A/N: Hey guys, this is the revamped Irritatingly Selfless. I will be publishing every Saturday until we finish. Hope you all like it!

Audrey Habicht tapped her nails idly while sitting on the train, after it had been another long day at work, as if any were normal length, and so the sun had already been set for nearly an hour. In this particular car, there were five other people; four men, one woman. Two men and the woman were drunk and acting rambunctiously in the rear of the car, whilst the other two men were in a heated staring contest, sitting across from each other near the middle of the car. Audrey herself sat at the very front, wanting to be as far as possible from any of the people on this train, as all five were a constant in her life and a part she never actually wanted to come in contact with. Her only need of proof for the drinkers was the sap who went drinking with them one time and ended up dressed like a woman and making out with another man with hickeys and herpes.

The other two unidentified men were also a constant in Audrey's life and this train. They got on the stop after Audrey, then sat and either stared at each other as if arguing with their eyes, or looked at Audrey at the front.

And poor Audrey Habicht at the front, was another constant on this train, perpetually arriving home at nine at night with the same tired look on her face and the same foreboding silence.

Not that Audrey expected much change in her life.

One of the sober men, the taller one who always wore a black trench coat, stood up and approached Audrey, pulling her from her depressed thoughts. He sat down beside her, giving her appropriate space, and smiled kindly at her, exposing brilliant white teeth. She offered him a smile back, unable to actually be depressed for long.

"Hello. My name is Bynes. Jethro Bynes." he commented, leaning back. Audrey gave a light laugh at the way he chose to phrase his introduction, and how a draft rustled his perfectly styled chestnut hair.

"And I'm Audrey. Nice to meet you Jethro." she acknowledged his introduction with one of her own.

"So what is a beautiful woman like yourself doing on this train, every night, alone?" Audrey's smile flickered, almost like it died and came back at the mention of her daily routine.

"Work. I go in at eight and stay till nine." she muttered while Jethro frowned playfully, gripping a lock of her honey brown, shoulder blade length hair between his fingers and twisting it around his finger.

"Pity. Though the sleep you get does you well." Audrey inhaled deeply at the comment, feeling uncomfortable, then caught the scent of something everyone knew well, here in Gotham. The odor was oily and herb like, with a faint edge to it – impossible to describe, but completely identifiable. She stood normally as they announced the next stop, then moved toward the door between trains.

"Well it was nice meeting you, Jethro, but now I've just remembered that I need to be meeting with another friend." she lied, knowing it was complete bull shit like Jethro did, the train slowing to make its stop.

"Oh okay." he responded sadly, "It was nice to meet you Audrey."

Audrey smiled at him and inclined her head, returning the sentiment before stepping through the doors into the significantly more crowded train car. She sighed and shoved her way to the window, unsure if the crowd had been worth escaping the marijuana user. When she finally made her way to a window, she kept her eyes out, looking for a place to depart where she probably wouldn't end up in trouble.

When she found a respectable enough station, she shoved her way and slid through the gap just as the doors began closing. She turned to face the train, then cursed loudly and inappropriately when she realised her purse was on that train still. With a groan of frustration, she turned and walked down the old metal stairs, the clicking of her annoying heels announcing her presence to anyone around. When Audrey reached street level, she turned to flag down a cab at the sidewalk, and failed miserably as cab by cab drove by. After a few moments, she realised this was a bad idea as she had no purse, ergo no wallet and no money. She shook out her arms with a deep breath, then began the ten block walk, only to be stopped halfway home by a well dressed business man, coming out of a dark alley. She watched him warily for only a second before seeing a clean, fitted suit, clean shaven face, and wet cut hair. She smiled as one would with a passing stranger, and stepped around him.

"Uh, excuse me miss." he called after her. She paused and looked back at him, hoping he had only a simple, easy to answer question.

"Do you know where the Old Haunt is?" he question shyly. Audrey pursed her lips and looked up at the street names nearby, finding her position in the grid that was Gotham.

"Yes, I do." she answered with her kind, sympathetic smile equipped to hide her squashed irritation at the world.

"Could you help me get there?" he implored.

"Well, from here it would be fastest to walk down until you find Vine Street, then turn right onto Marion Avenue. You'll walk for a dozen or so blocks, then turn left onto Striker Lane. It should be there somewhere." the man looked at her blankly and she shuffled her toes, uncomfortable with this situation.

"Could you walk me there?" he laughed pathetically, "I'm actually just visiting in town and a friend told me to me him there." Audrey gave him a sad smile.

"I'm sorry. I really need to get home. I can write down the instructions if you have pen and paper?" he opened his briefcase and began digging around, producing a cheap pen and a pad of sticky notes. Her smiled disappeared as she tried to providing a flat writing surface with her hand, scratching out the words he needed. Without warning, a hand covered her mouth, an arm wrapping around her waist. She shrieked as someone yanked her back into the dark alley and dragged her behind the dumpster that was there. All of her self defence classes from the time she was eighteen came back to mind and then disappeared in the same flash, Audrey remembering only the classes and not what was taught.

