Disclaimer: I do not own Fate/Zero or Puella Magi Madoka Magica. Those two wonderful series belong to TYPE-MOON and SHAFT, respectively. :) Also, they were both written by the same guy: Gen Urobuchi.

A/N: Legal ass-covering aside…as I was watching PMMM, I couldn't help but realize how similar-ish Homura and Kiritsugu were (time abilities, guns, and general badassery FTW). Therefore, ergo, to wit…my witty little brain came up with THIS glorious trainwreck! :D If you've already read Birds of a Feather, you'd know that something like this was bound to happen eventually, given how I feel about the two.

Also, the aria was an indication.

Enjoy.

The Bullets of My Gun
Prologue: Return to Zero

Every time I stop and stumble in doubt and darkness,
I close my eyes and think back to you.

"Been waiting a long time for this, huh?"

"…Yes. I…I have."

She took a deep breath, closing Her eyes briefly as She tried to compose Herself for the impending task ahead. After a moment, those eyes opened again, golden pools gazing imploringly at Her friend standing before Her.

"Sayaka-chan, how is…how is my hair? Is everything okay? Do I look presentable?"

The bluenette swordswoman stared at Her for so long, She began to fidget nervously under that sapphire gaze. "You're kidding, right? Madoka, You're like…A FREAKIN' GODDESS," she deadpanned, facepalming afterwards. "Of course You look fine! Besides, I'm pretty sure Your appearance wouldn't matter much anyway as long as You show up."

Madoka bit Her lip, absently twirling a lock of Her long pink hair as She considered Her friend's words. For a moment, She resembled the schoolgirl She once used to be before Her Ascension into God—er, Goddesshood. Her divine form flickered as well, briefly portraying Her as She once was, with the Mitakihara school uniform and all. "Well, yes, I know…but still, I want to make sure! This day is…very important. I want to make sure that I'll be doing everything right. I…I don't want to mess this up after all that's happened…after all she's been through."

Sayaka snorted as she smugly crossed her arms, earning a questioning look from the Goddess. "Pffffft. Never thought I'd see the day a divine being would get so flustered over finally reuniting with Her best friend (not saying I'm jealous) of all time…Pun not intended, by the way."

"S—Sayaka-chan!"

Her friend merely smirked at Her outburst, serving to color Her cheeks further than what they already were. Madoka's mind raced as She tried to recover from the blue Puella Magi's teasing, hopefully with something witty or something distracting...

"You…You totally intended that pun!"

…Fail, Madokami. Utter fail.

Sayaka laughed, patting the Goddess on the shoulder. "Geez, You're such a dork…"

"I am not!"

Her friend's smile turned from teasing to slightly wistful as the laughter gradually subsided. She could feel the moment at hand imminently approaching, and the air seemed to be unusually charged, as if also in anticipation of what was to come.

"Well, Madoka…I guess You gotta get going now. Wouldn't want to be late, eh?"

The Goddess smiled sadly as She began to turn away, Her form slowly fading as She began Her descent into the mortal plane.

"That would be terrible, wouldn't it? Homura-chan's been waiting for so long…"

…Too many.

There were simply too many of them.

This was…too big a job for her to handle alone.

Heh…this is strangely fitting, she thought to herself as the horde closed in around her, shoulders drooping as weariness settled heavily within her soul. Somehow, somewhere, in another place…I feel as if this situation is far too familiar. The odds stacked against me, chances of succeeding at an all time low…

She knew she wouldn't survive this overwhelming force, but the least she could do was decimate their numbers to the point where another Puella Magi could step in and take care of the remnants…Hopefully before the remaining Wraiths got too out of hand. It would be terrible—not to mention annoying—if all her hard work and sacrifice went to waste, and the leftover Wraiths attacked a group of innocents, killing them because some Puella Magi didn't do her damn job.

What a way to go…Certainly seems fitting after all the hell I went through. Always have to go out with a bang, don't I?

Such thoughts consumed Akemi Homura, former time-traveler extraordinaire, as she called upon her last resort. The wings, once so pristine and white in the birth of this new world, slowly fanned out from the Puella Magi's back, growing to immense proportions as the horde of Wraiths was but a minute away from clashing with the walking legend. The feathers had long since ceased to be distinguished anymore, turning her wings into nightmarish appendages that were but a shadow of its former self, and had adopted the color of a darkened Soul Gem, swirling with hues not unlike that of a Witch's Barrier from the old world.

What caused this corruption? the dark-haired Puella Magi had asked herself several times in the past 200 years she spent in the new world. I do not overly take pleasure in killing Wraiths and I have been careful to keep my Soul Gem as pure as I am able, so…why?

The answer was painfully obvious—in more ways than one—and she could not help but laugh once she had realized the truth around a decade ago.

