Losing Control

Summery: Rossi knows that everyone breaks eventually, especially in this line of work. So, when Hotch finally snaps, he is there to help pick up the pieces.

A/N: I wanted to get Chapter 4 up yesterday, but I was sicky and slept all day. :( So you get two chapters today! (And maybe if you're good boys and girls, I'll put up the first chapter for my new Hotch/Rossi story. :) )

Disclaimer: CBS made them up, I'm just playing out my fantasies with them. *wink*

Part 5

Hotch knocked on Rossi's door before he could talk himself out of it. It swung open. Rossi did not look particularly pleased to see him.

"Can I come in?" Rossi glared silently for a minute and then stepped aside to let Hotch through. He didn't greet the man. He didn't offer him a place to sit. He just crossed his arms and stood in the living room, waiting. He wouldn't allow himself to be hopeful. Rossi wasn't prone to vulnerability and he didn't appreciate having it thrown in his face so viciously. The things Hotch had said to him in his office that morning were cruel, and though Rossi would never admit it, they hurt coming from Hotch.

Hotch ran a hand through his hair. He had a speech prepared on the way over here, but now that the time had come, nothing seemed adequate. This wasn't going to be easy, but he had to try. He just hoped it wasn't too late.

"Reid was the one who finally got through to me," he started, mostly just to have something to say. "After you left he found me. I told him what you said..." Hotch swallowed. "That you loved me... Reid asked me what I was afraid of."

"And what did you tell him?" Hotch shook his head.

"I don't know that it matters, Dave. No words can change what I am. Admitting my fears isn't going to get rid of them. Nothing can undo the damage and make me... Make me good enough for you." Hotch couldn't look at Rossi. If he had, he would've seen his face soften, his arms unfold. So that's what this is all about. Rossi took a step forward.

"Aaron. You think I don't know? Did you forget I've been through three divorces? Do you think I've never been targeted? I put this unit together in the first place. I was already working this job when you showed up. We've known each other for a long time, Aaron. I know who you are and what you're capable of. I know what you've been through. Do you honestly think I don't know what I'm asking? I'm not expecting a fucking Julia Roberts movie or I would have slept with Garcia." He took another step toward Hotch. "I want you, Aaron. Faults and shortcomings and all. I'm a proud man. I wouldn't have put myself out there if I wasn't sure." There was silence again and Rossi could see tears, honest to God tears in Hotch's eyes.

"I told Reid that Foyet had taken everything from me and that I had nothing left to give you. You know what he said to me? He said that I had given up my ability to love willingly, that I was letting Foyet win even now. And you know what, Dave? He was right. Goddammit, he was right!" Rossi closed the distance between them and took Hotch in his arms. Hotch relaxed into him and let the tears come.

"There's a lot in our lives especially that can't be controlled. I can't know that I'm not going to lose you when we go into work tomorrow. But the question you need to answer for yourself, is this: Is what we can have right now worth it? Because that's all that's guaranteed." Rossi tilted Hotch's chin up so their eyes met. "I love you, Aaron, and I want this. I want you." Hotch wasn't aware he was holding his breath until his lungs started to burn. He let it out slowly.

"I love you, too."

Hotch pushed his lips against Rossi's and kissed him like he'd never have another chance. Rossi returned the kiss fervently, slipping his tongue past Hotch's parted lips. He felt Hotch's body tense at the sensations as he began working his fingers down the buttons on his lover's shirt. Rossi slipped his hands down Hotch's bare waist, hooked his fingers in his belt loops and pulled his hips tight against him. Hotch moaned as Rossi broke the kiss and started to work his way across the other man's jaw and down his throat, nipping, kissing, licking. His knees buckled when Rossi hit the spot between his adam's apple and collarbone. Rossi slipped an arm around his waist, holding him close and upright.

"Shall we continue this in the bedroom?" he asked, smirking.

"I'm all yours," Hotch whispered.