Looks like I did it again, huh? Another few months with no updates. Well, I'm truly sorry. I've been so busy and my muse for this story has escaped me. Also, I was thinking about giving up writing completely for a little bit. In my creative writing classes I felt like my writing was pretty weak and I just thought I didn't have a knack for it anymore. But last semester I got into a strictly senior class because the professor said he saw potential in my writing. So, I'm trying to find my passion for this again. Thankfully, I already planned everything out for the last few chapters so I'm finishing this even if it kills me. So, here we go with this chapter. I hope you all enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Phantom of the Opera

Chapter 30

Christine's P.O.V

Dear Diary,

It's been a while since I wrote in here.

Why do I even bother with this anymore? It seems kind of pointless now. I'm no longer with…him. I can openly talk about how I'm actually feeling without being afraid. Maybe I'm still traumatized? That's what everyone keeps telling me. I mean, I did just escape that situation a few weeks ago. Oh I don't know…I feel like I don't know anything anymore. Ever since that night, my heads been so cloudy. Maybe it's when I banged it on the tub? That was an idiotic move on my part. I'll give him that. I just managed to give myself a killer migraine. You have no idea what I'm talking about, though. I haven't thought about that night since I've left. Maybe writing it all down will get my mind straight? It can't make things worse. My therapists always does tell me that talking about this can help me overcome it.

Oh, where to start…it's all a little fuzzy. Maybe it's brain damage? Anyway, I do remember I managed to convince him to sit outside with me for a while. That was a big step for that man. Never leaving that mansion of his. I guess that's why he's so pale. Even he would need sunlight. We talked about some things and then well one thing lead to another and he…asked if I loved him. Loved him? How dare he ask me that! He locked me up, kept me away from people who care about me, and then demands my love? Who did he think he was? I should have yelled at him, told him that it would never happen. But that's the thing. It did happen. I did love him.

Yeah, I know. I'm making no sense here. I still don't get it but in that moment, I did love him. I felt it. Whenever he touched me or said my name, I felt that small flutter in my heart. I could see myself being with him for the rest of my life, never caring about the outside world and staying in his forever. He wanted to kiss me. I could see it in his eyes. He was practically begging me. I should have just ignored it, pretend I didn't see it. But, I felt it too. For a split second, I wanted him to kiss me. To claim me. I wanted it so badly…but that only lasted for a minute.

How could I love him? He did so many horrible things to me that I shouldn't even have remotely liked him. It just didn't make sense. It wasn't right! He somehow brainwashed me! I know it now and I knew it in that moment. My feelings for him were wrong. I shouldn't have wanted to be with a man who could hold me against my will. True, maybe I did overact when I realized this. I honestly don't recall too much. I don't even remember making it up to my room. I just felt so…lost. He could control everything, even my emotions. I didn't know what to do. I loved him and that was wrong. Right? That's what's society has been telling me and it has to be right.

My therapist says there's a name for something like this. Stockholm syndrome. Feeling sympathetic toward your captor. How does that even happen? I didn't believe her at first. I mean, my feelings were my own. How could he get inside my heart and manipulate that? I told her as much and she said that's what any victim of this would say. That my feelings might feel real but they're not. They only occurred because he forced it to happen. I didn't want to believe it at first but after so many sessions…it became clear that I was taken advantage of.

At least he had the curtesy of letting me go. That night, after my little mental breakdown, Erik left me alone for a little while. He would come back into my room to make sure I wouldn't hurt myself again but I was way too out of it to even process what was going on. I heard a new yet familiar voice downstairs but that didn't even make me flinch. Thinking back on it, the voice sounded really angry. After a while, loud footsteps came bounding up to my room.

"Christine, are you all right?" the voice said and I slowly looked up. Seeing Mr. Khan broke me out of my stupor.

"W-what are you doing here?"

He chuckled sadly and looked around my room. "I should be asking you the same question. Are you all right?"

I blinked twice. All right? Was I all right? What even was all right? "I'm….I don't know. Where's Erik?"

At the name he tensed up and the wrinkles on his face deepened. "Oh, Erik won't bother you. I'll make sure of that. I'm taking you home now."

"Home? You're…I'm leaving?" I asked and he nodded.

"Yes. Christine…I'm terribly sorry any of this happened. I had no idea that this would ever happen. I knew Erik could be extreme but this is…I don't even know. If I knew where he was I swear I would-"

"You don't know where he is?" I asked and sat up a little straighter. "Did he leave?"

"Yes, he did. He called me and insisted I came here tonight. I never would have thought this would be the reason why." He ran his tan hand through his short hair. "He told me what he had done and ordered me to take you home. To 'fix this' as he put it."