I miss Madoka too much. The despair I refuse to acknowledge has corrupted my wings instead, hoping to make me see the truth. Ha-ha…and there's also that issue, I suppose:

…I have lived for far too long, not including the time spent in this world. My end must come…and then we will be together at last.

"Madoka…" Homura whispered longingly as the Wraiths descended upon her.

Her nightmarish wings enveloped the battlefield, the energy within them swirling madly with power as it caressed those inside in a nighttime embrace. Many Wraiths writhed as they dissolved from its touch, fading away and leaving Grief Cubes for passing Puellae Magi to pick up later. At the center of the chaos, the dark-haired girl couldn't help but smile wryly at the thought. Whoever comes by will have a field day with all of these Grief Cubes lying around…she mused as she sank to her knees, the bone-weary exhaustion taking hold of her, reaching deep into her very soul. The wings were already costly enough to maintain against far smaller numbers.

Homura smiled one last time as she closed her eyes, her right hand curling protectively around the darkening Soul Gem in her left hand.

Madoka…I'll be there soon.

A tear escaped, trailing down the side of her cheek.

It's finally over.

Contrary to what the former time-traveler had thought, no Puellae Magi dared to touch the hundred Grief Cubes that lay scattered about in the aftermath of what historians would call The Battle of a Hundred Wraiths. It was not due to fear or suspicion, no…quite the opposite, really. They were simply…in awe of what transpired beneath that amber sky; holding too much respect for the legendary Akemi Homura—or was it simply absolute shock from the sheer number lying around?—to touch the prizes from her great sacrifice.

…At least, only for the week following the momentous event. Grief Cubes were valuable after all, and Akemi Homura would have wanted them to use it anyway, so that they could continue to protect the world.

The least they could do for such an important figure was to round up the remaining Wraiths and kill them—a grand total of…5.

However, even with such a measly number in comparison to the 100 Wraiths slain by Homura herself, the Puellae Magi who took care of the remnants were treated with greater respect by their comrades and the world at large. To clash with the same Wraiths who were once part of the Great Horde…the Great Horde that, by extension, clashed with THE Akemi Homura…

It was but another event to add to her already legendary repertoire…some of which only countless alternative timelines could speak of.

…One could, theoretically speaking, almost say that the only ones aware of the full details behind her endeavors were those of omnipotent status.

One of them was a Goddess.

And the other…

This was the day he had been waiting eight long years for…The day for a miracle.

"Shut. Shut. Shut. Shut. Shut.

Five perfections for each repetition. And now, let the filled sigils be annihilated in my stead.

Ye first, O silver, O iron, O stone of the foundation, O Archduke of the Contract. Hear me in the name of our great teacher, the Archmagus Schweinorg.

Let the descending winds be as a wall. Let the gates in all directions be shut, rising above the crown, and let the three-forked roads to the Kingdom revolve.

Set.

Let thy body rest under my dominion; let my fate rest in thy blade.

If thou submitteth to the call of the Holy Grail, and if thou wilt obey this mind, this reason, then thou shalt respond.

I make my oath here. I am that person who is to become the virtue of all Heaven. I am that person who is covered with the evil of all Hades.

Thou Seven Heavens, shrouded by the Three Great Words of Power, come forth from the circle of inhibition, and be the hands that protect the balance!"

A miniature sun came to life within the confines of a castle chapel, in a place where winter never ended.

"Hoo, boy…That's not good."

"I believe 'not good' is a severe understatement to describe the situation at hand."

"Well…it'll definitely be fun to watch for us, but Godoka—"

"Hush! Do you wish to summon Her here with your words? What She doesn't know won't hurt Her, Kyouko-san."

A raised eyebrow, followed by a fang-toothed grin.

"Oh, so the prim and perfect Tomoe Mami has a dark side! But that aside…Seriously. She's fucking omniscient now. Do you honestly think She doesn't know already? The Girl's been keeping tabs on her the most out of all the other Puellae Magi—the stalker positions have been reversed."

A sigh from the beret-wearing blonde.

"Yes, I know that! Besides Madoka, she's been looking forward to this moment, too! Oh, just imagine the thoughts that must be going through Akemi-san's head right now…And to make matters worse, there is hardly anything anyone can do about it…This truly is a dire predicament."

Another grin from the spear-wielder.

"'Dire predicament'? I think you mean to say 'Shit just got real', cuz there's no way Homerun's gonna take this lying down!"

The smoke swirled around her slight form, and the words came unbidden, falling like rain from her lips as her dazed mind tried to wrap itself around the current situation.

…Mado…ka…Where…Where's Madoka…? She was…right here…She was—!

"I ask of you…are you my Master?"

