I see so many Dick de-aged fics that I decided I wanted to do one, too. Because if everyone jumped off a bridge… I tried to do a little something different, though.

This is going to be told from Dick's POV.

This chapter was originally posted in "A Bunch of Ridiculousness." Thank you to firstar28 for the title!

It was just our luck. What initially was going to be a Thursday-night Family Movie Night (and we were going to watch Brave – how sweet is that!) instead was turned into a Thursday-night Chase-an-Alien night. All because the Justice League had been tracking an alien for days, but now said alien had turned up in Gotham. Naturally, Bruce told the League (in no uncertain terms) that we would handle it. So instead of watching a movie and eating delicious buttery popcorn, Bruce, Jason, Tim, Damian, and I were all out on the prowl for an alien.

"I've got my sights on him," Red Hood announced. "He's in the northwest corner of the warehouse."

"Good," Batman gruffly replied. "Nightwing, you go in with Red Hood. Take it by the numbers."

"You got it, boss!" With any luck, we'd wrap this up lickety-split and be home in time to watch our film.

As I swooped down to Jason's side, I heard Bruce giving orders to Robin and Red Robin. Once everyone was in position, we sprang.

A quick battle ensued. The alien was no match for all of us, and we had him (her?) subdued and in a net within five minutes. Batman called the JLA, and we stood around, idly watching the alien while we waited for Superman. And that was when it happened.

I was standing there, minding my own business, when a strange warmth enveloped me. I heard Tim shout, and then everything went black.

I woke up only a minute later to find everyone staring at me. From a long ways away. Had I fallen down?

I looked down and was surprised to see my Nightwing costume pooled around me. Even my boxer briefs were hanging off my body. I gasped and held out my arm for inspection. It was so small! The alien had shrunk me!

"Ahhh, I'm widdle!" I shouted, which gave me pause. Did I just say "widdle?" What twenty-something does that?

Robin bent down closer to me and gave me the once-over. He gingerly poked my arm. I gave him a look, and he poked me again, harder.

I tried to say "Robin! Stop it! That hurts," but I quickly discovered that my mouth was not obeying my brain.

"Wobin! Stowpit! Da hoots!" Was that even English?

"Oh God," Jason muttered. "Just what we need around the cave – a baby." Then, without any prompting, he reached down and picked me up. My clothes slid off my body; Tim kindly gathered them up. Jason, however, seemed not to mind that he was holding a naked baby.

"This better be temporary, though," he added, as I attempted to snuggle against him. Look, if I was the size of a toddler, I might as well use it to my advantage, right?

"We'll ask Superman when he arrives," Batman replied, completely calm. And why shouldn't he have been. Crazy crap like this happens to us all the time.

"You rang?" said the voice of the one and only Big Blue Boy Scout.

"Suwperman!" I shouted, squirming in Jason's grasp. "Suwperman!"

Clark's eyes widened as he saw me. "Oh my gosh."

"Ahh, shit!" Red Hood suddenly shouted, holding me away from his body and gesturing angrily at his costume. "The kid pissed on me."

Oops. Well, I had been pretty excited to see Superman. Apparently, in my small state, I not only had decreased control over my mouth but also my bladder.

Bruce just sighed. "Get this creature out of here." He tossed the net containing the alien at Clark. "And ask him how to fix that." He gestured at me.

"Right. Will do."

It required a bit of scrambling to get us all back to the cave. Since I was in no condition to drive my motorcycle, Bruce told Damian to drive it. Jason and Tim handled their own bikes. Meanwhile, my Nightwing costume was piled on the Batmobile's passenger seat, I was placed on top, and then I was strapped in with more harnesses than I knew the car possessed.

"Be good," Bruce admonished before closing my door and rapidly dashing around the front of the car to the driver's side. He was quick – I didn't have time to push any buttons.

On the way home, Bruce video called Alfred.

"Alfred, we have a situation."

"Oh dear. Is anyone injured Master Bruce?"

"Not as such. But Dick is…." Bruce paused, unsure of what to say.

So I decided to help him out. Leaning over as far the harnesses would let me, I peered at Alfred. "Hi, Alfwed!" I gave him a little wave.

Alfred's eyed widened ever-so-slightly. "Is that Master Dick?"

"I'm afraid so. The alien de-aged him. Clark is talking to the alien now."

"I see sir. Any special preparations?"

"Well, Tim's picking up some diapers on the way home. And a sleeper. We'll go from there."

