audible.

He was disappearing.

"Sam!" she called a little louder still.

Sam turned his head a little but realising he was probably imagining her call him, he continued walking.

Not again. She did NOT want him to disappear again.

"SAAAM!" she shouted, throwing her voice towards his direction and began to run after him.

Sam stopped. This time hearing it again for sure. She had really called him, he realised, it was real. He turned his head around slowly back towards her, his back and legs following closely behind.

He was startled by how she hurled her arms around him and gripped him tightly.

"Sam" she repeated into him and she buried her face into him. Don't disappear again.

She squeezed him tight against her, as if he would slip from her fingers and she had to use all her strength to keep him present.

Slowly Sam's momentary surprise faded as he relaxed against her and moved his arms around her to hold her, he closed his eyes and dipped his head nearer to hers, keeping her near his heart.

I miss you, Sam thought as he just stood still, his arms wrapping around her and embracing her closely.

After a moment from his closed lids he wondered out loud, "Are you alright, Mercedes?"

"I…I don't know" She said, her voice barely audible still clutching him tightly to herself "When do you finish this next project?"

"In a few months"

"Do you…do you have to go?"

Sam said nothing for a moment. He just focused on the way she felt close against him and reminded him self that this was best for her, to let her go, to release her, "I think its better this way"

He released her slowly, reluctantly she allowed him to separate and looked up at his eyes.

Don't….don't go Sam, she wanted to say but couldn't quite find the voice to utter it. She did not know why she didn't want him to leave, but some persistent twinge was insisting that he stay.

"I'll be back for the opening" he said softly, as if he knew that somehow it was not supposed to end just yet but equally sure that staying on would only pull her back somehow.

Her head dropped as she nodded with those words, composing herself. She then raised her neck to look up at him and sighed, feeling his anticipated absence seep in once more.

"Goodbye, Mercedes" Sam said, with a smile into her eyes, gently stroking the side of her face.

"Goodbye Sam" Mercedes replied shakily as she watched him turn around and leave once again.

Sam walked away leaving her standing alone by the lake.

She held her head again and watched him, he always seemed to leave in the end, she thought.

"Sam is the key" a voice seemed to say to her and she shook her head.

Fragments of strange memories were forcing themselves to be fit together as she stood and watched him leave unable to move or think, stubborn jagged edges pricking her mind, that she did not know what to do with. A dizzying sensation washed over her, that she had to calm with a steady exhaling and blinking at the dot in the distance that faded away.

Mercedes looked at the lake and then back up at the path where Sam had left. She then turned around and walked hurriedly back to her house, down the path, through the garden and into her house, speeding up the stairs to her room, shuffling through drawer at her desk to pull out the letter Sam had written to her, back when she had just found out about him and the accident.

She read it again to herself.

Dear Mercedes,

I know am the last person you probably want any contact with.

I just wanted to say that I didn't mean for it to end up how it did. I want to say that I am sorry that I lied to you, that you found out how you did and that I didn't tell you when I knew how much you wanted to know and that now you are hurt and hurting.

As much as you think it's not worth it and that you have to punish yourself, it's not your fault and believe me it IS worth it. Sometimes terrible things happen, and all we can do is learn to survive them and grow better and stronger from it.

So I hope that you keep on living, that you grab the life handed back to you with hope and joy and keep on expressing yourself with your art and music and passion and love

Because, what if that's why you were meant to stay alive? What if the best way that you can make it up to the people who died, is to fill the world with your light and talent?

What if you're here because the world needs you to keep shining?

I love you Mercedes. But I know that you don't want anything to do with me, I understand that now, so I'll try and keep my distance so you can heal and move on and just shine.

I once had a vision of you like in this picture I drew, I hope you see yourself like this someday too. As for the music school, I hope that if ever you choose to visit it, you are able to see in it who you truly are and embrace everything you were ever meant to be.

Sam

She reread the letter and then focused her attention to last paragraph he had written.

"I once had a vision of you…" she read out loud and thought harder about what he had said about his dreams. She pressed her hand against her head to stop the incessant spinning threatening to unbalance her.

