Prompt: Bombur tries to set Bofur up with Bilbo so that Bombur can live in the Shire with them and eat seven meals a day.

Bilbo was busily discussing life in the Shire to curious dwarves. Some were intrigued, while others, like Thorin Oakenshield, could care less.

Seven meals a day, thought Bombur in awe. I used to eat that many every day before we went on this damn adventure. Is Thorin so arrogant as to think that we can kill a dragon?

But his brother, Bofur, had wanted to go on the adventure for the pure thrill of it, and he couldn't just abandon his only surviving immediate kin.

He had been fiercely judged for his eating. What was so wrong with eating so much? Dwarves did many things far worse than eating multiple meals and the other dwarves wouldn't even bat an eye. Bombur was certain that he would enjoy the Shire. He just needed an excuse to go back there with Bilbo, who he was certain wouldn't stay in Erebor once it was, if ever, reclaimed.

From the corner of his eye he saw his brother staring longingly at the hobbit, the dwarf who was paying the most attention to what he had to say. Bombur knew just how to get himself into Erebor. A smirk danced across his lips.

Yes, he just had to play his cards right and he'd be eating seven meals a day in no time at all.

"Brother," Bombur said when he and Bofur were alone.

"Yes?" asked Bofur, adjusting his hat, which had started to fall off of his head.

"I have seen how you look at the hobbit."

Bofur flinched. "You have?"

Bombur smiled. "Do not worry, I'm glad for you! It's been a while since you've taken an interest in anyone."

Bofur let out a sigh of relief.

"I'd like to help your feelings be known."

Bofur's face turned as red as Bilbo's coat. "Oh no, no, no, no, you certainly don't have to. I'm sure he's busy enough already and I'm also sure he has an interest in Thorin and-"

Bombur touched his brother's shoulder to stop his endless babbling. "No, you need to admit your feelings. If worse comes to worse than just do something as simple as giving him flowers. I heard that hobbits like that sort of thing."

Bofur sighed. "I might as well."

Good, Bombur thought. I'm not going to lose my chance to eat seven meals a day to you being too scared to give Bilbo flowers.

"If you want," Bombur said, "I will speak to him first, give him a few subtle hints."

His brother's face was lightening to a pinkish shade. "Yes, that would be good. Do you really think he'd want to be with you?"

"Any hobbit with a brain in their skull would want you," Bombur said.

Bofur smiled. "You're right." He patted his brother on the back. "I'm always glad to have you around, brother."

"Bilbo," Bofur said a day later, right after dinner. The two were alone, cleaning up the stew pot.

"Yes?" the hobbit asked.

"My brother has been meaning to speak to you," Bombur said.

"He has?" Bilbo asked.

"Yes, and he was hoping you could see him after this." Bombur said.

"I'd be happy to," Bilbo said.

Images of the wedding in the Shire filled Bombur's mind, and he was sure that the hobbits would be preparing only the finest food imaginable. Already he was licking his lips at the idea, images of food dancing around in his brain.

When Bofur came up to him later, Bombur's heart sank. He'd been so confident earlier, but now his dreams of seven meals a day were crushed by the broken hearted look of his brother.

"What happened?" Bombur asked. "Did he reject you?"

Bofur shook his head. "Right before he came up to speak with me he walked up to Thorin, and in front of everyone Thorin planted a kiss on the lips. He returned it, wrapping his arm around Thorin. It's not going to happen."

Bombur wrapped an arm around his brother's shoulders, then let him cry into him. Bombur began to cry too, knowing he'd never get the food he so desperately wanted.

Author's Note: I had way more fun writing about evil!Bombur than I should have.

I promise that not all Bilbofur drabbles will end like this because I honestly do love the ship.

If you want to suggest prompts for me to do, feel free to.