A/N: I.. don't have a good excuse, so I suppose I won't delay you to the eighth chapter of GH. Longer A/N at the end.

Chapter 8: The Burdens We Carry

Worry was a bothersome monster that came to haunt her on their fourth day of traveling. It was unhealthy for a leader to start doubting their own decisions and if they do, they've been taught to keep such worries to themselves. For when the leader falters, their followers would notice and it would start a ripple effect. Trust would start to fracture, allowing seeds of panic and disorder to take root and cultivate. It wouldn't be long before the fragile illusion of calm shatters and everything would spiral into chaos.

So despite the worrisome gnawing in her stomach, the doubts filling her mind, Kaoru betrayed nothing on her face.

It was always the mid-way point of a journey that really tested the patience of the travelers. Stuck halfway to the goal and halfway from the start, it is the checkpoint where one stops to reconsider their decisions, wondering whether or not it is worth it to turn back and head the other way instead.

It was worrying thoughts that turned circles endlessly so instead of entertaining useless paranoia, she moved to check on the status of her unit.

As she moved alongside the rank of soldiers, nodding and smiling in greeting, her face perked up as she spotted a familiar face and she drew her horse close.

"Captain."

"Kiyosato." she replied with a grin matching the dark haired man's own.

"How's the arm?"

Akira glanced down briefly at the white bandage slung across his chest, before looking up with a confident smile. "The physician took a look today and said it is healing fine. The sling can be taken off in a couple of days ma'am."

"That's great news indeed." she chuckled. "It's about time I witness your prowess with the sword."

Akira blushed, his uninjured hand reaching to scratch his cheek in embarrassment. "My skills are nothing compared to yours captain."

Kaoru laughed softly, shaking her head. "You're much too humble Kiyosato, your fellow comrades have been talking about your skills for a while now and I do believe not all were exaggerations." She grinned watching his face brighten even further.

Truth be told, ever since she became the captain of the seventh unit she had been trying her best to learn and understand her soldiers. During her first few surveys around camp, Akira's name came up several times. She had originally planned to meet the soldier and witness his skill for herself, unfortunately the bandits had attacked first and Akira fell victim to the unexpected volley of arrows.

"I hope I won't disappoint when the time comes then captain." he replied finally with a smile.

"I know you won't." Kaoru beamed. "Also, please call me Kaoru."

She winced as the soldier stumbled in his steps, spluttering in surprise as a horrified expression crossed his face.

"Honestly, it's not that hard Kiyosato." She said quickly, leaning down to help straighten the soldier's faltering balance. "Almost everyone in the unit, by my request, calls me by my name now. I thought you knew."

"B-but why?" the man gasped, brown eyes wide with confusion and uncertainty.

It was her turn to feel embarrassed as she scratched the back of her head sheepishly. "I've been here long enough to be on first name basis with everyone right?" She chuckled at Akira's stupefied expression.

"It builds camaraderie within the unit," She explained, "and as long as my people have acknowledged and trust that I'm their leader, the title they use to call me doesn't matter anymore."

She grinned, "The name Kaoru fits me better anyways."

Her laughter filled the air as the exhausted soldier sighed deeply.

"Don't worry, you're not the first to have that reaction."

"I bet." The soldier gave a wry grin. "It's not often one gets assigned such an eccentric captain after all."

"Is that an insult or a compliment?" she challenged with a smile.

"It is what it is ma'am." Akira shrugged with his good shoulder, smiling along with his captain's amused chuckle.

They lapsed into a comfortable silence as each pondered over the new development of their relationship. It was a nice change; something she supported, as she believes trust and strong bonds makes a better warrior.

When she had first arrived, she was surprised by the lack of spirit within the division. Initially her suspicions turned towards the colonel, wondering if he was abusing power or terrorizing his subjects. However after several days of observation and asking around, Kaoru concluded that, other than being emotionally, and often physically, distant from his unit, the colonel had been nothing but courteous to his soldiers. Though he was not to be blamed entirely, without support and motivation from their leader the division's morale deteriorated as soldiers stewed in despair.

Despite her fears that it might've been too late, the first division held true to their title, with a bit of push here and there, soldiers began to react to things again. The overhanging gloominess was lifting and soldiers seem to welcome the change, rediscovering their definition and reason to fight.