Her hands were tingling as she turned the letter, shaking in her hand, over and studied the picture hard. H er eyes travelled along the lines that shaped her eyes and nose, and lips and shoulders down to the dress she wore. She was looking at it so intently she did not notice teardrop descending from her cheek until it splashed onto image and she had to wipe it off the paper and breaking her out of her reverie.

It was at that point that she knew she needed to see Sam again, that she could not let him go again, not without trying to understand first.

She rushed back down stairs and back outside, running past the garden, along the path towards the lake running as fast as she could, passed the stone structure she had been sitting down earlier, where she and Sam were, and continued all the way back to the music school.

She ran around it, to the parking lot, hoping he had not left yet, looking for Sam's car.

But as she looked all around it became clear that it was not there, he was not there.

"Sam" she said more with realisation that he had gone. She shook her head. She'd missed him, of course she had, she thought, he always goes in the end.

She did not know why she had to see him again, but she just knew that right then she needed nothing else more than that.

She walked with sombre resignation back towards the music school entrance, looking at the letter in her hand.

"Mercedes?" Blaine's voice greeted her.

"Oh…Hi Blaine" Mercedes looked up at him from the letter, folding it away again, pressing her lips together in some attempt to smile at him.

"Is everything ok?" he tilted his head at her.

"Yeah" She nodded slowly and all she could say was the only thing on her mind, "…Sam's gone?"

"Yeah" Blaine nodded and replied slowly, hiding the curiosity in his eyes, "left around an hour ago"

Mercedes nodded, of course he had, she had lost track of time reading Sam's letter, feeling disorientated by it all "How long is that project he's on again?"

"Another four or five months left now" Blaine said

"Does he have to do it?"

"Well, he asked to put on it so now he's committed, although we thought he'd be better suited to the beach house"

Mercedes nodded once more, her head moved in a robotic up and down fashion.

"Actually I asked him to stop over there on his way back to hand the plans to your Aunt, see what she thinks"

Mercedes snapped out of her acquiescence at the situation that had unfolded and now her posture straightened as if re-jolted with life, "So he's on his way there now?"

"Yep"

"That's amazing Blaine! Thank you!" Mercedes said quickly turned her self around and hurried back the way she came.

"No problem- Are you're ok Mercedes?" he said to her as she speed away.

"I'm great!" she said shouting over her shoulder as she ran back towards her house.

X

As Mercedes drove down the highway towards Aunt May's beach house, she repeated the story he had told her, of his dreams, replaying his words over in her mind and then recalling the image he'd drawn of her. Her eyes closed momentarily as an image flashed across her lids.

She saw her reflection of her self sitting in front of a mirror, her make up perfectly applied, her hair curled about her shoulders over the sparkling gown.

Before she knew it the memory of her recent visit to the Chang's and her meeting with Chloe came to mind. The little girl's cryptic utterance of "I told him" came back to her. She thought about the child again and what she had meant, the way she had seemed so insistent she had spoken to her before, and that she had told Sam something on her behalf was so extraordinary. There was no way she could have ever met her before, unless there was some weird truth in what Sam had said…about dreams.

She wondered again about Sam and his dreams. Was he making it all up? He didn't seem to be...not on purpose…he at least believed himself, that much she could tell. But she did not know what to believe….except that now the frustrating feeling of something being on the tip of her tongue and just needed a little nudge to recall it kept taunting her… or maybe she was just getting lost in fantasy.

Mercedes shook her head.

She knew that whatever happened she just needed to speak to Sam and see him properly to try to piece it all together before it all disappeared again. If she could see him again maybe she could understand. Maybe it was something or nothing. Maybe it didn't matter. She just knew that she could not let him just leave again this time. She shook her head and exhaled, realising how much time she had wasted punishing him, punishing herself for all that had happened.

She just hoped she'd get to see him face to face before he left Aunt May's.

She had spent so long being angry at him, and angry at herself. In truth all he had wanted was for her to be able to move on and be happy, maybe his way of doing it was wrong, but he had apologised already so many times…and so had she.

He loves me. She realised, remembering his words before he left, he loves me.

All this time.

A warm feeling grew inside her and she slammed her foot on the gas to accelerate. She had to get to Aunt May's before he'd leave.