"Sh, sh." the familiar but distorted voice tried to calm her, "This will be over quickly." Audrey tried to turn and looked at him, tried to weasel out of his grip. With no such success, she resigned herself to simply trying to jerk free every time his grip loosened. His hand gained purchase on the top of her dress shirt, yanking down and ripping all of the buttons loose. They dropped against the ground like unwanted change, and then her bare skin was open to the chilly air, the man's hand on her stomach and feeling its way upward. She shrieked as loudly as she could with his hand over her mouth, throwing her elbows back in an attempt to hit him hard somewhere it would hurt. Her elbow instead made contact with the brick wall and she cried out, tears building in her eyes. The flapping of dropping clothes sounded above, but neither occupant of the alley looked up.

A dark figure slammed into the ground only two feet away, standing slowly and revealing his menacing look. His black cape flapped gently in the breeze, and other than the spattering of blood across his torso, he looked immaculately clean, especially for someone who must spend much time in the disgusting parts of town. Audrey looked at him with tears in her eyes, pleading for help. He said nothing, just taking a step toward them and wrapping a fist around Audrey's head. She felt the impact on the man's face behind her and cringed. He released her with a shout and she ducked away from the dark saviour as he delivered only two more blows, incapacitating the man. Her attacker collapsed on the ground, and Audrey let out a quiet and relieved sigh, holding the edges of her shirt together to keep from flashing everyone.

The Batman spared Audrey only a glimpse before taking to the sky, flying upward and disappearing in the haze of the night. Audrey watched the heels of his boots until he was completely invisible, then looked back to the man who had attacked her. She looked at him long and hard for nearly five minutes while her nerves settled and the moisture began to soak her clothes. With a deep breath, she carefully grabbed his briefcase and pulled it away from him, finding his phone and calling 911.

The police arrived within a few minutes, an ambulance just behind. After the medics provided Audrey a blanket and while they checked her over, one of the policemen questioned her, inquiring about how everything had started, what prompted this change in routine, and who had saved her. The EMTs cleared Audrey, diagnosing bruising and abrasions on her elbow. A policeman offered her a ride home, and just like that, the incident was over, her attacker in jail, her saviour haunting the streets.

As she shut and locked her door behind her, Audrey realised to her dismay, that her purse was still on the train and had probably been looted and torn to shreds.

The needs to cry and sleep were weighed in Audrey's mind, but sleep quickly won out and she stripped without bothering to eat or put on pajamas, and collapsed in bed.

Audrey entered the office the next day, feet already aching like a particularly bad hangover after a long night out with shots of Scotch.

"You're a little late." her best friend, and the next secretary over, commented. Audrey shot her a poisonous look that would kill a battle hardened man, prompting Jayden to throw her hands up in surrender.

"Sorry. Need coffee?" Audrey shot another pointed look at the mocha skinned woman, but the anger behind it was a dying ember.

"You know I don't drink coffee." Audrey responded glumly, sitting down at her desk in front of her boss's office. Bruce Wayne came in everyday without fail, and she never had to tell him a thing. So, she assisted Jayden with her work for Mr. Fox, and got paid a little bit more for not doing her own job.

"Mr. Wayne!" someone ahead of their area cried in greeting. Audrey looked up at Mr. Bruce Wayne in all his handsomeness. Beautifully slicked brown hair, captivating hazel eyes, chiseled muscles visible behind his dress shirt, polished shoes and serious demeanor. She smiled slightly just thinking about her image of him, looking back to her computer. He continued walking, straight up to Audrey's desk, and looked at her like she was a highschool friend.

"Ms. Habicht." he greeted warmly, with a hint of something unusual mixed in.

"Mr. Wayne." she responded with just as much emotion. Calling what they had a relationship was a lie, as they had barely said a hundred words to each other in the course of a few years, but they weren't cold acquaintances.

"Would you like to get coffee with me?" Jayden snorted at her desk as Mr. Wayne asked, but tried to hide it. Audrey shot a discreet look at her, then returned her gaze to her employer.

"I don't drink coffee, sir." Audrey responded as politely as she could. He equipped a heart melting smile that made Audrey's stomach flutter.

"Have you ever tried it before?" he inquired. Audrey grinned at him, wondering how he thought anyone hadn't tried coffee before.

"Yes I've tried it before."

"What don't you like about it?"

"It's bitter and burns my throat."

"French vanilla cappuccinos aren't bitter."

"I cannot get coffee with you sir. Perhaps Jayden can, though?" Audrey could feel Mr. Wayne's eyes on her even after she turned to look at her coworker. After a brief second, he shifted his attention to the other woman in this area of the floor.

