A/N I'm really truly sorry that these updates are so far apart, trying to write something that fixes what broke without being too fluffy is really freaking hard. I hope you like it!

And please don't hate me for the Author's Note at the end.

Clint had taken a solo mission after that infamous night. He knew Natasha needed space and time to think over what happened, and he needed to distract his mind. All he was thinking about was that he wished he had never said it. But then there was a part of him that was glad he did. He couldn't decide which was better, keeping it in, or having her know.

He had known for a long time that he loves her. There were times when he wanted to shake some sense into her for things she did in the field, but he never stopped loving her. He didn't think he ever would.

But at this moment, he couldn't do anything about it.

Clint was in the medical wing at SHIELD's base in New York City. He had gotten out of a building that was about to collapse and he thought everyone else did too, until he saw a child in the window. He raced back into the building and shielded the child with his body on the way out. The two were just about to get through the door when another explosion sent that part of the building tumbling down. Clint covered the child's small frame with his own larger one, and the child survived, relatively unscathed. Clint, too, survived, but the doctors who were operating would not use the word 'unscathed.'

By the time the extraction team had found the two survivors, Clint had lost a lot of blood, and had to be airlifted to the base. The child was treated on site, and his parents came running. His father was in the building with him just minutes ago, but had left to make a call.

Just before the door closed and Clint slipped into unconsciousness, he heard a man's voice call out, "You saved my son's life, thank you!"

Natasha was in the small waiting area in the medical wing, sitting and waiting. She had left the tower without a word once she heard what happened. Steve had seen her on her way out, and she seemed distraught, if he could even call it that, and had Tony find out why. It took over an hour to re-hack SHIELD's database and run by Clint's files and find the most recent entry.

Tony, Steve, Pepper, and Bruce all walked into the room where Natasha was, giving her their silent condolences. Natasha glanced up at them, half wishing she could be by herself, but half happy that she didn't have to be.

"Do you know what happened?" Pepper asked as she sat down.

Natasha met the other woman's eyes. "He was on a mission, the building was falling down, and he went back in to save a child."

Steve took the seat nearest to Natasha. "How is he?" He asked simply.

Natasha didn't look up from the floor as she answered. She knew she was worried, but she couldn't let anyone see it.

"He's in surgery now, they don't know how long it will take, or if it's even going to do anything for him."

"I'm sorry." Steve said.

Bruce never really said much to neither Clint nor Natasha, if only because they were usually away on assignment, but still offered this; "We're still here for you." He said. He knew what it felt like to be alone. He knew that while Natasha might not show it, she very well may be thankful for the team's presence.

The five of them sat in silence for what seemed like forever to all of them.

Natasha sat unmoving, though obviously uncomfortable. She stared daggers into the floor, thinking about whatever she could to distract herself, but no matter how hard she tried, thoughts of what would happen to her if Clint didn't make it our of this filled her mind.

She wouldn't want another partner, she decided. She would work solo ops, staying at base most of the time. She would still work with the Avengers, but she didn't think she could handle seeing the team as much as she had recently. She wouldn't let herself get close to them. She thought about how no matter how much she didn't want to believe it, the Red Room was right. Getting too close to someone breaks you. Her life had gotten intertwined with Clint's and now she didn't know how she could untangle the mess in front of her. She wouldn't let herself do that again. She couldn't get close to the members of the team because in her line of work, death is always just moments away, and one never knows when they could be taken from this world, never to be seen again.

Natasha mulled over the situation over and over and over, a never ending circle of remembering all the good times she's had with Clint, everything they've been through, and how now, she may not leave the building with the one constant in her life.

She and Clint had had close calls before, there have been moments where they didn't know if the other was going to make it out alive. Sure, those moments had been hard, but this time it was different. This time they hadn't gotten a chance to fix things, if that's what they did in times like these. She had left. She had just walked away from him after he said those words. He told her something in the middle of a fight and she didn't know how to deal with it. He said 'I love you.' And she just turned her back and left.

Clint had left on a mission later the next day. He left her to heal on her own. She was on crutches and broken inside and out, and he just turned his back and left.

Natasha wanted so badly to be mad at him. For saying what he said, then leaving her alone to deal with something she's never dealt with before. He was supposed to be the thing to keep her grounded, to help her figure out what her life meant after the horrors of her past. He was supposed to be the one person she could trust to never hurt her. He was supposed to be the calmer one, and then he went and did what he did and she should be mad. But she couldn't be. There was no part of her being that could be mad at him. He had left, yes, but now he was on an operating table, under the harsh florescent lights that they both hated so much. He was unconscious and she didn't know if he was ever going to wake.