"Oh no" she said suddenly wide eyed as her car faltered.

X

After Sam had arrived at Aunt May's beach house and exchanged pleasantries with her, he handed her the draft copies of designs that had been drawn up to show her. They talked over them and added a few additional points which Sam noted on the design.

"So how are things at the school?" Aunt May asked as Sam prepared to leave

"It's going well, I think… things seem to be moving along"

"Have you seen Mercedes?"

"umm Mercedes…no.." Sam blinked and shook he head " I mean yes I saw her just before I left" he managed to say remembering the feel of her warmth pressed against him before he'd foolishly walked away from her.

May smiled at him and nodded.

"She'll come around Sam" she said with a sigh, Sam looked at her and narrowed his eyes, deciding not to pretend that he did not know what she was implying and just nodded as she continued, "I might have to go and visit soon- especially with the opening ceremony"

"Hmm. That'll be nice. I'm sure Mercedes will enjoy that" Sam said with a nod as he made his way to the door "So I'll leave you with this spare copy and I'll take these revisions and have the plans redrawn for you"

He tucked the plans under his arm as she thanked him and after a brief goodbye, Sam continued on his journey.

As he drove on, the thoughts began to re-circle in his mind. No matter how many new tracks on his music player started up, it would not be enough of a distraction from thinking about her.

He had been so afraid of hurting her, he had thought it was best to just sever his connections to her, rather than burden her with his presence. He had thought that it was for the best. The past few times he'd been around her since she'd found out he'd seemed to cause her so much distress, it only seemed to confirm that maybe he was only ever supposed to love her from afar and let her be. Like his dreams. He thought that maybe he just needed to accept that that was what his role in her life, and the purpose of his love was only ever meant to be to help her on her way.

But what if it wasn't?

He had given up, on himself, on being with her. He thought that she needed to be free of him, to move on. But what if he was wrong? Was he being stupid by letting her go so easily? What else could he do?

There was something different this time when he saw her, in the subtle way she did not fight him as much. He thought back now to that look she had in her eye after she had run after him, and now he could not help shake the feeling inside of him that should have stayed.

What if he needed to show her how much he was willing to fight… not just for her to be well and thriving… but to fight for her. As he continued to drive all he could think about was that he was making a mistake. That he should not have just left it like that. He should have stayed.

It was at that point that Sam then turned his car around and began to drive the fastest route he could take to the Jones' house.

X

Sam knocked on the door. No one came to open it. It was evening by the time he got back and the house seemed dark, and empty. There were no cars parked in front and he imagined that no one was home.

Sam got back in his car and dialled Mercedes number, there was no answer, he left a message "Hi Mercedes, it's Sam, I just wanted to talk to you… I'm at your house but no one seems to be at home…I guess…. just call me when you get this? Thanks."

Sam then drove around to the music school, he parked up and walked toward the lake.

The sky was a mix of red and violet, with a few stars piercing above him. He went to their usual spot by the lake and just waited. Hoping she would come and that he could see her again.

A few moments later Sam's phone began to ring "Hello? RJ?"

"Hi Sam, sorry to call so late…I er..I just wanted to know if you'd heard from Mercedes?"

"Um no…" Sam narrowed his eyes concerned "um I did just try to call her but she didn't pick up…"

RJ was silent, "She um…she's not been picking up her phone for the last few hours."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know where she's gone…I'm out of town and I've been trying to call her… Sheila said she saw her take her car and drive off in a hrry - but didn't know where or when she was going to be back"

Sam caught up to the fact that Mercedes was driving again now, before processing the rest of what RJ had said.

"Any way I haven't heard from her..." RJ continued "...I was hoping maybe she'd been in contact with you…?"

"The last time I saw her was around lunchtime after my interview…with the award committee…."

"Yes…Blaine said he saw her this afternoon" RJ said, Sam imagined him calculating the timings in his mind in the silence.

"You have no idea where she went?" Sam asked "What about Shelby?"

"No… Shelby didn't see her since this morning…I'll call Trey and see if they've heard anything…she's probably just gone somewhere and got stuck in traffic or something… … I don't want to think the worst but…" RJ breathed heavily "I- I don't know…it just brings back memories I guess…"

Memories.

