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Chapter 13

"I don't think you need anyone looking after you," my dad answered.

I froze. Instantly, a wave of grief and resentment and remorse and guilt hit me. I looked up at him and gave him a fake smile.

"You're right. Especially not you." Hurt crossed his face for an instant but just as quickly went away. He didn't reply, but he didn't leave. I chose to ignore him and returned my attention to the paper on my lap. He stayed at the door for a few minutes, probably considering what to do.

It was when he sat down next to me and put his arm around my shoulder any regular dad would do to his normal son that I kind of snapped. Because we weren't normal. I was a murderer, and he was an alien.

"Do you need something?" I demanded without looking at him. Because really, why else would he be here?

"I need my son back," he said and I almost pounced on him. I almost shouted that his son was dead and that I was all that was left. I almost told him that the Tobias he knew was gone and to get used to it because he was never coming back. I almost told him that his son had been replaced by a killer. But I looked up at him and instantly knew what he meant. I didn't say anything and reverted my attention back to the drawing. Fine. If he wanted to repair things, then so be it. But he would make the first move because my last attempt worked so well.

Besides, I kind of wanted to know what he would say. He had never been one for apologies and would always prefer to make up his mistakes by taking me out to eat or buying me something I wanted instead of saying sorry.

He didn't say anything for a few minutes and I seriously doubted he was going to say anything. I almost threw him out of the room if he was planning to wait for me to say something. I really didn't care if I was being selfish. He hurt me too, and he was being unreasonable. And things didn't work out that way. The child wasn't supposed to make the first move. That was the parent's job. So, why should I give in? Eventually, though, he swallowed his pride and spoke.

"You know, your mom and I used to call you or little treasure when you were smaller," he said softly.

"Some treasure," I muttered bitterly. He ignored me.

"Stiliam did the right thing, giving you the power to morph."

"Why? Because I'm ruthless enough to be in war?" I asked, keeping my guard up. I half expected him to start screaming at me again. It's not like if he could deny what he said earlier because it was true.

"Because you're not selfish," he replied. "Because you don't let emotions get in the way of tough choices. Because you think of others before yourself." I almost laughed. Yeah, right. "You don't believe me," he said, a little sadly.

"Dad, I was ready to ruin everything to save you guys. The others were chewing me out about that little stunt I pulled at the construction site."

"And you have no idea how proud I was," he said. "I was also about to scream at you for being an idiot and risking yourself like that. Face the Visser as a human with a dozen killing machines surrounding you? Not even I did that. Your bravery astounds me." Of course, there was something I needed to know.

"How… How did this happen? You and mom? You're an Andalite!" And I knew that Andalites weren't exactly humble when it came to other species.

"Do you know what an aristh is?" An Andalite cadet. I nodded. "Well, when I was an aristh a friend and I were sent on a special mission. An easy one. Some Skrit Na, do you know what those are?" They sounded familiar.

"They're those intergalactic sells man, right? Like the Iskoort."

"The who?"

"Never mind. Continue."

"Well, they had kidnapped two humans. Your mom and Chapman." I looked up, shocked.

"Chapman? As in, our assistant principle Chapman?"

"Yes. That Chapman." I laughed and shook my head.

"That guy is everywhere. He's a Controller, you know?" Apparently, he didn't know.

"Anyways, well…" He hesitated, then continued. "We got them out. Me and Arbron, a friend of mine. But then we realized that they had a very powerful weapon. The Time Matrix." I tensed up at this, for the first time remembering that it was still in the shack. "We followed them to the Taxxon home world, where I guess they were trying to sell it. They didn't know what it was. We rescued the Time Matrix. Arbron accidentally crossed the two-hour time limit and was stuck as a Taxxon. I erased Chapman's memory but not Loren's. We had become friends. And I… I ran away." He looked down, seemingly ashamed. "I don't know how you do it. Which is why I, um, said what I said. A lot of things happened then. My first battle. My first kill. And I was tired of it. I didn't-"

"I understand," I said. My eyes were shut. I didn't want to listen to what he felt. I knew exactly what he meant. I felt exactly the same thing after every single battle. "We just can't afford to think like that. We're all this planet has."

He looked down. "I'm such a coward," he whispered. I didn't say anything to that. It seemed to me that he was hiding something. There was something he wasn't telling me.

"And I know what happened next. You hid the Time Matrix in the construction site and became a nothlit. Years later Prince Stiliam crash landed in that exact same spot in front of five children." He smiled sadly.

"He was my cousin, you know." I blinked.