"Fix it…" I muttered. I was so confused. "He doesn't want me here anymore?"

"I think he realized that this" he gestured to the room. "Was a mistake. And I can see why. Christine, are you hurt?"

"I hit my head." Was all I told him. Didn't need him to know that I did it on purpose. "But Erik is gone? He just left?"

"Yes, you don't need to worry about him anymore. When I find him, I'll make sure he gets what he deserves. Now, Erik told me he wanted me to take you but he could change his mind at any second. Hurry up. We need to leave." He held his hand out and I slowly took it. He was the first person I touched in what felt like years. I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable at how warm his hands were compared to Erik's.

"Is there anything of value here that you need?" he asked as he led me out of the room. It took a moment for my aching mind to think of anything.

"Sasha!" I gasped and stopped walking. "My cat. Oh, I need her. He gave her to me! I need her."

"All right, all right." He tried to sooth me. I could see the slight concern in his eyes from my outburst. "Where is she?"

"Maybe the living room? Sometimes we would all just sit in there."

"Let's go then." He said as he pulled me along with him. My head was still spinning from everything. The trauma and this twist of events. It was all too much. We quickly found our way and I felt some relief. Sasha was on the carpet of the floor, staring up at us.

"Sasha!" I said and picked her up. I could tell she didn't like that I was disturbing her. She probably wanted alone time after all that had happened. "You're still here."

"Now that we have her, we must leave. This place isn't safe." He said and tugged on my shoulder.

"Isn't safe…" I muttered back and followed after him. Wasn't safe? I had lived there for so long. True, in the beginning I didn't feel safe. But it turned into my home…how couldn't it be safe? My head felt like it was going to fall off at any second.

The night air hit me hard and I almost fell backwards.

"Careful!" he said and put his arm around me. Again, it didn't feel right. Much too wide and still too warm. "Do you need help getting down the stairs?"

"N-no. I can do it. I'm fine." I said and quickly left that small embrace. His car was pulled to the side of the house and I made my way towards it with him close behind. Poor Mr. Khan looked so stressed. Like his heart was going to rip through his chest at any moment. He unlocked the car and I opened the passenger door.

He jumped in and shoved the keys into the ignition. "This will all be over very soon. Don't worry." He pulled away from the house and I looked back. The mansion, my home for so many months, looked strange. Dark and alone.

Over? Was it really over?

"I always miss where the road is here. It blends in with all these trees." He muttered, probably mostly to himself, as he leaned forward to get a better look at his surroundings.

"I got lost trying to leave once too." I told him and he gave me a quick glance. "Earlier on…I got out but I couldn't find the road."

"You managed to get out? How? Erik was never the one to let people spoil his plans." He said as he found the road again.

Part of me didn't want to talk about Erik with him. It was personal. But, Mr. Khan knew him so well. I thought maybe he could help me figure exactly what had been going on.

"I took off his mask-"

"You did?!" he said and stopped driving. From the way his eyes seemed to bulge, he must have known Erik's reaction could not have been a good one.

"He was…terrifying. Yelling and ranting…I fainted and when I woke up, the room was a mess and there was a hole in the window. I got out and got lost. I fell and bumped my head pretty bad soon after. Guess I do that a lot. Heh." He didn't laugh.

"Did he hurt you?" he asked and I bit my lip.

"Not really. He held my wrist pretty tight but he never really tried to hurt me." I told him. He sighed and turned his attention back to driving.

We drove in relative silence for a while. The only sound was the engine and the occasional purr of Sasha. I would look over to him and his expression would never change. His eyes brows were drawn together, mouth set in a tight frown and a sad gleam in his eyes. Was he sad that I was in this situation? Or was it for Erik?

"Mr. Khan?" my voice sounded tired even to my own ears.

"Yes?"

"Are you all right?" at that he actually laughed but it held no humor.

"Am I all right? You were the one who was held against her own will and you're asking how I'm doing?" he shook his head.

"I just…you seem sad." I told him and he sped up the car a little. We had made it out of the area and onto a highway.

"I can't help but feel I had a hand in this." He explained. "If I had not told you to go to voice lessons with him, this would have never happened."

"You couldn't have known this would happen." I said and looked out my window. It was too dark to see anything but the headlights of other cars.

"I knew Erik for many years. I should have known he was far too damaged to every truly be normal."

"Well, you saw something good in him. Erik told me about your past with him. How you saved him. You just did what you thought was right." I said and he glanced over at me again.

"He told you about his past?" he sounded pretty shocked.