Sam squeezed his eye lids shut hearing the fear in RJ's voice and opened them again.

"I'm sure she's ok…" Sam was trying to reassure himself as much as he was RJ. Although now his heart hammered in his chest, he had just come back from May's and he did not get the sense that even she had been expecting her, "She probably forgot her phone or something and she's on her way back"

"Yes…Yes…" RJ said "Anyway…thanks Sam"

"Sure.." Sam said and then added quietly, "Let me know if you hear from her?"

"Sure" RJ replied slowly and added "And you too?"

Sam paused as he processed RJ's words, "Sure"

Sam dropped his face to his hands. The troubling feeling of something terrible happening to Mercedes began to expand inside him, threatening to swell on his mind. He had just seen her a few hours ago. Where could she have gone? What might have taken her so long? Sam tried to remind himself that she did not need constant supervision, but as RJ had said, it did seem so unlike her for her to leave without giving some indication of her intention.

Sam shook his head, and redialled her phone. Still there was no answer. Sam clenched his jaw, he had done this before many years ago and it did not end well. He rested his head against his hand, trying to calm himself from the fear steadily growing inside him.

She's alright, he told himself unable to contemplate losing her again…she'll be fine, she has to be…I can't be thinking the worst…she's just out somewhere… everything is going to be fine…

Eventually, exhausted, he fell asleep on the hard stone steps, resting his against the pillar.

X

The red carpet was empty. There were no fans screaming at the tops of their lungs, no well wishers with flowers, or cameras flashing.

No limousines or body guards.

No one.

No shooter hiding in the wings waiting to unleash his weapon.

Nothing. No dazzling, beautiful creature for him to save.

He stood, in the empty square all alone.

"Mercedes?" he called, hoping she'd hear him and answer back "Mercedes I'm here"

But the only response was the echo of his one voice. He called again and again until he could call no more.

All that he could do, was wait.

Until…

X

"Sam?" the voice, though beautiful, also sounded alarmed as it broke through the veil of unconsciousness he'd descended into.

His eyes drooped as he attempted to push them open and looked up from steps he had fallen asleep at.

She looked tired, he thought, even as she smiled down at him. He watched her climb the steps towards him., she was still wearing the shirt and jeans she had on the day before.

"Mercedes?" Sam managed to register the words on his tongue.

Her forehead wrinkled at the vision she was having.

She looked amazed to see him and possibly perplexed as to why he looked like he had been sleeping there over night. She crouched on the top step and sat down, tucking her legs underneath her as she knelt alongside him, she placed a hand against his face and stroked it, finally opening her lips to speak, "What are you doing here?"

"Mercedes." Sam repeated and sat up shaking off the remainder of the drowsiness and wide eyed, looked at her confused and relieved all at the same time. He wanted to hurl his arms around her having spent the night with his stomach in a tight ball, but he simply sat motionless under the touch of her fingertips on his skin, "You're…here"

"I'm here…" she said looking into his eyes with a nod, her eyes narrowed, "and so are you"

"Yeah" he said slowly, falling into her gaze, he was so grateful to even see those eyes again and took a while to just look at them before the questions at the back of his mind, then caught up with him. His back straightened upwards and he took both her hands in his "Are you alright? …What happened?"

"I'm fine. I'm ok…" She sighed and shook her head as if all too aware of the consequences of her actions, moving her hands around his to stroke them. "I'm fine- I was trying to get to Aunt May's- The longest I'd driven since-…"

She stopped, and let go of his hands and she shook her head frustrated, at herself, as she explained the series of untimely events that followed "I ran out of gas and didn't take my cell phone… so dumb…ended up having to walk to some garage …couldn't remember Dad's cell number…funny how cause its saved you don't - any way this old guy there helped me out…"

She shook her head again and sighed.

Sam closed his eyes breathed in the relief into his lungs and limbs and blood stream. He took her hand and held it.

Mercedes looked down at their connected fingers as Sam spoke, "You're ok though?"