"Diapers, sir?" Alfred paled a little.

"I'm afraid so. He urinated on Jason in his excitement over seeing Clark."

Alfred chuckled. "Indeed, sir." And the screen went blank.

"Bye, bye." I waved at the screen. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the barest ghost of a smile creep across Bruce's face. He reached over and ruffled my hair. "What am I going to do with you, chum?" he asked, amusement in his voice.

Without even thinking, I said the most toddler-esque thing I could think of. "Play!" I exclaimed, clapping my hands in delight.

Bruce gave a small smile. "I think I can do that."

Delightedly, I clapped my hands and shouted "play!" several more times as the Batmobile moved ever-closer to home. Each time Bruce momentarily smiled.

He likes me as a baby.

I suddenly realized I had just been given a great gift. My body had been de-aged, but my mind had not. I remembered everything - I could even still read (discovered courtesy of the warning label on one of my many harnesses). As annoying at it would be to have my adult mind trapped in a toddler's body (which I was quickly learning wasn't capable of anything), I had a great opportunity. Bruce was already getting a kick out of having me as a baby; it would be great to make him happy.

And I could have a lot of fun in the process.

The second Bruce put me down, I took off running. Little kids like running around naked, right? Despite the chill in the cave, I realized that I rather liked running around naked. It was very freeing.

"Ahhhhhh," I shouted happily as I tore across the cave floor, flailing my arms wildly.

"Dick. Dickie." Bruce paused, trying to decide what name he liked better. "Dickie, be careful!"

I just laughed. This is fun. I was tempted to repeat what Bruce had said, but "be careful" was too hard to say. Instead I settled on random shouts of joy. Much better.

"Well he seems healthy, sir," Alfred commented as I raced past him, my bare little feet slapping the ground.

Bruce nodded, removing the cowl. "He certainly does. He was just de-aged, although he seems to have memories of us, which is a blessing. I can't imagine dealing with a terrified two-year-old boy."

"Indeed, sir."

So Bruce has decided I'm two? Well, that's fine. He doesn't seem to realize my brain is okay, which is good. It would be much more fun for Bruce to think I was a toddler in mind as well as body.

I had gotten tired of running and was crawling around underneath the Batcomputer when Tim and Damian came home. Naturally, they were arguing.

"Drake, I can't believe you got those atrocious diapers."

"What? They were on sale!"

"They have butterflies on them," Damian sneered.

"Like Dick's going to care," Tim scoffed. "He's a little kid. He won't know."

Damian crossed his arms. Apparently Little D is into strict gender binaries, I thought.

"At least you didn't purchase that heinous plaid sleeper," Damian added.

"Give me a break! I didn't realize they had a Batman one until you pointed it out to me."

Bruce emerged from the showers. "You got Dick a Batman sleeper?" He sounded pleased.

"Yes, Father, we did." Damian pulled the sleeper out of the bag with a flourish.

Bruce walked over and grabbed it. He quickly inspected it. "Looks good." He glanced around. "Dickie? Dickie, where are you?"

"He's currently under the computer, sir." Of course, Alfred had been watching my every move.

"Dickie, come here," Bruce practically cooed. Damian and Tim looked at each other in shock. "Time to put your pjs on."

I peeked out from under the computer. I was about to toddle over when I remembered something – I was two!

"No," I said, diving back under the computer.

Bruce sighed. "Dickie, come on. Please?"

"No."

"Dickie."

"No."

Suddenly, a loud roar erupted in my ear.

"Ahhhh," I screamed, diving out from underneath the desk and running over to Bruce in fright. I ran up to his leg and wrapped my arms around it, quivering.

"Jason," Bruce said annoyed, as my brother appeared from behind the computer.

"What? You wanted him out, he's out."

"Not like that, though," Bruce groused, picking me up. "It's okay, Dickie," he soothed.

I whimpered and cuddled against his chest. Bruce patted my head and continued murmuring comforting words to me as he carried me upstairs.

We entered my suite, and I discovered that Alfred had drawn a bath. Bruce tested the water temperature, then dropped me in. He gave me a quick scrub (I was a little dirty from the cave), then laid me down on my bathroom counter and put my diaper on. He then carried me out to my bed, on which lay my new Batman sleeper. I pointed at it. "Fo me?"

"Yes, Dickie, that's for you. You can be Batman."

Bruce put me in the footed sleeper and zipped me up. I started to jump on my bed (which was awesome!), shouting happily, while he just stood at the end of my bed and regarded me fondly.

