Flowers bought? Check.

Box of heart-shaped chocolates bought? Check.

Tickets for the newest romantic comedy bought? Check.

Software upgrades installed? Check.

Hardware modifications made? Check.

Hotel room booked? Check.

Finishing with the checklist, EDI returned her attention to the bridge. Jeff was absorbed in piloting the ship, and she was certain he had no idea about her little plan. And she was more than certain that he had no idea about the final part of the plan.

She was everywhere on the ship. Not only she was right beside him, helping him pilot, but also in the engineering, watching Adams brainstorm with Donnelly and Daniels; in the cargo bay, listening to Vega joke with Cortez; in the CIC, where Traynor grinned with glee as she sorted through the endless stream of information; in the lounge, where Vakarian and the commander just started their own little celebration of Valentine's Day a day too early.

EDI locked the door to the lounge, again. It was the third time this week she had to do it. As she watched the action starting to heat up, she experienced… discomfort. Worry about her performance. The… intercourse was so alien to her. So unpredictable. Spontaneous. Natural. And she was a synthetic. An artificial mind stuck in an artificial body. Bound by logic. By all estimates, this was going to be a disaster.

With a flip of a mental switch, EDI blocked those thoughts out. She was in control. Tomorrow, she will go on a date with Jeff and end it with int—sex. Again, she made a mental note to herself: Do not call it intercourse in front of Jeff. If this was going to work, he would have to feel as comfortable and relaxed as possible.

Ever since she had found out he was interested in her in that way (it was easy; did he really think his conversation with Solus would stay hidden with her eyes and ears everywhere on the ship?), EDI was looking for a way to make it possible. After watching countless pornographic vids, installing many sexbot (she disliked the word to the extreme) software instructions and making a small but critical upgrade to the anatomy of her robotic body (that one was difficult; she had suspected the crewmembers would be shocked to see her working on it and resorted to hiding in the engineering subdeck until she was done), she could finally say that she was ready.

It was a lot of work, but for Jeff she would do it again and more. She had asked Commander Shepard about her purpose, and the commander's answer was to look for one on her own; that it was what sentient life was about. After a lot of pondering, EDI had decided that keeping Jeff happy will be her purpose. By starting a relationship with him, she also agreed to all that entails. And all romantic relationships – if they worked – eventually became physical. Her merciless, cold, synthetic logic dictated to go all the way with this. The outcome was an unknown quantity, but didn't the commander tell her to be brave if she wished to have a relationship?

It was going to work, EDI reassured herself again. Everything was perfect. She did the research. She did the modifications. Valentine's Day was the best time to do this. It was going to work.

There was only one more thing left unfinished: to let Jeff in on her plans for tomorrow. Again, she experienced discomfort. And worry. More unknown quantities.

"Is there something on my face?" Jeff asked in his usual nonchalant voice. "You're staring at it for the last ten minutes."

"Pardon me," EDI replied, hoping he won't notice the small delay in her answer. "I was thinking about you."

"How sweet." He smirked knowingly. "Is it about my great piloting skills?"

"No." Another pause. Hopefully too short to be noticed by organics again. "That does not mean your skills are inadequate, though."

"Relax, EDI." He smiled genuinely now. EDI's communication skills were good enough by now to tell the difference. "But something is bothering you, I can tell."

"Normandy will stop by at the Citadel tomorrow," EDI paused, putting more processing power in her speech software. There was no margin for error here.

"I'm aware of that—"

"Please do not interrupt me, Jeff."

"Sorry, Mom."

Mom? This does not bode well. EDI was careful to keep her vocalizer mute.

"I was thinking we could watch a…" Another micro-pause. "… romantic comedy. I have already bought the tickets." If uploading their digital signatures to the theater's database could be called buying the tickets. The organics, especially humans, preferred the centuries-old phrase, however, so she stuck with it.

"We've done this a hundred times already," Jeff drawled. He was wrong. They did it only seven times so far. "What's the catch?"

Another pause. This time it was certainly long enough to be noticed by organics. Especially by Jeff. He was getting good in reading her, to use the organic term.

"I have booked a hotel room to celebrate the most romantic human holiday in private." The forbidden word was avoided, but maybe she should have been more direct? Did he understand the meaning at all?

"You want to have sex?" Jeff's heartbeat rate suddenly elevated, according to the ship's sensors, complete with increased body temperature. It was a good sign… or was it? EDI felt like she has just entered the territory where nothing was certain anymore.

She nodded, feeling her vocalizing software malfunction.

"Will it, you know, work?" He was actually a little embarrassed, if her sensors were right.

She nodded again. She would have to look into that software if this keeps happening.

Now it was his turn to stay silent for several moments. Finally, a huge grin cracked his face, just as she had started to worry. "Can't wait for tomorrow." It was all he said as he returned his attention to the flight controls.