"Yeah I'm ok…" she sighed "I just spoke to Dad -he sounded so relieved I felt so awful to put him through that…I think it reminded him of…the…stupid of me for just rushing out like that….I just couldn't help it…"

Sam titled his head and looked at her profile, her eyes still cast downwards, he didn't ask though he was curious.

Mercedes bit her lip as if sensing the question, her eyes moved to look up at Sam and then looked away again. "…I was …trying to get to you…before I was too late …."

"You tried to get to me?" Sam said, absorbing what she was saying "Why would you… do that?"

"I had to make sense of something… " she found the courage to look back at him and narrowed her eyes as if already trying to determine the answer she was seeking by reading his face.

"What did you want to make sense of?" Sam asked.

"To do with what you'd said…" she paused and watched him again, "Why did you come back here, Sam?"

Sam sighed stroking her hand with his thumb and watched her eyes, "I had to see you again"

"You did?" her eyes widened for a moment and then focused back on him, "I thought you wanted to leave me in peace"

Sam pressed his lips together and let out a breath releasing the sting hearing his own words repeated them back at him, "I want you to be at peace…but I don't want to leave you …I never wanted to leave you…"

Mercedes eye lids fell shut and slowly opened.

They sat looking at each other for a moment.

"I never wanted you leave" she whispered the admission out loud.

Sam studied the way her brown eyes pierced his own and sighed.

"You know… whenever I see you, your eyes, the way you look at me sometimes," Sam stopped talking and shook his head.

"What..?" Mercedes eye brows raised, a bird about to take flight, "What is it…"

Sam looked at her and sighed "Like now … each time I wonder….can you see it now? Who I am?…Will you ever see?" he moved his hand to cup her face and stroked it with his thumb, looking searchingly into her eyes, "I would keep hoping inside that you'd see…that you'd remember, I keep thinking that even now… buried somewhere deep in your heart lies that distant memory and that when all the things that disturb you are blown away….we'd find ourselves again"

He paused as if waiting for that distant memory to come back, even now, before resignedly he then continued again "But who am I to expect that of you…that's not fair… after all that's happened… I know better than that…Do you know what my biggest mistake was?"

She narrowed her eyes back at him, not really answering just listening to his words, as the feel of his hand against her cheek set sparks along it igniting her heart to race faster. Still she wanted to know and focused hard to understand.

"My biggest mistake wasn't lying to you… it was believing that our love couldn't be strong enough to over come all the things that have happened… it was not believing that we could be better than that, we could be stronger…that I could still love you more that had happened"

He smiled at the ways she looked up at him from where she sat, with mystified hopeful eyes.

"So I came back to tell you Mercedes, that whatever you remember- or believe- or not…I can love you more…more than that hurt, than that guilt and shame…I love you more than the pain of what happened, and I came to tell you that I want to fight for that love… I want to fight for you, even if lose again and again….I'm here waiting for you, fighting for you, for us… because I love you Mercedes Jones with everything that I am and I can't stop loving you…I won't"

He couldn't really properly explain it to her. He could never really convey to her what he meant in all his ramblings, but it did not matter, he would give her as much as she needed and love her no matter what.

Mercedes' brown watery eyes reflected the brightening morning light as she now sat next to him frozen, she blinked hard and opened her eyes again looking back at his own green one's.

Green eyes holding her, with his heart. Sam's heart.

"Your heart" she whispered barely able to move, she gripped at his hands, trying to remain still. Her eyes glazed over again until she could no longer make out anything as the tears clouded her eyes and as waves of images washed in her mind.

She again blinked hard to clear her vision and try to look back, her eyes said it, though her brain and her voice could not catch up fast enough , her heart was already responding and trying to say it for her. She let her hands fall back down, and blinked away the tears.

Sam knew that if he had to wait forever, he probably would, he wiped away the tears that had falled from her eyes and let his head drop downwards breaking his eyes away from her and taking his hand away.

Sam.

Mercedes then suddenly leaned nearer to him. She lifted his chin up to her look back at his eyes, she leaned up pressed her lips against his forehead and met his eyes once more.

"Thank you Sam" she whispered and leaned across to him and placed her arms around him and hugged him.

He smiled a little to himself at the warm feel of her next to him, that felt like home.