"Natasha?" Pepper's voice snapped Natasha out of her head.

Natasha looked up and met Pepper's eyes, her own holding more pain and worry than anyone should ever have to. The rest of her face, however, remained calm and stoic as always.

"How long have you been here?" Pepper inquired.

Natasha thought for a moment. She had been there for a while longer than the rest of the team, and by the looks of them, they had been here a while. "I left the tower just before noon."

"It's after seven now." Pepper informed her. "Tony and I are going to get some food, would you like us to pick something up for you? You must be starving."

"I hadn't even thought about it, but yeah, sure. Thanks." Natasha answered.

Pepper smiled and nodded before she and Tony left the room.

Bruce turned to Natasha for a brief moment, before turning away and asking a question he couldn't bring himself to ask to her face. "What were you thinking about?"

Natasha's body went even more tense that it had been. She cleared her throat to prevent the lump in her throat from making her do anything she didn't want to. "Nothing really, just...thinking." She trailed off as her eyes once again found the floor.

The three remaining Avengers sat silent until Steve's head snapped to the side to look at Natasha. Bruce didn't know what he was looking at until he saw Natasha's lips moving ever so slightly. Steve heard Natasha's soft voice but couldn't make out what she was saying.

"пожалуйста, проснуться, пожалуйста. Я бы молиться Богу, прося его не принимает вас от меня, а мы с тобой оба знаем, что это бессмысленно, поэтому я буду просить вас вместо этого. Пожалуйста, не оставляйте меня, не раньше я готов." (Please wake up, please. I would pray to God, asking him to not take you from me, but you and I both know that's pointless, so I'll ask you instead. Please, don't leave me, not before I'm ready.)

Bruce and Steve shared a look before Steve put a comforting hand on Natasha's shoulder. She neither rejected nor accepted it, but that was enough. Moments later though, she shrugged it off.

Pepper and Tony were walking through the halls of SHIELD that they were allowed to be in, finding their way to the cafeteria.

"Do you think Clint'll be done in surgery soon?" Pepper asked quietly.

"I don't know." Tony answered. "Why do you ask?" He added, sensing there was something other that worry for Clint in Pepper's voice.

Pepper sighed, thinking about how to phrase her words without sounding like a worried mother. "I've never seen her like this."

"Natasha?" Tony asked.

Pepper nodded.

"Like what?" Tony said.

Pepper stared at him for a moment. "Like what? Tony, you can't tell me you haven't noticed anything in the past five hours. I mean, sure, she doesn't talk much on a normal day, but this is different. Normally she'd change positions, or at least stare daggers at someone, but today? We've all been there for what feels like forever but no one's said a word, and she just sits there."

"Wouldn't you be worried if something like that happened to me?" Tony asked.

"Of course I would." Pepper said. "I would be worried out of my mind, I would be in hysterics. I would be asking every nurse and doctor that walked by. I'd be pacing and going through your suits read-outs over and over again, trying to figure out if there was something I could do to help. I would go insane if I just sat there, thinking."

Tony pulled Pepper off to the side and took both her hands in his, looking into her eyes. "I know you would Pep, most would in that situation. But Barton and Romanoff aren't most people. Most of their lives have revolved around death, that's what they deal with almost everyday. Death comes in the job description, and both of them know that what might happen today was always a possibility. Their jobs are far more dangerous than most things I would ever do. I'm sure they've been in similar situations to this in the past, and they have to come up with ways to cope with that. They've got to stay strong to be in this business."

Pepper sniffled a bit. "I wish I were that strong sometimes."

Tony pulled her into his embrace and rubbed her back. "You are strong Pepper, you're the CEO of my company, and still manage to have enough time to keep track of me. I don't know how the hell you do that, I can't even keep track of myself sometimes."

Pepper chuckled a bit. "It's not easy, Tony." She said seriously.

"I'm lucky to have you." He said back.

"You're lucky I love you." Pepper retorted.

Half an hour later, Natasha was still picking at the food that Pepper and Tony brought to her. She wasn't particularly hungry, but she ate to appease the team's nerves. She knew they noticed how different she was acting and that they were quite worried for Clint's well being, and she didn't want them to worry about her not eating as well. Actually, she was pretty thankful for the food, it was just enough to distract her, and didn't require any deep thought processes.

After Natasha finally finished the B-rated food from SHIELD's cafeteria, she almost slipped back into the turmoils in her mind, and she would have too, if it weren't for a voice calling her name.

"Agent Romanoff?" A small nurse asked.

Natasha stood up, all business, and walked towards the woman.

