It had been over a month since that day. Ziva could still hear the gunshots, see her father's body against the wall. Over and over again everytime she closed her eyes. She did not sleep at night, and when she did her dreams were plagued with memories of her father. She could tell her emotional fatigue was beginning to show, but she knew that she had to keep moving, keep working, keep living her life. She had been getting good at this in the last few years. Everyone says time heals, that it gets better, but Ziva David knew better. After three years she was still dealing with the horrors she had experienced in Somalia. She wondered how long it would take before she would finally be able to put her father's death behind her. The trip to Israel helped, or at least that's what she kept telling people. She didn't want anyone to worry on her account. The people in her life had a tendency to be a bit overprotective. If she showed any sign of weakness it would deepen their concern.

Ziva glanced at her reflection in the rearview mirror before parking her red Mini and entering the elevator. She made sure she was composed before the doors opened revealing the bullpen. She immediately saw Tony watching her with a look of concern and knew that, despite all her efforts, he knew something was wrong. It was easy to pretend with some people, but not Tony.

"Rough night?"

They are all rough nights she thought, but she would not tell him that. "I am fine, Tony."

"I can see that," he said, "just like you were fine yesterday, and the day before, and the week before that."

Ziva ignored his comment and walked to her desk, noting the coffee that was waiting for her, like it had been everyday since she had come back to work. She certainly needed that today. She sat down thinking about the mountain of paperwork she could bury herself under to avoid having this conversation.

"Ziva . . ." Even though Tony was practically whispering she could hear him. She looked up. "You know you can talk to me, right?"

"I do not need to talk. I need to put it behind me and get on with my life." She snapped. He looked hurt, but at least he dropped the subject.

"Well the good news is Vance is officially supposed to be back today," Tony said finally giving up his efforts. "No more 'Deputy Director Craig' for which we can all be grateful. I mean I like the guy but he really needs one of those self-help DVD's McGee keeps in his desk."

"I don't have any self help DVD's," McGee said walking into the squadroom.

"Yeah, tell it to your shrink, McDinner-for-One. Anyway, has anyone seen the director since the funeral?"

"No," McGee answered. "But I think Gibbs has been keeping tabs on him."

"Even when I expressly ordered him not to," said a familiar voice. The team turned to see their director walking down the stairs from his office. While Ziva didn't look good she knew she must look better than the man standing before them. She felt herself slouch down into her seat a bit as if she was literally hiding herself behind her paperwork.

"Director Vance," Tony stepped in, "It's good to see you're alive . . . I didn't mean it like . . . it's good to see you back . . . SIR."

"Let's wrap this up DiNozzo," said Gibbs, walking around the corner, "The Director was just leaving. Again."

"Leaving? I thought today was supposed to be his first day back?" McGee chimed in.

Gibbs looked to Vance signifying he was going to have to explain himself. "Leon?"

Vance's irritation was almost palpable. He shot Gibbs a look before stating to no one in particular, "I will be taking an indefinite leave of absence. I just stopped by to collect some personal items."

Everyone in the room knew "indefinite leave of absence" was code for 'quitting'.

McGee was the first to speak. He had always had the good communication skills with the director second only to Gibbs. "Director, we are getting close to finding the man responsible for your wife's death. Don't give up hope yet."

"Finding the man responsible for my wife's death will not bring her back," the director said, his voice rising, "besides, I'm not sure who is responsible for it." Maybe she had imagined it, but Ziva thought Vance had looked at her as he said this.

"Bodner won't get away, Leon," Gibbs said. "Everyone is looking and it's only a matter of time-"

"-I'm not talking about Bodner," Vance interrupted. "Ilam Bodner was an Israeli Mossad agent trying to kill Eli David."

"Come on Leon,"Gibbs said trying to bring Vance back down, "you're not saying that-"

"-and why was Eli even here, Agent David?" The director's voice was hoarse and loud.

This time Ziva knew she hadn't imagined it. But she wasn't prepared for the guit that erupted in the pit of her stomach. Her eyes filled with unwelcome tears. For months she had been telling herself that it wasn't her fault. She couldn't have known that her father's visit would result in his death and the death of an innocent woman. What could she have done differently? She didn't ask him to come. She didn't want him to come. And now he was dead. If only she had followed her gut. If only she had kept him away from Vance and Gibbs and told him to get the hell away from her and everyone she cared about! But he was her father, her Aba. And she wanted to believe he was changing, that he really could repent. Maybe Vance was right. Maybe she was responsible for this.

Tony was glaring at the director but had yet to speak.

Gibbs wasn't going to let this go any further. "Leon, you don't want to finish that thought." But it was too late.

"He was here," the director said enraged, "to visit his daughter. An NCIS agent who didn't even come inside to check on her own father once shots were fired."

"Not another word," It was Tony, finally speaking for the first time.

Ziva felt as though she had been punched in the gut. She looked at Vance, tears burning in the back of her eyes.

"She'd still be alive . . ." Vance spat through tears of his own, now staring straight at Ziva, "she'd still be with me and her two beautiful children ifit wasn't for you. You may have lost a father, but I lost half of who I am."

Suddenly Tony was up standing face to face with Vance. His fists were by his side balled into fists. He wanted to break his nose, but, in what Tony considered a great feat of self control, he settle for, "Boss. Get. Him. Out of here."

Before Tony had even finished his sentence Gibbs was pulling the director out of the room.

The whole room was silent and Ziva felt everyone's eyes on her. She had to get out of there. What little composure she still had was quickly crumbling and she did not want to break down here in public with everyone watching. She stood up and ran towards the empty elevators, thinking they would afford her some small measure of privacy.

Tony still stood looking in the direction Gibbs and the Director had disappeared. He was shaking with rage.

"Tony." McGee called. Tony didn't even flinch.

"TONY!" He practically yelled it. Tony shook his head once and swiveled to see what McGee was now pointing at.

He barely saw a dark ponytail whip around the corner and disappear into the elevators. He silently turned and followed his partner into one of the only places in the building without cameras. .