"Yeah. He told me a lot of what happened. And you were right. Erik stopped killing and got off of drugs. He did turn into a better person."

"Oh, yes. A man capable of kidnapping a teenage girl is definitely a man that was worth saving. I was a fool." I sighed. I was still so jumbled up in that moment. Of course I was happy that I was free. But where was Erik? Was he sad? Was he done with me? Would I see him again? And in that moment, I desperately wanted to know if I would.

"Do you hate him now?" I asked him and there was a long pause.

"I don't know." He finally said.

I nodded and held Sasha closer to me. "Me neither."

"How could you not?" he asked and it was my turn to pause. Why didn't I hate him?

"I was there for so long." I said after a few minutes. "He was…nice to me. He gave me anything I asked for. He treated me with respect and loved me. I grew to care for him." I couldn't say I loved him. Not out loud. "Even now…I just hope he's okay."

"You want him to be okay? Truly, you are too good." He said. "But the authorities will have to take care of him now."

I jerked towards him. "The authorities? Did you call the police?"

He gave me a perplexed stare. "Not yet. But, I will. Don't worry about tha-"

"Don't!" I practically yelled and he gave me the same look. "Don't call the police! They'll just put him in jail!"

"He kidnapped you-"

"So, it should be my decision what happens to him." I cut him off. "I don't want the police involved."

"They will eventually get involved. You know this. You have been missing for so long they'll want to know what happened." He said slowly. I guess trying to make me see reason.

"I know. I'll deal with that. Just, don't do anything. Please." I was begging at this point. The thought of Erik locked up…even now doesn't sit well with me.

"…all right." He said and for the next hour there was only silence. I had a lot of time to think. To try and sort out what I was feeling. Hurt. Alone. Scared. Angry. And very lost. I had fallen in love with him and that was…terrifying. But, he just sent me away at the first sign of trouble. How could he do that?

When we had reached my town, I broke the silence again. "Mr. Khan, maybe you should drop me off here."

"What? Why would I do that?"
"If someone sees you drop me off at my home, they could think you were involved in this. And that would be bad." I explained. "I don't want you any more involved in this. You've helped me enough. I can make it home from here. You don't need to worry. I'll even call you tomorrow to let you know I'm fine."

"If Erik is out there…" he said and looked around him.

"It wouldn't make a difference if you were with me or not. If he wanted me back, he would find a way. You know that." And he did. He let me walk the rest of the way home. It was good to get some fresh air and to finally be alone. In all those months, he was there to watch over my shoulder. Sometimes it was comforting. Others…not so much.

When I neared the Giry's home, I stopped walking. What was I going to say to them? To any of them? Oh, I had no idea. I couldn't tell the complete truth…I would have to omit some things. I took a deep breath and walked up the familiar path, Sasha sleeping in my arms. When I rang the doorbell, I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. What if no one answered the door? Where would I go for the night? I didn't worry for long. A soft pair of feet made their way to the door and I held my breath.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" a beautifully familiar voice grumbled as she opened the door. My eyes locked with Megs and there was a moment that none of us said anything. Her normally perfect hair was in a bun and her pajamas were wrinkled. Her green eyes were blank when she met mine.

"Hi Meg." I whispered and that's when she broke.

"Christine!" she shrieked and pulled me into a tight embrace. "ohmygodohmygodohmygod! This is a dream. It has to be. Oh, God! Are you real? Please say you're real."

"I'm real." I said and tears slipped down my face. Sasha, being in between both of us, started to squirm. "And you're squishing my cat."

"Your cat?" she pulled back slightly but never let go of me. "Where did you get a cat?"

"Can we talk about…that tomorrow? Can I come in?" I asked and she nodded and pulled me in.

"Mom! Mom! Come here!" she yelled and pulled me onto the couch. There was a loud sigh from upstairs as someone started to descend the stairs.

"Megan! It is practically one in the morning! What could it-My lord! Christine!" she yelled and ran forward. "How?! Oh my…are you all right? Oh, we were all so worried! I need to call the police! Where were you?" she touched my face and I saw tears in her eyes. "And your head! Are you all right?"

"I'm fine…just slipped. Can I…answer all of this tomorrow? I'm…I'm a little overwhelmed." Everything felt so different. Their faces, the room, and it felt like the walls were going to fall in on me.

"Fine. That's fine sweetie." Mrs. Giry said and patted my head. Even now I find it odd. Mrs. Giry is a wonderful woman but was never one to show that much emotion. It was sweet, I suppose. "But I'm going to have to call the police now. Just to let them know that you're safe. I mean, you've been missing for so many months."