"Agent Barton sustained multiple life-threatening injuries and surgery took five hours, and we lost him twice on the table, but it was a success." The nurse told her.

Natasha's body visibly relaxed at the news. "If the surgery took five hours, why are you only telling me now, three hours later?" Natasha asked harshly.

The nurse looked slightly taken aback at the sudden intensity coming from the agent. "We couldn't be sure that the surgery was a success until he woke up. Doctor Stevens ordered us to wait to tell you. He said that if you knew he was out of surgery but were told not to visit him yet, you would have found a way into his room anyway, so he told us not to inform you of the outcome until we were sure."

"Smart man." Natasha said. "Can he have visitors now?"

"Yes, he can. Actually, you all can visit now if you would like." The small woman said, addressing the rest of the team.

Natasha turned to the others and nodded, knowing that they were asking an unvoiced question.

The six people walked down the hall to Clint's room, and the nurse entered first, asking Clint if it was okay that they all were there. He gave his consent and the rest entered.

Tony and Pepper stood at the foot of the bed, Pepper resting her hands on the footboard. Steve and Bruce stood off to the left side of the bed, giving Clint space, but letting him know they were there for him.

Natasha stood to the right side of the bed, leaning against the mattress.

Clint smiled a bit as the team walked into the room to let them know he's okay, and said, "Hey."

He received a small chorus of Hi's and Hey's from the group that surrounded his bed.

Natasha seemed more at ease now that she could see for herself that Clint was safe and alive.

"Hey." Clint said directly to Natasha a moment later.

"You make me wait for eight hours and all I get is a 'Hey?'" Natasha said back.

"Would a 'Hello' be better?" Clint responded groggily.

"No." Natasha said simply.

Bruce walked closer to Clint's bedside. "Do you know what injuries you sustained?" He asked.

"Yeah." Clint cleared his throat. "A building fell on top of me and some of the shrapnel and metal cut my back and my sides pretty bad."

"How do you feel?" Bruce questioned, going into doctor mode.

Clint smiled a bit. "Like a building fell on top of me."

Natasha rolled her eyes.

Bruce just continued with questions. "Did anything hit your head?"

"Yeah, I have a slight concussion and have to wake up at certain intervals for the next 24 hours or so, but it's nothing I can't handle."

"We're glad you're okay, Clint." Pepper spoke up.

Clint nodded in her direction.

Throughout the next thirty minutes or so, the team started to leave. Tony and Pepper went first, having to deal with business and press, Bruce went second, claiming that he had to do something in the lab. Steve stayed the longest, having small conversations with both assassins about nothing in particular.

"I'm going to head out," Steve started, "Would you like a ride back?" He said, turning to Natasha.

"No, thanks, Steve." Natasha replied politely.

Once Steve had left, Clint noticed that Natasha was still standing. "Why don't you sit down?"

"I was sitting in the same position for eight hours, Clint, I need to stretch." Natasha responded.

"Okay." Clint said, and looked away. He tried to act like everything was okay with the others in the room, much like Natasha had, but they both knew very well that everything wasn't okay.

Three days ago, he and Natasha had a fight, and things were said. Things that really neither of them was ready to deal with.

"Hey, Tash?" Clint asked after a few minutes of them just watching each other.

"Yeah?"

"Where are your crutches?"

Natasha nodded her head towards the chair beside his bed that her crutches were propped up on.

"Aren't you in pain?" He asked, he knew Natasha was tough, but walking, or even standing without support when she nearly broke two joints in one leg is reckless.

"No more than usual." She replied solemnly.

Clint nodded and understood. With as many injuries as they've both had, one gets used to the pain, or at least knows how to distract themselves from the feeling.

Clint was still recovering from the anesthesia and was drifting in and out of consciousness while Natasha finally sat down in the uncomfortable chair that she had moved to be right next to his bed. Natasha was just dozing off herself after a nurse had come in to check on Clint, when she heard the low rough voiced she knew so well.

"Sleep, Tasha." Clint said once he realized how tired she must be. She had been in sitting room for eight hours, awaiting to hear the verdict of his life saving surgery.

Natasha opened her eyes and looked at him, not having fully registered what he said. "What?"

"You need it. Go to sleep, Natasha. The nurses will wake me up when they need to." He explained.

Natasha was too tired to argue with that, and laid her head back on the head rest of the chair, willing herself to be able to sleep.

Clint also felt lethargy pull at his system, and let himself relax into the small bed.

Nurses came in to wake Clint at the predetermined intervals, and Natasha awoke each time as well. Clint felt bad that his condition was preventing her from getting the rest she so desperately needed, but she didn't seem to mind. He figured she didn't mind being woken up because otherwise, she would most likely have nightmares, something she didn't want anyone else to see.