"Me Batman!" I shouted, taking a leap and landing face-first in my pillows. Giggling, I picked myself up and kept jumping. I tried to do some acrobatics, but my body wasn't cooperating. I would have to work on that.

"Me Batman," I shouted again.

"That's right," Bruce replied. "You'll be a great Batman when you're big, Dickie."

I paused in my jumping to look at Bruce. I smiled at him. "Me," I pointed at myself, "be like daddy." And I pointed at him.

Bruce smiled – for real, actually smiled. "That's right; you'll be like daddy."

A few minutes later, we headed downstairs because Alfred had informed us that Clark had arrived.

He was standing in the foyer in regular clothes, a large box at his feet.

I skidded across the smooth floor. "Cwark!"

"Hello there." He smiled at me, although he wasn't sure how to react beyond that.

"What's in the box?" Bruce asked, gesturing.

"Ahh, yes. Well, I zipped over to Roy's house to bring you some of Lian's hand-me-downs. I figured Dick wouldn't mind since he's just a baby."

Bruce frowned and opened the box. I peered inside along with him. Sure, they were girl's clothes, but I remembered Lian having some good times in them. I would be happy to wear her stuff.

Bruce glanced at the clothes, while I happily crawled inside the box and began to rifle through them.

"I'm guessing it will be a while."

Clark nodded. "The alien said it will probably be at least one month – maybe four."

Four months as a two-year-old!?

"I see. Anything we can do?"

"Probably not. It will wear off, but it just takes time."

"Four months," Bruce breathed.

I pulled myself up and grinned at Clark. "Four!" I announced, holding my hand up.

"No, Dickie, that's five," Bruce said.

"Five!" I waved my hand at Clark.

"Now this is four." Bruce reached over and gently bent my thumb down. "That's four."

"Four!" I proudly showed my four fingers to Clark.

"So how old do you think he is?" Clark asked, looking at Bruce.

"About two."

"Two!" I held two fingers up to Clark.

"Very good, Dickie," Bruce praised, apparently impressed that I had put two fingers up all by myself.

I beamed. "Imma goo boy."

"Yes, you are." Bruce reached down and picked me up, pulling me out of the box of clothes. "And I think it's time for you to go to bed."

"Awww." I pouted a little, but, truth be told, I was actually a bit tired.

"Alright then, I'll be going," Clark announced. "Let me know if you need any help."

"Will do. And thanks for the clothes."

Bruce carried me upstairs. But instead of taking me into my own bathroom, he took me into his bathroom. A brand-new child-sized Batman toothbrush was waiting for me.

Although I imagine two-year-olds are not supposed to enjoy having their teeth brushed, I didn't have the heart to give Bruce trouble. So I sat on the bathroom counter and let Bruce brush my teeth.

When he was done, Bruce picked me and carried me to my bed. Only he didn't take me to my own room, but rather down the hall to the nursery. Once there, he laid me down in the crib and then pulled the bar up.

"Good night, Dickie."

"Nigh, night."

After Bruce left, I tried to get out of the crib. Unfortunately, my acrobatics weren't exactly up to speed. Eventually, I gave up, laid down, and went to sleep.

But a couple of hours later I woke up. I couldn't sleep in that crib – the mattress was hard as a rock! I attempted to get out on my own, but still couldn't make it happen. So I gave up and started shouting, hoping someone would come rescue me.

The door opened after only a few short minutes. I was expecting Bruce, but it was Damian who materialized before me.

"Grayson, what is going on in here?"

I cocked my head at him. Surely, a two-year-old wouldn't respond to his last name.

Damian sighed at my confusion. "Why all this noise?"

"Bed hoots," I whimpered.

"Tt."

"It's ouchy," I clarified.

Damian leaned over and punched the crib mattress. It didn't move.

"You are correct. That mattress is like a wooden board."

Glad to have Damian on my side, I held up my arms. "Up. Up."

With a sigh, Damian lowered the crib rail and lifted me out. "Now where are you going to sleep?"

"Wif you?" I gave Damian my patented puppy-dog eyes.

"Tt." But he took me into his room and laid me down on his bed, then climbed in beside me.

I immediately scooted closer to him. "Nigh night, Dami."

"Good night."

All was quiet for a minute or two, then Damian added, "If you urinate in my bed, Grayson, I will kill you."

Ahh, now there was the Damian I know and love.