Satisfied with his answer, EDI turned her attention back to the lounge, checking up on the progress there. The commander and Vakarian looked presentable again, and so did the room. They were getting more and more efficient with each try, she noted and unlocked the door. Only a few seconds more and they would have found out that she had locked them in. They would not like that, she was certain.

With her attention turned back to the cockpit, EDI noticed that Jeff still had that huge, silly grin on his face. It remained there for hours.

So far, the plan proceeded perfectly. Jeff liked the gifts she presented, the vid was funny (judging by the amount of laughs it elicited from him), and she was quite sure her humor detecting software made her laugh at all the right places. It was logical to assume that the second part of their date will be just as good.

They walked to the hotel EDI booked in silence. She was slightly confused and frustrated because she didn't know his thoughts. If they were on the Normandy, she could get help from the ship's visual and aural sensors, but now she was limited to the robotic body's eyes and ears. And that was barely enough. The constant stream of information would drive most organics insane in five minutes, but to her it was the normal way of life. She really missed it when being outside the ship.

They arrived at the hotel. EDI glanced at Jeff again, but his face was unreadable. She has never seen it like that before. Was that a good or a bad sign? She could not tell.

Checking in. Taking the elevator up. Entering the room. All according to plan. No need to worry… but yet she did. It made her feel even more frustrated. Worry. Anxiety. Frustration. Those were organic emotions. What was happening to her?

I chose this, EDI reminded herself. I chose this relationship. It is my decision. My purpose. I have to deal with all that it brings.

As she was pondering this, she started removing her clothes. Ever since the hardware modification she made, she took to wearing an actual uniform. There was no need for questions from those who didn't need to know.

"Whoa—you're not wasting t—" Jeff gasped and then trailed off as he noticed the modification. His expression was recognizable, at least. Surprise. "Is it wrong that I'm… I'm…" He trailed off again.

"Getting aroused?" EDI helpfully supplied the answer, noticing the bulge in his pants. He nodded. "If you are planning on having intercourse with me, I would say it is perfectly normal."

She had checked that vocalizing software. Twice. The emotions were making the mess of her systems, it seemed.

"Good point," he replied and pulled her closer. She reluctantly put her arm around his waist. What next? Get to the sexbot instructions immediately, or wait? What to do if they wait?

This was not made for a synthetic mind, EDI realized. Too spontaneous. She needed programming. Instructions. Code.

Jeff then leaned in close and brought his mouth to hers. Something, some response coded inside her triggered on its own, making her raise the temperature of her robotic body and respond with a kiss.

Somehow, it worked. They kissed for a while. She was not sure what was happening, what code she was following, but as they were locked in the kiss she took him to the bed, mindful of his fragile bones. He didn't object in the slightest and reached between her legs.

There was nothing wrong with that. Still, EDI felt the need to explain her situation, so she pulled away from the kiss. "I do not require foreplay," she said, "but you are free to explore."

Jeff's hand froze in motion somewhere on her thigh.

"What is it?" she asked.

"You won't feel anything? I'm not sure if this is right, then." There was concern in his eyes. He was worried. He was worried about her.

"I cannot get aroused like you do," she replied and saw him frown, "but I have preferences. I like things. And I would like to do this with you. And I would like to make you happy."

The frown melted away. "Is there anything else you'd like?" he asked with the familiar sly smirk.

"To examine you with my tactile sensors," she replied a little too quickly. Then she registered what she had just said. "In other words, to touch you all over your body." That wonky vocalizer was going to be the end of their relationship one day.

"Sounds good to me," he said, the sly smirk turning into an expression of anticipation.

So she did. She stripped him of his clothes and explored, gently, slowly, again mindful of his condition. As she was doing so something clicked, and all the instructions she had loaded into her mind earlier suddenly made sense. The confusion was gone. She knew what to do. It was logical. All she had to do was to keep in mind to make him happy.

So she did. The sounds and moves she made surprised him, she could tell, but also gave him pleasure. A lot of it. It didn't take very long.

The organic material she was introduced to was alien, almost unpleasant, but for Jeff she didn't mind. She would gladly do it again, EDI realized, as she watched the happy smile on his face.

"No one's ever done anything like that for me," he whispered quietly. "No one. I think… I think I love you, EDI."

That was unexpected. She was at a loss for words momentarily. But then, maybe it should not be that surprising. It was Valentine's Day, the celebration of romance and love, was it not?

The only problem was what to answer. Could she feel love? Should she lie to keep him happy if she could not?

No. EDI's quantum processor made a decision in a split second. There was no need for twisting the truth. She had found her purpose, and she had fulfilled it to the best of her ability. It was suiting her preferences. It was doing more than that. And she would like to continue doing that until she is rendered non-functional. Her vocalizer spoke truth as it intoned without a hitch: "I love you, too."

If you expected something saucier given the subject matter... I'm sorry. I can't write smut. This will have to do.