Elf Eyes- revision

In the class I originally wrote "Elf Eyes" for, we are required to revise the poem as part of our final portfolio. This is the revision, obviously. Tell me what you think and which version you prefer.

Ilúvatar's second born children

Have often been in awe

Of the immortal firstborn.

They desire the life

And power my people possess.

They cry out in wonder,

Desperate to know:

"What do your elf eyes see?"

Do you want to know, mortal?

I see eight companions

The ninth I am—

We travel through darkness

And cold to destroy

A Great Evil.

Eight we are cut down to

As one perishes in the dark.

Comfort is found under golden boughs;

At least for me.

The tongues of my people are refreshing for my ears.

Eight then turns to seven

Thanks to vicious orc arrows.

And the seven divide—

Two, three, and two.

Two we chase, two we leave behind

Forced to find their own way.

Amongst an endless stretch of rolling hills,

Again a mortal cries the words:

"What do your elf eyes see?"

Standing on granite rock that slides away into cliffs, I see

Our adversary—foul creatures, slaves of Darkness—they

Take our friends towards Doom. We run, day and night, despairing

In attempt to save them.

In the land of horse-men

I see a people oppressed, cold and hard as the rocky terrain they live on.

Pale faces and eyes tell every sorrow that seeps into their souls

And hardens their hearts. Yet they burn with a fire, a passion

For their people, their culture. They will fight to the death.

I come from a forest plagued by evil. My people too,

Fight for their homes and lives. So

I understand, and I admire.

Through darkness and rain

I see battle, blood, the crumbling of stone

And of kingdoms.

I see down the shaft of my arrow, my next victim

Lined up at the point of death. They fall, forty-one

By my own hand and bow, in one night.

We travel to a traitor and

I see old forests, whispering secrets of ages past

And my heart longs to hear them. They border the land of treachery,

Dissolved into nothing but flooded plains. Justice comes in the swift form

Of the Nature's rage, humiliation, and death.

We walk

My companions and I

Along the Path of the Dead.

I see damned souls. They swore, they cowered, they fled into darkness.

Cursed for millennia, they linger. I feel as they trail us.

The dead are following. They have been summoned.

Out of the dark halls of the Dead

I see battle again, a countless time in the passing millennia.

Bodies fall, crushed under hooves. The fields are red with blood.

Blood is the payment

The price paid in victory

The White City is for now safe.

The end is coming, I feel it.

It will soon be over

But that which has passed by

My eyes

Will never fade from memory.

I have seen

Darkness, evil in its most terrible form.

The end of the world we once knew is coming.

A new dawn has risen.

I see the start of a new Age. Golden, glorious,

A world at peace. I may linger yet a while,

Though another world calls my name.

I see the sea. The longing in my heart

Grows ever stronger. With the last of my kindred

We cross over to Paradise.

I turn for a moment.

I see an old home, an old life disappear.

A new one awaits.

You asked me what I saw, mortal.

But you are not my kind.

There will be no welcome in

The land of the Valar for you.

You will pass to Mando's halls.

Death is the future of you all,

Your gift as mortals.

You all know what the future holds,

Will you still go forward?