The last time Clint woke up was on his own, and Natasha was still sleeping by his side. But she wasn't where she had been earlier, Natasha had pulled the front of the chair flush against the bed and was resting her head on crossed arms, face turned towards him. Clint watched her sleep for a while. She looked peaceful at the moment, nothing was bothering her in her dreams, she seemed content right where she was. Her head was right beside his arm and he reached out to softly brush a stray curl behind her ear.

Natasha's bright green eyes slowly opened at his touch, the smallest of smiles playing at her lips.

Clint felt the corners of his mouth turn upwards at the sight of Natasha's contentment.

"How'd you sleep?" Clint asked.

Natasha shrugged her shoulders half-heartedly in response.

"You have a room at this base, you know." Clint told her.

"I know." Natasha said.

"Rebel." Clint joked.

"With a cause." Natasha added.

Throughout the next two days, the rest of the team came to visit, making small talk and bringing them food from restaurants so they didn't have to eat the food that SHIELD offered. Each time they offered Natasha a ride back to the tower, even if only out of common courtesy, but each time she refused. She told them she had a room here that she was staying in, even though it was a lie, she rarely left Clint's room, even when the nurses were changing his bandages.

At ten o'clock in the morning on the third day, Doctor Stevens had said that Clint could go home that day, and that he was going to be allowed to sleep through the night.

Both agents were glad to hear that they can finally leave the base and recover back at the tower.

Natasha had just come back form showering in her room and was packing up the things Pepper had brought her from the tower. She pulled a note that she had just noticed from the bag.

Natasha,
I was going to pack you one of your weapons, because we all know how much you like them, (which is too much if you ask me,) but Pepper refused to let me go rummaging through your things to find them. So, you're on your own for however long you're staying on base. Though, come to think of it, you probably have weapons stashed there too...
-Tony

Natasha let out a small laugh at the last part, because she had many a weapon stashed anywhere and everywhere.

"What?" Clint asked.

"Tony tried to be nice for once but Pepper wouldn't let him." Natasha responded as she handed the slip of paper to Clint.

She went and sat on the uncomfortable chair again and picked up the book Pepper had brought her, which just so happened to be the one she started reading the one day she had gone into the library.

"Natasha?" Clint asked after a while of silence.

"Mmm?" Natasha said without looking up from her book.

"How come you stayed cooped up in this room with me instead of going back to the tower with the team?" He questioned.

Natasha still didn't look up from her place in the book, but she wasn't reading anymore. She sat silent for a moment, then thought to herself, 'We've gotta talk about this sometime.' She looked up to meet Clint's stormy gray eyes that she knew so well, and sat on the bed next to him.

"I stayed here and didn't go back with the team, because I don't love the team." She said before breaking eye contact to look at the floor.

Clint could tell it was hard for her to say that, she had been raised to not believe in such things as love. She had always been told that it would ruin her, that she would be compromised if she let herself love someone. Ivan Petrovitch had drilled that into her skull with everything that happened with Alexei, pretending to love her and wind up dead, just to show her what love does to a person. Now she was admitting, though not outright, that she loves him.

Clint looked at her for a few seconds, letting her words sink in. "Tasha-" He started, but he didn't know how to finish. He didn't want her to run away like she had so many times in the past.

He sat up properly and swung his legs over the edge of the bed so he and Natasha were almost touching. After five minutes of complete and utter silence, Natasha spoke again.

"I never thought I would ever hear myself say anything like that again."

"Nat-" Clint said before Natasha cut him off.

"No, Clint, I need to say this. If I don't say this now I'm afraid I never will." She said sternly.

Clint nodded and brushed the back of his hand on hers absent-mindedly. Without thinking, Natasha moved her hand to intertwine her fingers in his.

"All my life, all I ever heard about love was how horrible it was for someone like me. 'Love is for children, Natalia, you're not a child anymore, you're a killer. Sentiment will tear you apart. No one could ever love you, Natalia.' Petrovitch would repeat it over and over again like it was my mantra. After a while, and after Alexei, I believed it. I believed it with my whole heart, and even now, a part of me doesn't want to admit that I've changed. Part of me is still back in Russia, is still Natalia and always will be. But part of me, a larger part I'd like to think, is here. Here with you and I don't want to lose that. Part of me is fighting whatever this is," She motioned to the air between them, "But I'm done letting it win."

"I'm sorry." Clint whispered.

"For what?" Natasha asked in the same tone.

