Notes - After rewatching Never Been Kissed, I realized just how much I missed the original Warblers. As much as I love Sebastian and Hunter, I don't think either of them will ever be able to bond with the Warblers the same way Wes, David, and Thad did. I was overcome with feels for the original Warblers, and this is what happened. I hope you guys like it!

Summary - "Mommy, David's being mean to me!" - "It's song selections like these that make people think we're the gay equivalent to Hogwarts." - You do know that neither of you are capable of conceiving a child, right? / or the Warblers aren't really all that dapper. They have issues – and lots of them. The New Directions don't have anything on them.

If Wes had known how stressful it was being head of the Warbler council, he probably would've thought twice about accepting the position. Not that he doesn't enjoy his job – because he does, but it's more so the fact that he feels more like he's babysitting a bunch of kindergarteners rather than running a high school glee club.

Sure, he has David and Thad to help them out, but it's usually not worth it. More than often, they're the ones causing the problem in the first place.

"David, give it back!"

"Never!"

Wes watches with exasperation as the two seniors chase each other around the common room, their voices easily heard over the quiet chatter of their peers. Nobody bothers to look up. By now, they've grown immune to Thad and David's antics.

"Mommy, David's being mean to me!" Thad whines, collapsing onto Wes' lap dramatically. "He won't give me back my sheet music."

Wes scowls darkly. He doesn't find the brunette – or his ridiculous nicknames – endearing. Just because he can be a bit of a mother hen sometimes doesn't give anyone the right to question his manhood. He's one hundred percent man, thank you very much.

"David, stop provoking Thad." The taller Warbler obediently hands the sheet music to its rightful owner, just the faintest trace of a pout on his face. Noticing the smug expression of Thad's face, Wes turns to face the younger Warbler in his lap.

"Thad, stop calling me Mommy. We've been over this. It's not cute or funny. It's offensive. And get off of me, will you? You don't exactly weigh ninety pounds anymore."

"But Mommy...!" Thad gives him his most pitiful look, wrapping his arms around Wes' slight frame. "I don't want to."

Wes desperately tries to separate himself from his friend, his face burning as a junior Warbler turns around to give them a strange look. He returns the look, only with four times the intensity. Yeah. You better turn around. Jerk.

"I worry about you sometimes," Wes sighs. "Is this some new kink of yours? Infantilism isn't always attractive, Thad."

Thad doesn't reply and instead tightens his grip around the older boy's shoulder. They sit there for nearly half an hour until Wes finally relents. Needless to say, Thad doesn't stop calling Wes Mommy until long after graduation.

The face of Wes' gavel hits the sound block with a resounding crack; however, the sound is almost inaudible in the noisy room. Wes frowns, today is so not his day. He attempts to get their attention one more time before he resorts to Plan B.

"YO! SHUT YOUR WORD HOLES!" he shouts, planting his hands firmly against the table with a loud smack. "...Ow. We need to get a softer table."

The Warblers fall silent almost immediately, apparently astonished by the change in the upperclassman's behavior. He can't help but let an amused smile spread across his features. Now he has their undivided attention.

"After careful consideration, the council has decided that the Warblers' opening number at Regionals will be," Wes pauses to squint at the paper in front of him. "Councilman Thad, I thought we've gone over this. The Warblers will not be covering Adam Lambert, and that. is. Final."

"Why not?"

"Do you have any idea how difficult it would be to arrange one of his songs as acapella?" David asks.

"He has a good point," Thad says mostly to himself. "Damn him. What about Waka Waka?"

"You seriously did not just say that. You want us to cover a Shakira song? In public? In Ohio?" Nick exclaims, throwing his hands into the air. "It's song selections like these that make people think we're the gay equivalent to Hogwarts."

"Who the hell calls us gay Hogwarts?"

"You'd be surprised actually."

"If we're gay Hogwarts, who's our Harry Potter?"

"Did someone say my name?"

"Obviously, it would be Blaine. He already responds to it anyway."

Wes pretends not to notice when they begin to argue. He's learned by now to let them solve their problems by themselves. Besides, if he were to intervene, it would probably end up in the emergency room – and knowing Thad and Nick, it would probably be Wes himself. At least this way he can keep what little dignity he has left -

"But who's going to be Ron and Hermione?"

"Thad and Wes, duh."

"MERLIN'S BEARD, THE MENTAL PICTURES. NOW I'M IMAGINING THEM MAKING OUT.

"WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT, FLINT? NOW I'M THINKING ABOUT IT. OH, THE HUMANITY!"

Or not.

"-You do know that neither of you are capable of conceiving a child, right? Actually, if the way you two disappear all the time, I'm inclined to believe that you don't."

Sometimes, Wes thinks that he isn't being paid enough. But then he remembers that he voluntarily signed up for this – that and the fact that he wasn't getting paid in the first place. This has to be the most awkward conversation he's had in a long time, and trust him when he says that he's been in a lot of awkward conversations.

Nick blinks, "Use your words, Wes. I didn't understand a word you just said. Was that even English?"

"Yes, Nicholas. It was."

"What Wes is trying to say is that you and Jeff fuck like rabbits, and your exhibitionist tendencies are really starting to make everyone uncomfortable," David says nonchalantly.

Thad makes a sound of agreement, a solemn expression on his face. Wes watches with fascination as Jeff flushes and splutters uncomfortably.

"Wha...I don't know what you're talking about!" he stammers. "We don't have any exhibitionist tendencies!"

"Really, Jeff? Really?" Thad raises a brow incredulously. "I caught you guys getting your freak-a-deak on in the janitor's closet. And in the choir room. And Wes and David's dorm room. On Wes' bed."

"Wait, what? They did what on my bed?"

"Wes, you need to calm your tits. I stopped it before it got out of hand," Thad waves him off. "They were just making out."

"But still!" Wes whimpers, sinking to the ground. "They made out on my bed! I think I have every right to be upset right now – and I don't have tits, Thad!"

"He has a valid point," David points out. "I mean, I'd know if Wes was secretly a chick – hey, where'd they go?"

While the three upperclassmen had been preoccupied, Jeff and Nick had quietly left the room unnoticed. Wes jumps to his feet with a cry.

"They better not be making out on my bed. If they are, someone's going to die," he mutters to himself as he stalks out of the room. "I've killed once, and I'll do it again."

"I KNEW IT! JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU TWO!"

"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH US ALIVE!"

"OH MY GOD – RUN, JEFF, RUN! HE'S GOT THE GAVEL!"

"NOT THE GAVEL!"

"Soooo," Thad looks at his watch. "You want to go get some McDonalds?"

"Yeah. McDonalds is good."

"Let's go."