"Ms. White." he nearly purred. Audrey laughed quietly.

"Mr. Wayne." Jayden purred right back, inducing more physical, silent laughter in Audrey that only Jayden could see. Jayden, of course, giggled at her friend's spasm.

"How are you doing today?"

"Quite fine, thank you. And you, sir?" Audrey pondered, as her fingers moved swiftly over the keys of her computer, if Mr. Wayne knew that Jayden was making fun of higher class people. Her answer was delivered in his next words.

"Oh quite elegantly. The sun is bright and warm, the sky is blue, the grass is green, and the people are living. All in all, a fairly good day I'd say." Audrey turned away from the two with a smile, noting that this didn't happen as often as Jayden would like-only twice a year, in fact.

The flirting was a way for Mr. Wayne to waste time before a meeting, and while Audrey wasn't quite interested enough to flirt herself, Jayden always took the torch.

"Have you ever wondered why the sky is blue?" Jayden questioned. Audrey knew Mr. Wayne knew the answer. He was a smart man and Jayden loved making him talk smart because it turned her on.

"I have, and I know why." he responded rather snootily.

"Why?"

"The molecules in the air, such as the water vapour, reflect various colours of light, much like things on the surface do. You're shawl is black because the pigment in it absorbs all of the light molecules. So, the molecules reflect the various colours, but the most prominent of them is blue." Mr. Wayne responded intelligently, showing his upbringing and brains.

"Wow! You're so smart." Jayden complimented, voice heavy with a sickly sweet tone. Audrey dropped her forehead against her keyboard, unable to contain her giggles from Jayden's obvious flirtation. Jayden then, would probably purse her lips as if thinking very hard, and then propose something:

"Alright then, since you're so smart, let's have us a... oh like a Jeopardy contest." Audrey shook her head and pulled up a draft of an email she and Jayden were supposed to be composing. Despite herself and the discomfort, she found herself paying more attention to the slackers than her work.

"Alright. You go first, and we can keep score." Bruce counter proposed. Audrey could imagine Jayden tapping her index finger against her lined lips, drawing attention to the dark shade of brown and how full they were, with a perfect shape and such.

"What is the actual name of the so called 'funny bone', and what is it really?" the dark skinned woman questioned.

"The ulnar nerve and a nerve. Where was Johann Sebastian Bach born?" Mr. Wayne shot back.

"Eisenach, Germany. What is the dot over an 'I' called?"

"A tiddle. On average, how many newborns are given to the wrong parents daily?" the one stumped Jayden for a few moments, as that was never the kind of obscure trivia she'd forced Audrey to help her find.

"Six?" Jayden questioned, tone raised, unsure.

"Twelve." Mr. Wayne responded, a smug smile on his lips.

"Damn. How many times larger is the sun than the earth?" Jayden cursed, then flipped back into game mode.

"Two hundred and fifty six thousand."

"Ha ha! No! Three hundred and thirty thousand, three hundred and thirty times larger." Audrey rolled her eyes at her best friend's exuberance, knowing that any way the woman could bet a man, she took pleasure in.

"How many calories are there in a stamp?" this earned a snort from Jayden.

"I'm a woman. I count calories, love. One tenth of a calorie. Who was the last man to set foot on the moon?"

"Eugene Cernan. What is the Spanish word for table?"

"Meso. Wh-"

"Wrong. Mesa." in a vain attempt to perhaps make the rest of her day more productive, Audrey fled to the bathroom and out of hearing distance of the two. She spent several minutes in there, fixing things and wasting time until she knew Mr. Wayne had to be going to his meeting.

After the ten minutes were successfully spent, Audrey marched her way out of the bathroom and back to her desk.

"Mr. Wayne you have a meeting in-"

"How old is the Earth?" Mr. Wayne challenged.

"Four point six billion years. Mr. Wayne you have a meeting in three minutes on the twenty third floor." Audrey informed him. Both people turned to look at her, and she looked at them both back, trying to figure out why they thought she didn't know things. Mr. Wayne stood and so did Jayden, who then flattened out her skirt and blouse, trying to look her best for the man she would never have. Jayden held out her hand, and Mr. Wayne took it, then instead of shaking it, brought it to his lips and kissed her knuckles before moving swiftly to the elevator. Jayden collapsed into her black roller chair and Audrey leaned against her white marble counter top.

"He kissed me." Jayden breathed, her dark skin turning a deep crimson colour. Everything suddenly began to look very light in contrast to the dark African American across from Audrey.

"He kissed your knuckles." Audrey corrected, "And you know it will never happen."

"But he kissed me!" Jayden insisted.

"You're adorable, but if it hasn't happened after three years, I don't think it will, Jay."

"He's just taking it slow with me because he really likes me."

"You are unbelievably optimistic."