The words felt so incredibly wrong, so incompatible with her being…yet, it also felt right, like it was completely natural to make such an inquiry…

Such a simple thing; such a weighty question…almost as if her very life depended on the answer the bewildered man before her would give.

"Yes…I am."

"…What are you saying?"

If the ethereal being before Her could have shrugged, it would have done so.

"The call was made and I responded as I wished. It is as simple as that, Goddess."

"But did you have to include her in this? I—We have been waiting for this moment! She's even been waiting for far, far longer than I have!"

It 'shook' its head and offered a helpless 'grin'.

"I am sorry, Goddess, but the pact has been made. Her fate cannot be changed until the outcome has been decided. By then, she will be able to return to You, safe and sound. You need only wait a little bit longer. After all, a week or two are but the blink of an eye to an immortal, no?"

Madoka bit Her lip, balling up Her fists in an attempt to restrain Her divine fury as She considered the options available at hand. The Goddess could feel Her incorporeal companion watching Her reactions, waiting to see what would happen next. Though She could not see it for Herself, She was pretty sure it was borderline amused at the situation it created for Her, probably wearing a smug expression on its face…if it had one. You bastard…She thought irritably, calling upon Her rarely-used vocabulary. You planned this all along, didn't you? Just like Kyubey…

Yes, it would probably be best to simply wait for Homura to finish playing its stupid game. She had to admit that.

But still…

"…Holy Grail," She said at last, invoking its name for the first time in Their conversation. "I have an interesting proposition for you."

"Oh? And what might that be, Goddess? You should know that it is very difficult to interest one such as myself. I have seen almost all there is to see."

Taking heart in its words, Madoka took a deep breath, steeling Herself.

We made a vow, a promise, to carry onward.
…I'll see it through.

A/N: …And there we go, folks. Chapter 1 is complete! I don't really like how it's so short, but…it's the beginning, so what can I say? xD I really hope I can continue with this—so far, it's been fun as hell!—but, as always, my studies could inhibit that somewhat. :/ This isn't quite a crack!fic, but it won't be too much of a serious-ish fic, either. At least, I currently don't intend for it to be. Probably more along the lines of humor for the most part (Homura in the war. Think about it. :3) and some shenanigans further down the road involving Waver.

Though, I can't help but think that some people might take this a bit too seriously and might start bashing me for not intending to include Broskandar. :/ Trust me, guys. I wanted to include him too, but…I can't quite figure out how to incorporate him into the story (yet?). She can only fit into probably three or four classes and I've already got 'em planned out…I could probably sacrifice Berserker, but…has Alexander the Great ever gone mad? Hmm…research will be needed. Since so many other fics are temporarily turning off Mad Enhancement, it could be entirely plausible…

So, erm…I guess this is the part where I tell you guys to review, eh? I'd appreciate it if you take the time to do so—how else will I know how I'm doing? :D

(insert 'next episode' music from Fate/Zero)

WHAT WILL BECOME OF THE STARCROSSED NOT-QUITE-LOVERS (yet)?!

"Damnit, this is better than cable!" Kyouko laughed as she shoveled more popcorn into her ravenous maw. None of them were surprised when she choked a bit not too long afterwards.

Mami furrowed her brow, setting down her cup of tea. "Kyouko-san, you probably shouldn't indirectly tease your Goddess like that. Madokami's trying very hard in this problem with Akemi-san. Though there are a few setbacks—"

"Better. Than. Cable. You have to admit that, at least."

"…Fine."

HOW WILL KIRITSU—ER, THE MASTER HANDLE HIS NEW SERVANT?!

"Ah…that's my automatic assault rifle."

"Hmph…I've seen better," Homura bluntly remarked, shrugging disinterestedly as she slipped the weapon into her shield. "This model is a little older than what I'm used to, but I suppose I'll have to manage for now."

Her Master pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to compose himself. "I'm going to need that for later."

"And I need to go raid the JSDF and a few yakuza lockers."

WILL ANYONE HAVE THE BALLS TO BE THE FIRST TO CLAIM THE HUNDRED GRIEF CUBES HOMMANDO LEFT BEHIND?!

"Hey, mommy! Lookie what I found!"

"No, no, no, no…Don't touch that, sweetie! It's…It's very important property, understand?"

"Eh? But there's so many of them…"

"Just trust your mommy on this, okay, sweetie? Now put the Grief Cube dow—Holy shit! Why the hell did you throw it?!"

"It tasted icky."

"You put it in your mouth?! The hell is wrong with you, child?!

"I—I mean…nice boys don't do that, sweetie. You'll get sick and the Puellae Magi will have to kill you in case you become a Wraith, understand?"

FIND OUT NEXT TIME, IN…

Chapter 1: Point Zero