Clint paused, thinking. "For blurting out those words before I was really ready to say them, before you were ready to hear them."

"You know what?" Natasha started. "I'm kind of glad you did. We've been dancing around this whole thing for a while, and we've been able to distract ourselves from the truth, but I don't think we could've lasted much longer without figuring things out."

Clint chuckled a bit, thinking about the past few months. "We have been fighting a lot like we did in the beginning."

"I don't think that will ever really change, Clint. That seems to be our thing." Natasha said.

"Keeping you around is worth the trouble." Clint said as he bumped her shoulder with his own.

"I guess I could say the same goes for you." Natasha jested, looking at him through her eyelashes.

Clint let her hand go and gently brought both of his to each side of Natasha's face, bringing her eyes to his on a level plane. He pulled her closer to him, so close their mouths almost touched.

"Hey Tash?" He whispered.

"Mmm?" Natasha hummed back like she always did.

"You don't have to say anything back, and please don't hate me for saying this again, but," He said as he kept eye contact and brought his face closer to her so that his lips brushed against hers when he said the next words, "I love you." He whispered, barely audible.

Natasha smiled lightly, the smile she reserved for moments like this, but stayed silent. They both knew she wasn't ready to set those words free, but that doesn't mean she doesn't feel them.

Instead of reciprocating the words, Natasha kissed Clint softly, telling him all he needed to know without saying a single word. She placed her hands on the back of his neck, mindful of his injuries, and deepened the kiss. Clint tangled his hands in Natasha's fiery hair and they stayed that way for a while, moving in perfect synchronicity.

Sooner than they would have liked, they needed air once again. They pulled away just in time for Steve to walk in the door. He was finally giving them a ride back to the tower.

"You guys ready to go?" He said, trying to ignore the feeling that he just interrupted something.

"Yeah." Natasha said as she went to get her bag.

"I'll get that." Steve said with a smile. "You're supposed to be on crutches you know."

Natasha rolled her eyes and glanced at Clint, who had made that same observation not too long ago.

The three Avengers walked, or in Natasha's case, hobbled, through the halls of SHIELD to the car Steve had borrowed from Tony. They were the center of attention, much to their dismay, but they'd be out of the spotlight for a while soon enough.

The team, plus Pepper and minus Thor, ate in relative silence that night. Small conversations about this and that floated around, but there was one continuous conversation that was unspoken. Tony took note of the fact that the two beaten up assassins were sitting a smidge closer than normal, but decided to keep quiet. They've been through enough lately.

'Smart man.' Natasha would've said.

That night, Clint and Natasha didn't try to cover up the fact that they were both going to the same floor to sleep, and no one said anything of it.

"God, I forgot how amazing these beds are." Clint said as he practically flopped down on his mattress.

Natasha rolled her eyes yet again at Clint's actions as he patted the space next to him on the bed. Natasha wordlessly climbed in next to him and curled up against his side in that familiar way they had.

Neither of them fell asleep instantly, no matter how tired they were. They laid in companionable silence, just thinking. They both knew that things between them changed that day. They knew that they were entering new waters, something that neither thought they could ever do. The job, however, would have to stay the same. They couldn't just quit working for SHIELD just because of this new development. They wouldn't know what to do with their lives. You could say that they were married to their jobs; for better or worse, richer or poorer, through sickness and health, till death do them part. Death always has been, and always will be the dark cloud over any brightness they manage to find. These past few days weren't the first time they thought they would lose the other, and it most certainly wouldn't be the last. They couldn't prevent what may happen. All they could do was enjoy the time they had, no matter how long or short that may be.

Natasha noticed that Clint was on the precipice of sleep, and she was too.

"я тебя люблю." She whispered.

I love you.

A/N Awwwww! So that turned out really sappy, but oh well. I tried to be as realistic as possible and not be like, 'happily ever after, blah blah blah.' They're assassins. They wouldn't know what to do if they left SHIELD. They won't leave until they absolutely have to.

So this next part is what I don't want you to hate me for:
I don't know what else I could write after this chapter without it being completely fluffy, so I'm thinking that this is it. To me, it feels like this would be a good place to end it. They confessed to each other the thing that's been hanging over their heads for a while now, and even though it changes things, they are still the same people and so it kind of doesn't change things, you know?

I'll probably write some one-shots that go along with this story, and maybe some that don't, but that won't be for a while, I have finals in a week.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! If you have any ideas for an epilogue or the like, let me know, because I can't think of anything myself.

Again, sorry for the late notice on the end of this, it was just as I was writing this chapter that I thought about ending it.

Love and hugs,
-Empathy and Apathy