"What?" I asked, shocked. He nodded and chuckled a bit.

"Yes. He was younger than me for about two years. I was his idol. When I went into the Academy… Well, he said he was going to become a Prince just like I would. At least one of us did."

And that's when the puzzle pieces came together, and I burst out laughing for lack of a better reaction. I was just too shocked for words. I almost kicked myself for being an idiot and not figuring it out before. My dad looked at me, confused.

"What's so funny?" I managed to calm down my fits of giggles.

"Dad, do you know you have a little brother? His name is Aximili-Esgarouth-Isthil. He thinks you're dead, by the way. My gosh, Ax is my uncle!"

My dad's eyes widened. "Oh, man. The Andalite that was with you guys?" I nodded.

"He's going to kill you when he finds out. He almost had a heart attack when he found out an Andalite would voluntarily become a nothlit."

"Tobias, that's not funny!" He shouted, not looking at all amused. And I shut up. It wasn't. Because I remembered what came next. Apparently, Stiliam never believed that his idol was dead, and he confessed to Ax that part of the reason he accepted to come to Earth was to maybe find my father, since that's where he was last heard of. I didn't tell him that, though.

"I know. I'm sorry. But you know, I think he'll understand." I doubted it. I didn't think my dad was a coward, but Ax wouldn't think the same.

"Well, I guess at least now I have another family member." That killed off my semi-good mood. "I miss her," he whispered.

So did I. But what right did I have to tell him that when I was the one that killed her? Even he thought so.

I reached for the journal and scribbled desperately, shading in the beak. Don't think about it. "Tobias?"

"What?" Focus on the picture. Don't think. He ripped the journal from my grasp. "Give it back," I said threateningly. I didn't look at him. I couldn't look at him. I was the reason his wife was dead. My mom. Dead. Gone. And he hated me. Why was he here if he hated me? Did he feel sorry for me? Was that why? "Give it back," I repeated. My voice was softer.

"Tobias, we need to talk," I could detect concern in his voice. Resentment filled me. Why was he concerned? He hated me. And I was suddenly angry. "You're not okay."

"That's none of your business," I snapped. He lifted my chin to meet his eyes.

"Of course it is. You're my son."

"Yeah, well it didn't seem that way this morning." I removed his hands from my face. "It was pretty obvious that you didn't care."

Guilt flooded his eyes. "Tobias…"

"No! You can't do that! Don't you think I miss her, too? She was my mom! And I…" I burst out crying. "I killed her. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to." I hugged my legs and buried my face into them, in fetal position. "You're right. I'm a horrible son. I'm a heartless, ruthless, monster… And now you hate me." I started sobbing.

"No," my dad said. "No, no, no… Don't cry. Hey, don't cry. How could you ever think that?" He lifted my face again. His face looked distorted through my tears. "I could never hate you. You're my little boy. I love you. And it wasn't your fault, okay? It wasn't your fault." He hugged me, and I was crying into his shoulder.

But it was. It was my fault. I knew what would happen if I left with the Time Matrix. I still left. What was wrong with me? I was doing more crying those two days than I had since I found out about the Yeerks.

"Yes, it was," I managed to say between sobs.

"You were just doing the right thing. Tobias, she wanted it that way. She died to protect you. You and the rest of the world."

I tried to calm down. He was right about that. But that didn't change one simple fact: I was willing to do anything it took to win the war. I felt horrible being comforted by him when I knew that I would let him die too if I had to.

"I know. And it's not just that." I stopped sobbing, but the tears still came. "I just… I don't like it. What I've become. The tough choices I, we, have to make sometimes. I don't make the right choice. I make the necessary one. But it just feels so wrong." He stayed silent for a minute, not knowing what to say.

"You're just kids," he whispered. Then he hugged me tighter. "I'm sorry. For saying what I said. For not realizing what was going on before." But how could he? I tried my hardest to make sure he never found out. "I know it's hard, Tobe. But you know, you're all I have now. And I won't just sit down and do nothing. I'll help you. Somehow, I'll help you."

I didn't know what help he could provide. Information, maybe, but he'd been missing in action for years. I didn't tell him that, though. I didn't want to burst his bubble.

And we'd get through, somehow. I'd never get over the guilt, and he'd never get over his grief. But we still had each other. It may not have been all we needed, but we'd have to make do.

"I love you," he repeated.

We would be okay.

And it's over! Kind of a sappy ending, but meh. It was fun writing this and a bit frustrating. Also, THIS IS MY FIRST COMPLETE MULTI-CHAPTER STORY! I am so proud of myself!