War is a poisonous thing but it won't be a thing that'll break them. Her eyes found the back of the colonel riding at the very front.

It won't break us.

x x x

The crickets were exceptionally loud and irritating that night as she made her last round around her resting unit.

Fortunately, other than vicious battles with biting insects the night was peaceful and Kaoru was glad that her worries from earlier in the day were unfounded.

She walked softly, enjoying the cool night breeze as she reached the final post of her night watch. There she nodded gratefully at soldier taking over sentry duty before picking up a towel she left by the side and walked into the shadows of the forest.

They had stopped particularly close to a lake that night and as all the men had taken the chance to rinse off earlier in the day, Kaoru decided it was the perfect time for her to wash the grim and filth of the journey from her body as well.

Stepping out from the dense forest growth, she arrived at the shimmering body of water decorated with islands of large rocks. Immediately she became very aware of the layers of dust and sweat on her body and the desire to rid herself of her confining clothes became her first priority. She spared just enough time to make sure her belongings were piled in one area before she took a running leap and dove into the embrace of the waters.

The moment she hit the lake, Kaoru swore she could feel layers of grim peeling off her skin. This must be what heaven feels like. Bubbles of air escaped from her lips as she stifled her giggles of elation as she swam towards the surface. For a while, the captain abandoned the heavy burdens of her duties and swam through the lake like she used to as a child back home.

When she exhausted the energy borne from pure exhilaration and excitement, she simply floated on the surface of the lake, enjoying the cool lap of water against her skin, counting the stars in the sky.

After a while, she swam back towards the shallow end of the lake, ready to get out when a flash of pink caught her attention. Standing in the waters, her hand rose to touch the puckered skin stretched over her lower abdomen, tracing the uneven welt of badly healed skin.

Her expression darkened with remembered pain. An axe she couldn't quite dodge completely. It nearly spilled her organs on the battlefields, another inch deeper and she would've been left for the crows. Her fingers trailed upwards to another niche in her side, an arrow wound. A badly blocked strike. A stab wound. Her fingers traced from one scar to another, revisiting the memories of her mistakes of the past. All the battles she survived and the lessons learned.

The body of a woman marked with the scars of a soldier.

"Is it a habit of yours to wander into places without checking?"

Startled, Kaoru whipped around, fingers grabbing onto the largest rock she could find- only to stagger to a violent halt when she registered flaming red hair and golden eyes.

When did he- Her arm went slack as she stared wide eyed at the colonel standing only a few feet away. Her mind churned with his words.

"I-I didn't notice you were here." she stuttered automatically, her thoughts turning sluggishly.

It was only after a delayed pause that she realized that Kenshin was naked.

She was naked.

With an embarrassed shriek she made a desperate grab for her towel and wrapped it around herself, ducking into the waters as if that would hide her body from sight.

Oh gods. Kaoru cursed herself silently as she bit down a hysterical sob from her throat. It had been too long since she'd returned to being a woman that she had reacted normally and had temporarily forgotten the state of undress she was in.

"H-how long.." she whispered with horror, though she wasn't sure she actually wanted to know as she avoided his gaze.

For every second he kept silent, Kaoru felt her heart sink further and just when she was about to assume the worst, she caught his reply.

"..not long."

Sapphire eyes flashed up in disbelief, meeting glowing ambers reflecting curiosity. Fighting down the instinct to shy away, she noticed how his gaze never reached below her chin.

"I was at the other end, behind the rock. I came to investigate the disturbance…" Finally, he looked away and Kaoru resisted the sudden urge to check if her towel was still in place.

"..did I interrupt your bath?"

She hugged herself tighter and shook her head. "No," the scars on her body itched, "I was finished already."

His gaze returned to hers and they seemed to burn with an unknown, raw emotion, it seemed like he had something to say but his lips remained shut in the end. The connection broke as the colonel turned away, stepping into the moonlight as he moved towards the bank.

Kaoru's breath caught in her throat as pale silver rays highlighted his muscular build and revealed what had been hidden in the darkness.

Scars.

Tens, no, hundreds of scars, layers upon layers, crisscrossing across the entire expanse of his back. The skin was inflamed; irritated and made the white patches of scar tissues stand out even more.

Without realizing, she had stepped closer towards him, hypnotized in morbid fascination by the gruesome map carved into his lean body. He paused but did not turn. She did not doubt he knew she was there.