I didn't want the police barging in there and asking questions. I hadn't even thought of what to say to them. But, I could tell I wasn't going to be able to change her mind. "That's…fine. Fine. But I really don't feel like talking right now. I just want to go to sleep. Can I go to my room?"

"Come to my room! You'll be staying with me!" Meg said and grabbed my hand. "You need to stay with me."

Oh, poor Meg! I'll never forget how she looked that night. So drained and sad. But her eyes never left my face. If I knew how sad she was that I was gone…well, it's in the past.

"Okay. That sounds great." I picked up Sasha and we went upstairs to the familiar room. It was smaller than the one I had been staying in and it felt so strange to be there. Meg quickly made her way to the closet and gave me an extra pair of pajamas. I put Sasha on the ground and she gave me annoyed look but quickly fell back asleep. I sat down on the edge of Meg's bed and started to change.

"Chris…where were you?" she asked as she sat down next to me. "I…I thought you were dead."

"Well, I'm alive. Obviously." I said and gave her a nudge on the shoulder. I closed my eyes and quickly made up a story to tell. "That night when we were attacked, someone saved me. I was stabbed and if he wasn't there, I probably would have been killed."

"Those bastards got what they deserved." Meg said through tight lips. "But, the guy who saved you. Was he the one who took you?"

"Yes, he was. I woke up in this strange house with this strange man. He took care of me and made sure I was comfortable. He just wanted me around him…I guess he was lonely." None of it was a lie.

"So, this guy saved you and then assumed he could just take you away to be his little companion?" her voice grew in volume and I swear she was shaking. "I swear if I ever see him…wait! What did he look like? Was it someone you knew? If it was, we could tell the cops and they can arrest his ass!"

"I…" I didn't know what to say at first. At the time, I still loved him. I didn't want him to suffer. I couldn't tell anyone who actually took me. "I never saw his face. He wore a mask the whole time and made it very clear that if I ever took it off, I would be in for a surprise. So, I don't know who the guy was."

"He threatened you? What a low life!" Meg then gasped and grabbed my hand. "He never…did anything to you, did he?"

"Oh, no! Never. Like I said, he just kept me around for human contact but nothing physical. He actually did his best to make sure I was happy there." I explained. She gripped my hand tighter.

"Happy? He wanted you to be happy? How could you be happy trapped somewhere?" she looked down at Sasha. "I'm assuming that's where you got the cat from. Like that could make up for anything." She looked back up at me and frowned slightly. "You…you weren't happy there, were you?"

"Not in the beginning." I said and she slowly took her hand away from mine.

"But at the end?"

"Meg…I don't know. He was so kind to me…it was hard not to be happy. I couldn't just wallow in my own self-pity. I thought I was going to be there forever and he constantly told me he loved me-"

"He said that?!" she yelled. "Oh, Chris. He was just manipulating you! Someone like that isn't capable of love."

"How do you know? You weren't there Meg." I sighed. I didn't want to fight with her. But, I felt like I loved him and I knew that he loved me. No way was it all just a trap. "I eventually started to care for him but then…he let me go. He took me in his car and brought me back to town. That's it. That's what happened."

She obviously didn't like the fact that I openly had feelings for the man who took me away. She made that clear but she was so happy that I was back that it didn't even matter. She just assumed I was still traumatized and said one day I'll eventually get over it. Another thing that a lot of people had been telling me lately.

The next day I told the police the same story. I made sure Erik and Mr. Khan never were mentioned in it. The police asked me what kind of body type Erik had so that maybe they could have some leads. I told him that he was average height and weight. No way would they ever find Erik, even if I did tell them that it was him who kidnapped me. I doubt mere police officers would be able to capture him. But, it was my last kindness to him. He saved my life so, I would make his life easier.

When I first got back, I couldn't help but miss him terribly. I just wanted to talk to him. To understand why he didn't want me anymore. I loved him and I just wanted him back. But now, I know that none of it was real. Everyone makes it clear that it was just mind tricks and that one day I would be able to look back on the ordeal with nothing but contempt for the man who kidnapped me. Yes, I am angry now. He didn't have a right to do what he did. If he had feelings, he should have acted like a rational human being. Parts of me wish that I never took a lesson with him. But some part of me, deep down, still wants him back. I'm not proud of it and I wish it could change but it hasn't in the past few weeks that I've been back. Shouldn't the Stockholm syndrome wear off by now? If Raoul knew that…

Oh, I can't even begin to write about Raoul now. That'll be for a later date.

Until then, I'll just be going to my regular therapy session and be told how to feel by her. God, I am tired of all of this. I just want control of my life back.