As she held him, he pulled her nearer to him and arms slinked around her waist and moved himself, so she could be nearer still as he inhaled her scent, feeling the soft warmth of her body against him, his heart overcome with love for her.

Just know that I'm here, he said to her in his heart, behind his closed his eyes, I'm here..

She whispered against his shoulder through the fabric of his clothes. "You always disappeared in the end…"

Sam heard her words, but he did not know why she had said them. What did she mean by that? He wondered. He held her tighter, imagining that when he finally let go, he might have dreamt the whole thing and would have to learn how to live without her all over again.

But Mercedes needed to know if all of this was not some strange vision she'd been having, she needed a way to place those images that flared up behind her lids when she closed them and held him, that flashed across her eyes as she breathed him in, that sung to her when she looked into his eyes, that drew her to him.

He could feel her separate from him and reluctantly he let the sun set on his hopes and let her go again.

She looked up into his eyes and Sam observed at the way she blinked back the watery film that had formed across them and the way they seemed to study him intently.

He wanted to speak, but he could not find any more words to say.

Mercedes placed a hand on his face and slowly ran her fingers through his hair and along the nape of his neck and then back on his cheek, Sam sighed deeply at the feel or her fingers tracing along his skin and hair follicles, as if she was trying to find something.

A blonde man reached out his hand towards her from where she fell.

Mercedes swallowed the lump in her throat, her voice just a shy of a whisper "- you were standing there when I fell down…I was afraid."

Sam's eye brows raised and his eyes travelled across her face trying to interpret her words, wondering if she knew what she was saying, why was she saying these things again?

She looked at the spot by the lake and remembered the man with green eyes reaching out to her. She closed her eyes and her forehead creased before she opened them again and looked at him

"Was it really you?" she asked a little louder this time, she needed him to confirm that this was not some strange fantasy, "Am I imagining all this…"

Sam looked hard at her, she was saying it again, he could imagine why hen she whispered the words to him a moment ago, he wanted to believe, his heart began to pound faster.

"Mercedes" Sam said slowly his voice broken, barely a sound came out, as he studied her eyes again that gazed back at him with awe and a dawning awareness, afraid to believe it.

His eyes could no longer meet hers, as if it stung to rest his gaze on her, he did not want to be asleep only to wake up again. He'd hoped so many times before, and even though he still hoped now, it was sometimes too painful, as he sat close to her with everything unfolding before them both.

Mercedes began to understand now how afraid he was suddenly of it all fading away, it was the same feeling she had when she thought he would disappear. She placed her hands against his fallen face and gently lifted up his chin towards and leaned nearer to him. She placed upon his lips the truest answer she could give him, with the answer she herself knew she needed now.

Even the lightest of touch of her lips against his caused a spark to rush across them. He was slow at first to respond, as if taking more than he should would be testing fate. But she persisted giving him the reassurance she needed as much as he did as she moved her mouth against his.

Her lips were like heaven, Sam thought, pressed on his. A siren's lips singing with its haunting touch that beckoned him for more. His lips tentatively responded to their call, catching hers between them, his tongue obliged to sample more. Before he knew it the excuses his mind had made faded away as he leaned deeper into her, filling his lungs with the breath of life she gave him. He lost himself and drinking in all he could, moving his hands along her neck as his body and heart demanded more of what he'd been yearning for all this time.

That's better, Mercedes thought and she disappeared with him.

And that's when it happened.

The images once tentative flashes now flooded across her eyes.

She saw behind her fluttering closed lids and with the feel of Sam's fingers tangling into her hair images of a guitar, a reflection of a blonde man as she played the piano, …a jigsaw of memories that could have stayed buried, but here he was, this whole time, reminding her, showing her. Then soon, all the feelings came back stronger too, of loss, fear, hope, of love, of love she had admitted was there, that had always been there.

"Sam" she whispered catching her breath.

He sighed helplessly against her ears. "I've missed you so much"

"I didn't realize how much I missed you" she replied against his neck, the pain pricked her heart and tears suddenly started to well up in eyes.

