Author's Note: This was a quick drabble, written for a thread in Aria's Afterlife. We all came up with online dating profile for various people in ME, and then wrote other people's reactions to those profiles. This was Aria's reaction to Mordin's. Their profiles were written by Lady Amiee Krios (Mordin) and bluekrishna (Aria).


Aria sat on her couch, bored out of her mind. The merc groups were being obedient, too busy chasing after that idiot vigilante; the customers were all agreeably paying their bar tabs; even the local stripper union had been quiet lately. So, out of a lack of anything better to do, she started flipping through the personal ads, even writing one up herself. Unsurprisingly, she had dozens of hits in the first minute, half of them drunk or stoned out of their mind, and half of those right downstairs at the dance floor trying to get her attention.

One profile caught her attention as she skimmed through. "Vivisection?" she murmured to herself. "Here's a guy who knows how to – oh, wait. Salarian." She tapped one finger against her cheek as she considered the profile anyway. At least he was here on Omega; some twits would get on from as far away as Bekenstein and somehow think she'd go visit them for a booty call. "What the hell. Anto, I'm going out," she shouted at her guard, strolling through the crowd, pushing away anyone dumb enough to try and grope her.

The streets of Omega were surprisingly quiet tonight, as she came in view of the clinic. "What kind of masochist runs a clinic here?" she asked herself, surprised to find a smile spreading across her face. She strode through the doors, ignoring the mechs and the human security guard. Pausing to glance at her omni-tool again, she looked around the nearly deserted waiting room. "Where's 'Doctor Feel Good?'" she demanded loudly.

A moment later, a salarian missing one horn stuck his head out of a treatment room. "Aria T'Loak. Unexpected. Have seat, be right with you." Before she could even open her mouth to chastise him, Mordin had ducked back inside. Slightly annoyed, she stalked down the hallway in his direction, ignoring the whimpering, indecisive security guard behind her.

"Take these, one every six hours. No skipping, complete full regimen, or infection will grow," Mordin was telling a batarian. As soon as the poor teenager caught sight of Aria T'Loak, Queen of Omega, he fainted dead away, causing the salarian to make disparaging noises. "Daniel!" he shouted past her, "Get mechs, take patient home. Please, into my office," he finally said to her, gesturing to the room across the hall.

She stalked across the hall, planting her ass on his desk and glaring imperiously as he calmly sat down behind the desk. "Visit unexpected. Did not expect profile would come to your attention."

She loomed over him, grabbing the top of his chair with one hand as she ran the other over the scarred remains of the missing horn. "You wanted to do some experimentation, didn't you, doctor?" she purred, trailing her hand down the side of his face to the top of his lab clothes. "I think I'm going to need some probing. A lot of probing."

"Happy to comply. Let me close the door." He tried to stand, only to have her slide off the desk to straddle him on the chair.

"I'll get the door. You get out of those clothes," she ordered, using her biotics to hit the door control.


Four hours later, she strode out of his office, her only clothes tattered strips of fabric around her neck and waist. "Come back if symptoms return," Mordin said wearily, leaning against the doorframe. She stretched languidly, her skin glistening from sweat, blood, and other fluids, and sauntered out into the streets. So what if she was almost naked?

She was Omega, and today, Omega felt like showing off.


Name: Aria T'loak

Username: ComfyRedLeatherCouch

Location: Nasty, filthy, lawless, beautiful Omega.

Relationship Status: Interviewing applicants for recently vacated positions. All positions. Warning: High turn around and no, you will not be informed what happened to the last one.

Orientation: Technically bi. But I definitely prefer the 'V' over the 'D'.

Looking For: Anyone who thinks they can keep up with me. I would love to show them how wrong they are. So if you're comfortable always being the beta, come try your luck, my pretties. Aria has room on her couch(and her bed) for you.

Occupation: Crimelord. Which means I'm judge, jury and executioner of a hotbed of intrigue and violent brutality.

Hobbies & Skills: You need it, I got it. Whether that is information, weapons, drugs, slaves, whatever. I also own the best titty bar in the Terminus Systems. Sometimes I like to, as a hobby, receive supplicants at my altar of sin completely nude. Makes me feel powerful to unsettle visiting dignitaries. You should see their faces...Priceless. I also dabble in macrame.

About Me: Everything you need to know about me, you can find in any newsvid. Go ahead, pick one at random. I'm a high profile villainess with ambition and long reaching goals.

Don't Message Me If: You're squeamish. Or if you don't like the sight of blood. Or if you think you can challenge me in my domain. Do not test me.


Mordin Solus.

Username: DoctorFeelGood.

Location: In my lab... where else would I be?

Relationship Status: Single.

Orientation: NA

Looking For: Purely scientific reason for sexual encounters experienced, egg carrier wanted. Would be helpful if applicant not adverse to certain experimental procedures (to be disclosed after agreement reached). Within reason, of course.

Occupation: I am the very model of a scientist salarian. *Cough* Apologies, singing... sometimes problematic. Scientist and doctor.

Hobbies & Skills: Singing, acting, experimenting on seashells, people and dung on one unfortunate occasion. And chronic caffeine addict (Tried it once as a test... more tests are needed)

About Me: I like long walks on the beach and sunsets. And vivisecting live organisms. And dissecting dead ones. I think I just like taking things apart to find out how they work. The screaming gets a little annoying though.

Don't Message Me If: Unwilling to participate in some... invasive experimentations. Dislike coffee, dislike singing. Hmmm unwilling to be offensive... please no applicants... of lower intelligence than... perhaps Drell? Elcor, vorcha please do not apply.