That first night... was not good. It ended with Amon in enough pain to have lost all interest in anything sexual and with his Lieutenant so frustrated he had to slip away to the bathroom to finish what the two of them had started. That wasn't even the worst part. The worst was the following day. His Lieutenant had already left by the time Amon woke up, and he was almost ready to believe that they could pretend nothing had happened. Well, the twinge he felt with every step meant that couldn't be the case. It was almost impossible to walk without limping, and it didn't get better as he tried to get ready for the day. He struggled with morals versus pain for quite some time before he finally surrendered and healed himself before getting dressed and joining the other Equalists for breakfast.

Unfortunately, the first person he met was his Lieutenant. Worse still, there were at least twenty other people in the room and he would have sworn every single person was watching the two of them. The mask was often an annoyance, but here it was a blessing. From the look on his face, his Lieutenant felt just as horribly embarrassed, and hopefully nobody else could distinguish the way his cheeks flushed pink. They managed to stammer through their 'good mornings' and carefully stayed away from anything even close to conversation.

That continued for several days and it never got better. When he could think about it calmly, Amon would almost have laughed at the lengths he went to in avoiding his Lieutenant. Most of the time, he was caught between frustration that he'd sacrificed an amazing friendship for the sake of a night of pleasure and mortification that the pleasure that night had promised had never materialized. He still hadn't forgotten how it hurt, but it was almost worse to remember the way his Lieutenant had practically stumbled over himself trying to apologize again and again for the pain.

They had to meet and speak sometimes, of course. They were the two leaders of the revolution and it never would have been possible to stay entirely apart. With practice, it became easier to hide the embarrassment from any watching eyes. But Amon was never sure when those feelings faded away and he began to feel that same pull that had attracted him to his Lieutenant in the first place. It was just as distracting as it had been before. He'd be watching the way the man's muscles shifted under his clothing and lose the thread of his conversation. He'd catch himself staring at those remarkable icy blue eyes. Sometimes he'd even remember the way those lips had felt when they pressed against his.

In his own time, Amon was able to make discreet inquiries as to how two men might go about sleeping together. It was an education. Really, he wasn't sure they'd done anything right. There was much more to things than he'd ever imagined. Lube, for instance, seemed rather important. It made plenty of sense now, but it would have been wonderful to know about it earlier. Even with the little he knew now, it was mortifying to think of how woefully unprepared he had been before.

It took some time to persuade himself to approach his Lieutenant. When he put his hand on the man's arm and felt him stiffen, it was almost enough to make him give it up entirely. Still, he was there, and he might as well see it through. It could hardly be any more embarrassing than what they'd already done. Amon's voice was admirably steady as he mentioned that he had something in his room that he'd like to show his Lieutenant that evening. It was exactly the same as the first time. Surely he couldn't mistake his meaning.

Amon was certain his Lieutenant couldn't see how red his cheeks were behind the mask, but as the man peered into his eyes he wasn't sure how much he could read there. He turned and put a hand on Amon's shoulder and began to politely decline. For one awful moment, Amon was convinced that the experience had been so miserable that he'd never want to sleep with him again. But after a minute, as his Lieutenant continued to apologize through his refusal with carefully guarded words, Amon realized that wasn't the problem. He was turning him down because he didn't want to hurt him again.

That was enough to make him laugh before he pulled himself back under control. He reassured his Lieutenant that no, he'd learned some things that would be well worth the time. He leaned just a hair closer and gave him a quick caress before backing away again. The man asked again if he was absolutely certain - Yes. He was quite certain. His Lieutenant bowed low, and Amon was sure that he didn't mistake the warmth in his voice when he said he'd be happy to come to his room tonight. That was all they could safely say outside the privacy of their quarters, but it was enough. After weeks of avoiding his company, it was all he could to tear his eyes away from his Lieutenant. This evening couldn't come quickly enough.