A/N So I am trying to get back into writing and I figured the best way to make sure that my chapter story (Savior Salazar) turns out half way decent, is to practice writing through one-shots. This is another story based off a prompt by whispered touches in the "Six Billion Secrets Challenge". The quote I used for this story was: "I look in the mirror in the morning and think... Why would anyone EVER want you?" This is the first time I've ever written slash so please take it with a grain of salt. I hope you enjoy this and I hope you review!
WARNINGS: mentions abuse, self-harm, suicide, and eating disorders. So if you think these might be triggering please, please, please don't read this! There is also cussing and smut. So be warned!
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Remus knew better than to look in the mirror, especially with only a towel as cover. But he couldn't help himself. He had forgotten his uniform back in the dorm room, and knowing that Prongs, Wormtail, and Siri were all still asleep, as it was only 5:00 in the morning, he assumed it was safe to just change in the dorm.
But then there was that damned mirror.
The first thing that caught his eye was the new scar from the week before, still blood red, and still looking like it was made by a monster.
The next thing he noticed was the bite mark on his right shoulder, the bite that had ruined his life.
Remus continued tracking the scars on his torso and back, trying to differentiate them from the ones he had created on the full moon to the ones his father had given him to finally, the ones on his wrist that he had purposely given himself.
Remus laughed coldly as he stared at the razor blade scars on his wrists. "You're a monster. You're disgusting. You're filthy. You're ugly. Why would anyone ever want you?"
Remus raised his hand to slam into the mirror, but a hand caught his before he could.
Remus whipped around terrified and tried to yank his hand away, but to no avail.
Sirius Black was giving a death grip to his hand and a death glare to his eyes, as he stood just out of the mirror's sight. "Please tell me that werewolves age much quicker because I know you must be going senile," Sirius snarled.
Remus flinched at his boyfriend's tone. "How-how long were you there?"
Sirius gave a cold smile. "Since you declared yourself a monster."
Remus tried to pull his hand away again, but again Sirius only grabbed on tighter.
"You weren't supposed to be here," Remus whispered weakly.
Sirius snorted. "Obviously."
"So-so why did you come in?"
Sirius shrugged. "You were taking longer than you normally do. I was worried."
Remus could feel a mixture of embarrassment and anger as he gaped at Sirius. "You were checking up on me? What didn't trust me? Thought the poor werewolf would hang himself by his pajama pants? Or maybe he would-"
"Enough!" Sirius roared, cutting Remus off. Remus couldn't help but look over to the bathroom door, worried that they might have woken one of the other marauders up. "Don't worry your pretty little head about them, I blocked them from being able to hear us. Now let's get one thing straight. You don't ever, ever even joke about ending your life, got it? It isn't funny and it never will be. And yeah, I was checking up on you, and considering you were about to break a goddamn mirror I think I was right about being worried," Sirius snapped.
"You really don't trust me," Remus whispered, staring at the floor.
Sirius sighed, released Remus's hand, and then lifted his chin so that they were staring eye level. "You listen to me, and you listen good Remus Lupin. I do trust you. I trust you when you state off random facts that nobody else in the world could know. I trust you when you say that Maverick Colden is just a friend. I trust you when you tell me that punching Snape isn't worth it. I trust you with my life, Remi. But what I don't trust you with, is taking care of yourself. Yes, I make sure I watch you eat three full meals. Yes, I make sure that you don't hurt yourself. And yes, I'm going to come in the bathroom when you take so much longer than normal. But it's all because I love you!"
"I wouldn't have done anything," Remus choked out, trying to look anywhere but at Sirius, but this didn't work as Sirius had yet to release his chin.
"Rem," Sirius whispered almost pleadingly.
"I just – I can't stand looking into a mirror! I hate what it shows me! What it reminds me that you have to see! It always reminds me how much better you could do, how much better you deserve! But instead you have to look at this!" Remus made a motion down his body. "I don't know how you could ever feel aroused looking at this! How you could ever feel anything but disgust! That's why, isn't it? That's why we haven't done any more than kiss?"
Sirius's eyes softened as he let go of Remus's chin so that he could wrap him up in a hug. "My sweet, sweet Remi. I'm so sorry I've let you go on thinking like this. You're so wrong, so wrong my love. I can promise that whatever you are seeing isn't what I'm seeing. I see something beautiful, and strong, and just amazing!"
"You have to say that," was Remus's muffled reply from Sirius's chest.
"I'll prove it. I haven't had a shower yet, and I can only imagine how hard it is to try to clean some of the scars on your back without hurting. Come shower with me."
"What?" Remus squeaked, head shooting up so he could gape at Sirius.
Sirius just smiled kindly. "Let me show you how much I love you Rem."
"You would have to see me, all of me then," Remus whispered.
"Just trust me, Rem. Trust me to take care of you."
Remus stared for almost a minute, but Sirius didn't take back his offer, just stared back kindly into Remus's eyes. Finally, Remus nodded. "Ok."
Sirius pulled out of the hug so that he could kiss his boyfriend lightly on the lips. "Ok."
And then they returned to the shower so that Sirius could prove just how much his boyfriend meant.