She struggled to swallow the lump in her throat when she realized why his skin was so red. Now that she was closer, she could make out the claw marks on his skin, new and healing scratch wounds overlapping one another.

He had been cleansing himself. Fighting years of memories etched emotionally and physically on him.

Was that where he disappeared to that night? To the darkness, to tear and rip at his own flesh? Hid away from others to face the demons that haunted him alone?

Her own map of scars was nothing compared to the burdens he carried and her heart wept for this man's pain. His back was tensed, taut like a drawn bowstring, as if he was bracing himself for her judgment, disgust. She had unconsciously reached out to him, wanting to soothe him and take away some of his pain but she hesitated and then withdrew, clutching her arm painfully to her chest.

"Does," Her voice cracked softly and she swallowed before trying again, "Does it hurt?"

A shudder ran through him, the muscles of his back rippling with held tension then slowly, visibly, he relaxed.

"No," His voice was thick, "Not anymore." he sighed softly.

Kaoru smiled sadly, her heart weighed down by stones as she stared at the back of a man who was just as human as any soldier out there but carried so much more on his shoulders.

He startled when her hand slipped into his and he turned to look at her. Wordlessly, she led him out of the lake and he followed slowly. They dressed silently, each respecting the other's privacy and they settled down on the grass, fully clothed.

The sky was clear that night and the crickets had settled down by then. She was lying on her back staring at the sky and he was staring at the pool when she finally broke the silence.

"My father fought in the war as well."

There was no response but she hadn't been expecting one.

"He was a great soldier, or so I was told. They called him an enigma. He could do everything from forming elaborate strategies to raising a child all by himself." Her voice turned wistful as a fleeting smile crossed her face.

"I guess," she paused to take a deep breath, "I joined the war because I couldn't stand being helpless anymore, not when I knew I could help. My father was one who would take action and I wished to follow his footsteps."

She sat up, crossing her arms over her knees as she held them close. "My father's style focuses on defense and the preservation of life over a large range of weapons. It's not a style well suited for war but he developed it believing it will change the present and future."

"But sometimes, I wonder if my actions are bringing change. Sometimes," she breathed slowly, "I wonder if it had been my selfishness and desire to prove myself that had influenced me to join the army instead." her confession ended as a vulnerable whisper, a side that rarely peeked through the barriers she had to put up daily. It made her feel weak, admitting her fears but at the same time, it brought along a sliver of relief being able to voice out her thoughts.

"Indeed you are selfish."

Kaoru winced at the blunt tone, glancing towards Kenshin who had not moved from his spot ever since she started talking. His eyes remained trained on the lake.

"You're disrespectful, impulsive, loud, stubborn, foolish, naive-" he continued in the same, dry tone, ignoring the grimace growing on her face at every insult he dropped.

"H-hey-"

"But you saved them." He turned to look at her and the protest on her lips died. "You brought hope to men who were waiting to die, you changed my division."

She was paralyzed, mixed feelings of awe and apprehension locking her limbs in place as she stared into his eyes, blood pounding in her ears. She opened her mouth, but no words came.

He stood up suddenly and began walking away.

As if released from a spell, she shuddered; her arms trembled as she clumsily twisted around to watch his retreating form. He paused at the edge of the tree line, his back straight as ever.

"I don't know about this style or belief you talk about nor do I agree with some of the changes you bring, however…" he paused, considering his words slowly. "If you wish to follow the footsteps of your father, don't ever lose sight of your belief."

With that, the colonel walked away, swallowed by darkness, leaving Kaoru by the lakeside considering his words.

To be continued...

So wow, it's been a year hasn't it? I am ashamed I have left you all hanging here though I have never ever really left FF. I've been around, still reading, favoriting and following stories just not writing. My muse had been pulled in several directions lately and for a while I just couldn't write RK anymore. But recently, that muse woke up again and taking this chance I've finally finished chapter 8. My muse is still thriving so I'm hoping to take this chance to pump out several more chapters before it disappears again (I hope that'll never happen) but to those who continuously support me, giving me feedback, reminding me that there are people who are still waiting and reading my stories.

Thank you.

I'll try not to disappoint! Chapter 9 is one of the chapters I've been waiting to publish for a long, long time. It's one of my favourite! I hope I did this chapter justice though C; what do you think of the new developments?

Until next chapter!

~IOD