Her voice quivered "I would see you through reflections …you sung with me… at the piano…you would visit me when I felt lost and alone and confused. I couldn't see…you couldn't touch me….but still you touched me… my soul…somehow"

Sam looked down at her resting against him, eye's widened, only just now understanding what it was that she was saying.

"You….you do remember…?" he said now allowing himself to confirm what was actually happening.

Her face fell against his shoulder as her eyes continued to well up her fingers gripped against him, as he held her tightly she managed to speak over hear breaking voice struggling to catch up with her emotion, "I hated it when you left… I'd feel all alone again…and nothing made sense. It was like a cloud over me…I couldn't feel anything…except when you came…then all I could feel was your presence…. I thought...I thought that I'd never see you again... I had no idea…"

Her voice filled with emotion as she tried to speak and Sam's raised eye brows fell as he closed his eyes and held her, she remembered, he'd given up hope that she ever would, but everything she was saying indicated that she remembered, so much so that it was overwhelming her now such that all he could do was let her continue.

"I knew it…I knew there was something more about you I knew it! I could just never put my finger on it…it was always so hazy...but…and you were always there after everything,…all this time….it's you"

She finally surrendered to the swell of emotion and Sam stroked her back gently and sighed, "It's me…I'm here…it's ok Mercedes…We're both here… now"

"I think I always knew…" she realized, "I don't remember everything exactly…but I remember your presence…there… in that place…"

She held onto him, keeping herself close against him, resting her forehead under his neck, and just breathing him in, unable to let go, now she felt him, now she knew who he was, who he had always been, now so real and alive in her arms, as everything made sense all over again. Deep down inside, she always knew.

"How is this even happening?" she wondered as she began to settle into the realization and make sense of it all.

"I don't know" he shrugged, he had given up long ago trying to find those answers, though he understood her questions. He let her wonder at it as he kept her body in his embrace, equally unwilling to let her go. Even after all this time, some part of his brain on some kind of alert that he might still wake up and all this would disappear too soon, "But I know we are both here right now together"

"We are," she acknowledged with a smile looking up at him and taking him in again, before then resting her head back against him and holding him tight once more.

They sat a while, their arms around one another, hearts beating in unison.

"Thank you Sam" Mercedes said quietly, into the long timeless pause that passed between them.

"For what?" he let her lose slightly so he could look down at her to understand what she meant, though he still held her, his arms still circled around her keeping her close to him.

"For being …there" she said, her eyes now focused on his "With me…watching over me"

Sam smiled a lop-sided smile at her. "I don't think I had a choice…if I did I would have done it gladly...Maybe I should thank you…for letting me be there with you" he kissed her forehead lovingly and smiled at her bemused expression, looking back at him and brought her near to his chest again, he sighed, "I'm sorry I couldn't do more"

"It's not your fault" Mercedes said with a smile to herself and closed her eyes and rested her head against him. He was really there, with her holding her now. He was always there. She placed her hand against his chest and felt his heart beat steadily against her finger tips.

Sam's heart.

Sam put his hand on top of hers, and keeping her hand against it, close to him, letting her know it was him.

"Sam?" she turned her head up to look at him, loosening her grip a little so she could look up at him properly.

"Yeah?" Sam replied reluctantly letting her go.

"It's silly…I just wanted to look at you again.." she smiled to herself "… you're really here….it's ….you"

"I'm here" Sam looked at her and smiled, cupping her face and nearing it, "It's me"

He leaned nearer to her and sucked at her lips softly, before he broke away slowly and looked into her eyes, "Still, here".

She laughed a little and his smile broadened.

Her hand pressed against his heart, he could feel it beat vigorously against his ribcage, she moved her hands around his neck and pulled him closer, reaching back and brushed at his lips with her own.

"Still here" she said briefly against his lips before interlocking them again with his.

"Mhmm…" Sam murmured.

The kiss inevitably deepened, as if to prove to themselves both once more, once and for all, that they really were still there and not going anywhere. It was impossible not to get lost into her, his hands moved to cup her face and his fingers slid into her hair as he delighted in the scrumptiousness of her lips.

They worked hard at proving to each other that neither of them would wake up or disappear or fade away. Although in a way they did disappear, together into a haze of passion and longing. After all was said and done they could no longer deny how they had always felt and finally now here they were both together, touching and feeling, tasting the other. Sparks between them ignited once again as their tongues explored, fingers gripped, and hearts pounded. It was not enough and all too much at the same time, the needed more of each other as their space between them fused ever closer, with each ardent embrace. It was a moment that they would have kept on savoring, fighting against space and time, but eventually their lungs, emptied of air, reminded them both that they were still alive and very much present.

And so their lips disconnected.

He could still feel her warmth against him, the softness of her skin still brushing against his own, as her nose rubbed against his, her breath still mingling with his. He looked into her eyes and she smiled back.

They were definitely both still there.

She pressed her lips together, tasting the imprint of him still lingering there, he had definitely not vanished before her eyes.

"Still here" she sighed again deeply over her lost breath and he laughed, resting his forehead against hers.

He smiled at how beautiful she was, at how lucky he was to have her, and how much he just loved her and with that kissed her cheek as he cupped her face in his hand.

"I love you so much" he said and moved his lips and kissed the corner of her mouth, her jaw, "You are so amazing…" he whispered as his lips traced along her neck, her enthralling scent still filled his nostrils delighting his senses.

She sighed and smiled at the tickle of his lips and the warmth of his touch against her skin. She looked at him, knowing now that he really was not going any where, as if testing fate or the universe, Mercedes moved her lips against Sam's and kissed him once more, Sam returned the gesture willingly, strongly, moving his arms around her and holding her.

Mercedes smiled against his lips with her own relief and detached herself again.

The looked at each other and smiled, as if both knowing what the other were doing before once again continuing. His lips melded deeply with hers and he smiled when he heard her heave a sigh and pull him in closer as he continued to wreak havoc on her mouth.

Mercedes took in a deep breath as she separated from him and looked up at Sam who failed to hide his disappointment with a petulant frown.

Mercedes smiled and then sighed and sat for a while just looking at him thoughtfully. Sam narrowed his eyes concerned.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I – I…" the corner of her lips frowned a little "I just still wish there was something I could do for you… for everything that happened…"

Sam looked at her expressive brown eyes, wide and warm with sincerity. He pulled her to sit close against him, and he wrapped his arms securely around her, planting a kiss on her temple, "Mercedes, baby, you owe me nothing…"

Mercedes tilted her head up to look at him and smiled, she rested her hand against his face and rubbed his cheek with her thumb and she leaned up to kiss him gently on the forehead. She looked back into his eyes and smiled at him.

Mercedes realised just how long he had loved her for and how had fought and waited.

"I was…just wondering….so, was it really worth it… chasing after a mirage?" she said, her eyes looked at him with playful curiosity.

Sam stroked her cheek and gave her smug smile, "This is no mirage"

She smiled as he leaned closer to attempt to kiss her once more, but she pulled back a little slowing Sam in his tracks. Sam pouted as his reddened lips upturned, Mercedes bit at her lips.

"Love is worth it?" she said into his darkening eyes as he hovered over her, repeating his words he'd once said to her.

He raised his eye brows at her.

"Love is worth it" Sam smiled at her and looked down at her lips planning his attack.

She looked up at him and smiled, her heart swelling with the warm feeling that she had always had for him.

"I love you, Sam" Mercedes said simply, causing him to freeze momentarily.

He looked at her for a while, he never expected it, though he hoped for it, he knew in his heart that she loved him but hearing it, knowing it, made him want to dive into the lake and do somersaults across the water, finally he smiled back at her and with all his heart repeated back, "I love you too, Mercedes"

" I know" Mercedes said, her face radiant, eyes sparkling, at which point Sam moved to capture her lips before she had a chance to resist again.

.

X

.

.

Now when I originally began this story, this chapter was how I envisaged the end with an epilogue. But the story took on a life of it's own far beyond what I really expected way back then along with many of your encouraging messages and nudges along the way- … I know I can't just end here

Life being what it is I'm not really sure when the next chapter will be out… it's still very much a work in progress that I'm chipping away at when I can… and I hope will be out soon for whoever may read it.

For now thanks again for reading and reviewing x